Mirage
by nise7465
Summary: After leaving Bella, Edward attempts to distract himself with a job. Instead, he finds himself mixed with a look-alike of his old girlfriend, prophetic books based on his life, and a nemesis he's tried to hide his entire existence. Canon pairings, NM AU
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is my first attempt at writing FFn. **

**Constructive criticism is encouraged and appreciated.**

**Please read and review. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own own Twilight or any of it's characters. Stephenie Meyer does. **

**Summit owns the Twilight Saga Movies...I do, however, have my very own Pocket Edward.**

**Many thanks to my beta Bronzehairedgirl620, without her handholding and guidance, this would still just be a figment of my imagination. **

**I can't thank you enough, Bronze. (I know...don't say it.)**

**For encouraging me to spread my wings and attempt writing, I must thank my darling girl, Patti. **

**Without her creative imagination some of these plot twists and screwed up situations might still be stuck in my head. **

**Thanks Chickie! You rock my world!**

**This story contains some mature language.**

**Rated T, for now. **

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*Note* This story starts approximately 10 weeks after the Cullens leave Forks after the fateful birthday party. You'll note that Bella came to Forks as a high school sophpmore, not a junior, to allow a little more time for the plot to take place. Not only does the story parallel Edward's departure and Bella's subsequent collapse, you'll find it also follows the timeline of the release of the Twilight motion picture. Enjoy.**

**Mirage**

**Chapter One**

As a 108-year-old vampire, I have embarked on numerous "firsts" over the years. The most memorable of these were the first experiences I shared with Bella.

My first love and my first loss. My first kiss and my first heartbreak.

My life has been filled with firsts, but the ones I experienced in the past two years are the ones that made me the man I am today.

I've realized, after forfeiting my life with Bella, that there are so many memories most normal young people have that I'll never experience.

I've lost my first experience as a groom, watching my bride walk down the aisle. We'll never experience greeting the congregation as Mr. & Mrs. Edward Cullen for the first time.

I'll never experience a first dance with Bella as my bride, nor will I experience carrying the love of my life over the threshold.

I'll never have that first experience of loving her in the way neither of us has shared before.

I'll never have the first experience of holding our newborn son or daughter.

These are the first experiences that should be the most memorable in a person's life, and I've thrown them all away.

I left the love of my life to fend for herself, all because I was so disgusted with what I thought I was.

The sacrifice of my happiness seemed so trivial at the time compared to the chance for her to have a normal life.

These are the thoughts that haunt me when the rest of the world is asleep and I am not. I curl into a ball and hide as the emotions flood my mind and destroy my soul.

Finding Bella that first day was memorable. Losing her was more so.

Needing to hold onto the shredded remains of my humanity, I've agreed to embark on the journey of a new first at the insistence of my family.

This is my first experience in the workforce.

I've held numerous degrees, but as a Cullen, there's never been a financial need for any of us to work. Working is simply a means to push away the boredom. The story that's about to unfold will explain my most unexpected and exciting first experience.

This is a tale that, in the end, may bring me back to the most meaningful first experience of my existence.

My first love.

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_Carlisle POV_

This story starts shortly after Edward left Bella in the forest. In the days and weeks that followed the departure of our family from Forks, we traveled to Denali in order to put together a plan for our relocation to another cloudy, dismal part of the world. Edward had yet to join the family; he was trying to focus on Victoria and her whereabouts, knowing that her elimination would ensure further safety for Bella and Charlie. The tracking wasn't going well, and Edward was spending most of his time in seclusion, miserable. Having an eternity with nothing to live for is worse than any fate he'd ever imagined.

We finally put down roots near Corning, New York. Life was more or less returning back to normal. Our family was scattered, though, and I know it weighed heavily on Esme. Our children were such a huge part of her essence, and to not have them all under one roof caused her much sadness, although she'd never complain. I was teaching medicine at Cornell University, and Jasper and Alice have an apartment in Ithaca and took classes at Cornell. Jasper was working on his doctorate in history, and Rosalie and Emmett lived in Manhattan so Rose could pursue her modeling career. Esme was busy converting a Victorian mansion into a Bed and Breakfast Inn for one of my colleagues. And Edward was…well, Edward.

We hadn't seen Edward since the day after Bella's birthday party when we all left Forks, leaving him behind to tie up loose ends. He'd forbidden us to have any contact with Bella, or anyone else in Forks, for that matter, and demanded Alice try not to keep track of her through her visions. Personally, I thought he was afraid he'd be subjected to Alice's visions of Bella. I didn't think he could bear to see her. As difficult as it was, we'd been trying to respect his wishes. He tried to be strong, but he was such a stubborn young man at times.

After moping around in his self-imposed hell for a number of weeks, Edward came out of his shell, to some extent, and agreed to join the rest of the family for the upcoming holidays.

I thought I'd convinced Edward that it would be good therapy for him to be around humans; to interact with others, to find some way to help ease the depression that has been torturing him. The only way I was able to convince him to come and live with Esme and I was to explain to him my biggest fear. Being shut off from humanity for any length of time would cause Edward's resolve to crumble. The entire family knew that even though Edward was miserable without Bella, it would be a worse thing for him to be overcome by the monster that lies within who is just waiting for him to slip up. We all knew that this was Edward's biggest fear, the cause for his constant self-loathing and the reason he sacrificed all happiness with Bella. He would suffer immeasurable guilt losing the battle and killing _any_ innocent. He still wrestled with his guilt over killing the criminals he fed on in his youth as a vampire. As depressed as he already was, I didn't think he could live with himself if he slipped up and killed.

Since it was too late for Edward to enroll at Cornell, he agreed to fill his time taking temporary holiday work at a mall in Rochester. He needed to find a way to condition himself once again to the sounds and smells of human beings, and I thought this sounded like a good idea. Anything that would force him to interact with people would be healthy at this point. This would be his first experience as a working man, and I thought it would be good for him.

_Edward POV_

I'd taken to using the surname Masen again. I figured if Charlie tried to find me using his police contacts, he'd never know to use that name. When I left Bella, I knew that it sunk in that I didn't love her. It was too easy to leave. She just gave in like a switch had been flipped. I watched something die in her eyes that afternoon; I knew she'd never pursue me. Charlie, though; if something were to happen to Bella as a result of my leaving, he'd hunt me down and kick my ass, or worse.

Though if anything were to happen to her, he wouldn't be the one taking me out, I'd do that myself.

I'd know if something happened to her. One would know if the other half of your soul ceased to exist, wouldn't they?

Alice spent my first week home taking me out shopping for work clothes and preparing me for interviews. Her job was to get me out around people for short periods of time to condition myself to humans once again; acclimating while supervising me. I knew what her intentions were and while she didn't voice them, I knew she was doing it to protect me from myself. She was thinking about what it would do to me if I were to slip up.

I chuckled bitterly. _Slip up?_ Taking a life wasn't like horsing around and breaking a window. Taking a life was the greatest sin a man could commit.

We'd been hunting a lot. There was a lot of countryside near my parent's new home and wildlife was plentiful. No mountain lions like I'd enjoyed out west, but there were a lot of deer. Any hunger I had has been satiated; I'd gorged more than I needed, and today I didn't think I'd put anyone at risk.

I supposed Alice and Carlisle felt it was safe for me to begin to pursue my career; they'd sent me out on my own today to try and find employment at the mall. I guess I'd fit in well, as much of the work force is under the age of 25. I wasn't accustomed to "mall shopping" as Alice was, but I assumed it will be entertaining, to say the least, to find holiday employment here. Since experiencing Bella, I'd found humans and their quirks entertaining to watch.

As I spent my day perusing the mall, I came across a store that piqued my curiosity and I just couldn't help myself; this store was like no other in the mall. It was obviously geared towards teenagers, the sign above the door reading "HOT TOPIC." The window display was full of very dark, gothic clothing: leather articles, spikes and chains, and music. Lots of music. Not the classical music that I used to appreciate, but the stuff that now spews forth out of my iPod when I want to clear everything from my mind and sink into oblivion so that I could, for short periods of time, forget the only thing that has ever really mattered to me. The one thing that was now missing from my existence. The happiness I threw away.

If I was going to make this work, this staying with my family for the next four weeks, I definitely needed a distraction. Perhaps this store could be that distraction. The atmosphere was even a bit dark, fitting my mood.

While waiting for the manager to see me, I noticed that the staff was all quite unique. They sported hair every color of the rainbow and had multiple piercings and tattoos. For just one second I allowed myself to think of her. To think back to a conversation before we were even really a couple. It happened on one of those relentless days of question and answer when we discussed what her mother would consider scary. Ha, these kids were freaks, but no, not scary. Rolling my eyes, I thought, "They have no idea what scary is."

"Wait! Do I have to look like some sort of freak to work here?"

I didn't realize I had said it out loud. The little guy behind the counter and wearing a t-shirt that said "BITE ME!" - in dripping blood- grinned widely and said, "You are perfect just the way you are. The manager will hire you even if you have no skills or experience; you are _exactly_ what he's looking for, hot stuff."

Did he honestly just call me hot stuff? I had been fairly good at blocking out people's thoughts, but I decided to listen for this guy's inner voice and I was appalled. I was a bit nervous about the interview and hadn't really taken in everything there was to see about the guy behind the counter. Looking a bit more closely, I noticed a few things. He was small, and actually rather delicate looking, very effeminate, with a very feminine voice. There was a bright pink streak through his hair and he had a tattoo on his bicep saying "I heart my men, cold, dead and sparkly!"

Oh, God. What was I getting myself into?

I really considered just leaving, but I truly was intrigued by the job prospect. I would just have to steer clear of the co-workers. For God's sake, I was a vampire; I could snap him like a twig if I wanted to.

Finally, Garrett, the manager, ended his phone conversation and called me in. When he saw me walk through the door of his office, he began smiling like the cat that ate the canary. What was it with these people? Why were they all so damn happy? Not one of them had wiped the smile off their face the entire time I was in the store. I guess Carlisle would be happy if I got a job here. He was afraid I was becoming too depressed, and there was no sign of depression anywhere in this store.

Garrett offered me a seat. Looking down at my application, he shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you…er…Edward." As he thought to himself, 'Unbelievable; his name is even Edward. The girls will love this. If I have this guy handle the new display, we won't have any merchandise left.'

Garrett couldn't seem to believe his great fortune, a fact I didn't understand. "Tell you what, Mr. Masen. If you can start tonight, I'll hire you on the spot. You've got exactly the look I need for a particular project we'll be doing through the Christmas holiday. I'm looking for an assistant manager who has to be capable of setting up a very large display; we have a huge promotion to get ready for today. The lead actors from the movie _Twilight_ are doing a signing this evening, and we're closing the store early to set up. My assistant manager is off until New Years, perhaps longer. Due to a complication with her pregnancy, she is on bed rest for the duration, leaving us behind in our work. I need someone immediately."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Sure, I'd love to start." When I asked Garrett if it was a prerequisite to have a piercing, tattoos, or wild colored hair, he told me he had something special in mind for me and it would be a crime to change any part of my appearance. I didn't relish the thought of coloring my hair, and I knew there was no tattoo artist who could pierce my skin in any way, shape or form.

Garrett handed me a black t-shirt with the Hot Topic logo on it and told me to come back in a pair of black jeans and the shirt at five o'clock.

I decided, since I was already at the mall and had only a few hours until I had to be back to set up, I'd just do some Christmas shopping. Firstly, I bought a pair of black jeans for work.

Secondly, I went into a jewelry store and looked around for a bit. I found a beautiful pair of earrings for Rosalie. 24 carat gold drops with a teardrop shaped diamonds, surrounded by many tiny diamonds. Cold as ice, just like she was. I hadn't forgotten how she treated Bella. I hope she'd see the hidden meaning behind the gift, but as superficial as she was, I doubted she'd see them as anything more than another bauble.

For Esme, I ordered a mother's ring. I thought it would be a lasting reminder for her; no matter how near or far apart we each are, I knew she would look at it and think of our family. I knew it upset her that our family was scattered right now, and I knew she'd never say it out loud, but we were separated because of me. Since there was room for six stones, I had them include Bella's birthstone as well. A sapphire. I knew Esme's heart was still breaking because we left her behind; she considered Bella a daughter as much as she did Rose or Alice. Even though they never said it out loud, I knew each and every one of them berated me for making them leave our home so suddenly and for taking Bella away from them. They missed her almost as much as I did.

Finally, I found the perfect gift for Alice; a sterling silver locket in the shape of a heart. It had a lovely gold rosebud, the stem wrapping around the front of the locket. I had just the picture, one of her and Bella together, that I would put inside of it. My decision hurt Alice as much as I hurt myself, and I didn't know if she'd ever truly forgive me. At least I knew that she's the one out of all of us that could truly feel my pain.

I didn't know what was happening to me today. All these months I had been blocking her out so well. But today, for some reason, I couldn't get Bella out of my mind. I knew that little trigger, seeing all the tattoos and piercings, had brought back that snippet of conversation when she told me she thought I _could be scary_. Perhaps it was because I haven't been around this many teenaged humans since high school at Forks. But it was as if a floodgate of memories had been opened.

"Oh Bella, what have I done?"

At the time, I thought that this was the right decision. The only way to protect her. But as more time has passed, I questioned the decision to leave her more and more. I had really decided before a relationship with her had even formed that one day, when I was strong enough, I would leave. I wanted her to be able to live out her human life with a human husband and a human family. But thinking back on it, our life was perfect. It was excruciatingly hard for me on some days, but I did prove time and time again that I could resist.

Somehow, now I sensed it would only be a matter of time before I would have to see her. The memories came crashing back and one day soon, I suspect I'd have to go back and see if she was okay. See if she had moved on and watch her from afar. I could do that. Perhaps I could be just that, her protector from afar. In the beginning I had considered that scenario. It was becoming more and more evident that I would not be able to stay away forever. If I was human, these thoughts would make me physically ill. My stomach was churning at the realization that I'd eventually be drawn back to her. She would move on, she would get over me, but I've been permanently changed, and I could never go back to how I was before Bella.

"God, I need a distraction." I took my purchases to the Volvo, threw them in the trunk, and settled myself in the front seat for a while. I plugged my iPod into the stereo and turned the music up as loud as it would go. I could feel the car moving from the bass and percussion. I laid my seat back and let the music wash over me. I didn't let my mind wander from the lyrics and screeching guitar riffs. I had to get out of this funk I'd gotten myself into.

I couldn't let Carlisle and Esme down. They both felt I needed to find a job for my mental well-being. They felt the experience would be beneficial. I guess it wasn't a good thing to have a mentally unbalanced vampire wandering about.

At 4:30, I called Esme and told her I'd be working late and that I had found a job. I asked her not to wait supper on me, knowing she'd see humor in my comment. I slipped out of my dress pants and threw on the black jeans and my new work shirt. In all my years, I'd been a student over and over, but this was truly my first job and I didn't want to mess it up. It wasn't like I'd ever need the money, but I'd finally have the chance to put my business management degree to use. I was surprised they gave me an assistant manager position. Even though I had a degree, I had no formal experience. I was actually a bit excited to have something to fill my time.

I went in to work and Garrett took me back to the stockroom. "Lover boy," whose name I later learned was Troy, was out getting pizza and Coke for the staff to eat. Great. I hope they didn't expect me to eat the stuff. I'd just have to purge myself later - I'd have to think of an excuse.

"Edward, start opening these boxes and hang the items on this pegboard." Garrett told me.

Garrett had explained that this movie we were promoting was a story about a family of vampires. How cliché. Don't people ever get tired of vampire fiction? It seemed like every ten years or so, someone released another vampire movie; if they only knew how real our world is and how many of us walk among them every day.

I opened box after box of wax lips with fangs, tubes of "vampire blood." There were buttons that said, "Bite Me" and shirts with that stupid saying Troy had tattooed on his arm. For over three hours I emptied boxes of generic vampire merchandise, if it could be called as such.

I spied a box that simply said 'Volvo' on it. I'd seen other licensed tees throughout the store for various consumer products, but this was the first automobile item I'd come across. It must have gotten mixed up with my vampire items. Interested, I opened the Volvo box and found a bunch of black t-shirts. I held one up and nearly fell over laughing. It had a silver Volvo C-30, reading 'Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner.'

I remembered Bella muttering a comment under her breath to that effect once upon a time. It didn't take long for the crushing agony to overwhelm me again.

"Ah, Bella, I miss you so much."

This was by far the worst day I'd experienced in weeks. I hadn't immersed myself around humankind so completely in a very long time and my emotions were wreaking havoc on my carefully constructed façade. I was definitely experiencing sensory overload. Everything I touched seemed to bring memories of Bella crashing back over me. I felt an anxiety attack coming on.

I stood up and spun around - I had to get out of here, even if just for a minute without drawing attention to myself. Just as I noticed the sign for the emergency exit, a girl popped in through the stock room door behind me and asked where she could find Garrett. She sounded like she was close to tears.

Without looking, I pointed and told her where his office was. "Right through there," I mumbled. As she came through the doorway, she tripped on the little threshold and catapulted towards the floor. I heard her foot catch, I heard her gasp, I felt the rustle of air. Instinctively, after all those months of near accidents with Bella, I lunged to grab her before she could land face first on the concrete floor. As she turned in my arms and I looked down, we both gasped. I'm certain my dead heart skipped a beat or two.

"Bella?"

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So...thanks for reading. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

It's my goal to update this story Monday, Wednesday and Friday each week.

Much of the work on this story is already done, so as long as RL doesn't throw me any huge curves, it shouldn't be hard to stay on schedule.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Here's chapter two of Mirage. I wanted to get off on the right foot. Next update will be on Friday. **

**Disclaimer: Only Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment have claim to the Twilight saga and its respective characters. **

**All original characters and plots belong to me.**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Two**

_Kristen POV_

It was eight o'clock and Rob was nowhere to be found. We were supposed to be here at seven to set up our table, get out the promotional materials and spend some time with the staff at the store before the signing, but he wasn't here.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed.

It rang just two times before he picked up, out of breath. He sounded like he'd just run a marathon. "Kristen."

"Rob, where are you? We were supposed to set up over an hour ago! I can't do this alone. Don't even tell me you're stuck in traffic!" I stopped. "Why are you breathing so heavily? Are you okay?"

"Kristen, I can't do this. Have you seen all of them? The line goes the whole way around the building! I pulled up outside and they swarmed my car. The screaming was like Comic Con! Don't you remember that? It sounded like I was entering the gates of Hell. This anxiety attack won't let go of me. I think I need medication. I don't think I can keep doing these."

"Rob, if you don't get your scrawny British butt inside this store right now, I'm calling Catherine. I don't like doing these any more than you do, but you know they are mandatory. Come on, I'm counting on you."

"I'm sorry, Kristen, I'm not going to make it. I-I… just don't know how much longer I can do this. They are _everywhere_. They camp outside my hotel, they follow me to all my favorite restaurants, they even follow me into the loo. I don't get a moment's peace. I'll talk to you soon."

In a fit of frustration and despair, I threw my phone down and ran to the back of the store. As I ran through the door I noticed the huge mess of vampire "stuff". A guy with extremely messy hair was bent over a box of promotional merchandise. God, I was beginning to hate seeing the stuff. Everyone was wearing it.

I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing. It was Rob's patience and great sense of humor that got me through the stress of doing these. Last time we sat at one he sang "Let Me Sign" as he was autographing away with a grin on his face. He was so genuinely funny. It always helped to calm my mood. How was I going to do this alone?

As I stumbled into the stockroom, I asked for the manager. "Where do I find Garrett?"

This velvet voice replied, "Right through there," as he pointed to the door marked as the office. As I tried to pass him and the pile of vampire crap, I tripped, flying. Damn. I was becoming more and more like Bella every day. I was glad to have this break out of character; it seemed like during filming, they constantly expected me to trip myself up to look like a klutz. As I was freefalling towards the floor, expecting to face plant on the concrete, two ice-cold hands grabbed me and stopped my descent. I was pulled into his marble grasp. As I turned to right myself, we both gasped as we came face to face.

"Rob?"

I was _pissed. _A million things ran through my mind at once.

_What in the world? Why is he in character? Why did he give me all this grief and near hysteria by telling me he wasn't coming? What kind of sick joke was this? We weren't supposed to be in makeup.  
_  
A very puzzled Rob looked at me and said, "Why do you keep calling me Rob? Who's Rob? Who's Kristen? And why the hell are you so pissed off?"

I know I didn't say any of it out loud. Where was that British accent? What was going on? Aside from Rob acquiring an extremely recent case of amnesia, there was only one other possible scenario, and I wasn't even going to entertain that thought. But as insane as it sounded, could it be?

"Edward?"

Looking as shocked as I felt, he muttered, "Yes?"

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this man in front of me was not Rob. Second, I was relatively certain that he _was _Edward Cullen. And third, in less than an hour, over 500 people were going to be coming through the store to demand autographs and buy merchandise. We weren't anywhere near ready.

This sudden series of events was enough to just about push me right over the edge I had been clutching at. Any more shocks today and they'd be visiting me in the loony bin. I was certainly not prepared to explain this to a vampire.

I shook my head a few times, trying desperately to clear it. I opened and closed my eyes, thinking the apparition in front of me would just disappear; I was hallucinating, right? None of this was possible. Vampires are myth, nothing more.

'_Say it Kristen, vampires are make believe, vampires are make believe. This isn't real; this kind of stuff doesn't exist!'_

I opened my eyes, but he was still there. His right eyebrow was cocked and he had half a smile on his face.

"You're really Edward Cullen, aren't you?" Now he had a huge grin on his face. He nodded his head.

"I'm not imagining this am I?" He shook his head.

"Edward, this is going to be quite a night." His smile was like nothing I had ever seen before.

Dazzling.

"Wow. This is… really confusing for me. Well, maybe not confusing, but extremely surreal. There are some things we really need to discuss, but we have to be quick because there's not a lot of time. I believe you might be confused too. I've got some things to explain to you. But, it's…complicated."

Edward looked at me and said, "I believe I can keep up." As he looked into my eyes and his frosty breath drifted across my face, I suddenly understood the meaning of being "dazzled".

"Whoa!" I had to snap out of this. I shook my head and tried to clear my foggy brain. If I had to make it through this evening coherent, I was going to have to be careful how I interacted with this man.

"Edward, I don't even know where to begin."

He ducked his head and smiled a bit. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"You must have realized I'm not your Bella. My name's Kristen Stewart, and I'm an actress. I was hired to play Bella in the movie."

"Kristen, this is so unbelievable, not to mention utterly confusing. Why is there a movie about Bella? Please, tell me."

"Edward, a few while back, a woman named Stephenie had a dream. The dream was a love story about a human girl and a vampire boy. Obviously, you can imagine the complexity of the situation. Shortly after she started writing her novel, she met a family at the hospital in Forks, Washington. The father figure of the family, asked a colleague, a psychiatrist, to meet with his family for a few sessions because they weren't getting along. They brought a young girl with them, Bella Swan. After several sessions were completed, the doctor decided he wasn't comfortable dealing with the complex dynamics of the family structure and he removed himself from their case. Before it all came to an end though, many secrets were revealed, including a secret disclosed by one son claiming that they were a family of vampires, with the exception of the girl, Bella. The receptionist for the psychiatrist was the woman writing the novel. Apparently, she copied all of the family's records. Shortly after the family quit going to sessions with the good doctor, the family's records disappeared and all traces of the family are now gone. As the rumor goes, about two months ago, the family moved away from Forks, leaving Bella behind."

Comprehension dawned on Edward's face. "I remember Stephenie. I can't believe a professional individual from Forks Hospital would do something so unethical. This is wrong on so many levels."

I continued to explain how her story grew from one book into two, and from two books into four. In record time, the first book had been turned into a movie.

Edward looked at me, comprehension written all over his face. "Let me guess…Twilight." I nodded my head.

"Edward, the thing is, I can't quite explain this because I don't know that I really understand it myself. When I took this job, I never imagined that any of this could possibly be true. Vampire history is shrouded in secrecy and mystery. I believed it to just be myth and folklore. How is any of this possible? The male character in the movie is Edward Cullen. The female character is Bella Swan. Apparently the movie was written about your family. It's your story."

Edward looked like he was about to be sick. He paced the room, pulling at his gorgeous bronze hair with both hands. He heaved, dry heaves, he sobbed tearless sobs. I didn't know what I could do to ease his pain.

The words he uttered were exactly the ones I somehow expected to hear.

"I have to speak to Carlisle."

"Edward, there's more I have to explain, but there's no time to call Carlisle right now. Your secret is safe with me. Please trust me, I won't tell anyone."

"Kristen, I do trust you. There are some things I have to explain to you as well. Obviously, we are more than myth and folklore. There could be so many serious repercussions with all this. Don't worry, I'll make sure you're safe and we'll work this all out. You must understand, it is extremely important that we talk to Carlisle as soon as possible."

"Edward, there are probably 500 fans out there expecting autographs from myself and the male lead who is playing Edward. His name is Rob, but he bailed on me an hour or so ago. I can't do this alone. Do you think you could sit with me and just sign your name on a poster as they come through? You can sign Edward Cullen; I think they would get a laugh out of it, thinking we are in character tonight. I'll slip into one of my "Bella" shirts. If we work together, we can get my table set up and finish your store display in no time."

"Kristen, you're obviously distressed and I understand you have a lot on your mind. I haven't been around this many people in a very long time. I'm afraid of hurting you if it becomes too much. I'm afraid of losing control. But I promise, we'll try. If anyone comes through and they smell as sweet as Bella does to me, I don't know how I'll control myself."

"Edward, I'm not afraid of you. I trust you, and quite honestly, I need your help. Now, it appears you still have some stuff to put on the display. How about I help you for a while?"

We opened more boxes of the crap, and I couldn't help but wonder if people actually bought this stuff. Edward was visibly upset as he pulled out shirts that said "Team Emmett" and "Team Jasper." He just kept shaking his head and saying, "They'll never believe this."

His breath hitched when he pulled out a stack of shirts with Alice on the screen print. "Little Alice…she's my best friend and my favorite sibling. I feel so exploited. How am I going to explain this to all of them? How could someone do this to us?"

When we came to a box of costume jewelry, he looked more than upset. The more he pulled out of the box, the angrier he appeared. They were various pieces displaying the "Cullen Crest" that Carlisle had made into individual pieces of art for each member of the Cullen family. Edward looked so proud as he pulled up his shirt sleeve and held his arm out for me to examine the leather wrist cuff he wore. The charm was exquisite, a beautiful piece, and the leather was soft and supple. It was no doubt created by a talented artisan many years ago. His was no mass produced trinket! It was an exquisite antique. The whole idea of something so treasured by his family being mass produced upset Edward and he went on a tangent, sometimes speaking so fast that I could barely understand what he said.

"This is something extremely personal that has special meaning to all of us. Carlisle chose to share it with us in order to show each of us how important we were to him. It was his way of showing each of us that he considered us a part of his family. This is the Cullen family crest, and very old. Carlisle is almost 400 years old, you know. It was his father's family crest, handed down from father to son for centuries. Carlisle felt it important that we carry on the tradition. Because of what we have become, this family tradition of his will be carried on until the end of time. I think it's a fitting way to honor such a wonderful role model. These cheap plastic and metal trinkets are blasphemous."

There were so many things: jewelry boxes, make-up cases, shirts, pajamas, jackets, posters, magnets, books; nearly anything you could imagine. My face was plastered on quite a bit of it too. I know Edward realized that it wasn't really his picture on the items, but he definitely seemed unnerved by the whole situation.

After a while we had an inviting display set up, despite Edward's misgivings. I could understand his distress. Here was a guy who was obviously already hurting from being separated from the love of his life. Trying to come out of his shell, he took a job at the insistence of his family, and instead of finding a distraction he was catapulted into what could only be his worst nightmare. I couldn't imagine what this was doing to him on the inside. Playing the part of Bella all those months, I could only long for the kind of love that they shared. For them to lose that, even at your own hand, had to be excruciating.

My biggest concern was hoping that we could just get through the next few hours so we could go some place quiet and talk. I didn't know Edward, and I suppose I should be intimidated by putting myself in a situation where I was alone in a strange city with a complete stranger, a vampire no less, but I felt like I had known him forever. In my heart, I knew putting me in any sort of jeopardy would be something Edward wouldn't allow to happen. I didn't have any obligations for "the company" for almost a week, so all I'll have to do tomorrow is check in, let them know all is well and show up at the next pit stop next week. I've got five days free and I intended to spend all of it with the Cullens, if they would have me.

I had the table set up so that the fans would come to me first. I know most of the girls were here for "Edward," and I must say he looked better than ever. As similar as he and Rob are, Edward had a look that could not be duplicated, no matter how much Hollywood money was behind it.

On the outside, Edward appeared calm, cool and collected. I imagined this was something he'd had to pull off many times over the years in various situations. I hoped he would be able to shut his mind off and ignore the babble; I knew each Hot Topic sold 500 t-shirts, guaranteeing the first 500 with wrist bands an autograph. After 500 came through, we had the option of closing the signing. I don't remember ever having one shut down, and honestly, most small stores like this one barely sold the 500 shirts. I was hoping it would be a slow, easy evening. This was always very overwhelming for me, and I couldn't imagine how hard it would hit Edward.

_Edward POV_

I heard the screams and squeals; these girls were extremely excited. I could only compare it to the sound at a rock concert, when the real band comes out onto the stage after suffering through all the horrible opening acts. Kristen looked tired; she kept rubbing her temples, and I knew she was uncomfortable doing this, exposing herself to so many people. She said she was okay, even though she kept shaking her hand, I assume to bring some circulation back into it. She really was a trooper, speaking to all these kids and their parents like she truly cared about each and every one of them. It was pretty much all or nothing; either they loved Bella, or they were so jealous that she had Edward that they hated her.

During a small break in customers, I leaned over and took the pen from her hand. I turn her in her chair so she had her back to me and starting at her neck, I rubbed her shoulders, one at a time, and then down her arm to her tiny hands and fingertips. I knew my cool hands would help ease the inflammation like an ice pack, but I hope she wasn't freaked out by my acting forward. She just looked so tired and uncomfortable, but now appeared noticeably relaxed. I hadn't done anything like this since the night of Bella's birthday when she was so sore after she fell and got hurt. It felt good to afford someone this little bit of comfort. It helped me feel more human, even if just a little bit.

She said that after we were done we could go someplace quiet to talk about all of this. I hoped she would trust me. She said she wasn't scared, but I could feel her fear of the unknown. I knew she was aware of how I struggled with the bloodlust for Bella all those months. No one else quite knows how close I came several times to ending it all, not even Alice. I felt so fortunate that she doesn't smell like Bella. _She_ should be so fortunate she doesn't smell like Bella. I could keep Kristen safe, though. She was the answer to my questions right now; I needed her. I had so many questions, and I didn't know for sure how any of this was possible. I couldn't imagine how Carlisle would handle the situation. Our story becoming publicly known was not going to be a good thing from the standpoint of the Volturi. We could be in some real deep shit. I knew Carlisle would handle this in his calm, collected manner and it would all be okay in the end, but right now, I was stressed beyond belief.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to get some answers as well. Kristen had just spent the last six months in Oregon and Washington. In fact, the movie was being filmed while we still resided in Forks. I guess we didn't realize because most of the filming was in other places, Olympia, Seattle, St Helens, Portland. I guess if they were actually filming in the town of Forks, we'd have known. Heck, I guess they did a scene or two of us in the meadow, and it was filmed in a park in California! Since everything Kristen had told me from the book seemed so on target, I was hoping she could give me a glimpse of the future. I knew Alice's visions were subjective based on what people decide, what course they choose, and that course could be changed, making the vision incorrect. I really wanted to know what lay inside the covers of those books, but I didn't think I'd ever just sit and read them. I might accidentally read things I didn't want to know, and if there are any surprises, I wouldn't want them ruined.

Signing really didn't bother me much as I don't get tired. It was very trying (and might I say tempting) every time one of these little girls came up to me and asked me to bite their neck, or to change them. Did they have any idea of what they are asking for? I needed some kind of religious tract explaining eternal damnation.

As someone struggling internally everyday to deny my basic instincts as a vampire, it was a rather difficult evening. It was very overwhelming, but to quote Emmett, "no one died." Kristen asked me if I'd be available to travel with her to a few other signings before Christmas; she had just gone to the premiere of the movie last weekend. Most of the signings had occurred over the summer, and there weren't too many more left. I think she mentioned New York City, Philadelphia and someplace in New Jersey. I thought maybe it would be a good chance to learn more information about how much of our lifestyle had been exposed, what Bella and my future held, and a chance to feel myself out before I went rushing back to Forks to try and save my relationship with Bella.

I wondered if Bella would be safe while alone in Forks if the Volturi learned of this. What kind of danger was she in? And just as importantly, I wondered if she had stumbled across this movie and merchandise. What would it do to her? Is she mentally strong enough to handle it? This information nearly crushed me. I thought I was invincible, but Bella was so easily affected by things.

I needed to be sure what the family, as a whole, wanted as well. Would they want to go back to Forks? Is this the point in our lives where we go our separate ways? I didn't want to cause more turmoil and upheaval for them. I had turned their lives upside down just a few short weeks ago, and I needed to look at the big picture before I did anything rash.

I wasn't going to give Bella false hope and rip her heart out again, either. I guess the bottom line would be how she has adjusted, and if she'd moved on. I refused to hurt her anymore than I already had. Like anything else, I'd discuss it with Carlisle and the family would decide as a whole. I had just rejoined them and I don't think I can go off on my own again so soon, even if it is to try and repair things. I need someone with me to hold me accountable. I tried to impress that upon Bella the day we went to the meadow and I revealed myself. I had such an internal struggle going on that day, and Bella made it so much more torturous by not telling anyone she was with me. I remember the conversation like it was just yesterday.

(The following lines are from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, page 255. I do not own Twilight, it and all its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.)

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?"

"No, I told her you had cancelled on me- which is true."

"No one knows you're with me?"

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?""

Many times, like the day in our meadow, I had to run from Bella to get a breath of fresh air, just to keep from attacking her. I prayed every day that I'd have the strength to step away and let the urge pass so I could avoid a catastrophe. My self -control was good, but there were times when I was frightened because things had gotten so close. Bella had no idea. I didn't want her to be terrified of me; I loved her, but a healthy amount of fear was something she needed to maintain.

I needed to be held accountable.

_Kristen POV_

Our signing was scheduled to last until midnight. By about 10:30, things had slowed down, not all of the t-shirts had been sold, and I started to clean up. It was nice visiting with Edward, and I realized that Rob had truly captured Edward's personality. I guess all those weeks isolated in Portland, not speaking to anyone, really helped him reflect on the job at hand. As pissed off as I was with him, I had to hand it to him, he did a great job. I'd have to tell him about all this when I went back in a few weeks. He'd never in a million years believe any of it. Who would?

_Edward POV_

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I looked down_. Alice_. I didn't think I should get into a conversation with her right now; I didn't want her to figure this out before I could wrap my head around it completely. I thought if I could have some time to talk to Carlisle, perhaps I'd tell everyone else later in the week. Kristen found a hotel between Ithaca and the mall so we could spend time together whenever possible. I didn't want to wear her out; she'd been touring hard and she needs to take some of this time to just relax out of the public eye. She looked like she could eat a little better too. I'd have to talk to Esme. She had become quite the Bobby Flay while Bella was with me. She felt like she had to be hospitable, even if we didn't eat the food she cooked.

Alice left a message. There was no one in line so I stepped out of the room for a minute to replay it.

"Edward, we're in the mall parking lot. You've got some explaining to do! How could you go behind our backs? Why didn't you tell us you were meeting Bella? How could you?" And then more softly, "You know how much I miss her."

She sounded so hurt. I had to intercept them and explain. Wait. "Them?" She did say 'we're' in the lot; did she bring the whole clan? Why didn't she just call me first? I had some major damage control to do.

"Kristen, I have a slight problem. I need to take a break or the entire Cullen clan is going to descend on your signing and it won't be pretty."

"Just go, Rob…er, Edward. I've got things under control. Take a human minute. I'm sure if anyone else comes through they'll be more than willing to shop around a bit until you get back." She sighed. She laid her head down on her arm and looked towards the store entrance. She looked so tired; it reminded me of my first experience seeing Bella in the cafeteria.

I found them coming through the only mall entrance that was still open. It was designated for the signing, and Alice and Rosalie both looked pissed. I pulled them into one of the little side hallways used for emergency exit. They were all screaming at once.

"If you don't shut up, security will come to see what's going on and we'll have a problem." Carlisle silently agreed with me, but he looked hurt. Betrayal was written all over his face.

"It's not what you think; don't look at me like that. There's someone I'd like you to meet, but I don't think this is the proper place or time. If you all just go back to the house, I'll bring her by in the morning and we can explain everything. I don't even know the whole story. I'm so confused…"

Alice stood up on her tiptoes and poked me in the nose. "I know Bella is here, you've been with her for hours. Spill! Now." Wicked little pixie.

"What exactly did you see, Alice?"

She was lost in concentration. "I saw the two of you in an embrace in the back of a store, a stockroom or something. I saw you working side by side hanging up a bunch of packages…vampire stuff. Extremely tacky vampire stuff. You're going to have to explain that too. Disgraceful! Have you no self-respect? And I saw you sitting at a table with a lot of young girls signing posters with yours and Bella's picture on them. Why are you discussing neck biting with little girls, Edward? Care to explain _that_? Have you lost your mind?"

"It's not Bella." I sighed, although I wish it were. I started talking so fast, I was glad they were vampires and could keep up. It all ran together into a huge case of verbal diarrhea.

"Her name is Kristen Stewart, and she's an actress. Right after Bella came to Forks, we went to see that idiot shrink that Carlisle befriended at the hospital, do all of you remember?" They all looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Do you remember the receptionist, Stephenie, writing a book? Alice, it was a vampire story. Do you remember telling me she had the hots for me and she was going to make me the male lead in the story?"

Alice shook her head, frowning; she knew what was coming. "Stephenie stole our records from the doctor, Carlisle. She copied them before we destroyed them. She knows our secrets. All of them, apparently. She wrote a book. It's all in there. To add insult to injury, the first book is now a Hollywood motion picture. I'm not sure how it happened so quickly, but the first movie was done filming before we ever left Forks in September. Kristen came to the store I'm working in to do a signing. The guy playing me, Rob, had some sort of meltdown, and didn't show up. She needed help, so I agreed to help her. She told me millions of people have read the book and watched the movie. It's our story. They are our secrets. We'll have no privacy; it's all out in the open, and I'm terrified. For Kristen, for us, and for Bella…I left her unprotected. You know how she smells to me. If the Volturi came to Forks to investigate this infraction of our law, and I guarantee it's only a matter of time, Bella will be a tasty snack for someone."

I paused, looking up at them. "That's why I didn't call any of you yet. It's all been unfolding over the past few hours as Kristen and I had snippets of time to talk. She said she'll stay a few days and explain it all to us, but we need a plan."

I was shuddering and knew I had to get a hold of myself before I continued. Esme came over and put her hand on my shoulder, looking at me lovingly. She could always comfort me like no one else.

"It's been an interesting day for you, hasn't it, son?" Carlisle muttered.

"You have no idea."

"I was going to bring Kristen by the house tomorrow so we could all talk. There's more. There are four books, actually. I don't know if you would want to consider them a prophecy, but I don't know if I want to take any chances. We're going to have to soon read the books. If our future is bad, I want to try and change it."

Alice was sing-songing in my head. "I want to meet her Edward. We will be great friends; I miss Bella so much, don't take this away from me too! You owe me this."

I could tell Kristen, Troy and Garrett were the only ones left in the store, and they were starting to clean up. "I guess it will be alright for a little while, but please, don't overwhelm her."

Emmett had a huge grin on his face as we walked towards the store. He grabbed Kristen from behind and swung her around in circles before putting her down, laughing and ruffling her hair.

She looked at him, and said, "Hey, vampire boy!"

He chuckled and replied, "Hey, human girl!"

She laughed and said, "You know, Emmett, if I had a big brother, I'd want him to be just like you."

I thought he was going to cry. He wiped his eyes and said, "That's exactly what Bella used to say; she called me Brother Bear. I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me - this is just too much. I can't believe I listened to you, Edward! How could we just leave her? And you, Rosalie," he said through gritted teeth. "Always so jealous of her. She was our little sister! How could you feel threatened by her?"

I led my brother back to the stockroom so we could have some time alone. "This changes everything, you know. She can't be safe. If you don't go back to Forks, Edward, I will. I won't leave her alone!" Emmett was visibly upset. I hadn't seen either of them since the night of Bella's birthday party, and I hadn't realized just how deeply I had hurt every member of my family. Even Rose seemed a bit out of sorts.

I didn't see the huge hand before it hit me in the back of the head and took me off my feet. I face planted in a box of t-shirts. If I were human, I think I'd have a concussion from the blow to my skull.

As I walked back to the front of the store, I watched my family interacting with Kristen. They all looked so happy, and she seemed to be completely at ease with a family of vampires encircling her. Unbelievable! So similar to Bella; she had never been fazed by us. I couldn't believe I'd left someone so unique, caring, and special behind. I should have had more faith that things would work out. Even though she got hurt on her birthday, because of us, she wasn't upset. She just took it all in stride.

Alice was walking around the store with her little mouth hanging open. She kept picking things up and shaking her head; I knew she thought the merchandise was tacky. She rifled through the Cullen crest jewelry, looking at each individual piece. They looked like our pieces but were obviously very cheaply made. I felt so fortunate that Carlisle thought so much of us to have his family crest made into a beautiful piece of jewelry for each of us as we joined the family. I wonder what he would have had made for Bella if she had joined us? Perhaps there's still a chance that could happen. I'd ruined so many things! If I went back, she may want nothing to do with me. That's a reality I haven't even considered. I'm such a conceited ass; here I am thinking she's sitting at home waiting for me. What if she really has moved on like I told her to?

Carlisle was watching everyone with interest. He'd seen the tacky jewelry. I didn't think he'd be all too happy about what they did to something that was so personal to him. He was getting some humor out of watching everyone, though. Rose and Emmett had gotten over their little tiff and obviously made up.

Rose was looking through the action figures. _Oh no, I forgot about them!_ I didn't really want anyone to see them. The manufacturer only made them for some of the family members, not all of them. For someone like Rosalie, beautiful, strong, athletic Rosalie to not have an action figure when clumsy, frail, little, human Bella had one…

"Hey, Em, look, there are action figures of all of us. I guess some of us are more popular than others. We're all sold out. They only have four left. Should we buy a pocket Bella, a pocket Alice or a pocket Edward? Oh my, they even have that Indian kid from La Push, what's his name? Sam?"

"No, Rose, it's Jacob. And I should tell you, the rest of you don't have one yet." I was waiting for the screaming to start.

Rose didn't disappoint. "What do you mean there aren't figures for the rest of us? Bella hardly even knows that kid! She spent time with _us_! How does that mutt get an action figure when my hunk of a man doesn't even have one? He's just a scrawny little kid! We're vampires; we've got super powers he couldn't dream of having! How could they? I'm going to have a talk with someone!" I had no doubt she'd be calling the manufacturer to start a campaign to turn the rest of the family into action figures as well.

Alice started out with one of those little red shopping baskets like they have in the grocery stores. She was throwing all kinds of Cullen family trinkets into it. I noticed she was wearing a set of the wax lips with fangs. _Disgraceful. _Alice had one of every t-shirt in her basket. She was rifling through a box of posters.

"Edward! These pictures of you are horrible! You look so sinister! Especially this headshot; you look like…like…a vampire! I can't believe how good _we_ all look, though. How did they know what we looked like? I don't know how this is possible."

After looking around some more, she looked at me, laughing, and said silently "Edward, you know that little guy behind the counter has the hots for you?"

Frowning, I nodded my head. _Oh, I knew. _

"Did you know there's an Edward Cullen bed sized blanket? There's a bed size pillowcase as well. Troy has them both. He apparently can't wait to get home and snuggle up with you!" Her tinkling laughter filled the store. I grimaced. I wonder how many people are snuggled up with me right now. I really didn't want to know.

I heard Jasper and Emmett laughing behind me. They had plastic fangs in their mouths, biting each other's necks. Esme just laughed and shook her head, amused.

Alice had found a flatbed cart of some sort near the stockroom. She set her little shopping basket on it and started pushing it back to the display. When she neared the register, she squealed as she found the more expensive items, the jewelry box, makeup case, even a lunchbox. She considered taking that to school if she ever went back. My sister had gone over to the dark side. Alice even pre ordered a copy of the movie on DVD. I think she had one of everything on her little cart.

I suppose I should be happy she was supporting my place of employment, although after tonight, I don't know if I'll still be working here. This had actually turned out to be a fun evening, though. My family members were comical, when in fact this was a situation with potentially dire consequences.

I noticed Carlisle and Esme helping Kristen to clear up the items on the table where we did the signing. Esme looked so happy. I know she understood it wasn't Bella, but I could tell she was remembering happier times.

Kristen didn't look good, though. She was so pale. She looked tired and a bit undernourished. I didn't remember her eating any of the pizza. The need to protect began to kick in. I only wanted to get her out of here, if she'd let me. I felt we owed her that much. Perhaps she could just get back to her hotel room, get a bite to eat and get some sleep.

"Kristen, are you okay? You look like you need to rest, perhaps get something to eat? I think you're pushing yourself too hard."

"No", she said, "I'm okay. I've been on the road for weeks, and all these Hot Topic stores feed us is pizza. I'm a vegetarian, so I don't eat pizza with meat on it. I'll be fine. I'll get a pack of crackers or something when get back to the hotel."

Esme spoke up. "Nonsense, sweetheart. There is a grocery store close to where we live. We could get some garden burgers and salad makings. I have a beautiful kitchen we've never used. I'd love to make you dinner. I haven't cooked since we left Forks in September, I really miss it."

Kristen looked like she could cry. She ducked her head before looking at Esme. "Yes, I'd really appreciate that. We can talk for a while and then I'll go back to the hotel later. Since you don't sleep, maybe I can just leave my car at the hotel since it's on the way to your house, and ride with one of you? I'd need a ride back after we visit. I am getting a bit tired; I don't think I'd be safe to drive myself. I'd hate to impose, though…"

Carlisle spoke up then. "Kristen, if you're not afraid of us, we'd be honored if you would stay with us. That is, until you leave for your next signing. There is a lot to talk about, and quite frankly, I'm concerned about the Volturi. I'll explain about them later."

Kristen stiffened a bit. "You don't have to explain. I know all about them." She looked rather scared.

Carlisle said, "I suppose they are in the books. When we told our story to Bella, we broke the rules. I'm concerned about the consequences, not only for my family but for many others as well. It appears this is going to have far reaching effects. It's a lot to take in. You should hear the story from someone on the inside, not from a story an outsider wrote; she could never begin to imagine the inner workings of our world. I'll explain more tomorrow. You need to rest, and Alice will know if it weren't safe for you to be here."

She just nodded her head. Kristen looked so tired, as if she would collapse at any moment. By then she was leaning against the wall, swaying from time to time. She looked dead on her feet. I had never understood that figure of speech before tonight. I felt bad that she was working so hard, and was, quite possibly, in danger, because of my family.

"Carlisle, I'll need to pick up my things from the hotel. If you're not offended, I won't cancel my reservation for the week. My company will be concerned if they realize I'm not there. And if it gets to be too much for any of you, I'll have a place to go back to."

We all felt that was a good idea. It was unanimous; once again we'd have a human living under our roof. It was going to be an interesting week. Emmett insisted that he and Rose stay at Alice and Jasper's so they could be close in case Kristen "did anything funny"- he didn't want to miss it. Esme announced that there was room for all of us at the house, and she expected us all to stay together if we didn't mind. It would be a houseful! I knew in the back of her mind she was thinking about the Volturi and wanted us all together until she and Carlisle at least discussed it. As long as Alice didn't see anything coming for us, we should be safe.

Alice wanted to take Rose shopping tomorrow for a few things since she didn't pack an overnight bag and they lived a few hours away. I guess they were going to sleep in oversized shirts Alice bought tonight at the store. Kristen thought that was a funny idea, and went to find one of her own. I was a bit surprised when she came back with a shirt that said "Bad Vampire" on the back of it. Turning it over, the front was a screen-print of James. I looked at Kristen with one eyebrow cocked.

"What?" she asked. "James is hot! You should see the abs on that guy."

Everyone laughed with her. Everyone but me. "Kristen," I said, "the real James wasn't 'hot.' He was evil, and he tortured Bella and nearly killed her. I just can't find any humor in the situation."

She looked thoughtful. The bad vamp shirt was placed back on the shelf and she returned, smiling, with a Jacob Black t-shirt. _Now, she's wearing a shirt with the dog on it. _

"Kristen? Jacob Black?" She wondered if I was jealous; she was playing with me. _Her_ mind I could read.

She looked at me and said, "I'll have you know, the kid playing Jacob put on thirty pounds of pure muscle. His bod is rockin'! He doesn't have a six pack, he's got an eight pack! Washboard abs."

I frowned. I was starting to feel like chopped liver. "You haven't even seen **my** abs."

She laughed and said, "I've seen Rob a few times without a shirt. He's all soft and comfy, but there's just something about a nicely sculpted body. I'm only human, after all."

I knew I was being childish, but I felt like I had to show off what I had under my shirt. Why am I acting like a teenager? Oh, right, I _am_ a teenager. _Well, I was in a way._ I took off my shirt. She laughed and went over and got a blue shirt that said, 'You don't scare me!' Edward was on the front of it_. I don't want her to be afraid of me._ She was laughing inside. She was planning on that shirt from the beginning.

"Edward, I'm just trying to have fun with you; you've been such a good sport today. I actually get a different shirt at each store where I do a signing; this is one of the few I don't have." She came over and ran her warm hand down over my torso. "And yeah, you do have a **very **nice body. My co-star isn't a 'gym bunny,' as he would say; he's not sculpted like you are." I shuddered. Bella is the only one who has ever touched me in that way. _Oh, how I miss her caresses!_

We all piled into our respective cars and Esme and Carlisle went to the all night store to get the groceries. I knew they'd come back with enough to feed a family of four for a month.  
Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett headed to the house to get the guest rooms set up and make things comfortable for our guest.

I followed Kristen to her hotel; I stayed close by just in case she needed me, but waited in my car until she got everything. I suspected she needed a few minutes to herself. She decided to bring her own car so she wasn't dependent on us for transportation. Or so she had a way to get away if we were too much to handle? I hoped she didn't just run off and leave without spending some time with us. I needed answers.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Stephenie Meyer owns all, I do however enjoy playing with her friends in Forks. Twilight and all it's characters belong to SM and Summit.**

**A/N- Many thanks to Bronzehairedgirl620 for betaing this chapter.**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Three**

_Kristen POV_  
The turn of events tonight was incredible. The whole situation with the Cullen family really existing was exhilarating! I was really psyched about staying with them. Perhaps I was too close to my character. I definitely knew that I'd get some valuable insight into my character to use in the next three movies - I've been signed to three so far. The final book was sure to be turned into a screenplay as well, but since it wasn't complete when we signed for the first three, they couldn't do a contract for that one yet. Everyone was certain it would become a movie as well, but it wasn't confirmed.

I thought I'd be a bit freaked out when meeting Edward's family, but they were the most warm, loving, genuine people I'd ever seen. I'm sure this whole situation has them on the edge of their seats, but no one said or did anything to cause me to be concerned for my safety. I'm extremely comfortable around them. I felt like I've known all of them forever. It is uncanny how my co-stars have captured the essence of their supposedly fictional characters. Amazing! I wish I could share this with all of them, but I think that would be bad for Edward's family.

I'm not afraid. I'm only keeping the hotel room for the paper trail to with work. I don't want to raise any suspicion, but I'm taking everything with me and leaving the key card on the dresser. I can call the desk and check messages all week. With the 'do not disturb' sign on the door, they won't go into the room till after my checkout time has passed and they clean the room.

I was so tired from my flight today, and the signing, plus all the stress with the Rob situation was giving me a headache. I was going to leave my car at the hotel, but so much had happened, I needed some alone time during the drive to the Cullen house to get my head together. I'm sure, once we started discussing the plot, there would be a lot of questions about the future. Bella's future especially. I had to find a way to convince Edward to go to her and make things right before this went on too long.

I know in the end it will all work out, but if real life played out like the movie, Bella was going to suffer a lot more heartache before she found any sort of happiness. I think he'd want to prevent any more suffering. I know she's suffered some serious anguish. I know that she is in a bad place both mentally and physically right now. Her friends have abandoned her; some of them even think she somehow deserved this. They think that she was never good enough for Edward. I know, physically, she's not eating or sleeping, and when she does sleep, there are nightmares.

The company wants me to take caffeine pills, stay up for a week or so to get that whole sallow, sleepless, bruised eyelid kind of look. I know I have to lose 30 pounds before the next movie starts filming. I'm hoping I can convey all this to Edward without him reading the books and thinking there will be some huge happy ending and it's okay to let fate play out her hand. Bella will be in some serious danger if she ends up in Italy.

I've come to care about Bella, and I tried to step into her shoes and do a good job portraying her. I worked hard to get into character, but I never imagined she was a real person. All of a sudden, explaining this story has taken on a new sort of urgency. I think Alice is the answer. She loves and misses Bella terribly. If anyone is going to influence Edward, she'll be the one. Well, her or Emmett - he did say he was going back to Forks.

I wonder what will happen when Edward finds out that Jacob is going to turn into a werewolf in a few weeks. When he learns Bella is spending all her time with friends she knows are a pack of werewolves, that'll send him over the edge, if nothing else does. We have about four months until spring break officially starts in Forks. If he waits that long, Bella will jump and a cataclysmic series of events will follow. I know the books seem to be on track, but what guarantees are there when you're dealing with werewolves and hungry carnivorous vampires??

Tomorrow, after I get some food and rest, I promised Alice and Emmett I'd take all of us to see the movie. They really seem excited. I'll use my contacts to get us a private showing at one of the local theatres. I think that would be best. A bit of animosity for my guests. A bit for myself, as well. I don't think it would be a good idea for a bunch of fans to think the entire cast of Twilight is at the movies. I know the mall where Edward is working is showing it, I saw the marquee, but I saw an older theatre in Ithaca; I wonder if Esme knows anything about it. She said she was a part of the local historical society. Carlisle works at the college, both pillars of the community. I'm sure they know how to contact the owners of the theatre.

I notice we've turned off the main road and are in a much more secluded place. Edward said they owned a lot of acreage with no neighbors for a few miles. I believe we're close to the house. I'm so hungry and tired. It'll feel good to get a bite to eat and stretch out in a comfy bed.

_  
Edward POV_

The lights are all on, and everyone is here. I hope Kristen is truly comfortable staying with us. After all, she has read the book, she knows about the birthday party. I hope she's not as clumsy as Bella. I'll be on my guard all week. If there's any possibility there will be an injury involving bloodshed, I don't know how everyone will react. It's been a long time since we've been this close to a human for an extended length of time.

Hearing Jasper's thoughts, I know he's unnerved. He's been mentally punishing himself since he caused Bella to get hurt. I don't think he'll let something similar happen, but then again, no one could have foreseen what would happen when she got that tiny paper cut. No decision had been made; it was spontaneous, so Alice had no foresight. We need to be extremely careful there are no more catastrophes.

Kristen has pulled in right behind me. It's time to be the perfect host.

"Here, let me take your things upstairs. Esme has made you something to eat. I'll be down to join you in just a minute. I know you're hungry. You probably have a headache because your blood sugar has dropped. You'll feel better after you eat."

"We'll let you get a good night's sleep, and we can talk in the morning. Everyone has arranged to stay here for your entire visit, so we can wait till tomorrow. I don't want you to be overwhelmed. Carlisle was wondering if you have any of the books."

Rubbing her temples, Kristen sighed. "I think I have the first book with me. Someone gave me one of the special edition copies as a gift. If you'd like to have it, you may. I get so many gifts from fans. I really hate carrying the stuff around. If you want to get it while I eat, it's somewhere on the back seat of my car."

I sped through the first chapter as I walked back in the darkness from her car. Vampires don't forget things, but my memories had faded some, the edges had blurred. I hadn't realized. I don't think I want to read the entire book right now, I'm not in the proper frame of mind, but perhaps one day I can. It amazed me how the author captured all of the things that happened on Bella's first day of school. . I remember that smell, her aroma. There's never been a sweeter smell on earth. Oh, how she tortured me at first!

I remembered the look of fear in her eyes when she sat next to me in biology. The one and only time she truly showed her fear of me. After I came back from Denali, after we began talking again, there was nothing but wonder and curiosity. No matter what I said, she never feared me. At least she never let is show visibly. There were times when her heart gave her away, but I was never certain if it was fear or excitement. Trust that was the other thing I saw in her eyes. Trust I don't feel I deserved. The only other times I saw fear in her eyes was the day James came after her. When we left the clearing that day, she was visibly shaken, but she wasn't afraid of me. When I found her in the ballet studio, I expected fear, but there was a look of determination, of resolve, that she was sacrificing herself for someone she loved. She wasn't afraid. She was hurt, but not afraid, not afraid of me. The love in her eyes when I found her was something I'll remember the rest of my existence.

She never thought I was a monster. She fought me on that issue until the day I left. She believed in me, in a way no other has ever done. I'm beginning to wonder how I was able to throw it all away. Did I really want to protect her, or was I simply afraid because she was so certain she wanted me to steal her soul and make her like us? She wanted eternity. I couldn't understand her feelings on matrimony. I didn't think she'd ever commit, but she was in fact, asking me for eternity. I'm the one who repeatedly turned her down. She practically begged the day of her birthday. It's apparent I have a lot to consider before I think about going back to Forks, back to my Bella.

Kristen must think I got lost. I needed this time to compose myself. I know Carlisle wants to talk with her. Then she has to sleep. I'll put my foot down with the rest of the family if I have to. I hope she's not offended; I took her things to my room. There is a bathroom with a huge marble shower right off my room. It's perfect for her. I don't need to use the room as a retreat while she is here. The other couples only have rooms for privacy when they want to be intimate. I don't need to worry about that. The leather couch in my room is comfortable, according to Bella. I couldn't bear to leave it in Forks, it is one of the few large pieces we decided not to leave behind. Of all the things we did leave behind, I miss my piano the most. Those last few nights after Bella's birthday, all I did was play the piano, her songs, while I was alone. The others were gone already, and I had nothing else to do. I miss my piano almost as much as I miss Bella. Almost.

* * *

**Heartfelt thanks to those of you who already have this on alert and are reading. You make my day.**

**Please read and review**.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. All original plots and characters are mine.**

**A/N: Special thanks to Bronzehairedgirl620 who beta'd this for me.**

**Enjoy your vacation my friend!**

**There will be another chapter up later tonight, as RL got in the way and my Monday chapter didn't get posted.**

* * *

Mirage

Chapter Four

_**Kristen POV**_  
Esme made a few phone calls, explaining that she had a very special houseguest and we would like to reserve the local theatre for the afternoon to watch the movie 'Twilight.' I told her to tell them I'd pay whatever they wanted to give us the privacy we needed. This wasn't simply for entertainment, but also for research, in Carlisle's case, to determine just how serious the repercussions would be from their vampire royal family, the Volturri. When the people at the theatre showed hesitation, Esme explained that I was a friend of the family, as well as the female lead in the movie. They agreed to close down their afternoon matinee and granted us access through the back. The cost? I signed a few of the posters from Hot Topic. I had a stack of them in the back of my car. The Cullens thought it would be fun to join in, so in the end, the posters had 8 signatures on them, and we allowed the theatre to take several photos of the group of us. They agreed to wait on displaying the items until the family decided if they were staying here or going back to Forks. Apparently the local people respected Esme and Carlisle, and understood it would cause them more trouble if their presence was so blatantly displayed for the public.

The theatre staff made sure there was a complete assortment of refreshments at our disposal, not knowing that the Cullens didn't eat human food. I was surprised at their reaction when I went to go stock up on some snacks before the show got underway. I hadn't really sat and watched the final cut, and was excited to finally see the finished product. When we went to the premiere, there was too much to be done; Rob and I only stayed for the movie to start, and then we had other obligations to attend to.

Emmett came out with me to the concession counter, looking rather sheepish. I looked at him. "What?"

He shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. He looked almost embarrassed as he rubbed his hand over his hair.

"I've never been to a movie before." He said. "I want to enjoy the full effect." I helped him to get a large root beer from the soda fountain and a huge bucket of popcorn.

"Emmett, I didn't think you ate human food; doesn't this stuff make you ill?" I asked.

"Yeah, well, sort of, but I wanted to be normal for a change. This is what human kids do all the time, and I don't ever remember doing it. I came from a poor family; I doubt we could afford something like this. As a Cullen, well, you know, it would be a bit uncomfortable to be that close to all these humans at once. Sensory overload, you know. In school we can keep our distance. An atmosphere like this would be a catastrophe."

"I really wanted to go see the '40 Year Old Virgin', but it couldn't be much different than living with Edward, 'cept he's the 108 year old virgin!" He said, clutching his side and laughing. Not to be outdone, the second most daring of the Cullen family ran to the counter, bouncing around like the little pixie that she is.

"If Em is going to eat movie food, I want to try it too."

Alice got a huge bucket of coke, a small bag of dark chocolate-coated espresso beans, and had some 5 hour energy shot in her hand as she came back from a vending machine. I couldn't imagine what this experience was going to be like. The others just shook their heads and laughed at them, saying the smell of food was repulsive.

We made our way into the theater and chose seats near the front. None of them seemed to remember coming to the movies in their previous life. Apparently, like Emmett said, the temptation of being so close to humans, in such a confined space in the dark, was just too dangerous to allow something frivolous like a movie to be a reason to risk a human's life. I'm glad that today they can just relax and be themselves.

I hadn't really been paying attention; I was lost in my own little world, thinking about all the sacrifices they'd made to remain low key in order to be able to blend in with everyone else. All of a sudden I heard Emmett choking and using profanity. Edward was howling, clutching his side, looking happier than I'd ever seen him. Everyone was laughing openly. Apparently, Emmett wasn't prepared for the carbonation in the soda; it went up his nose and caused him quite a bit of discomfort. Rose was giving him a bad time about being a glutton. She was disgusted that he had spit soda all over her designer blue jeans.

"The last time you tried to eat human food you were puking up Count Chocula for days. Esme banned you from the house, do you remember?"

"Wait." I said, "You ate Count Chocula and got sick? Yet you're eating human food today! Why, Emmett?"

He laughed and said, "It was an honest mistake! I thought the Count looked like a cool dude; he was a vamp with his own cereal, after all. I really thought that it was a new line of food for vampires."

As Emmett moved on to his popcorn, he complained that it tastes very much like cardboard. I don't even want to know how he knows what cardboard tastes like, but somehow I'm sure he does.

Alice, on the other hand, was slurping her Coke like a pro, eating her coffee beans and bouncing in her seat, all wound up like an eight day clock. I can't help wonder when the caffeine buzz will totally overtake the little pixie. Are vampires susceptible to the effects of caffeine? I suppose we'll soon see.

As the previews for different movies cross the screen, I notice the little group paying more attention to what is going on. Edward and Carlisle both seem to be filled with anticipation. They know how serious this could be, and I suspect there will be quite a bit of pain for Edward. He's been dealing with his demons alone and all of a sudden, he has to relive all of this. They all do. They all lost the day they left Bella behind. As the word Twilight flashes across the screen, the mood in the room grew somber.

As the deer runs across the screen and "Edward" grabs it out of mid air, Emmett thumps him on the back and says "Nice catch, Bro! I think I'm going to enjoy this movie - we haven't even reache the opening credits and it's lunchtime!"

Not one eye left the screen from the moment I started the narrative about Bella leaving Phoenix. They were speechless. Then, everyone laughed. Edward spoke up, "They don't really think Bella would have carried a cactus plant on a plane from Phoenix to Seattle, and then rode to Forks without getting injured on it, do they? That's a catastrophe waiting to happen."

Then Emmett jumped on the wagon. "Yeah, Bella would have tripped getting onto the plane, the cactus would have flown out of her hands, stuck some bald guy in the back of the head, then bounced off of him, hitting another passenger, injuring them with the clay pot. There would have been gravel from Phoenix all over the cabin, and Bella would have face planted on the floor because Edward wasn't there yet, to catch her."

When I hit "Jacob" with the truck door, all of the Cullen "teenagers" began to hoot and holler because I slammed the dog.

Alice caught the first mistake in the movie. During "Bella's" narrative, as I'm driving into the school parking lot, I comment about the date. Alice speaks up and says, "Bella's first day at Forks High was January 18".

When Bella hit Mike Newton in the back of the head with a volleyball, everyone started laughing again. "Bella really was that bad in gym class. No coordination whatsoever. That girl couldn't walk across a flat surface without tripping." Emmett laughed.

I was surprised when Rosalie spoke up.

Rose started to talk about Jessica, Mike and Lauren, "That Jessica was such a back stabber, always talking badly about Bella behind her back, but trying to be all goody-goody in order to find out more about us. Lauren just treated her like crap. She was always mean to her. And Mike Newton was vile. He was only interested in getting into her pants. Even when Bella would come right out and tell him she wasn't interested, Mike would hit on her. To be perfectly honest, I really admire Bella. She looks so frail and fragile, yet she's the only human in Forks who ever truly tried to get to know us. The only one who was brave enough. She was much braver than anyone gave her credit for. Kinda like you Kristen, sitting here in a theatre full of vampires, not batting an eye. I just don't get it."

Edward said he remembered all the crude things Jessica had thought about him before Bella came here. He had to block her out with some major mental stuff. "Her mind is filthy. Mike was just as bad, always picturing himself with Bella. He's fortunate to still be living and breathing in Forks. Well, you know what he was like, I guess, Kristen, I keep forgetting you know these things."

Alice said she had a lot of Bella visions on her first day at Forks High. "Bella's first day was really something. All the guys were trying to win her heart, and all the girls were trying to backstab her. The only person who was genuinely nice to her was Angela Weber, do you remember Edward?"

"Yeah, she was always good to Bella."

When they get to the cafeteria scene, Alice starts clapping and bouncing in her seat. "The minute I saw Bella, I knew we'd be friends. Kristen, you're so much like Bella, I know we'll be great friends too. I can't wait to go shopping tomorrow; you are coming right?"

Edward just shook his head, as I heard Emmett laugh and say, "Don't do it Swanster, trust me, she'll turn you into Bella Barbie!"

When the scene in the movie showed the Cullen's grand entrance, Rose started screaming.

"Hey, that bimbo playing me has bleached blonde hair! I'm no bottle blonde. Did you see the roots on that girl? And Emmett, sweetheart, you're so much bigger and brawnier. That guy playing you is a bit wimpy." She gave Emmett's bicep a suggestive squeeze. Next thing I knew, they were in the back corner of the theater. I didn't want to know why.

Next, Alice became upset. "Hey! Edward, do they **really** think I'm weird? Did you hear what Jessica said about us, Jasper? She said you look like you're in pain! Edward, is this the kind of stuff they say about us behind our backs? You can hear them. Spill!"

"Yes, Alice, they think we're **all** weird. And Jasper _does_ look like he's in pain. You don't struggle with our diet the way he does! They think Rose is a bitch and they are all intimidated by Emmett. They think I'm some sort of a playboy."

"Wow, Kristen," Alice commented, "Bella looked just like that, laying with her head on her arm across the table, stealing glances at Edward. She was trying to be inconspicuous, but she was so obvious. You really have captured her."

"Alice", I said, "Perhaps you should watch more of the movie before you give me too much credit."

Edward looked so sad as he said, "Kristen spent a lot of her evening like that last night at the mall when no one was in line. She reminded me so much of Bella that it hurt."

_Poor Edward. He seems so sad, like someone ran over his puppy. _I shook my head as a random thought passes through. I chuckle to myself and wonder if the Cullens have ever had a pet, they only eat animals, not people. _Would they be able to even have a pet, or would they just eat it?  
_  
"Edward," I asked, "was the first day of biology class really like that? Rob was staring daggers at me. I was intimidated. I can only imagine Bella's reaction, if this was how she was treated in real life."

"Her smell," he groaned. "That first day I was assaulted over and over by her scent. I nearly took her so many times. I thought of so many different scenarios. I knew if I did that I would devastate her family and I would lose all the respect my family had for me. I really struggled. I had no choice but to go to Alaska. I'm relieved that I was able to overcome it."

"Ah, Mrs. Cope, I almost forgot about her. Didn't she have the hots for you Edward?"

"Jeez, Alice, she's disgusting, the things she thinks about me. She's old enough to be my grandmother."

Carlisle laughed and corrected him. "No, Edward, _you_ are old enough to be _her_ grandfather."

When Bella falls on the ice, everyone laughed. Carlisle just shook his head. "That's our Bella."

Edward growled when Eric and Mike started hitting on Bella in biology class.

Emmett was in hysterics when "Edward" introduced himself to Bella in biology class. "Dude! You sound like a girl!" They all laughed at Edward for a while. He commented that we got the scene done perfectly, but he looked sad as he spoke.

As we were walking down the hallway, Carlisle snickered and said, "Really, Kristen, fluorescents? Edward I hope you wouldn't really make a dumb comment like that."

I shrugged my shoulders and muttered, "I didn't write the screenplay."

Esme speaks up and says, "The movie is staying pretty true to form. I really like it so far."

Carlisle shakes his head, "No, not me. I'm rather concerned that this is so realistic. It's like someone was watching us everyday. I feel like someone has been spying on us. This is all too real for me to be comfortable with it. I want to know where this woman got her information, because none of this was ever mentioned in therapy." Carlisle was visibly shaken.

"My car doesn't look anything like that. Is _that _supposed to be my Volvo? My car is a four door." Edward didn't appear happy. "I always wanted a c-30. Such a fast little car…"

When the scene with the van accident occurred, Edward spoke up.

"That's not how it happened at all! The van just kept coming for her, and I had to literally hold it up and pull her out from under it. That van just kept coming at her over and over. It was nothing like that! Where did these people get their facts?"

"I was so afraid I had hurt her. I threw her down so hard, and I didn't realize my strength! I hung around the hospital while Carlisle checked on her x-rays and made sure I didn't cause her undue harm. I think that moment was when I realized I was falling for her. When I felt such remorse for possibly hurting her. She was so fragile in my arms, yet it felt so good to hold her that close. I had never had that since during existence as a vampire. I didn't want to let go, but I was afraid of losing control. She was so very warm. We were so close to one another. I hated making her feel like she was wrong, she was always so perceptive. I felt like such a cad suggesting she didn't know what she was talking about because she hit her head. She knew what she'd seen."

Alice remembered what occurred when they all came home from school. "They realized she knew something about you was different. Rose and Jasper wanted to sneak down to Charlie's and kill her off!"

Edward laughed and ruffled her hair. "And you told them they couldn't kill her because you wanted to be her friend. Then you proceeded to bug me relentlessly to let you introduce yourself to her. Darn near made me crazy. The last thing she needed was all of us in her life."

The biology field trip was playing on the screen. "What's with this biology trip? We never went on a trip like that!" Jasper said. "I wasn't even in the same year biology as the three of you. I wouldn't have been included."

Edward shook his head. "That's not how the human boys all asked her to prom. This is all wrong."

"I was so hurt when she said she knew I regretted saving her." Edward muttered. "At that point in our relationship, if that's what you'd call it, saving her was the single most decent thing I'd ever done in my existence as a vampire. Here she was, trying to twist things around."

When we come back to another cafeteria scene, Emmett laughs about the makeup and the trick stunt with the apple.

"So? I wear lipstick, do circus tricks and have a bouffant. I still end up with the girl in the end." Edward laughed.

Carlisle looked at Edward and said "Son, perhaps you're bipolar. You're always so indecisive. So moody. I can understand why Bella would say she has whiplash! Maybe we should have you tested."

Alice agreed, "Yeah, you do sort of have a Jekyll/Hyde personality."

Everyone started laughing at Edward. He just hung his head. Finally, he changed the subject.

"Do you guys remember that weekend, the one where Bella went to the beach? It was sunny all weekend. I hid in the shadows like a stalker for days. Then when Bella decided to go to Port Angeles, and I had to be so careful following her because of the sunlight. I was so scared when I finally realized she had split up with the girls. Those men almost died that night. I was so infuriated with myself that I didn't keep track of her better and she wasn't safe. It was all my fault." He paused.

"Bella didn't have her jacket with her that night. She left it in Jessica's car. After we went to the restaurant, she wore my jacket. I felt so bad, offering her a cold leather jacket when I knew she needed to get warm. I kept asking her if she was going into shock. I wanted to make sure she ate and drank something with some sugar in it. She commented about the color of my eyes, but it wasn't until we were riding home in the car that she told me all her theories. I remember I wouldn't answer her questions until she got to the ones about mind reading. I thought I could answer those questions without committing to anything. It didn't take long before I was disclosing things I didn't want to. She kept trying to touch my cold hands, but I would pull back. Her questions never ended. In the car many more things were disclosed. This is not the conversation we had. It happened nothing like this for real." He seemed absent now as he recalled the night.

"It was in the car that she told me Jacob Black had disclosed our history. We had quite the long conversation. She declared herself in the car that night. She knew what I was and she didn't care. She asked me about vampire myths, most of which I had to dispel. She looked a lot of things up on the internet. We also discussed our diet, and I remember her saying Jacob said we weren't supposed to be dangerous because we hunt animals. This movie doesn't stress how dangerous the situation is!"

"Who's this Waylon Forge guy?" Esme asked, "I don't recognize the name."

I said," He was the guy at the beginning of the movie, in the restaurant, the one who talked about the little bottles, 'Butt Crack Santa'."

"I think that must be something they made up for the movie, Esme, I'd never examine a body at the police station. The body should have never been taken from the scene of the crime; the medical examiner would have done that on site. I'm not qualified to do that anyway. We've never had vampire attacks like this around Forks."

"I took Bella to school the next day because she didn't have a jacket. We never had a conversation like this in the woods, though. All this stuff was already discussed in the car that night. We talked more about our backgrounds at lunch, but that's it."

He frowned. "At least they got the comment about the Lion and the Lamb correct."

Rose chuckled under her breath, "Did you guys really say that crap? I didn't know you were so romantic, Edward!"

"Hah, look at Edward sparkle! Dude, you sparkle like Tinkerbelle." Emmett howled.

Alice was in stitches. "Look at the pulse throbbing in his neck. You're dead, Edward! You don't have a pulse! And look, you're blushing like Bella."

_**Edward POV**_

While I was considering all the repercussions of our story going public, these guys were finding comedy in it. Carlisle's mouth was set in a grim line. Silently he told me he was concerned about what would happen to us and Bella if the Volturri made the discovery. While they lived in an ancient city, they had all the modern technology known to man. It would only be a matter of time until they saw this, and it was so well done that they would recognize all of us immediately.

Even though many of the small details were either incorrect or inconsistent, the most important fact remained true. This movie disclosed our most closely guarded secret. It was an infraction of our law for Bella to learn about this. For the entire world to learn the truth about vampires, all because of our family, this could mean certain death for all of us.

_**Kristen POV**_

When "Edward" drove up to the Cullen mansion, calm, quiet Esme looked like she would turn purple if she could. She looked like she was going to explode. "That is not my house! Our house in Forks looked nothing like that! We had a beautiful Victorian mansion in the woods. It was big and beautiful, and white."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "I don't understand why there wasn't any comment about  
my father's cross, or our history. Bella was very inquisitive."

Edward spoke up and said, "Yeah, we spent a lot of time in your study discussing our history and your time in Italy. That was the day when Bella learned about the Volturri."

Emmett laughed and Rose grimaced when the scene with the Cullen's cooking for Bella came on. "I would never cook for her."

Edward agreed, "Rose and Emmett weren't at the house when I brought Bella home to meet everyone. Rose and Emmett never made an appearance that day until that evening when we got to the clearing to play ball."

As they watched the movie, the banter continued.

"Esme did love to watch the cooking channel and learned to cook for Bella. Always the mother."

"Here comes the human – too funny. Too bad we never had that conversation; it's priceless."

"Well, at least they captured Rose's true colors," Edward said, shaking his head.

"Hey, they got the graduation caps right. Where are they, Carlisle?" Emmett asked. "Did we bring them?"

"No," he shook his head sadly. "They are still in Forks, along with most of our other possessions. They are safe."

We watched the movie for a while in silence, Edward shaking his head from time to time, letting me know that something was incorrect.

When we came to the scene Rob and I did in the treetops, Bella's Lullaby started to play. I shut my eyes, listening; I loved the piece. I heard growling, and my eyes snapped open, looking at Edward. He looked frighteningly like a vampire - a **pissed off** vampire. He was gripping the armrests on his seat so tightly that I could head the wood splintering. All of a sudden, he shot out of his seat and started pacing, hands in his hair.

"I wrote that for Bella; it's sacred, this is sacrilege! And what's with the orchestra? This is wrong._ All wrong_! I wrote it for piano! This is such a personal piece of our life, how could someone desecrate it like this?"

"You **wrote** that for Bella? Really? I didn't know if you did, or if they wrote that into the script. You did a beautiful job, Edward."

He furrowed his brow and said quietly, "If we had my piano here, I'd play it the way it's meant to be played. I vowed I'd never play it again, as it belongs to Bella, but I wish you could hear it. After hearing this, you need to hear the real thing! The song is Bella's very essence, what she means to me. It portrays every emotion I feel for my Bella. I'm infuriated that they violated something so personal."

When they got to the make out scene, Emmett let out a few catcalls and Edward looked like he'd crawl under his seat.

"We never kissed like that! Well, we never kissed with Bella half dressed like that, and not in her bedroom! We did get a little carried away on our way home from the meadow. But I'd never put her in danger like that!"

I said, "Well, it's the only kissing scene in the movie. Really."

"I don't like how little we profess our feelings; what we had was very special, something to be cherished. I see very little affection in this movie, and then here we are, making out. I was afraid to get that close to Bella, but she did seem to have a lot of trouble resisting me. We shared lots of really intimate moments, touching her face, holding hands." Edward said sadly. "I haven't heard a single 'I love you', either."

During the scene where Bella explained to Charlie that she was going to play ball with the Cullens, Emmett looked at Edward and said, "Dude! That's so funny! He never knew you were bullet proof."

Carlisle laughed. "Charlie is really funny. I didn't know he had such a great sense of humor. Droll, but extremely funny."

Edward shook his head, "He wasn't that funny." He said, frowning and wrinkling his brow.

Alice spoke up and said, "That's nothing like what happened. Bella was already at our house when we decided to go. Edward took her home to get ready and left her there with Billy Black and Jacob. Edward went back to get her later."

Edward spoke up and said, "No firearms were involved, although there were times when I visited Bella that summer when I saw him eyeing the pistol. I think it was a not so subtle reminder to keep his daughter's virtue intact."

The baseball scene in the clearing was my favorite scene to film. I think I found it enjoyable because I had so little physical involvement in the scene. I loved the Muse song they set to the scene. Perfect, and full of action.

They all were laughing, remembering playing baseball. "We haven't played since that day." Alice said. "I love pitching."

Emmett commented on the actors moving at 'vampire speed', "Look at them go, how can humans run so fast? Is that even possible?"

I explained the harnesses to them. "Rob hated doing that scene; he said he could barely walk afterward. The harness was under their clothes, just a few nylon straps, going down between their legs and up around their bodies. Essentially putting all their body weight on the, um… family jewels? I understand it was extremely painful. They were pulled along on a cable at 30 feet a second!"

Emmett grabbed himself and left out a rather loud ouch.

'If that's how fast you really run, I can understand why Bella got motion sickness."

"She did," Edward smiled, "frequently. It didn't take her long to remember to keep her eyes shut."

When Jasper was up to bat Emmett looked at him and said, "Jasper, you do circus tricks too!"

"Monkey man? Spider monkey? What is it with people and monkey references in this movie?" Alice laughed. "I don't remember talking about monkeys."

When the nomadic vampires came into the clearing, Alice looked visibly shaken. "It was all my fault that Bella got hurt! I knew there were strangers coming, but I thought we'd be safe. I never realized anything would happen. I still feel so bad."

"Wow, they screwed up that part of our story too; Emmett and I rode in the jeep with Bella and Edward. Emmett had to hold Bella down to keep her in her seat. She was determined not to leave Forks until she went to Charlie."

"Yeah, and she changed into Esme's clothing so we had something to lay a scent with."

I could tell the ballet studio scene was hard for them to watch. Alice had her hands over her face, Esme wringing hers. Edwards jaw was clenched in a hard line. I think he quit breathing all together."

Quietly, Alice said, "Bella didn't get away from us at the hotel; we lost her in the airport. It was such a big place and she knew her way around. Edward, Carlisle and Emmett didn't drive to Phoenix! We felt terrible that Bella was able to ditch us and get away to go to James. Poor Jasper carried the guilt around for a while; Edward didn't let him forget it was his fault she got away from us. 'How difficult is it to watch one little human?'" she said in her best 'Edward voice'. Even though it was serious, I had to laugh at her impression of Edward.

No one said much during the vampire attack. I could tell they were upset, so I didn't say much.

Edward looked at me and said, "Do you truly understand how dangerous James was? I hate what he did to Bella; he nearly took her from me. I almost couldn't save her."

Edward was deep in thought for a while. When he spoke, it was so quiet I could barely make out the words. "I wish Bella had gone to Jacksonville with her Mom right then, before things got any more serious. I was far too selfish. I should have ended things right then and there."

I looked at him and said, "I feel like I've gotten to know Bella through the books and the movie, Edward, and I don't think it would have mattered when, or how you did it. I think from the very beginning the two of you were destined to be together. Leaving her at any point would have caused her irreparable heartache. She would have been devastated, no matter when it happened."

He looked at me. "I've done that, haven't I? I thought I was doing the right thing for her, but I've devastated her, broken her. I love her so much. I'd do anything to protect her. Does she need to be protected from herself?"

"I can't imagine that she's faring very well right now, Edward." I was shaking my head as I said it. I knew she was in bad shape. She had to be. "If she follows the course of what I've read in the books, you don't have more than a few weeks to save her."

I didn't know if I should say anything. Is it fair for me to play God and try to change things, or do I let nature take its course?

Thankfully, the movie was almost over. I had been on edge the entire time. I had death grip on my armrests, and my body felt stiff, I've been sitting so rigid. I didn't realize I was so unsettled. We were finally to the prom scene.

"Bella really didn't realize we were going to prom. She thought we were doing something 'special' that involved me changing her. I remember asking her if she thought that was a black tie affair. And this movie, why would Bella think I'd change her at prom? Like no one would notice her writhing and screaming on the dance floor?"

Alice commented that Bella's dress wasn't too bad, "But that shoe! If I were there, she would have never gone to the prom in Chucks, not even with that broken leg. I remember her referring to my choice in shoes as 'death traps', but she wore them anyway."

Alice seemed a bit upset. "What's wrong Alice?" Esme asked.

Alice waved one arm towards the screen, the other crossing her chest. "Where are Rose and I? Do they realize how much money I spent on my prom gown and they didn't even let me wear it! What a waste!"

I laughed, "Alice, did you go to your prom at Forks?" She shook her head yes. "Then it wasn't a waste of money because you got to wear it. Ashley and Nikki had to go off and film something else that night."

As the movie ended, Edward seemed shocked that the very last scene was Victoria at the prom. I mentioned that she was in the beginning of the prom scene as well.

"No, she wasn't. I would've smelled her as soon as we walked into the Inn. She would have never been able to hide out at the prom!"

After we were done watching the movie, Edward shook his head and said, "A lot of this information is incorrect; perhaps we won't have trouble convincing the Volturri. All Aro has to do is touch one of us, and he'll realize what is true and what isn't. How little we actually disclosed."

Carlisle shook his head in agreement. "We'll discuss this at home, Edward. I'm not sure how to handle this. I'll have to decide if it would be prudent to be proactive and take the situation to them. If we act like nothing has happened, it could be much worse for us when they make the discovery. You know they will find out. These actors look unbelievably like us. It might be difficult to prove we had nothing to do with any of this."

_**Edward POV**_

We left the theatre and went back to the house. Kristen went up to take a shower and a nap. Esme made her some vegetable lasagna while she was resting. It smelled disgusting, but Kristen said she likes to eat it, so I guess it will be okay. I don't know how she sustained herself with no protein. Even though we didn't eat a human diet, there was still protein in the blood we took in. That must be why she's so pale.

Carlisle was in his study reading the Twilight book; he wanted to compare it to fact, and the girls said they'd get copies of the other books when they went shopping for clothing tomorrow. I'd already decided that I was not going to read them.

While Kristen was resting, I went in to discuss the situation with Carlisle. He asked Alice to come into the study as well.

"Alice, do you see anything? Can you see the Volturri coming to the States? Do you see them summoning us?"

Alice sat and quietly stared off into space for a long time. Finally she spoke. "I don't see them initiating any sort of contact right now. I don't know if you'll go there, but I keep getting flashes of you in a strange place. Nothing is concrete. I'll keep watching if you'd like."

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, I think that would be a good idea. It's imperative that you keep an eye on things and let me know right away if there's any change. I'm going to call Kate and Tanya to see if they might consider staying at the house in Forks. I wonder if Laurent is still with them; I'll find out about that before I mention it. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the thought of him staying in Forks; he wasn't a vegetarian when he was there last time. Even if he's resisting now, I don't think he'll have enough self-control around Bella without us being there to protect her."

I wasn't sure I understood. "Why do you want someone to watch over her?"

Carlisle was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm concerned about the Volturri coming to Forks. I know that Kate and Tanya are no match for them, but I think they could get her out of there quickly if it was warranted. Otherwise, I think she's safe until we decide if we're going home."

"Is that something you want to do? What about the others, they won't be happy. Everyone has just gotten settled. I'm not comfortable asking them to go back after it was my fault they were uprooted in the first place."

"Edward," he said, "the day you saved Bella from the van, I told you we would leave if you felt it was necessary to keep her safe. When you felt it was too dangerous for her, I kept my promise to you. Over the past few weeks, I've watched you wallow in self pity. I know your heart is broken."

He gave me a small smile, but continued. "If I determine that our family has put Bella at risk, she must be protected at all costs and we will go back. She is innocent, and any situation that arises out of her interaction with our family demands our protection of her. Her safety is paramount. I'm still the head of this family, and my decision is final. I don't care if you have a problem with it or not."

I told him, "I'm not thinking of myself. I was thinking about the others, especially Rosalie. I want to go and check on her anyway, I'm having trouble coping."

Carlisle had a determined look on his face. "I don't care what Rose has to say, or any of the others, for that matter. We're a family, and if we have to face the Volturri, we have to show a united front. We can't be split up."

Alice spoke up. "I don't remember her being this quiet for this long before. Jasper and I will come. It's not like we haven't gotten a college degree before. Jasper still feels guilty; it won't be a problem with him. I miss Bella so much and I'd do anything for her, Edward."

Alice and I went our separate ways as Carlisle made the call to Denali. I heard him tell Kate how to get into the house, and if anyone questioned their existence, the authorities (Charlie Swan) were to call Carlisle. I wasn't going to hold my breath for that call to come. If I were Charlie, I'd let the place be pillaged and looted before I lifted a hand to be helpful. What we did to Bella was unforgivable. As far as the house was from town, I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to check on it if I were him.

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Thank you so very much for reading.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Twilight characters, nor do I have any claim to the movies owned by Summit. Any mistakes in this chapter, however, belong entirely to me.**

**A/N: Soooo this chapter became misplaced and I'm *almost* certain it's been beta'd but if you find any glaring mistakes, they are entirely my fault. My beta for this story is Bronzehairedgirl620. She rocks!**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Five**

_**Kristen POV  
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I was thankful that they left me get a little sleep. Alice, Rose, Emmett and I went to the mall the day after we took our little movie excursion. We went after lunch; sleeping until almost noon was extremely luxurious considering my recent sleep schedule. I was surprised that after watching the movie they were comfortable just walking around in public all together as if nothing earth shattering had happened. I know that if I were living their lives right now I'd be frantically trying to find a hole to crawl into for the next twenty years until all the hysteria died down. And knowing cultish followings that occur after the release of something like Twilight, at about the twenty year mark, second generation fans will start crawling out of the woodwork, requesting appearances by actors and actresses who have long since moved on from the phenomenon to something less frantic and earth shattering.

The Cullen's will never change in appearance unless they make themselves change by dying their hair, wearing makeup, and doing other things to alter their appearances. I know when I play a role I can eventually shut it off. I'll always be Bella in the eyes of many, but eventually, like all good things, I'll just be fondly remembered for doing my job well, and hopefully moving on to bigger and better things. This poor family will be stuck in this nightmare for eternity. I truly understood what Rob meant when he said he wouldn't want to be Edward. He wouldn't want an eternity.

Playing Bella, it was rather easy to get caught up in the notion that if you loved someone so much, one lifetime wouldn't be nearly enough. It's easy to be idealistic at seventeen. I'm the same age as Bella was, the same age where Edward was frozen in time. Rob is five years older, but perhaps five years is enough to change that perspective, or at least look at it another way. Without blinders.

I really liked Edward. He's the epitome of a Victorian prince, for lack of a better term. He's a gentleman. He's chivalrous, up to the point that he is truly offended if a woman opens her own door or puts her coat on without assistance. Even the gestures I originally thought to be very controlling are more those of protection. I realized that in the time Edward lived, protecting a woman and her virtue were also forms of chivalry. He's only acting out on a learned behavior. He lives with a set of ideals born of another time

I think he was afraid of his relationship with Bella. Although he's a seventeen-year-old boy in the year 2009, he's also a 108-year-old man stuck in a time where women are a lot more promiscuous than they ever were in his actual youth. This is a time where sex is discussed openly and displayed publicly. I rather wonder if some of his reluctance to further his relationship with Bella isn't because he's still stuck in the early 20th century. I think I'm going to talk to him a bit about the whole thing, hoping he'll open up to me. I know, if he's to return to Bella, it's inevitable that they will further their relationship. I guess I just want to help him see the error of some of his ways and ease him into the millennium without totally freaking him out. And I think, based on the fourth vampire book, I may need to have the birds, bees and condoms talk with him as well.

Perhaps this is something that should be discussed in front of Carlisle. I don't know if there is anything commercially available that would contain vampire venom. Now might be a good time to find out. Edward would totally freak out to learn that he gets human Bella pregnant with his vampire baby, and that he nearly loses her because she refuses to do anything but carry it to term.

I didn't really need to shop for anything, but I went along to spend time with all of them. In some small way, it appeared that they needed to spend time with me. Like I was salve on the still open wound that was Bella.

I don't know if they realized that Bella made their family complete. Not just for Edward, but for all of them. Standing outside the family dynamic, it was so obvious to me what she was. Most obviously for Edward - she was the second half of his soul. I don't know how he tore himself away and I can't begin to fathom the love he has for her, but I could never imagine being able to leave.

For Esme and Carlisle, she was not only a third daughter, the one to even out the scale, but she was the missing link. She is the other half of the final couple. She is the completion of Edward's heart. They've watching him live in solitude for so long, and Carlisle has always carried the burden of creating this loving, beautiful, lonely vampire. It's one thing to be alone, but to be alone while stumbling through life with nothing to truly fulfill you is a terrible fate, made much more heartbreaking when you know your child will live like this for eternity. No end to the pain in sight. Bella created an Edward who was alive, truly alive, loving, and happy. Edward still struggled with that he was, but he was able to take it in stride when he had Bella by his side.

Alice adored Bella, and considered her the more of a sister, perhaps more than she did Rose. I wondered if loving Bella wasn't a way for Alice to truly relive her youth. I think deep down, she thought of Bella as the teenage daughter she never had the opportunity to have. To look at Alice, she's a perpetual teenage girl, but the opportunity to raise a daughter was something that was taken from her. I think back over all the makeovers and shopping sprees and wonder if Bella's more than just a best friend and sibling to her.

Emmett loves Bella with no bounds. He isn't afraid of hurting her, he's never struggled with any vampire urges around her, and he's able to just be himself with her. Bella took his jokes, his opinions and his overall bluntness in stride. She was never fazed by something he said or did. Embarrassed at times, but nothing she couldn't laugh at.

Rose has her moments, but she's accepting of Bella in the sense that she knows that Edward finally had someone to make him complete. Edward is much easier to live with when Bella's in the picture. It took her a while to get over her animosity towards Bella; it was difficult knowing that Edward had fallen for someone she considered to be a homely human over the beauty the Rose knows that she is. Rose isn't so naive to know that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, or that she has no romantic interest in her brother anyway. Rose knows that even though she still harbors a few feelings of jealousy towards Bella, that she is a necessary piece to their set. As much as she'd never admit it, she secretly hopes Bella will join the family in the future because having endured Edward before and after Bella, she knows she'll probably only ever be able to "like" him if Bella is a part of the Cullen family picture.

And Jasper… I know Jasper feels a tremendous amount of guilt over his loss of control. His moment of weakness was the catalyst that drove the family apart, left Bella alone, and changed life as they had all known it for some time. I wonder though, what would have happened had Edward not hurt Bella- his decision to leave wasn't based solely on Jasper's reaction, but the reaction of the entire family who had to leave the house, and hide outside while Carlisle repaired Bella's wounds. Suppose Jasper had been contained before Bella got hurt? Would someone else have attacked her?

I also wonder if perhaps this separation, no matter how difficult or life altering for Bella, wasn't necessary to cement the relationship in a way that may have never happened. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and recovering a lost love and having a second chance is something many consider a miracle. Perhaps this had to happen to make Edward truly see that Bella could love him as much as he did her. I don't know if he'll ever read _New Moon_, or learn that Bella would risk her life to save him, all the while believing he no longer loved her. I don't know if some other life-shattering event will change the course they are on, but I hope I can help guide them to a place where they can reconcile before something unforeseen happens.

This love of a lifetime is something so different, so special, and so unheard of. Knowing this is no longer just a myth, I realized Edward and Bella share a relationship that has probably never occurred before in history. I planned to do what ever I could to help set things right since I'm knee deep in it. I will be spending some intense time with Edward on the road, and I hope to be able to have some serious debate and discussion over what I know to be coming, and what he is going to do about it.

I felt like I'd been a rude guest. I've come along with the Cullens to shop, but I've just trudged along, here in my head, obsessing over this whole situation and how I fit in. I believe in fate, and I firmly believe Edward's and my collision was some sort of divine intervention. I plan to do my share while I can. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize we are no longer being shuffled along with the crowd who's traveling the circumference of the mall, but standing still. Looking around, I notice there's some sort of a of entertainment going on.

All of sudden Alice and Rose, laughing hysterically, yank me out of my fog. We're center court in the shopping mall. There are about 50 chairs assembled around a small stage. There's a sandwich board standing near the back of the seating area. It advertises that the guy reads palms, breathes fire, does some kind of mind reading tricks and also hypnotizes people. Apparently, part of the show has ended, and the entertainer is asking for volunteers to be hypnotized. The girls are trying to convince Emmett it will be fun, and for once in the short time I've known him, he appears to be a bit scared.

Alice "sees" that this is going to be some fun. Emmett appeared to be afraid of being considered some kind of sideshow freak. Rose and I tried to convince him that hypnosis is a proven form of therapy and healing, that is isn't some sort of voodoo. It's used to help people remember things their subconscious has hidden. That people use it to help control their urges to smoke, and eat. (Suddenly Alice wonders if this could help Jasper.)

The guy on stage, Roderick, suddenly asks for volunteers. Alice jumps up and down, waving her hands. Roderick asks her to come up. She says she'll come up if her brother can too. Emmett hangs his head. Roderick puts an arm around little Alice and asks what her brother's name is. She looks at me, and a look of something akin to fear crosses her face, all of a sudden remembering yesterday's movie no doubt. Emmett picks up his head and shouts "Mac, sir, my name is Mac." Alice smiles, this is a name Emmett has used in the past, a nickname from his youth. Seeing Alice's uncertainty, he jumps in to save the day. "Mac" joins Alice on the stage. I see him whisper in her ear, she frowns, and I can only imagine the conversation.

Having few to no other choices, Rose and I sat off in a corner of the seating area and watched the show. I guess about five people were hypnotized, it being a group hypnosis, but then the guy does different things with each individual. When he comes up behind Emmett, he says, "Mac, I'm going to touch your shoulder, as soon as I touch your shoulder, you'll forget the number 5. When I clap my hands, you'll remember again." He touches Emmett's shoulder. Emmett smiles. I think he's fighting the experiment, I'm curious to see if a vampire is susceptible. I also wonder if this guy can possibly be for real.

All of a sudden Roderick says to Emmett, "Mac, I want you to count to 10. Use your fingers if you must." Emmett starts to count. One...two...three...four...six...(he shakes his head, looking puzzled) seven...eight...nine...ten....(he realizes there's a finger left over)....eleven? He starts laughing boisterously.

Roderick says, "Mac, how many fingers do you have?" Emmett shakes his head and says "Ten?"

Roderick says maybe you'd better use your fingers to count. Emmett looks at his hands and starts again, one...two...three...four...six...seven... eight...nine...ten...eleven?" Emmett is visibly frustrated. He says, " Roderick, come on man, I didn't believe before, but I believe now. I might be some country hick, but I'm no dumbie, and I know I don't have 11 fingers."

Roderick laughs and just says, "Mac, why don't you think about your numbers a bit."

Roderick moves on to Alice and says standing behind her "When I place a hand on your shoulder, you'll fall into a deep and restful sleep. You'll awaken only when I clap my hands. Do you understand?"

Alice nods, looking a bit apprehensive. I'm sure she doesn't ever remember sleeping. This should be interesting. Alice smiles and gives us the thumbs up, pointing to her temple. Almost immediately, Roderick lays a hand on her shoulder. Alice's head drops, and I can hear her loud snores from across the room. I'm wondering if it is an act, or if she truly saw herself sleeping. Roderick continues to walk amongst the group. One man is walking, scratching the floor with his feet and cackling like a chicken. Another girl, who was told she'd have x-ray vision, is laughing loudly, holding herself, as she looks at Emmett. Rose is visibly upset, I think she just growled? The last woman in her mid-twenties is told she's going to find bald men incredibly attractive. She sees a very old, bald man sitting outside of McDonalds, a few steps from the stage, and immediately goes to sit in his lap and caress and kiss his bald head. (What woman would fake that?)

Roderick begins to clap his hands. The girl with the bald man hops up and begins to apologize profusely. The girl with the "x-ray vision" looks a bit embarrassed for ogling Emmett. The chicken man hangs his head and goes back to his seat in the audience, not even waiting for his well earned applause. Emmett is frantically counting his fingers. He smiles and gives us a thumb up. Poor Emmett. Alice is stretching and yawning. She wipes her mouth and looks around sheepishly. Roderick asks them to stand for a round of applause. Emmett and Alice join us.

"I'm finding a hypnotherapist! I'm going to see if Carlisle will do it! Imagine the possibilities! Jasper, oh God, Jasper." She looks like she could cry. "I did this for shits and giggles; I didn't know it would work. Not really. I don't know if I ever slept. I haven't slept since I was changed. That was the most refreshing nap I've ever had. It's the ONLY nap I've ever had. Edward has lamented his lack of the ability to sleep as long as I've known him."

Rose asks the two of them about Jasper," Do you think it would work?"

Emmett speaks up. "I don't know if it works for everyone. I was really freaked out when I couldn't count my fingers correctly. I imagine that Jasper is the most susceptible of all of us when it comes to things of the mind. He "feels" everything. If it worked on us, it might work for him. They say some people have to go to more than one session to stop smoking or to help with dieting. I imagine the one who would resist most would be Edward. This is a very interesting thing to consider."

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****I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you.**

**Since I'll be at the theatre most of Thursday holding my place for a good seat at midnight, I doubt I'll post on Friday this week. Like, who is going to read this, when they can watch New Moon??**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is the continuation of the chapter that was lost. Don't blame my beta for typos. Any mistakes are mine. I'm not *positive* it's been beta'd. **

**Disclaimer: The Twilight characters and plot belong to Stephenie Meyer. The Twilight movies belong to Summit Entertainment.**

**Pocket Edward and Bella both belong to me, although for some reason, poor Bella is still clawing at the plastic attempting to get out. Edward, was freed from his plastic tomb almost immediately. Go figure….**

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**Mirage **

**Chapter Six**

_**Carlisle POV**_

I decided to try the hypnosis with Emmett, since he had been successfully hypnotized. He was so certain that he and Alice were bringing something useful home to the family. I don't know if it will work, but I owe it to Emmett. Everyone always treats Emmett like the big lug that he is. No one ever takes his actions or his words seriously. It would be nice to be able to give him credit for something life-altering.

I had Esme send Edward out for an errand. I knew it would take him a few hours and I wanted him to be far from the house. I didn't want to tell him about this until we had successfully mastered it. Alice was reciting some poetry in Japanese, I'm not sure what it was; something to successfully block Edward's mind reading. He would know we were doing something we wished to keep private, but hopefully not what we were actually doing.

I settled Emmett on the large couch in the living room and put some music on quietly and told him to lay down and relax for a bit while I went and got myself ready for this. There were no shiny dangling objects, just the calm sound of my voice and the quiet background music. I grabbed a book I had on the techniques of hypnosis, but I had read it yesterday, and was relatively certain I wouldn't forget anything. I just wanted it for reference in the event that I needed it.

I put a hand on Emmett's shoulder and I told him we were ready to start. I was going to do the simplest of tasks; I was going to put him to sleep. Or at least that was the plan.

I began to talk to Emmett in a calming tone of voice. I told him to relax. I started counting. "One." Emmett knew when we got to five, he was to lapse into sleep and would only awaken when I snapped my fingers. "Two. Emmett, think of a calming place." He settled down into the couch a little more. "Three." Now he had a sweet smile on his face. "Four." He looked really groggy, like he was really fighting it. It's time, Emmett. "Five."

Right on command, his eyes closed, and he was visibly relaxed. I walked over and took his shoulder and pushed on it. I called his name, "Emmett, can you hear me?" No response. I lifted one of his arms and let it drop. There was no resistance at all. Unbelievable! My son was sleeping like a baby.

I yelled for Alice. "Alice, it worked!" She ran into the room, stopping abruptly.

"Carlisle, I know it works! I already had a nap! I want to know if it works for Jasper. He struggles so much, I just want to help him gain more control so he isn't so uncomfortable. Since Bella's birthday, he's so afraid, and so disgusted with himself. I just want to help him. Please, Carlisle."

I put my arm around my youngest daughter's shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "I fully intend to test hypnosis with uncontrolled urges, but before I get your husband's hopes up, I want to try something else."

"Sit down in the recliner, Alice. Put your feet up and just listen to the music that's playing for a few minutes. I want to ask Kristen for a favor. I'll be right back."

I heard the footrest go up and could tell that Alice was getting settled in. She may not be very happy when I am done with her.

I knocked on the door to Edward's room, Kristen came to the door wearing sweats and holding Bella's old copy of Wuthering Heights. I raised an eyebrow and looked at the book. She looked a bit sheepish.

"What? I know it's hers; it's a good story, a classic. It was in Edward's nightstand. You won't tell him will you? I didn't mean to be nosy, I was just a bit bored. It's so quiet today - where is everyone?"

I laughed, "That's kind of what I needed to discuss with you, Kristen. I'm working on the hypnosis theory. Esme and Rose had to go up to Rochester for the day, as Rose hates going there alone. Emmett stayed behind to experiment with me. Jasper is over at the college doing research for his dissertation. Edward… let's just say that I sent Edward out on an errand for something he'll never find this time of year. I don't want him here. Alice is downstairs, waiting for my next trick, and Emmett… well, he's sleeping. Alice is going to need your assistance. I'll need your feedback. Once we decide this is successful, we'll share it with the others."

Kristen was pulling clothes out of her suitcase. "Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

I shook my head and started down the stairs to where Alice was unknowingly awaiting what I could only hope to be a life-altering experience.

As I came through the door, she looked at me and smiled. "You know, I don't put it all on your credit cards, I do have my own now. I know what you're intending to do." Her smile turned into a huge grin. "If you can get me to quit shopping, I'm sure you can help Jasper with his urges. It's okay, Carlisle, I think it's a great idea. I may just be more impulsive than he is."

I was glad she understood my theory. I put a hand on her small shoulder and started rubbing in soothing circles. "Alice, I want you to continue to relax. Listen to the music and I'll start to count. Listen to my voice. You are going to remain fully awake. I'll start counting now. One. From now, until I snap my fingers, you will have no desire to shop for anything that's not on a list. Two. No impulsive buying. Three. No sales. Four. Just have a fun relaxing trip to the mall. Five. When I snap my fingers, the exercise will be over. You may get up, Alice."

She got up from the recliner and stretched. I reminded her that she would be with Kristen and that she shouldn't try to do anything different. I wanted her to be in an atmosphere that would call to her compulsion to shop.

I bid them goodbye and went up to my study to read for a while. I knew Emmett would be fine for a bit, and let's face it, none of us had slept in years. I wouldn't begrudge him this. Once I know the extent of Alice's "hypnotherapy" I'll discuss it with the rest of the family. This is something so paramount; I wouldn't want to create false hope.

Rose and Esme arrived home just a bit before Alice and Kristen, Edward still being out on my wild goose chase. The girls asked where everyone was. I asked them to please be careful with their thoughts, as I was working on a surprise for everyone and I definitely didn't want to let Edward in on it yet. I was hoping he was so far away he wouldn't hear anyway, but I didn't want to take any chances.

"Alice and Kristen are out shopping," I said carefully. "And Emmett, well, you have to see it to believe it. He's in the living room, Rose."

Esme looked at me puzzled, "What are you hiding, Carlisle Cullen?" I just smiled and motioned for her to come with me. Emmett was curled up on the couch, with a blanket around him, snoring loudly.

Esme gasped. "Carlisle, what have you done to our son?"

I grinned, "I hypnotized him. When the four of them went to the mall, there was an entertainer "hypnotizing" people, and he did a stunt with Alice and Emmett. They came home and asked me to perfect it so we could see if Jasper might be able to be helped to curb his "cravings" and I thought I'd let Edward get some sleep, since it is something that he truly laments over. I never imagined it would be effective on vampires; I would have tried it years ago. This is truly a breakthrough."

She sighed, "But how do we know if it'll help with the cravings?"

I scratched my head; I hadn't heard from Kristen to know if "Project Alice" had been a success. "I'm waiting for Alice and Kristen to get home from shopping."

She looked at me strangely. "Carlisle, you didn't? What did you do?"

I imagine I looked a bit smug, "I hypnotized Alice to curb her shopping cravings. They've been gone a few hours. Why don't you give them a call and ask them to come back?"

No sooner had the words left my mouth did they come bursting through the door. Alice was bouncing all over the place. "I didn't buy a thing!" she squealed.

Kristen shook her head. "Complete control. I didn't have to remind her once. I believe it was a success."

Emmett let out a grunt and rolled over, snoring even more loudly. "Think it's time to wake the sleeping giant? I don't want the boys to know just yet." I want to discuss it with them, and I want to see how Alice does after she's no longer under the influence, so to speak.

I walked next to Emmett, and called Alice over. "Alice, when I snap my fingers, the experiment is over. I want you to continue to resist the urge to shop. Shopping isn't a fun exercise. It's a task that is just as mundane as any other. I want you to remember that. Shopping is to be done only when you possess a list, and never simply for recreation. Do you understand, dear?"

Alice nodded her head.

I counted aloud. "One, two, three."

Snap.

Snap.

Emmett stretched, yawned, and smiled at me. "That was _incredible._ I feel so refreshed. I don't **need** sleep, in the same sense that I don't **need** to breathe, but it was a wonderful experience and I'd love to do it again."

I had to ask him. "Did you dream?"

He looked at me, then at the floor, and then back at me. "You, know, I'm not sure. It's been so long since I was human. I don't know if I remember what it is like. I saw flashes of things, but nothing was very clear to me. I don't know, Carlisle. I think that I did. Maybe we can try it again sometime soon?" He asked with a grin.

I asked Esme to call Edward and tell him that she changed her mind about the lawn furniture. I knew he wouldn't find any this close to winter, but we told him she needed a specific style for a client. She knew he'd concentrate so hard on accomplishing the task that he wouldn't realize I was working on a project. Esme was a bit upset in the beginning when I asked her to mislead Edward, but now she understood. "Do you think he'll actually sleep, Carlisle?"

I thought for a moment. "I think he'll resist it the most and dismiss it as something due to make believe. Edward is a very black and white person. He has trouble grasping things that are too abstract. He's so certain that he can't sleep that perhaps he won't. Emmett embraced the idea and he had a wonderful experience. Perhaps Edward will allow himself to be susceptible because it's something he's wanted for so long."

I could hear him in the background. "I'm sorry, Esme. I've been in over twenty stores."

Esme apologized and explained that the customer had a change of heart. Again I could hear Edward reply, "I understand. No, I'm not upset, it's not like I had any plans today." He joked. "All I had on my agenda was a nap."

I had to stifle a laugh. If he only knew what I had planned. He often made comments like that. Edward had a great sense of humor when he wasn't condemning himself. I remember his first day of work when he called Esme and asked her not to wait dinner on him.

It wasn't long before I could hear Edward pulling into the drive. Jasper had come home a few minutes ago and was upstairs "resting" with Alice. Rose, Esme and Emmett all had smug expressions on their faces.

"You are going to give it away." I admonished them. "This could make a world of difference for Jasper, and I think Edward will welcome the ability to sleep again as well."

Emmett smiled. "I never realized what I was missing. I could do that every day. I don't know why children fight naps, what a wonderful experience! Rose, honey, you have to try it."

Rose didn't look like she was sold on the idea. Emmett frowned and rubbed her back, "What's wrong Babe, you look a bit flustered about the idea."

She shook her head and said. "The most vivid memories I have are from the night Royce and his friends attacked me. I don't want to have to go through that and not be able to get away from it. When I'm consciously awake, I can always change my course of thoughts. I don't think I trust anyone enough to lose control that way. I'm sorry Carlisle, it's nothing personal, and I trust you. Please don't think otherwise. I just don't think I can put myself in someone else's hands like that."

Emmett looked thoughtful as he grabbed her and held her in a huge bear hug for what seemed like forever. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I wasn't thinking; it just gave me such enjoyment. I never thought there could be any negative aspects to it. Forgive me, I just didn't think."

Rose gave him another hug and went to sit on the sofa. "It's okay, Em."

Edward walked in and said, "I know I missed something, so what's up? Why are you all standing here staring at me? Is something wrong? Oh, God, did something happen to Bella?" He started to frantically finger his hair.

I grabbed his wrist. "Edward, sit, I have something to discuss with you. Nothing is wrong with Bella."

Edward sat next to Rose and Emmett. Alice and Jasper were on the other couch, and Kristen sat next to Edward on the floor. Esme came over behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"Your father has something very exciting to share with all of you." She looked to Emmett, Rose and finally Alice. "Something exciting happened at the mall when the girls took Kristen shopping, Edward."

Emmett laughed and said, "Dude, you have no idea!"

Alice started bouncing in her seat. I decided that it was time to break the news. "Edward, your siblings stumbled across something that will ultimately change Jasper's life, and if you're willing, will allow you a human experience that you haven't enjoyed in ninety years."

Edward looked thoughtful; Jasper cocked his head to one side and asked me to explain.

I sighed. "Never in my life as a vampire PHD have I ever considered something like hypnosis as a treatment for a vampire "disorder".

They both wore matching confused expressions, and Alice spoke up.

"When we went to the mall shopping with Kristen, there was an entertainer. Kristen was deep in thought and looked like she needed to rest, so we sat down to watch the next part of the show. He wanted subjects to hypnotize, so I tried to volunteer Emmett, but we both ended up participating. I wanted to expose him as a fraud. He does "mind reading" too, and I expected to have a bit of fun with him. Next thing I knew, I was waking from a ten minute nap with drool running down my chin."

Edward looked shocked as Rose piped up and said, "Yeah, and Emmett lost the ability to count to ten."

Kristen decided to regale us with the tale. She explained the show in detail, and explained the conversation that followed, as well as the subsequent conversation they had with me.

Rose shook her head and smiled at Kristen. "You were so deep in thought, I didn't think you caught much of the show."

Edward, always pessimistic said, "But we don't know that it will help control Jasper's urges; suppose we think its working and it wears off? He goes on some rampage and kills a bunch of innocent humans."

"Jasper goes to the college on a daily basis, exposed to humans. His control is very good. This would just make it so much easier. If he was conditioned to it, it could be the answer for all of us. Life would be much more pleasant if we weren't thirsty for humans." Esme reminded him.

Jasper looked hopeful, and verbalized as much. "I will try it, I've struggled so long to be as good as the rest of you. I fight more than anyone. I want to do it. Do we have any evidence to go on beside the circus sideshow at the mall? Any research, Carlisle?"

"There is no documentation concerning vampires undergoing hypnosis. But, actually, Jasper, I felt your wife had more trouble controlling her urges than you ever have. Although she doesn't hunger for humans, she can't come home from any outing without a trunk load of something. Today while some of you were out, I hypnotized her. She and Kristen went on a three hour trip to the mall."

At that point Edward held himself and started laughing. "Yeah, right! You expect us to believe she didn't have the urge to shop? How much did she buy? Just a few bags instead of a car full?"

Kristen leaned into Edward's leg from her spot on the floor. "Edward, I couldn't even convince her to buy anything. I pulled out all kinds of things I knew she'd love. She looked, she touched, and she'd just say, 'I don't really need one of those,' or 'I have something similar. Not today, Kristen.' "

Emmett punched Edward in the shoulder and said, "I slept the whole time they were gone!"

"Wait, you said you slept? Really slept? Three hours? Did you dream? I've longed to sleep for such a long time, even more so since Bella came into my life. I would have loved to curl up next to her and dream of her, while she dreamt of me. Carlisle, do you think that's possible?"

I just laughed and shook my head. "There's only one way to find out. From a medical standpoint, it's safe and it won't hurt you - it just might not work. If you resist me, I may not be able to accomplish it the first time or two. After a while, you may become more susceptible. We can try it with each of you tonight." I looked around the room.  
"I think it would be prudent for all of us to attempt to use hypnosis as a means of resisting humans. I don't think I need to do it, as I've had no trouble resisting in almost 400 years, but the rest of you would benefit, even if you don't struggle every day."

Alice, always the one blurt something out and ruin the mood, looked at Edward. "It'll be extremely beneficial when Bella becomes one of us." Edward stood up and stormed out of the room and out the front door, slamming it so hard the glass shattered.

I just shook my head and said, "Alice, clean this up!" before I went outside to find my son.

He was sitting in the Volvo with the music blaring. Even with human ears I would have had no trouble finding Edward. I opened the passenger side door and sat down in the front seat. "You know she didn't say it to upset you."

He reached over and shut off the stereo. "I know Carlisle, but she's so determined to damn Bella to this life. I know she means well, and I'm certain that if Bella chooses to allow us back into her life, it's almost inevitable. I won't do that to her if she doesn't want it! If she chooses, I won't stop her. But it has to be her choice. Always her choice. It just upsets me. Bella is so innocent and pure. I feel like turning her will ruin her. Destroy everything that makes her special."

"Son, you know her personality will still be the Bella you know and love. She'll be indestructible, yes, and her appearance will change somewhat, but she'll still be your Bella. You are upset because she's afraid to commit to marriage, yet you refuse to change her. A human marriage is 'till death do us part. At most you might have 80 years together, if you're lucky. You know how little time 80 years is. Someone choosing to become one of us is really nothing different. It's an eternal commitment. That's much longer than a human lifetime. I don't understand how you can deny her when she's essentially asking you for the same thing you want. Do you not want to be with her that long?"

He looked horrified, "Oh, God no. If you see it that way, maybe she does too. I'm just so afraid to lose all the human parts of her that are so special to me. Her scent, her warmth, her heartbeat, her blush. You know I can't read her mind, but her heartbeat tells me everything her mind doesn't. I'm afraid to let her go through the pain of being transformed. How can I do that to her? And her family, how can I take someone so special from her family? How can I do that to them? To her?"

I smiled sadly. "I think these are things you need to discuss with her. Even though you told her she could never love you as deeply as you love her, you're the one running from the longer commitment. You'll have your chance to discuss it with her soon son, we're going home. You have a few things to do with Kristen, I believe you made a few obligations, but after Christmas, we'll pack our things and head back to Forks."

"It's getting late. It's almost your bedtime." I said grinning, "Would you like to go up and get some sleep, son?"

He smiled, but looked a bit unsure of himself.

"Edward, it's completely safe. Do you trust me?" He nodded his head, but still looked a bit uneasy.

"I'll sit with you and observe. If you seem to be in any distress, I'll pull you out of it. Hypnosis is just a way of tricking your mind into making your body do something it might not do otherwise. You are 100% safe." I slapped his shoulder and he smiled and opened the car door. We walked back to the house and up the stairs to his room in silence. I went to Edward's stereo and turned on a CD of classics I saw on the rack. I knew he loved Debussy; he had also recorded Glenn Miller, The Dorsey Brothers, and some Louie Armstrong. I knew this would relax him more than the crap that spewed from his car a few minutes ago.

Edward went to his drawer and pulled something out. He looked at it, smiled, and closed his hand around the object. He walked to his couch at a human pace and stretched out. I handed him a pillow from the closet and sat next to him on the edge of the couch.

"Remember son, any signs of distress and I'm right here. Nothing will happen to you." I'd never seen Edward so outwardly unsettled. I wondered if he was afraid that he won't be able to come back. He has to know I'd never suggest something to harm him. As my children went, he was my bright and shining star. Edward was my first child, and I'd always look at him that way. I didn't want to play favorites, but it was a fact I suspected that they all knew. I could never do anything that would harm Edward, or any of them for that matter. This was simply an issue of trust. If he didn't completely trust me, I don't think he'd fall under the hypnosis.

Edward sighed, and shook his head. "It's okay, I'm ready. Can you wake me by 6am?"

"With a snap of my fingers son. With a snap of my fingers." I said with a smile on my face. I really wanted this to work. I hope it's a way Edward can detach himself from all the things that bother him and have some quiet time where he can truly rest in peace.

As Clare De Lune played, I started to calm Edward. I kept my voice calm and steady. I had him roll to his side and I began by massaging his back and speaking quietly. I knew it would be more difficult with him than it was with Emmett. I know his fear is unfounded, and knowing full well that he can read my mind, I don't want him to think his fear is stupid or unfounded. Many people are afraid of the unknown that comes with hypnosis. He turned onto his back and looked at me.

"Really, I'm alright with this. I'm actually looking forward to sleeping. Lets get things rolling, Dad." He wore a grin on his face, and I knew it was genuine and not forced. "Shall we?"

"Just relax, Edward. Picture someplace pleasant." I knew he'd go to his meadow. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. "Listen to my voice. Once you are fully relaxed, I'll begin to count. When we get to five you'll be asleep. I'll snap my fingers when it's time to wake up."

He shook his head in understanding. Moonlight Sonata was playing. Edward had closed his eyes, and I could hear him humming along softly. I placed my hand on his shoulder and made small circles with my fingers as I spoke.

"Just relax and listen to my voice, Edward. We'll begin counting now. One. Two. Three." I could see him visibly relaxing as I counted. "Four. Five." As I watched, his muscles slackened. His face smoothed peacefully and his breathing slowed, almost stopping. Knowing he didn't really need it, but wanting to offer him every possible comfort, I pulled the softest blanket Esme owned from the linen closet and covered his sleeping form.

During the first hour Edward didn't change his position at all. I started feeling a bit silly just sitting and watching my adult son sleep, but a promise is a promise. I've never seen him at such peace as a vampire. I never realized how he always carried a look of tension. Tension not only on his face, but in the way he carried his body. He was always slightly rigid. Arms stiff, a stiff gait as he squared off his shoulders. I did this to him. I turned a 17 year old boy into this. I had never felt remorse for changing him. I loved him and understood fully why Elizabeth Masen demanded I keep him alive. I wish she'd had more time with this wonderful young man. He was truly a son to be proud of.

Edward knocked me from my thoughts when he sighed and turned on his side, his back to me, he pulled the blanket with him. From time to time, he would mutter something unintelligible. Several hours into his sleeping Edward rolled to face me. He was smiling, and his eyes were darting around under his lids. I knew he was in the REM stage of sleep, and I imagined before this night was through he would experience deep sleep and dreams, the two things he truly longed to experience again.

At one point he gasped and reached his hand out to me. He dropped the object he had been clutching. I should have known it was a picture of Bella. It was the picture he had made her pose for at the junior prom. Holding it was a gesture akin to having a security blanket, I suspect. I picked it up and placed it inside his shirt pocket. Soon he relaxed back onto the couch. This went on throughout the night. The muttering, the reaching, the snoring.

I could hear laughing from the first floor and ran downstairs for a while. I knew he wouldn't awaken until I snapped my fingers. "Please don't make fun of your brother when he wakes up! He was very unsettled, afraid to lapse into sleep; I know all of you heard our conversation. It was very hard for him to let go. I don't want him to be afraid to try this again! All of you were so excited to try this. Don't ruin it for him."

Emmett just laughed and said, "We all know who your favorite is. You better get upstairs incase he wakes up without you, **Dad.** "

I laughed and headed back upstairs. Esme followed. "If you have other things to do Carlisle, I'll sit with him. I've never watched my son sleep."

I reached out for her, "Come here." Wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, I rested my chin on her shoulder. We stood against the wall, watching. Just watching.

"Every parent has the chance to watch their children sleep, but we've missed that opportunity. He looks so innocent and peaceful, doesn't he Esme?"

She looked sad, pensive. I'm sure she was thinking of the tiny son she never had the chance to watch grow into a man. The baby that she lost before she became a part of this family. She surprised me. "I'm so glad we have all of them. They truly do make this a wonderful family. We have something so special. Not even all human families are this truly blessed, Carlisle. Thank you for giving them to me." Esme kissed my cheek and went downstairs to the others.

The night had gone by quickly. It was 5am and I knew it wouldn't be long before I'd be able to discuss Edward's night with him. I hope it was as enjoyable for him as it was for me. I never understood his fascination with watching Bella sleep. I've seen humans sleep and it isn't anything special, but when it's someone you love, seeing them at peace. Seeing such pure innocence, there's something extremely touching about that. I felt a deeper connection to Edward, if that is possible.

At 5:45am, I put away my laptop. I had fully intended to document Edward's night of sleep, not knowing if I'd have this opportunity again. Once he fell so soundly, I was so intrigued that I had no desire to sit and write about it. I actually enjoyed just watching his slumber.

My watch beeped signaling the hour. I snapped my fingers and said his name, "Edward. Son. Wake up." I snapped them again and he stretched. A long stretch that was full of release.

"That was incredible."

I smiled and said, "Son, tell me about your night."

We walked to my study and I did in fact open the laptop and take notes. Apparently I was a bit apprehensive last night as well. Even though I knew his fears were unfounded, they were so convincing, I guess I bought into it a bit. I was relaxed now.

We talked about it for several hours. Edward asked if he would be permitted to sleep on a regular basis. I asked him about his dreaming and sleep talking. He just smiled and shook his head no. I imagined a certain brunette starred in his dreams and I doubted I'd ever hear the story. I doubted very much that I'd want to know. Knowing exactly what was on my mind, he smiled again, confirming my suspicions.

I decided I'd work with Jasper this afternoon. I can't believe it took some sideshow performer from a renaissance faire to make me see a solution for our families many problems and discomforts.

Several years ago, I had begun to write a book on vampire doctoring and this would easily fill up a chapter. I had at one point even tried to create a "patch" akin to the cigarette cessation patch that contained compounds that would deter a vampire from craving human blood. However, vampire skin wasn't osmotic and I couldn't find a way for the vampire skin to absorb the compound I had made. I had even gone so far as to add venom and even werewolf saliva to the concoction to see if I could make something that would penetrate vampire skin. There was just nothing strong enough.

When I approached Jasper quietly about hypnosis therapy to calm his bloodlust, he said he'd very much like to attempt it. We went to my study, and he reclined in one of my leather

chairs. We went through the relaxation techniques and how I'd attempt to help him lose the desire for human blood.

Once again I used massage and a quiet, soothing voice to relax Jasper. We slowly counted to five. Jasper was visibly relaxed, and not the least bit as apprehensive as Edward had been. Jasper was so in touch with his emotions, that I didn't expect any difficulty reaching his subconscious. I told Jasper when I snapped my fingers; he would be able to resist the urge to consume human blood. I left him relax for about a half hour, and before we finished, I reminded him again of the purpose of the exercise. Then I snapped my fingers.

Jasper and I would continue to work on this exercise for a while and I'd have him monitor his feelings in a journal book to see if it was an improvement for him, I suspected it would take several sessions to be completely successful.

Jasper said he noticed a difference as soon as Kristen was in the room with him. I suspected we had found something beneficial for the entire family. This was something we could practice as a family. I could sit everyone down at one time and hypnotize all of them at once. It would be simple and I could only imagine the benefits.

CPOV

Christmas and New Years had come and passed. We celebrated the holidays quietly, not really feeling much like it, knowing we would be going to Forks in a few days. Everyone was on edge, not knowing what we would find. I had taken an open ended leave of absence. Alice and Jasper were between semesters and could wait until the fall if it was necessary. We had no idea how long we'd be in Forks, but Bella's wellbeing was paramount. If Edward was needed to assist the movie company with anything else, he'd be close by, as they would be filming in Vancouver soon.

Everyone was hoping to hook up with Kristen when we got back to the west coast. On Jan 3, we are all leaving. The family was flying out, and Esme and I were driving. We couldn't take chances, so we had reservations made in advance. We couldn't afford to travel during the day. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that something is going down soon and I just feel like I need to have the Mercedes with it's blacked out windows, just in case. I also revel at the thought of driving her all the way across the country again. It's such smooth ride. She handles so well. This also gives me almost two uninterrupted days with my beloved Esme. While we love our family members, it's a lot to deal with 5 perpetual teenagers.

I worry about Edward and Bella. I have read the other books. While Twilight was spot on, I can't help but marvel at the rest. Is it a prophecy of some sort? I just can't understand how it can all seem so very real. If we don't get back to Forks soon enough, if Bella dies, I know Edward WILL go to Italy. What if it does happen and someone gets their wires crossed? I could lose a son, two daughters. Bella is just like a daughter now, and I feel in my heart it won't be long and she truly will be my daughter. She will become one of us. Alice saw it and I've just always somehow known. I would change her at the drop of a hat. I know how much Edward needs her in his life everyday. God, do I know it.

We need to go home.

I called Tanya and Kate and made sure that the house in Forks would be ready for us. They've been staying there for about eight weeks, keeping a watch over Bella. I asked them to go to the grocery store, Esme gave them a list. I wanted the fridge to be stocked, the furniture uncovered, sidewalk shoveled. If anyone stopped by, I wanted everything to look normal to human eyes. We'll all be in Forks by Jan. 5th. I'll have to restrain Alice to keep her from running to Bella's house. We can't draw a lot of attention until we know what we're dealing with on all fronts.

I couldn't help but feel like someone is watching us.

EPOV

Arriving in Forks was like coming home on so many levels. It just felt right. I wanted to rush right over to Bella's, climb in her window, watch her sleep. Carlisle wouldn't let me out of the house at night. He even went so far as to have Emmett baby-sit me from dusk to dawn as a precaution. I'd never hurt Bella, I love her, but I certainly didn't want her to wake and see me. I had to rectify the situation before I started going all stalker on her.

I understood the reasoning; it was so hard to sit still all night long. I took to playing my piano all night. I had missed it so. I still wouldn't play Bella's lullaby- that was for her ears only. I couldn't play it if she wasn't here. I have even gone so far as to have Carlisle hypnotize me several nights we've been here. Emmett needed to hunt and no one wanted to baby-sit a crotchety old vampire pining for his teenage ex girlfriend.

Soon, very soon, I was going to see my Bella. I could only pray that she is safe. Kristen warned me that I was coming home to a basket case, and I needed to be exceptionally careful as to how I approached the Bella situation. Carlisle forbid all of us from leaving the house for any purpose other than hunting. Once he has some information about the situation, he will decide how best to approach her. Her wellbeing is more important than anything. Since this is essentially my fault, I have no say in the matter. He never forces his position in the family upon us, but in this case it is clear, he is head of household and none of us will question his authority.

CPOV

I've spent every day since we've come home either watching Charlie or trying to get a good glimpse of Bella. It's much easier to spy on Charlie, he has to interact with people for his job. By nightfall, I sneak to the back of the house while they interact over dinner until bedtime. It takes almost all of my time, but Bella is family and I'll make any sacrifice for her. I need to get a handle on her mental status and her wellbeing. Most evenings they argue or sit in silence. The arguments are about her lack of appetite, or the fact that she is completely isolated from everyone but her father. She never calls her mother, never interacts with any of her former friends. Apparently, she doesn't listen to music, watch TV, date. She only ever leaves the house for work or school. She looks extremely thin, pale. She is unkempt. Her cheeks are hollow, and she carries herself defensively, like she's trying to protect herself from something. What?

After watching her and listening for about two weeks, I'm surprised at the phone call I hear her make. As the scenario unfolds, I begin to understand the interaction. Albeit only to get her father off her back, it is still a social outing and it's something she needs. Tomorrow, Bella is going out.

**I'd be humbled if you would kindly review. Thank you for reading. Please press that button.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: I really wanted to get this up sooner. RL happened and time got away from me. **_

**_Disclaimer: All things in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer, the movies belong to Smmit Entertainment, all original plots and characters are mine._**

_**Have a wonderful Thanksgiving if it's a holiday you celebrate! There will be another chapter on Friday.**_

_**My beta for this chapter is the awesome Bronzehairedgirl620. If you haven't read her work yet…what are you waiting for?? **_

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**__**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Seven  
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_**Imitation of life**_

_**Bella POV**_  
I've been feeling like the walking dead for so long. Poor Charlie. Ever since Sam Uley brought me home the night that _he_ left, Charlie has been watching me like a hawk. I know he's waiting for me to snap. Charlie's not good at handling things like this. He's never been one to deal well with emotions, especially emotional breakdowns, tears, affection. He threatened to send me home with Renee, even went so far as to bring her here. When I realized they wanted to drag me away from Forks, something inside of me, something I couldn't control, snapped.

There was an awakening. I didn't want it. I wanted to remain numb. But I knew… I knew that if I let them force me from this place, what Edward had told me that afternoon would begin to come true. I'd start to forget. My human memories would begin to fade. It **would** be as if he never existed. I couldn't allow that to happen. Remaining here, with all the reminders, would mean that I'd never lose him in my mind.

As much as I hated Forks when I came here, I realized that from that very first day, it was all about Edward. My entire life in Forks revolved around him, feelings for him, and lastly, memories of him. The memories were crushing me, snuffing the life out of me. I tried to put on a brave front for Charlie. I went to school, I went to work. I was a model student and employee. Inside, I was dying.

Today was a beginning. It was the eighteenth of January. I have officially been a resident of Forks, Washington for two full years. Two years ago today, my life had been permanently changed. Today I was being forced to back into the world of the living. He has been gone four long months, today I'm being forced to make a change. Charlie is fed up with the moping and the nightmares. I know now that I'm hurting him. For the longest time, I thought I had him fooled.

Actually, I had been headed this direction for a few weeks. This year, my New Year's resolution was to try and take charge of my life. I could accomplish that in little steps. That brings us to today's adventure. Once again, at breakfast I was given the ultimatum, although I don't really believe he'd do it- it was a bargaining chip he knew I wouldn't gamble with. Either I start doing things socially, or he was going to ship me off to Florida. The last place I wanted to be was someplace sunny and cheerful. Dismal Forks rather suited my gray mood. It was fitting. I had to act swiftly, and make it look convincing

Today, I looked in the mirror, really looked, though I wish to God I hadn't. This was the first time I had looked in a mirror since the day of my 18th birthday, when I thought I was looking at Gran and I realized it was my shriveled old self standing next to Edward, in all his 17 year old glory. After he left, there was no reason to look, no reason for concern about my appearance.

I barely recognized the girl looking out at me. She resembled me, her hair and eye colors were the same as mine had been. The similarities ended there. It wasn't me. _Was it?_ I didn't look like that. _Did I?_

The girl in the mirror…she looked like a corpse.

Her eyes- there was no life in her eyes. They were empty, hollow. There were dark rings around her eyes. The tears dried up long ago, but the rings were a result, no doubt, of the weeks with little or no sleep, caused by the nightmares that haunted her as soon as she closed her eyes. Ironically, I look much like the Cullens did when they went too long between hunts. I wear concealer all the time now. I don't think Charlie realizes. If he does he hasn't commented.

The girl in the mirror looked back out at me. Her chestnut hair was dull and thinning. It hung limply over her shoulders. It looked like it had knots and hadn't been washed or brushed in some time. It used to be full and curly, bouncing with life.

Her face, while the shape resembled mine, the once round, slightly plump cheeks, were now sharp planes, cheekbones jutting out. The severe weight loss showed here - this couldn't be covered up with a sweatshirt or jacket.

I took off my sweats. I stood nude before the full length mirror. I forced myself to look. Really open my eyes and see what others saw. I needed to really assess my life here in hell, if I was going to attempt living- or at least go through the motions of living.

My clothes don't fit; they hang on me. I used to wear a belt as an accessory, now I wear one to keep my clothing from falling off. I'm glad it's winter. I wear my coat all the time now. No one notices under the layers how thin I am.

When I had raised my t shirt over my head, I was shocked at what I saw. I had quit wearing a bra several weeks ago. There was really no need. While I was always small busted, now I'm as flat chested as a prepubescent teenager. I guess what they say is true. The boobs are the first to go when you lose weight. I've replaced the lacy bras I used to wear with white wife beaters. My sweatshirts and outerwear covered me so well; no one knew I didn't wear a bra. I never dressed for gym, nor did I participate. I really didn't care about the grade. No one was seeing my naked or nearly naked body. My extreme weight loss was a secret no one could find out about. Skimming down over my reflection, my ribs were ghastly, you could see each one. Turning, I could see the sharp angles of my shoulder blades and my jutting spinal column.

Well, at least my abdomen was flat. Don't girls kill themselves for this? My stomach was slightly sunken, my hip bones sticking out prominently.

My legs were spindly. There was no longer a curve to my hips; in fact, there were no curves to my body anymore. I looked like a teenage boy. Stepping on the scales, I gasped. 81 pounds. Just a year ago, I weighed 110 pounds.

I looked down at my hand at the silver crescent shaped scar left by James. At one time I thought this would be the only evidence in my life of a vampire attack. One that nearly ended my human existence. Looking at the girl in the mirror, I realized my reflection was evidence of a vampire attack much more hurtful and life threatening than any injury inflicted by James. What Edward did to me was snuffing the life out of me one day at a time. Ironic, isn't it?

There are other scars now, too. Several on my forehead were acquired during my first motorcycle riding lesson. That didn't go so well. There are the scars from self destructive behavior. No one has seen these, I'm careful to keep them hidden. It's the one thing in my life I have control of. I'm not proud of what I've done in his absence, but I'm doing what I need to do to hold it all together. If he were to ever find out, I'd be thoroughly chastised, but he's not here, nor will he be, so that is a moot point.

In keeping with my promise to Charlie to begin socializing and interacting -or be shipped off to Florida, I realized I had some serious changes to make.

I had a ton of skimpy clothes in the back of my closet that Alice had left once in exchange for the clothing she stole and gave to Goodwill. I never wore them because they clung to my body like a glove. It was January, spring was around the corner and even though I was constantly ice cold, I soon would have to quit wearing the hoodie and winter coat in class or people would get suspicious. The last place I wanted to end up was in the hospital with a suspected eating disorder. I didn't have an eating disorder, I just…don't eat. I am careful not to hurt myself; a sudden trip to the emergency room would blow my cover. I don't want anyone to tag me as being mentally ill. I'm not, I'm just… lost.

My entire world walked away from me. I don't have much desire to do anything, eating just happened to be one of those things. I'm not trying to lose weight. I am able to fool Charlie by eating a bite here or there while moving the food around on my plate. I don't remember the last time I really ate anything substantial. Charlie never pushes me to eat more. I know he's afraid of an outburst, or worse yet, a complete meltdown. I quit wearing my rings and bracelets a month or so ago, the rings fell off, and the bracelets went all the way past my elbow.

After showering and throwing on my robe, I found a heavy green sweater Alice had bought for me; at least it wasn't midnight blue- _his_ favorite color. Most of Alice's purchases were blue. Maybe I could still return some of these items and exchange them for others. They still bore the tags, but I had no receipts for them. I just didn't know how much blue I could stand to wear.

I paired the sweater with some stonewash jeans that had once looked painted on. I almost look like a scarecrow now. I decided not to bother with makeup today, nothing more than the usual concealer. Little steps, Bella. I doubt the lines will ever go away, unless the nightmares do. The clothing that clung to my body last August fit well enough to disguise my shrinking form. I wonder how Charlie sits each day and ignores this? Did he not notice?

I look tired.

I don't allow myself to sleep anymore. When he first left, I had the nightmare every time I drifted off. I'd be in the woods, lying on the forest floor. I could smell the musty dirt; I could hear the pounding rain. I stood up and started running, looking desperately for him. I'd scream his name. I could hear the rustle of leaves, but he was always just ahead of me. I'd look everywhere, but I couldn't find him. I'd go deeper and deeper into the forest; eventually I'd collapse and lose consciousness. I'd awake screaming and hyperventilating. Clutching my sides to keep myself held together. It became necessary to avoid the nightmare at all costs. The pain was excruciating. At those times I longed for death, but I had promised I'd be strong for Charlie. I got through each night on as little shuteye as possible. I'd lie in my bed when I could no longer keep my eyes open and I'd set the alarm on my cell phone for 45 minutes. That would give me just enough time to get through another day, but I'd wake before the nightmare started haunting me. Occasionally, I'd sleep through the alarm and I'd take a trip through hell again. I tried very hard not to let that happen. Not hearing me scream every night, I think I finally convinced Charlie I was improving. I knew he had doubts, but I know he noticed the little things.

Last night I had made that fateful phone call. The call that now had me committed to going out with not only Jessica Stanley, but Lauren Mallory as well. While I'd much rather be going out with my long lost little pixie, these two were all that was available and I was desperate.

Today I was taking a huge step out of my comfort zone.

I decided I better start trying to eat, if I wanted to keep up the façade. I decided a protein shake might be easier to get down, than trying to actually go through the mechanics of chewing and swallowing food. It had been so long. I know my stomach is going to recoil no matter what I put into it.

"Charlie, I'm going out with Jessica and Lauren tonight. We're going to go see a movie in Port Angeles."

"Bells, I'm glad to hear it. You deserve a break. I know you're really working on getting over this. Have a good time with the girls." He looked cautiously optimistic.

"It's just, I know you're working late. I wanted you to be aware, so if you call and I'm not here you know I'm okay. I won't be able to answer my cell in the theatre."

"That's great Bells, I hope you have a good time. Here's $10.00 get something to eat while you're out, alright?"

I took the money to appease him. I don't think he's eaten anywhere but the diner for a long time. Port Angeles is a bit pricier. If we do go out to eat, we'll no doubt end up at the Italian restaurant. I know with the memories from my last meal there, I'll never be able to eat anything. I appreciated the gesture, though. I just wanted him to be happy. Not worry so much about me.

He didn't realize how much I loathed Lauren; she treated me like crap and often taunted me about the reason Edward left. To the outsider though, it couldn't possibly make sense that the entire family would leave town because of our breakup, so most times I was able to brush her off without too much trouble. It was the times that she knew she was getting to me that she would move in for the kill. Jessica refused to go to the movies with just me, though, and Lauren had jumped at the chance when we talked about it yesterday. It was almost like she had something up her sleeve. I guess it would all come out soon enough. Last night Jess and I firmed up our plans and everything had been set in motion.

The ride to Port Angeles was rather uneventful. Lauren kept telling me she has a huge surprise for me this evening. Jess kept telling her I don't like surprises, but Lauren looked like the cat who ate the canary. I wonder what's up? I've been through so much since my birthday, I don't think anything can compare to the hurt I live with daily. I'll just roll with the punches and let them have their fun. At least I'm getting Charlie off my back. I wanted to do something with Angela Weber instead, but she's babysitting her twin brothers all week while Mrs. Weber organizes some kind of mission fundraiser at her Dad's church. I knew Charlie wouldn't let me off the hook for another week. I took what I could get, and unfortunately, that turned out to be Jess and Lauren.

I sat in the back of Jessica's car with my head against the glass and watched the scenery go by. The last time I made this trip, I was with Edward and we rode so fast I couldn't focus on the scenery. It was all a green blur. I'm glad Jessica doesn't drive that fast. She's so easily distracted, playing with the radio, talking on her phone. With my luck we'd have an accident and I'd end up mutilated, but not dead. Just hurt enough to suffer for a long time before I healed. With that thought on my mind, I made a quick call to Charlie to remind him where I was going and that I was safe. Chances were he already has forgotten and will become frantic that I've gone off the deep end or something if I don't answer the phone. I'm actually _almost _looking forward to this bit of girl time. Almost.

We went to Port Angeles directly from school so we could see the matinee. It was half price that way. We'd get some gag in a bag after the movie. Not that I cared, I'd just play with it, pretending to eat like Edward's family did in the cafeteria. We parked in the public lot down the street from the theatre. I heard someone yelling my name as I got out of the car, and I looked up to see Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie a few spaces away.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Mike asked as he easily walked along beside me.

I shrugged and whispered, "Going to see a movie with the skank twins to get Charlie off my back."

He looked hurt, "Why didn't you ask me? I'd have brought you."

He needed to understand. "I don't want Charlie to get the wrong idea. He'll freak out if he even thinks I'm getting involved with anyone right now."

"I know Lauren has been rather cruel in the past; if she gets to be too much, come find me - I'm watching "Push." What are you seeing?" He asked.

"I'm not sure; Lauren keeps saying she has a surprise for me. She seems extremely over-enthusiastic. Should I be scared?"

"Come find me if you need an out, 'kay?"

Mike was a half a block behind the girls. I left him with Eric and I got in line behind Jessica. Lauren was in an extremely nice mood today. Maybe she isn't so bad after all. I wonder if it all stemmed from jealousy over my relationship with Edward. Perhaps she's finally just over herself. Jessica was rather nonchalant. I don't know if she really wanted to be here, but she agreed, perhaps she just had something on her mind.

"So Bella, are you going to the Valentine's day dance?" Jess asked. "You've been hanging out with that kid from the rez, what's his name?"

"Oh, that's Jake and no, it's not like that with us, we're just friends. Beside, I don't dance.'

"You went to the prom with Cullen, I just thought…"

I never say any of their names out loud. I try not to think of them, but that happens sometimes. I haven't openly discussed them with anyone since they left. I could feel myself sway a bit as the dizziness swept over me at the mention of his name. I steadied myself against the brick wall of the Port Angeles bank. I don't know if I could wait for the theatre to open. I don't think it was intentional, but it cut to the core. I could see the smile on Lauren's face. Perhaps it was intentional. No, Jess looked truly sorry. She didn't say anything, just hung her head.

The line finally started to move. I trudged along, leaning on the wall of the bank. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe I could just fake sleep through the movie. I'd only have to endure a few more hours with them, and I'd have Charlie off my back for a week or two. Yes, I guess this was worth it.

We finally made it in front of the theatre and I got my money out, not caring what they decided to watch; it was irrelevant. Lauren put her arm around my shoulders and told me to close my eyes. She had the sweetest smile on her face. Something was definitely up with her and apparently I was about to find out. I complied and she turned me by my shoulders.

"Look up Bella! Here's your surprise!" I looked up into seven pairs of amber eyes, as well as my own. The poster simply said "Twilight". Looking down at me were the perfect, pale, angelic faces of the family that had left me behind. I couldn't begin to comprehend any of this. From what seemed far away, I could hear Jess and Lauren laughing. Then it happened all at once. The roaring in my ears like a freight train, the burning in my lungs like I was suffocating, the gaping hole in my chest being torn open again, and my entire world spinning as the concrete came up to meet me. For the first time in a long time, no strong cold arms lurched out to save me and I landed on the concrete like a sack of potatoes.

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_**Sorry for the cliffie! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Things will start picking up soon. **_

_**Thank you so much for reading! Please remember to hit that button! **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hope everyone had a great holiday!**_

_**Here's your next chapter. Enjoy!**_

**_Disclaimer: All things in the Twilight world belong to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. I own a set of badly worn books from the Twilight Saga._**

_**This chapter was beta'd by the one and only Bronzehairedgirl620. Thanks Bronze for all your patience with me! You are awesome!**_

_**

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**__**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Eight**_

I woke up to Mike and Eric standing over me, worried looks on their faces. "I can't believe they did that to you. Honestly Bella, I didn't know!" Mike said as he put a piece of hair behind my ear. I didn't shudder this time, I just didn't care anymore. I rubbed the bump forming on my head; I'm glad my coat had a hood on it, as it sort of broke my fall and probably saved me from another concussion and an imminent trip to the emergency room.

Eric looked really freaked. "So like, is it true? Are they…are the Cullens… you know….um, vampires? That's what the movie is about, you know. Because damn, that poster is freaky- looks just like them. How'd they get a picture of all of you? They look like they've been airbrushed or something, but heck they look just like all of you." It didn't appear he was going to shut up anytime soon.

I couldn't begin to talk. I was hyperventilating and clutching my chest before I leaned to the side and vomited. Mike had seen this before at work, and he knew I'd eventually calm down when the anxiety attack was over. I wasn't so certain this time. It seemed like the sobbing lasted for hours. I can't believe those two bitches were actually in the theatre watching that, after what they did to me.

"Mike, please just take me home? I can't go with Jess and Lauren and I can't call Charlie, he's pulling a double. I can't stay here any longer."

"Do you want us to take you for something to eat? You didn't eat any lunch. Maybe that's why you blacked out."

I shook my head and bit my lip. "That's not why. Now, I just need to get out of here."

Mike and Eric each put an arm around me and helped me to the car. There's no way I could have walked anywhere on my own. My legs felt like Jello. My head was pounding and it took everything I had in me to not throw up again.

The ride home was silent. Mike kept stealing glances in the rearview mirror, and I was huddled up on the back seat.

"Bella, are you sure your head is okay? I could take you by the hospital."

The last thing I wanted was to sit in a waiting room for hours after what had just transpired. "No, Mike, if you want to do me a huge favor, drop me off at First Beach, over at La Push. I'll call Jake and see if I can hang out with him and his Dad until Charlie is off work. I'm just not ready to go home alone. I'll feel better there."

Mike didn't question my request, but rather agreed to it. My plan was set into motion. I felt bad, knowing what I was about to do. Mike, as annoying as he had been, was actually a nice guy. Eric too. Ever since the breakup they had both taken on a role of protector, trying to deflect the nasty comments the witch twins made about me at lunch or during gym class. They both realized I was in no shape to date anyone, and had actually both become extremely considerate. I knew that tomorrow both of them will be feeling immense guilt for something that they couldn't have foreseen, or stopped, no matter how hard they tried. I was going to put a stop to the pain.

Tonight. I no longer had any desire to live. Mike and Eric walked me across the beach to the big tree Jake and I sat under a few times on the beach. Jake and I had become good friends. He taught me to ride the motorcycles we restored here. We sat here and watched the cliff divers, and had bonfires with the whole tribe on weekends. His family spent most of the holidays with Charlie and I. It was an easy friendship and we often came here to just sit in silence. I liked that he didn't feel he needed to constantly carry on a conversation. Silence truly is golden.

I hugged Mike and Eric and thanked them. "I'm so glad we were there, Bella. I'm gonna kick some skank ass tomorrow. I can't believe those bitches did that to you. I didn't know they could be so cruel. That was hateful."

"Mike, it's okay, I'm alright. I just need some space. I'll call you later. If you two want to do me a huge favor, please stop by the station tomorrow and see my Dad, give him a first hand account of what Lauren and Jess pulled tonight. It would be nice to have witnesses who could back up my story. I'm so tired of being bullied. Mike, thank you for being so understanding, and for seeing I got back safely. You seem to always look out for me. You really are a good friend. Thank you."

"Eric, you've been such a good friend. I remember my first day here; all you wanted to do was make me feel welcome. I can't tell you what your friendship means to me." Mike pulled me into another hug before he headed back towards his car.

The guys left and I pulled out my cell phone. Just a few more minutes and all this would be behind me. I knew Charlie would be at work, so I called the house. By the time he got my message, it would be too late for him to stop me. I had to stay composed long enough to leave a voice mail. This has been on my mind for a few months; I had written the letters back in October, but I thought perhaps I could get through this. If I didn't, I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to make sure he didn't blame himself for this, and I wanted to be sure that I left the rest of my loved ones off the hook. I know there will be people feeling guilty; I didn't want my decision to haunt them.

"Dad, it's me, Bella. I just wanted to thank you for letting me come here to live with you; it truly did change my life. I'm sorry I've been so miserable to live with. You've been so good to me. I'm so sorry for what I have to do. I just can't live this way anymore. I hope you don't hate me. There are a few letters in my desk. Please see that they get to the proper people. There's one there for Edward, and if he ever comes back to Forks, please see that he gets it. I know you hate him for what he did, but the days I spent with him were truly the happiest days of my life and I wouldn't change any of it. Don't be mad at him, this isn't his fault. I'm just not strong enough to do this anymore. I love you so much." I pressed the end button as I walked across the beach, dropping my phone in the surf.

There were huge cliffs along the beach - the local kids jumped off of them for fun. I had seen it with Jake on one unseasonably warm day. He promised to take me during spring break in a few weeks. He told me it was too cold now, and if I jumped without a wetsuit, I'd cramp up and most likely drown. I knew the cold water would wash over me and I'd most likely just lose consciousness. That's how it's supposed to happen, isn't it? I really didn't care. In a few minutes it will all be over, and once I jump, how I succumb… to the water, the rocks, the cold, it doesn't much matter. The pain I was feeling now was worse than the physical pain I would endure in my last moments. It was ironic, so very ironic. It was just starting to get dark. Twilight. Edward said it was a sad time of day for him, the end of another day. That was the name of the movie. Twilight. And this was the end of another day, my last day. My twilight.

I thought I'd be scared. I had cried in Mike's car on the way home until I couldn't cry anymore, the sobs wracking my body and exhausting me. Now, I had a new found energy. I was surprised at the calm that had washed over me once I had made the decision. I could hardly feel the pain that I had endured daily since Edward left. I could afford to think of him now, to remember his beautiful face, his silken voice; it wouldn't hurt much longer. It was okay to feel, to remember all of the good times. They **were** all good times. All but the last few minutes with him. Until he told me he didn't love me any more. How he didn't want me. That I wasn't good for him…

As I stood on the upper cliff, it all flashed before my eyes rapidly. That first day in biology class when he treated me like a pariah and I had no idea what I'd done wrong. The day he saved me from the van, even all the days he ignored me. I remember the day in biology class when he introduced himself. From that point on, the memories were so special. The meadow. Our meadow. The endless questions, the night he saved me in Port Angeles, his smile, his laughter, my lullaby, his ice cold touch and his cool sweet breath dazzling me speechless. I knew nothing but happiness all those moments. Even the moment he saved me from James. Prom. Our entire summer between junior and senior year, all the times we lay in my bed, just holding hands and talking about anything and everything. He was always the gentleman. My 18th birthday, as much as I wanted to ignore it. His gift of the CD of his compositions was the most wonderful birthday gift I'd ever received, even if I only listened to it a few times before he took it away. And finally, I remembered my "almost family". Emmett, my big grizzly bear, Rose and all her bitchiness, Jasper always so cautious, Esme and Carlisle always treating me like one of their own, Alice the sister I never had. Dear, sweet Alice. I missed her almost as much as I did Edward. Oh, Edward. Why?

I opened my eyes and looked around; no one was here to see what I was about to do. No one could stop me now. In the distance I heard a car. As it squealed to a stop, I stood up on my tippy toes. I leaned forward and just fell into nothingness. As soon as my feet left the rocks I heard it, a familiar voice from long ago. "Bella! Oh, God. Bella! No!"

_**Please read and review. My apologies for the short chapter. It was the perfect place to leave you hanging... **_

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Summit Entertainment has the rights to the movies. And I…have a gorgeous life sized Edward standup that my daughter has exiled from her room because he's too 'creepy'. LOL, her loss…**

**This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. Bronze…thanks. You know I appreciate all your hard work.**

_**Chapter Nine  
The Vision  
**_

_**Jasper POV**_

Alice should have seen it sooner. She would have seen it sooner if Bella weren't at La Push. If Bella hadn't called Charlie, we'd have never known. When she made the decision to call Charlie, Alice had a vision of Charlie's future and we saw what she was about to do. We should have realized someone would expose her to the movie. I guess we thought it was safe another day or two, since Forks had no movie theatre. There was no indication that Bella was aware of the "Twilight" situation. Alice had been watching since we came home. Bella has been moping, trudging through school and home life, but nothing led her to believe this would happen, she never appeared suicidal. At least we are here, in Forks, maybe we could intercept her plans.

We were going as fast as the rental car would take us. I'm glad it's a rental. I have to break the treaty to go after her; perhaps no one will immediately realize we've crossed the line. They knew all of our cars. As I drove over the invisible line, the boundary of the reservation, land forbidden to us, I almost expected something to happen. A bolt of lightening to strike me dead, perhaps. But there was no fanfare. No one realized we were here.

Alice couldn't sit still and for once, she's really getting on my nerves. I can feel Bella's mood. I thought she'd be scared, or shaken after the visions Alice had of her at the movie theatre and then when she called Charlie to say goodbye. She is calm, calculated, almost happy. I didn't expect this.

We pulled off the road and I saw her. Alice and I ran towards the cliffs. Alice had her hands over her mouth; she looked as terrified as I felt. I saw Bella stand up tall, raise her hands over her head and just fall forward. I screamed as I saw her fall. I knew she didn't jump far enough to clear the rocks. The tide was out, way out. We were running at vampire speed, but I knew we were too late. I jumped off the cliff after her as Alice ran down the trail. I thought I'd have to go under to find her, but I heard her as soon as I was in the water. She was barely whimpering. I could smell her sweet blood. Lots of blood. Her tiny broken body lying on the jagged rocks. Immediately I shut down my breathing. _Control, Whitlock, your lack of control is what caused this whole nightmare. It's all your fault. Edward can't live without her. You nearly destroyed your family once. Be strong. Do what you have to do._

As I neared the shore I could hear it, her heartbeat, barely there and faltering. She was gasping for air. Her mangled and broken body was struggling to stay alive, but I could feel her mood. She was relieved. She had given up and was waiting for death to take her. I could hear her muttering what sounded like a prayer, but she wasn't praying to any heavenly being. "I'm so sorry Edward, I love you Edward, I just couldn't anymore." It was barely a whisper.

Alice was screaming, over and over, blood curdling screams. She was beyond hysterical. "Be quiet, woman, the wolves will descend and we'll never get her out of here alive." I hissed, focusing on Bella.

"Jazz, you have to save her."

I really wanted to take her to Carlisle; I was hoping he could heal her. But, looking at her injuries, and seeing all the blood, I knew I she'd never make it there alive. I could hear the blood gurgling in her lungs. Her breathing was labored and shallow and her heartbeat was harder and harder to hear. She was dying and it was happening very quickly.

"Bella, can you hear me? Do you want me to take you to Carlisle?"

With tears in her eyes she looked at me and smiled. Her voice came in rasps, each word a struggle to get out. In true Bella fashion, she was thinking of someone else. "You know I never blamed you Jasper, it's not your fault. I'm not mad at you for what happened, not at all. I'm sorry. Tell Edward I'm so sorry. Tell him I love him, I never stopped loving him." She took a deep breath, her eyes shutting. "I'm so sleepy."

Alice was sobbing, holding Bella's hand. She looked at me and I knew there wasn't time to waste. There was only one thing to do. I caused this mess and I would fix it. Edward would be furious with me, but if I left her die, he would die too. I had already caused my family immeasurable pain. _Just bite. Don't lose control, you can do it._

"I'm so sorry Bella." She looked up with a knowing expression and smiled. Her last words were "Thank you," spoken so quietly I could barely hear her. She turned her head to the side and took my hand. I pulled back her hair. As I leaned in close to her, the scent of her blood assaulted me. I grew rigid with anticipation. The monster within me was rejoicing. He'd waited for this for so long. But I wouldn't give in to him; he wouldn't win tonight.

I sunk my teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. I wish biting her elsewhere would do the job, but this had to be quick, the venom had to get to her heart as soon as possible, this was the desired place to bite. The horrible scars on my neck and upper torso were daily reminders of the vampire attacks of my youth. I didn't want to scar her perfect skin and I knew this scar and the one James gave her would be the only flaws on what would soon become a beautifully perfect body. I didn't want there to be a visible reminder of this night etched on her neck for eternity. But, I had no choice.

Her blood was the sweetest nectar I'd ever tasted. I wanted nothing more than to drink my fill. Yet I forced myself to push her body away from me. My resolve was never stronger. In this moment I was never more sure of myself. I knew in this one act, I could not fail. The wellbeing of my entire family depended on my strength.

Alice gave me a small smile. She had wanted this for a long time, and while I knew she was mourning Bella's physical life, she was relieved that she hadn't lost the woman she considered her sister. Alice was afraid that my one bite wouldn't be enough venom to heal all of Bella's injuries. She was afraid it wouldn't enough to save her life. She begged me to bite her again. Even after all the hypnotherapy sessions I'd had with Carlisle, I knew I would be tempting fate to try a second time. Alice bit her wrists, one tiny bite on each side, injecting more venom into Bella's tiny body. She had lost so much weight. Looking at her as I carried her to the car, I realized how sickly Bella looked. She had taken this separation harder than anyone realized. Everyone was so certain that she would move on. Alice and I argued with them repeatedly. One just doesn't "get over" the kind of love she felt for Edward. We understood; neither Alice nor I could exist without the other.

With Alice's hand on the small of my back, we walked up the trail to the top of the cliff face and made our way to the car. No one was visible. I knew the wolves would smell our scent, and I feared Jacob would recognize the scent of Bella's blood. I could only hope that the incoming high tide would wash it away before anyone discovered it. High tide would explain the lack of a body as long as no one discovered her blood before it came in. I was not a religious man, but this night I prayed that we would have time. We needed a few days for Bella's transformation to take place before she could be safely moved. Her body was badly damaged and a lot of healing had to take place.

As I placed Bella in the back seat of the car, she started whimpering and crying. Alice sat on the very edge of the back seat, holding her hand. In my youth as a vampire, I had seen transformations with much more thrashing and screaming, but she looked so weak, and with the severe damage from the jump, it made sense she wouldn't react as violently as what I'd seen in the past. There was no movement below her waist; I know her back is broken. I drove through Forks like Edward drives. I had to laugh; it would be ironic if Chief Swan pulled us over at this very minute. It was nearly dark and I drove with my lights off, knowing I'd be less visible, but I had no trouble seeing where I was going.

"Jazz, thanks for saving her. I'm proud of you; you did the right thing changing her. I know it was hard for you." Alice said, her hand rubbing my shoulder gently.

The family heard us coming. Edward had seen Alice's thoughts and he was furious. The two of them were already having a conversation. She sat in the back of the car, so mad, ranting out loud. One would think she was a bit touched, talking to herself. Normally this sort of conversation took place silently, but she was extremely agitated with her favorite brother.

"Edward, you were losing her, you'd have lost her forever. Forever, Edward! She was changed out of love. She knew what was happening before we bit her. The last thing she did was smile at Jasper and thank him. She always wanted this. She never faltered in her resolve. She wanted to stay with you for eternity."

As we pull inside the garage, Edward threw the garage door open, forcing it slightly off its hinges and putting a large hole in the wall. "Jasper, you _knew_ I didn't want this for her!"

"She was dying Edward, what _you_ did to her was killing her. Look at her, really look! She hasn't been well for a long time. She wasn't "living" without you, and because of us she wanted to die. If I hadn't lost control that night, this never would have happened. I only set right what I screwed up. It was bound to happen eventually, we all knew you were meant to be together forever, you're the only one who wouldn't see it."

_**Edward POV**_

Jasper was right, this was entirely my fault. I pulled her from the car and carried her into the house. I looked at the beautiful woman in my arms, the love of my life. She was broken and damaged. I had done this to her. If I wasn't going to hell before, I certainly was now. Carlisle was waiting in Rose and Emmett's room, next to the huge king sized bed. He pulled out his bag, and gave her a large dose of morphine, shaking his head.

"It didn't much help Emmett, but I feel I need to do something for her. Look at her injuries! She has to be in incredible pain." There was still a lot of blood seeping from her wounds. It was thick, coagulating and congealing as I carried her. The smell of her blood didn't appeal to me the way it had before. Seeing it seep out of her body at such an alarming rate was nauseating. I was mortified that this had happened.

Carlisle pulled large gauze surgical dressings from a box and started dressing the large open gashes on her back. He rolled her onto her side and looked at her, really looked for the first time. His face was filled with sadness. I couldn't help but think that he was disappointed with me. This was all my fault. As the family slowly shuffled into the room, realization settled over each one of us. Bella wasn't the young, healthy girl we left behind a few months ago. She looked ill, like someone suffering from a long term illness. Her pale skin was nearly transparent. The rings under her eyes were deep purple. She was gaunt. Thin couldn't begin to describe her physical condition. Starved was a better word; much more appropriate. Jasper said she wasn't throwing many emotions right before she jumped, but it was apparent that someone in this condition wasn't mentally stable. There was an odd odor, Carlisle confirmed, someone with extreme anorexia had that smell. It was the smell of death, of her organs shutting down. It would have only been a matter of time… I suppose it was fortunate that we came back when we did. How could she have changed so drastically in just twelve weeks? How much longer would she have lasted if we hadn't come now?

I was filled with remorse, knowing I was solely responsible for the months of suffering she had endured. I only wanted to keep her safe. I just wanted her to have the one thing all of us had lost against our wishes, a normal human life. I felt like I was suffocating, but as much as I wanted to run, I needed to be here for Bella. I had failed her, and I won't ever leave her side again unless she pushed me away.

I had lived well over 100 years, but that seemed nothing compared to the several days of anguish I lived through during the process of Bella changing. It seemed like time stood still. I had plenty of time to think of all the things I needed to do and say to make it up to Bella. If she'd let me. What if she stayed with us as part of the family, but didn't want to be any more than a sister to me? I knew she loved my family; she wouldn't go off on her own, would she? What if she asked Carlisle to help her find a mate, someone other than me? What if she found someone else and she brought him back to live with us? I would have to leave. I couldn't watch that. I had so many scenarios running through my head. I feared I was losing my mind.

At some point Carlisle had gone to the hospital to 'visit an old patient who was not doing very well'. I suspected this was not the case, as it was late at night and visiting hours were over. He still had privileges to treat patients at the hospital, yet I knew he had another agenda. He returned an hour or so later with Bella's medical record on a CD and a box of supplies. He was being elusive, blocking me from his thoughts. I knew he was hiding something.

As I waited, I resolved to be whatever Bella wanted me to be. I had, after all, forfeited any right to make any sort of decision for her. If she wanted me as a friend or a brother, then I would have to live with that decision, atonement for my actions. If she wanted to leave, I would have to live with her decision, knowing my family would support her and help her to go wherever she wanted to go. They would set her up in any place she desired to be. Someone would no doubt accompany her until she was no longer a newborn. That was a responsibility I knew Carlisle would not take lightly, but it would not be me going with her if she desired to leave. If, by some miracle, she could forgive me, I would spend the rest of my existence making it up to her. I worshipped the ground she walked on.

Carlisle brought the disk and my laptop up to my room. I knew immediately what it was. I looked at him for a minute, thinking. "I'll not look at that, if it's okay. We should probably have the information, and I may read it later, but I'd like for her to explain everything to me. I think I need to hear it from her."

He put a hand on my shoulder, gazing down at her. "I understand, son, I'm sure you're right. It won't be long before you can ask her yourself."

Looking down at her sweet face, as her little pink tongue grazed over her lips, I only wanted to kiss her and tell her how much I loved her. I don't know if that mattered to her anymore. She told Jasper and Alice to tell me she loved me, but love comes in so many capacities. I had a lot of work to do to earn her respect, and trust before I could ever expect to earn the kind of love I wanted from her.

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	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I apologize for the short chapter. I wanted to leave you in a good spot. There will be a longer chapter on Friday. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to the Twilight saga books or movies. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**The chapter beta'd by the Bronzehairedgirl620. Bronze has been writing up a storm this week and has updated her mysterious story Le Masque Fantome. I, quite literally, did a happy dance when it landed in my mailbox. Check. It. Out.**

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**Awakening After the fire**

**Chapter Ten**

_**Edward POV**_

After several days, it was apparent Bella's transformation was nearly complete. Because of her poor physical condition, combined with the severity of her injuries from her fall, it had taken longer than Carlisle anticipated. He was concerned due to the circumstances. Her transformation wasn't nearly as violent as any of the others Carlisle had witnessed. Vampire blood had healed both Emmett and Esme whose bodies were badly damaged, but they had been healthy prior to their accidents.

Once her wounds began to heal, Carlisle allowed me to move her to the big leather couch in my room. He feared she would be confused when she awoke and felt she would be less scared in a familiar room.

After five days of sheer torture, the tiny whimpers and cries ended. We could all hear Bella's heart rate decrease. Carlisle came up to my room to observe Bella's awakening. He feared she would be confused and upset. At one time she was prepared for this and wanted nothing more than an eternity to be together. I had ruined all that, and though I had never loved her less than I did now, she didn't understand. She jumped thinking I had stopped loving her. She jumped feeling completely isolated and alone. The circumstances behind her change were very different than what any of us had expected. I was devastated. It was all my fault. In the end I took her life from her anyway, and what she went through was cruel and unforgivable. I put her through sheer hell. I deserved whatever punishment she dished out. I would man up and suffer any consequences she felt she needed to enforce. I have forever now to convince her of my love. I hope that's enough time.

Her heart began racing; I thought it would jump right out of her chest. Then it slowed and thumped just a few single loud beats before it stopped completely. The licking of her lips was the first conscious movement I had noticed. There had been some thrashing in the beginning, but for the most part she was deathly still. Once in a while some part of her would jerk or twitch, but they were all involuntary movements. This was the first movement since she had been brought in from the car that seemed to be conscious. She loosened the fists her hands had been clenched into nearly the whole time, flexing and squeezing as if to relax them. It wouldn't be long. She looked like her long ridged pose was beginning to relax. Even though there was little evidence of it, I knew now that she had been enduring the same pain the rest of us had, just with fewer outward visible signs.

Bella began to stir. She opened her eyes and gasped when she saw me sitting next to her. The look on her face was one of utter confusion. Every emotion known to man crossed her face in the seconds that followed. Surprise, happiness, realization, sadness, fear. Then anger. They all played across her face before she said a word. I was at a loss; I had no idea where to begin, how to explain, or how to apologize for committing the most unthinkable of crimes.

Carlisle spoke, "Bella, sweetheart, how do you feel? Can you talk to me? I know there's a lot to take in."

She looked at me again, her tiny pink tongue moved across her lips and then she bit her bottom lip. The look on her face was one of utter heartbreak. I know that if she could, there would have been tears streaming down her face. I couldn't face her. I hung my head. As much as I loved her, I was responsible for this, for all of this. Because of me, her life came to an end. It was her blood on my hands, figuratively and literally. I hadn't left her side since the minute we brought her into the house.

She had begged for this. It was all she ever wanted, to spend the rest of her days with me. I pushed her farther and farther away, and then, when she got hurt on her birthday, I told her the most blasphemous lie. I told her I didn't love her. I didn't want her. I said she wasn't good for me. I left her believe she was a burden. When I had truly never loved her more.

Thinking back, I honestly thought I was protecting her and that she would be okay. She was an 18-year-old girl. They live through breakups all the time. They recover…don't they? I never gave her credit. I always told her she could never love me as much as I loved her. I couldn't see the error of my ways until the moment Jasper carried her in, broken and bleeding after she attempted to take her own life. She couldn't live with the separation. It was physically killing her; she was dying a little more each day. She loved me so much she couldn't live without me. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and she gave up. I gave her no reason to believe I'd ever come back for her. I did this to her.

Carlisle spoke again, "Edward, I think Bella needs some time. Could you excuse us, please? Perhaps you'd like to go for a walk. Give us some time; there are some things that have to be discussed. Your being here right now isn't helping."

I knew he was speaking from his heart, and he wasn't intentionally hurting me. There were so many things I wanted- no**- needed** to say to her. I wanted to talk to her, hold her, kiss her and proclaim my undying love. In all honesty, that was not what she needed right now and Carlisle knew that. Without comment, I went to the large glass door in my room, and jumped off the balcony. I ran. I ran for an hour. Before I realized, I was close to Seattle. I found a quiet place and stretched out on the ground and just watched the clouds. This is a place I came to when I first met Bella, after the van accident when I tried to ignore her. I made this run every day after school, to clear my head. Right now, I needed some inspiration to know what to say and do when I got back home. I needed to think of a way to attempt to salvage the one thing that meant more to me than any else.

_**Bella POV**_

I had heard them talking for some time before I was able to move at all. I had been in a haze for a long time; hours, days, weeks? Who knew? I'm sure Carlisle would fill me in. When I opened my eyes and sat up, I thought I was in heaven. Only in heaven would I see faces so angelic. I had missed them so much! In reality, I knew Edward didn't want me. There was no real explanation why he would be sitting here, in this bed, on the day that I took my own life, unless I was in heaven, and he had somehow become a heavenly body.

Seeing Edward's face confused me. Why was I here, in this room? In Edward's room?  
I had spent hours in this place, it was so familiar to me. It felt like…like home.

How was it possible that I was here? I remember jumping off the cliff at La Push. I went to the movies with Jess and Lauren. They were horrible, ruthless. Somehow our story, Edward's and mine, became a motion picture, or was I dreaming? Seeing Edward's face again, letting myself think of him. Then having Jess and Lauren taunt me and tell me how unattractive and plain I was, how someone like Edward could never want a future with someone like me. I just snapped. I hadn't been well since the day he left. I was teetering on the edge of a dangerous precipice for over four months now. The little "Let's take Bella to the movies and plunge a knife in her heart" plan pushed me right over the edge. It literally sent me right over the ledge of a huge cliff on the Quileute Rez.

I remember hearing a voice as I jumped. It was so familiar…it was…Jasper. After I crashed to the rocks, I saw him , he held me a look of devastation on his face. I remember looking into his beautiful face and thinking I was glad his face was the last I saw before I died. It wasn't the face I so longed to see, but he was part of my family and I loved him. I don't think I've ever seen so much sadness. Jasper looked into my eyes with such regret. I know he was still blaming himself for losing control on my birthday, the catalyst that set all these horrible events into motion. I was beginning to remember.

I did what I had to do. I told him the truth that would set him free. I didn't blame him. I couldn't let those I loved have any regrets. "You know I never blamed you Jasper, it's not your fault. I'm sorry. Tell Edward I'm sorry. Tell him I love him, I never stopped loving him. I'm so sleepy." I'd felt the exhaustion wash over me and I knew it was time to let go. I wasn't in pain; I didn't feel much at all, I was just so tired. It did hurt to breathe; it was an effort to talk. As I was drifting, Jasper looked into my eyes one last time and said something so quiet I could barely make out the words, but somehow I understood.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

I realized then, in that moment, that Jasper was going to give me the one gift Edward denied me all those months. The only thing I ever wanted, and yet, now, would it even matter? He didn't love me anymore. Would I want to live for eternity without the only person who ever mattered to me? The thoughts flashed through my brain like explosions. I knew I was near death. It was now or never and spending forever with the family I loved, with or without Edward was worth it. If I was changed, perhaps some day there would be a chance for happiness. As I felt like I was being pulled under, these were my last thoughts. I gave Jasper a tiny smile and said 'thank you' before I slipped under the darkness.

I don't remember Jasper biting me. I remember very little of the pain changing brought on. I felt like I was awake in the blackness. I couldn't see anything; I couldn't feel much of anything. The one thing I did feel was someone holding my hand. It was a sensation so light I couldn't be sure it was even there. Once in a while I would hear someone talk. I remember feeling very rigid. I remember quiet conversations somewhere in the room. After what seemed like forever, my body started to tingle, like electrical shocks. Little sensations here and there. My fingers, my toes. I could finally flex my muscles that had been clenched for what seemed like forever. I started to notice I wasn't alone. I heard voices. The sweetest most angelic voices I'd ever heard. The voices of my family. I didn't know where I was, but in that one moment, I knew I was home.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I didn't write Twilight, nor do I have any rights to the movies. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks for the PMs. In answer to a few questions… **

**Yes, this is Bella who has been changed. The woman in the beginning of the story was Kristen. **

**No, Kristen has not been changed into a vamp, however, she was pivotal in making Edward realize what he was missing and how deeply Bella was hurting. **

**Will you see Kristen again, or experience any other members of the cast? Hrm...I can't tell you that. I'd ruin any future surprise, if there is one.**

**And finally, will Edward and Bella reconcile? I dunno. **

**This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. Thanks Bronze!**

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**Mirage **

**Chapter Eleven**

_**Bella POV**_  
When I opened my eyes, I found myself looking into the eyes of the only love I'd ever known. He didn't utter a sound. He looked heartbroken. Did he wish me dead? He HAD thrown me away. Did he wish I had succeeded? I knew I came close. Carlisle spoke then, and I turned my attention to him. "Bella, sweetheart, how do you feel? Can you talk to me? I know there's a lot to take in."

And then he looked to Edward, "Edward, I think Bella needs some time. Could you excuse us, please? Perhaps you'd like to go for a walk. Give us some time; there are some things that have to be discussed. Your being here right now isn't helping."

I wanted to scream for him to stay but he just stood up, walked to the door, and jumped off the balcony. My first real emotion as a vampire washed over me. Sadness. Complete and utter sadness. While my emotions were strong as a human, never could I imagine the depth and complexity of emotion as a vampire. If I could have died, I think this sadness alone would have been my demise.

I looked to Carlisle, "Well, I guess I know how he feels. He never wanted this for me. That's what I have become, yes? One of you?"

Carlisle nodded a look of sadness on his face. "Bella, you have to believe me, none of us wanted to leave you here alone. Edward is so stubborn. He was so certain that you'd die if we remained. The incident at your birthday party confirmed his worst fears. We agreed to go because he felt so strongly about it. We all knew that, at some point you would either be changed, or lose your life to one of us. Alice had a vision before you ever spoke to Edward the first time."

"Leaving you nearly destroyed our family, Bella. I've never seen Edward in such a deep bout of depression. He let the darkness wash over him and he never resurfaced. After several months, I forced him to begin to walk with the living. My greatest fear was that being away from mankind for so long, would cause the monster to get the best of him. For him to be able to maintain his restraint, he had to walk among humans once again. We were coming back for you. We came to Forks over a week ago. Edward was trying desperately to think of a way to convince you it was all a horrible mistake. He loves you very much, you know."

I had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea. Edward loves me. He never stopped. And now… I'm immortal. I have eternity to work on this. I realized that I needed to talk with Edward. After I realized that I had a chance for happiness, another emotion struck a chord with me. I was pissed.

All these months I suffered. He said he didn't want me. I resigned myself to the fact. I understood; it made perfect sense that he wouldn't want me, that I could never be enough. I made my peace with myself. I was ready to die.

Even though this was what I truly wanted, what right did anyone have to decide that it would be okay to change me? What if I didn't want this? It isn't like I can change my mind, is it? What if I got stuck like this for eternity and Edward no longer wanted me?

I got up from Edward's couch and picked up a book and threw it. It embedded itself in the wall. ! I grabbed a shoe of Edward's and threw it out the balcony door. It flew till I couldn't see it anymore. By now I was in the hallway. I saw a porcelain vase- yes! As I grabbed it, panic crossed Carlisle's expression.

"Oh sweetheart, put the antique down. It's one of Esme's favorites."

All of a sudden Edward had grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms to my sides. He must have come back. Alice took the vase, grinning from ear to ear. I managed to turn in Edward's arms. I freed myself and slapped him hard, across the face. He flinched. I started hitting his chest. He grabbed my hand, wincing, and I then remembered that newborns have unparalleled strength. I was currently the strongest vampire in the house.

This could be interesting.

Carlisle worried that I needed to hunt. Since Edward was home now, he volunteered to take me on my first hunt. I declined, asking Jasper to take me instead. I knew Edward was confused at my choice, but I needed to talk with Jasper alone.

I needed to do this before I spoke with Edward. Aside from the confrontation over the vase and the poking, we hadn't talked. He was visibly upset, and I knew he couldn't hold out much longer. He was always so impatient.

Jasper and I ran for quite some time. We came to an outcropping of rocks next to a beautiful waterfall. Finally, I stopped and sat down.

"What's up, Bella? I thought you were thirsty? Are you afraid to do this?" Admittedly I was a bit apprehensive, but the burn in my throat wasn't uncomfortable. I just really wanted to talk a bit.

"No, not afraid, but can we talk?" He nodded his consent and I fell quiet before speaking.

"Jasper, I'm sorry we were never able to be closer friends. I know you're a great guy. I understand why you always steered clear of me. My birthday proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Don't misunderstand. I've never blamed you. You understand, right?"

"Yeah, you told me that night. But why did you jump, Bella? What happened to you? You were in bad shape when we found you, and not just from the fall."

I didn't want to tell any of them how weak I had become, or how pathetic my life had been, but I was pretty sure Alice would have seen it and I'm sure she had already shared with the family. I might as well come clean with Jasper. I could see him becoming a close confidant. I thought a while before I answered him. He was patient as I put the words together.

The aftereffect of what you saw was the result of four months of living in hell. During daylight I was able to fight it, keep the memories at bay. I was able to trudge through school and work. I could take care of Charlie. Anything and everything was used as a distraction. But once dusk settled, the nightmares became unbearable. I was suffocating, and they were inescapable. They stole my courage, sucked the air from my lungs and ripped any semblance of joy from my life, leaving me gasping and struggling under the sheets as a river of tears were shed. The pain was overwhelming, and all I could do was shove a pillow over my face to muffle the screams that emitted from my lips. My life ended the day Edward left, and I was ready to put an end to the cruel, slow death I'd been living.

Jasper just hung his head, shaking it back and forth. For the first time, I could feel his sadness. I had forgotten he was an empath. He wasn't doing a very good job of making me feel all warm and fuzzy. I smiled remembering the conversation Edward and I had before I met the family.

"I think you're feeling guilty for changing me, Jasper. Can't you see, you set me free?" When he didn't speak, I knew I had to elaborate further.

"Jasper, I needed to talk with you before I go back and make any sort of declarations to Edward. I chose to have you come with me on my first hunt because I knew you can feel what Edward is feeling. I know you didn't come back to the house after the birthday party. Then the rest of the family left and Edward went off on his own. Carlisle told me a while ago. But you've seen Edward since this all happened, right?"

He nodded. "You're right, Bella, I did leave with Alice right away. Carlisle sent us to Denali and then we all met there. Everyone but Edward. He didn't come with us. He was upset, devastated, and angry. He felt this was inevitable, that one day it would happen somehow, that it was just a matter of time before one of our kind would make a huge mistake and you'd pay with your life. He wanted to spend your human life with you, but in the back of his mind, he always doubted that you could co-exist safely. He was just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

I was clutching my sides again. Old habits die hard.

"Edward met with us over the Thanksgiving holiday. We were all living in New York by then. Carlisle and Esme have fallen into a good routine. They are happy, have good jobs, not that they need the money." He laughed.

"Carlisle thought Edward needed to be around people before he turned into a monster. He had isolated himself, living in an attic in some deserted house in South America. He was living like an animal. He was a mess."

It broke my heart to think of my beautiful vampire living like that, huddled in a corner someplace, isolated from those who loved him. He was more alone than I had been.

" When he called to talk to Carlisle, they convinced him to come home to New York. We've had the house near Ithaca for a while. I think they bought it before I met Alice. Alice and I don't live with the family anymore, neither do Rose and Emmett. Everyone took it very hard when everything happened. We couldn't stand to be under the same roof. Carlisle is teaching at Cornell University, and Alice and I are both enrolled. Rose and Em live in Manhattan."

I paused him. "Jasper, what about Edward? You can feel his emotions, what was he thinking, what's he thinking now?"

"When he came back to live with our parents, he was devastated. Overwhelming sadness radiated off of him. It nearly crippled me, it was so intense. He started to seem a little better after he was back with the family for a while. We spend a lot of time together still. Carlisle convinced him he had to immerse himself in people before he snapped and did the unthinkable. He got a job in a mall. Ever heard of Hot Topic?"

I couldn't contain my laughter. Edward, the quiet and reserved gentleman, 118 year old man stuck in a 17 year old body Edward, working with teenie boppers wearing miniskirts with blue and purple Mohawks. Facial piercings, tats… he must have been beside himself.

"Yeah, there is one in the mall in Port Angeles now."

It wasn't long before Jasper said the words I'd been dreading since I woke up. "He met a girl there, Bells." Jasper smiled, a huge, ear to ear smile. My heart dropped. He is supposed to be my friend, yet here is sits, smiling at the one thing I dreaded. My greatest fear had come to life. He had to feel my heart breaking. I could. _He met someone!_

Jasper shook his head, "It's not what you think, Bella." _Don't they always say that? _"I mean she's a girl, but they aren't together or anything. She's the reason we found you."

"I'm confused. "

"I guess I have some explaining to do. We all met her, and we've become friends. She's close by; she's working in Vancouver right now. Bella, there was a movie made. It was called Twilight."

I froze at his words. If I could have cried I would have. That movie was the straw that broke the camels back. Well, quite literally broke my back, legs, heart…

"I know the movie Jasper, Jess and Lauren tried to take me to it a few hours before I jumped. Pushed me right over the edge."

Jasper just shook his head, and looked like he understood. "We were hoping you hadn't seen it."

The Jasper continued his story, "At Hot Topic, the girl was signing posters for the movie. The guy playing Edward never showed up. It was Edward's first day of work; they quite literally ran into one another. He stayed and signed posters, they talked, and she came home and spent a week with our family. She was the one who convinced us we had to come to Forks, before your life ended in catastrophe. When we go back home, I'm sure Edward will fill you in on the finer points. She was human, so I tried to steer clear as much as I could. You know, just in case."

"Jasper, what's he feeling now? I need a little help here, I need an advantage. Instead of apologizing again, how about you help me out? I need to be able to plan what I'm going to say to him. It has to be right, and I can't afford to make a mistake."

"Bella, he loves you more than anything. I can feel that. I know he berated himself for months for leaving you, but he felt it was the right thing to do. He was terrified one of us would slip and hurt you or worse. His biggest fear was having to change you out of necessity; he was terrified of robbing you of your soul. He's old-fashioned, and he's a gentleman. Old school, Bella, he won't do something he feels is immoral, not for his own gain. He never strayed, he was miserable. When one of us changes, like Edward did after meeting you, loving you, it's irreversible. That's why we mate for eternity. You are his other half. He can't live without you, not truly live."

"But I always felt like he was trying to leave, like he wasn't content. I called him out on it when we first started spending time together and he didn't admit it, but he said I was "perceptive".

"You have to understand, Bella, he had a contingency plan from the day of the van accident. He came home, and we all knew he had revealed too much to you. Acting out of self preservation, some of us, myself included, wondered if we should make it look like something happened to you, a result of the accident, and, how do I say this right? 'Eliminate the problem'."

"The problem being me?"

"Yes. Our greatest concern was an infraction against our law. The Volturi could have acted upon us. Our family would have been destroyed. They would have killed you as well, after enjoying you as a tasty snack. From a humane point of view, it would have been better; I mean, if one of us did it other than the Volturi. They would have caused you great suffering. We would have been swift, it would have been painless. It would have looked like you didn't wake up after you fell asleep. I'm sure that sounds terribly crass, but it's simply a fact of our existence. I know you understand what I'm saying." I shook my head, what could I say?

He continued. "Edward and Alice both defended you and it was agreed we'd take a wait and see approach. Alice said we couldn't hurt you because she knew you were going to be close friends." He said as he grinned. "Alice had several visions; she successfully kept them from you. The first vision was that he wouldn't be able to stay away from you, that he was falling for you already. There were two others, nearly identical to one another. One was a vision of you lying dead in his arms, white and cold, all the life sucked out of you. They were both certain the vision meant that even though he loved you, he had slipped and killed you, no doubt by accident. The second vision was one of you and Alice, arm in arm, like sisters, both happy, smiling, but again you were white and pale, eyes crimson, he knew you had been changed. He never wanted that for you because in his mind it meant stealing your soul. To him that is a fate worse than your death. He didn't want to steal your chances of being able to pass into heaven. Alice realizes now, that the second vision was from the night I found you at the bottom of the cliff, when he carried you from the car. You were so cold and still, for all intents and purposes, you did appear to be dead, even though you were not. "

I smiled and said, "I'd never bet against Alice."

"Doesn't he realize, Jasper, the only heaven I ever wanted is the one where he is by my side until the end of time. There is no heaven for me without him. My life was damned the entire time your family was gone. I love all of you so much; I know I'm meant to be one of you. I've never doubted it."

"He had hoped to stay with you throughout your human life, but was ready to flee at a moments notice if he decided that being near you was too great a temptation for any of us. I think you need to talk to him, Bella, he's afraid you're mad at him because you've been changed. You need to open up to him, share how he hurt you by leaving, so that the two of you can move forward. You both have some healing to do."

"But I'm not angry, Jasper. I understand why he did it, even if his sense of preservation for me was a bit warped. I just can't subject myself to rejection. As much as I love him, if he were to turn away from me, I don't think I can go on. It would be terribly ironic to be given this gift of an eternal existence if the only reason I ever dreamed of it wanted nothing to do with me."

"He's hurting, Bella, and he thinks you're rejecting him. You need to reassure him you're okay with all of this. Can we please hunt now? They'll worry that the two of us have desecrated some small town of humans." He had a genuine smile on his face as he stood up and offered his hand to me. While I didn't need his assistance, and getting up was instantaneous, I took it anyway because Jasper was a gentleman, and I didn't want to offend his gesture.

Jasper and I went deeper into the forest and I caught the scent of something. It didn't smell incredibly appetizing, but he said it was what we were looking for. He came up behind me, and put his hands on my shoulders, to turn me to the left. The breeze was blowing gently in my face and it hit me. Jasper smiled as I crouched, and then he said, "Just go with your instincts, Bella. I'll be right behind you."

Jasper left me hunt for a while. The elk wasn't terrible, as it made me feel full. The tingle in the back of my throat was gone. I knew I was thirsty, I had recognized the sensation. Edward had explained to me several times, but the need to know how to handle the situation with Edward was more pressing to me. Next time I would hunt with Edward. Jasper had been patient and kind, and he had eased any uncertainty I was feeling about the love of my life. Edward had consumed my thoughts every day from the day we had met. Even while he was gone and I thought he was never coming back for me, I couldn't completely shut him out. I knew I'd never love anyone else. The thought of being together, with him, in every way possible was all consuming and I couldn't wait to get back to the house. I couldn't stand for him to be hurting, and I didn't want him to think I had reservations about being changed.

It was time to go home.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: The plots and characters from the Twilight saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the Twilight saga movie rights belong to Summit and a whole bunch of really cool merchandise is mine. Ok, my daughter shares it with me…just sayin.**

**Bronzehairedgirl620 beta'd this chapter. **

**Without her mad word skills, you wouldn't want to read this.**

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_**Mirage **_

_**Chapter Twelve**__**  
Somber**_

_**Bella POV**_

Jasper and I came back to find everyone in a somber mood. Edward was in his room, some sort of terrible rock music blaring from his stereo. I never knew him to listen to anything other than the classics, but Jasper leaned over and explained that Edward had only been playing music like this ever since he left me. He had shut that part of himself off. It was ironic how we had both used the same type of coping mechanisms. I simply quit playing music, because it was such a huge part of our lifestyle. We used to listen to beautiful music together for hours.

Esme came over to me and put her arms around me. "Bella, I'm so glad you're here with us. Even though I'm devastated by the circumstances, you are like a daughter to us. I'm so sorry for everything; it seems we've all made some terrible mistakes."

Carlisle rubbed my shoulder and said there was something we needed to discuss. He took me to the second floor into his study, and I sat down on the leather couch before waiting for him to speak.

"Bella, they are having a memorial service for you this evening at dusk. I feel that some member of our family should be present to let your parents know how sorry we are for what has happened. I think Esme and I should go, just the two of us. That way, if anyone has noticed us or our car, we can say we heard about your accident and came home to pay our respects. You realize we'll have to leave in a day or so. We can't risk anyone seeing you in Forks."

I understood what he was saying but all of a sudden, I realized how important it was for me to have some sort of closure. "Carlisle, are you driving the Mercedes?"

"Yes, why?"

"I mean to the funeral, not in general."

"Yes Bella, we're taking it to the service, I know what you meant." He said with a warm smile. This man radiated compassion. I could never be anything but comfortable in his presence. He made it easy for me to continue with what I needed to ask him.

"The windows are so dark, and I was wondering if I might be able to sit in the car, perhaps be able to see my family and friends one last time, so I can say goodbye in my own way?"

He seemed to wrestle with the idea. "Are you sure that's a good idea? What if you can't handle being around all the humans? The house here is several miles from town; you haven't had to experience people yet."

"Please Carlisle - this is my family. I will be able to control myself, I need to spend some private time talking with Edward, and we could talk during the service. I need to be able to say goodbye. I know I left notes for them, but I haven't seen my Mom since James attacked me in Phoenix. I refused to see her when Charlie brought her up here in October. I promise I'll not leave the car. I trust Edward to make sure I'm okay. He wouldn't let anything happen to me or anyone else."

Carlisle excused himself to talk with Edward about my request, and I went back downstairs. It wasn't long before they both came down to the living room where I was sitting with Alice and Jasper. Alice was humming as she brushed my hair. I think she missed Bella Barbie.

Before I realized he had entered the room, Alice spoke, pulling me away from my thoughts. "I know she'll be fine, Edward. As long as you both remain in the car, nothing will happen."

Edward came over and took my hand as he sat down next me on the floor. He was smiling. Not the beautiful smile that made his eyes dance though; he was being reserved, holding back. I wanted to put a real smile on his face. I had never seen any other person smile the way Edward could smile. It was heart stopping, and never failed to dazzle me from the tips of my toes, to the top of my head and every place in between.

I did the only thing I could think to do. I leaned in and I kissed him. We hadn't kissed in months. It started out slow and gentle, and very quickly became consuming. I realized I didn't have to stop and breathe. I still felt light headed, as always, but I think it was all Edward and not at all lack of oxygen. This kissing was like nothing I had ever experienced. When we finally pulled away from each other, he leaned his forehead against mine. He sounded winded, like he needed to breathe. I looked around and everyone was gone.

"They thought we needed some privacy. If you remember, there's no privacy in a house full of vampires. I think they all went for a quick hunt to give us a few minutes alone."

I let my hands drop from the back of his neck, and just leaned back and looked at him. I had to take in every inch of his wonderful being. "Don't you need to hunt as well?"

He shook his head. "No, since we met Kristen, I've been going out regularly. She's visited a few times since she's back in Vancouver. I won't risk hurting her. It is easier, though. She doesn't smell like you."

He smiled slightly and asked, "Are you sure about going to the memorial service? I mean, no one will see us in the car; you'd have a ringside view, but all those humans, Bella. Are you sure you're ready?"

"Well, I did just hunt. And Edward, they're my parents. I know I won't hurt them."

"It would give us an opportunity to discuss a few things during the service." He said, rubbing my arms as he spoke. "You realize you can't get out of the car or anything? It would be very dangerous for all of us if anyone knows you're still alive and that you've been changed. Changing you has already broken the treaty. They would destroy all us, including you."

"Edward, I understand about the need for secrecy, but really, do you expect me to believe that a group of young Indian, human boys," I stressed the word boys, "could destroy a coven of vampires?"

"Bella, I know you have a lot to take in right now, but I need to make you understand that they are not like any other human. Do you remember what Jacob told you the day he revealed our secret?"

I thought for a moment. "He said they descended from wolves, werewolves. I didn't believe him."

"Yet you believed I was a monster?" He stated.

"No, I believed you were a vampire, _not_ a monster. Never a monster."

He just shook his head and muttered, "Same thing."

He continued with the previous thought. "Werewolves are a vampire's only natural enemy. We can smell them, they can smell us. Although now you don't smell the same, I doubt they would realize you're still here based on your scent. A werewolf can take down a vampire. Since the treaty has been broken, they could destroy you if they found out."

"But they are my friends, Edward; they wouldn't hurt me."

"Bella, you've been changed - that's a fate worse than death. You are dead in their eyes. Your soul is gone and your body is that of a monster, the walking dead. They would simply put right what they perceive as being wrong."

"I promise I can behave myself, Edward; I'll be okay if you're with me. I need to close that chapter of my life so I can start a new one with you. That is, if you want me."

Before I knew what hit me, I was pushed back against the couch in a forceful embrace. His hands were on my face, in my hair, trailing down my neck. His lips were leaving blazing trails across my skin. I gasped for air, even though I knew I didn't need it anymore.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much I want you. You were always beautiful, but even more so now, I just can't keep my hands off of you."

That wasn't exactly the definition of want I was talking about; well, maybe it was, but I didn't want him to know that, just yet. I was referring more to wanting me for the rest of time. Gently I pushed him off of me and asked him to please send Alice up to her bedroom as soon as she was back. I needed her help. Even though I knew I wasn't going to see anyone at the funeral, I still felt I needed to clean up and look respectable. I found Esme and showered, with her assistance, knowing I was still covered with dried blood. I was not ready to disrobe for Edward. That would lead us down a path I wasn't quite ready to take. As much as I loved him, and longed for the day when we were able to share ourselves completely, now wasn't the time. I washed my hair, wishing I had my own toiletries. When I was done, I went to Alice's room, wrapped in my towel and waited on the bed.

Not long after I had gone into the room, Alice and Rose came in and offered to help me with clothing. Rose gave me a pair of jeans that she said were way too small for her. Emmett had bought them. I notice the tag said "Faded Glory", I don't think it was the size that was wrong, rather the label. Leave it to Emmett to buy her clothing at Wal-Mart! In her defense, they did fit me. Perhaps Rose wasn't as shallow as I always thought she was. I knew Alice's jeans would look like capris on me. Alice pulled out a knit top for me; it was soft, dark blue, with a subtle neckline. She gave me a sterling pendant and earrings to wear, and a pair of black sneakers. She made me promise to allow her to go shopping for me tomorrow. She said she had plenty of lingerie, if I needed anything to wear later this evening. She gave me a knowing wink, but I said simply, "I'm not ready to go there, yet Alice, there is a lot to resolve."

I could hear the others talking downstairs. As I finished pulling my hair up and putting the earrings in, Rose said, "We're not all going to the service, Bella, just Carlisle and Esme and the two of you. The rest of us are going to stay here and pack what needs to be packed up. We didn't bring a lot from New York, but we did leave a lot of treasures behind when we left Forks so abruptly in September. There are things we all want to take with us. It will be a long time before we can ever be seen in Forks again."

An ocean of guilt washed over me. Alice looked at my face and said, "Don't blame yourself, Bella, it's not your fault. We just don't want to leave certain things behind. We have items in all the houses we've inhabited over the years. The really personal stuff we try to take with, or come back for if we had to leave in a hurry. It's okay, really. We'll be here a few days, but not much longer. It would have only been a matter of time and we'd have had to leave Forks anyway."

"Not until after graduation, Alice."

"What difference does a few months make?"

I knew she was right. I'd never win an argument with Alice. I just hung my head In defeat.

Both girls gave me hugs and told me it would all be okay. Esme rubbed my arm.

I heard Edward come up behind me, putting his arm around my waist, leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Are you sure about this, love?" I just nodded my head, wanting to get it behind me.

Carlisle motioned for us to follow him into the garage. Edward and I crawled into the back of the Mercedes; Carlisle and Esme were sitting in the front. When we got into town, they parked about a half block from the church, in the corner of a parking lot so the front of the car was facing a building. It was the end space, with a stone wall lined with trees. He parked with the passenger side close to the wall - no one would bother to look in the passenger window the way the car was parked. Because the back window was tinted so dark, the only side of the car exposed was the driver side. If someone looked in that window, they would see Edward sitting in the car on the passenger side in the back. Sitting behind the driver's seat, I was virtually invisible. Carlisle can be meticulous if he wants to be. The distance was no problem for me; my newly improved vision was incredible. I had a bird's eye view of everyone coming and going from the church. I forgot how Edward had described the heightened senses vampire's possess. I could hear everything that was being said, but it was hard to decipher who was saying what. There were so many voices. I could pick out the pained voices of my parents. I noticed something that surprised me. I heard music. Very familiar music. My lullaby.

Edward was smiling. "Edward, How? You took it away with you? How is that possible?" He just shook his head, a look of sadness on his face.

"I didn't take any of it, I _hid_ it, hoping you would be able to move on without the constant reminders, but I was too selfish to not leave a part of myself behind. I put them under the floorboards in your room, hoping one day you would find them. Apparently Charlie found them after you "died". He's thinking that asking Mr. Weber to play the composition at your service was something you would've approved of. He realized it was my music and that it had special meaning for you. He thought you hid it there. I'm sorry, Bella, I went about everything all wrong, can you ever forgive me?"

So many things were swimming in my head, and all I could do was squeeze his hand to reassure him. To say I felt overwhelmed would have been an understatement.

I heard Charlie address Carlisle and Esme; I thought he would be upset they were there, but he surprised me.

"Please give Edward my condolences; I know he truly loved her. He was the best thing that ever happened to her. He was always a gentleman. I have a lot of respect for your boy. Bella just couldn't get over losing him, I don't think. The heartbreak was evident every day. She seemed to be getting better, just the last few days. Something pushed her over the edge. I didn't realize she was so unstable. Keep an eye on Edward, I would hate for another tragedy to come from this. I hope he's okay."

I could hear my father crying, as he spoke, but I was relieved he didn't seem to be blaming himself, and he didn't blame Edward. Renee didn't say anything to Carlisle and Esme, but she had only ever met Carlisle once, so she really didn't know them. As the service began, I snuggled into Edward. It was so hard seeing my parents and then hearing them grieve over losing me, but I had to know they'd be ok, and I had to know they didn't blame Edward or our family. It was the right decision, me coming to the service. Never once did I struggle with the bloodlust Edward feared I'd feel being so close to so many humans. These people were my friends and family. I could never hurt any of them.

Before they left Charlie asked Carlisle, once again, to give Edward his condolences. He asked them to give something to Edward. I was pretty sure I knew what it was. I had to give my dad credit. I thought he'd want someone to blame, and it doesn't seem like he's placing blame for this with anyone. I think he's come to accept my "death" and I doubt he'll buy into anything Jake or Billy may say to the contrary. I don't see him buying into the whole werewolf thing anyway. Charlie never was one for believing in anything doing with the supernatural.

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	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga books and movies do not belong to me in any way, shape, or form, but I love playing in Forks. Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. As always, thank you Bronze.

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**__**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

_**The Memorial  
**_

_**Carlisle POV**_

Esme and I went to the service on behalf of our family whom we said were still in New York. I felt like such a huge fraud. Charlie Swan had never been anything less than a friend to me. When we first came here, he had defended us and made us feel welcome. Ephraim Black's descendants had caused a lot of upset. None of the Indians would come to the hospital, there were lots of rumors. By treaty they couldn't disclose our secret, but they had no problem making people doubt our sincerity or my credibility. I knew the folks in town would never feel comfortable around us. Charlie saw what was happening and put his foot down with the Quileute indians. They never came to the hospital for services, but the trouble ended. It wasn't long before they opened a small health clinic on the reservation.

We didn't forget our side of the agreement, and had never breached the treaty until the day Jasper saved Bella's life. I'd spent my entire afterlife trying to be the honorable man I was raised as. I would not take human blood, or a human life, as nourishment. Even though I was immortal, I spent every day trying to atone for the sins of the others of my kind. Today I felt like the horrible monster the Indians accused me of being. Charlie Swan was a good man, and I felt guilty stealing his only child away from him, knowing how much he loved her. Knowing that I would be nurturing her like my own daughter, stealing his place in her life away from both of them. Knowing that Bella was part of our family and that she and Edward would be able to mend their relationship was the only thing helping me to accept this as I watched Charlie suffer. Even though I had no actual children of my own, I understood what it was like to be separated from one of your children. He only had the one, and this wasn't temporary, it was forever. Because of us, Bella would never be allowed to come home.

_**Charlie POV**_

I stood and looked at all the photos of Bella on the fireplace mantle, from the baby pictures, to the one I took of her and Edward on her birthday. I'm not sure why, but I found several pictures from her last birthday in her bedroom under a loose floorboard the night she died. The pictures had been taken over the course of a few days, with the camera Renee bought Bella for her birthday. The change in Edward's demeanor was so evident in the photos; I don't know why I hadn't noticed at the time. It's evident that he knew he was leaving. He looked distant, cold. She looked...devastated - it's almost as if she knew he was leaving too. They were so attuned to each other, perhaps she knew before he even told her.

When I found the letters she left for us, I stomped my foot in anger and a floorboard came up. There were some other pictures of Bella with both Edward and I, along with a CD of beautiful piano compositions. I'm certain the piano music was Edwards; the disk had his handwriting on it. One of the pieces was called Bella's Lullaby. Listening to it, I was touched that he thought so much of her to compose such a complicated and moving piece of music. I think she hid them there after he left so she wouldn't have to remember, but she couldn't bring herself to get rid of them. I remember the fury after he left, when she destroyed all of her CD's, her boom box, the computer. She was a lost soul for a long time. Well, almost until the last day of her life.

I can't believe my baby girl is gone. I've spent my last few days in a beer induced haze. Renee is coming to Forks tomorrow for the services; I need to pull myself together. I'm going to call Jake and Billy to see if they will come over and help me get my home and my life straightened out before Bella's mother descends on me and reminds me of all the reasons of how I was a terrible father.

I don't need reminders. I know this is all my fault and I failed miserably as a parent to Bella. I should have seen this coming. I saw all the signs of depression. The lack of appetite, the way she isolated herself from everyone who knew her, the lack of sleep. I know when she did sleep, there were terrible nightmares. The first few nights when I stayed up all night watching her, she would toss and turn and scream for Edward begging him to come back. After 4 or 5 nights with not a bit of shuteye, I drifted off. There really wasn't any way for me to stop the mental assaults that occurred every night. I would've forced her to go to a shrink, but she refused. Renee came up here to take her to Florida and Bella finally came to life. She was livid and refused to go. She was 18 after all, so Renee and I couldn't force her to leave. What was I going to do? Throw her out after everything she had been through? No decision was going to be the right decision. Our lives were a living hell since the day the Cullens left Forks.

To be perfectly honest, in the beginning I didn't know if I liked the idea of Bella dating one of those boys – well, any boy for that matter, but the Cullens were good, upstanding citizens in our community. I knew for a fact that none of their kids had ever been in trouble. I checked them out at school, I know they all held high GPA's, they didn't have any behavior problems at school. The principal wished all the students were like Edward Cullen. I grumbled a lot when I thought they were stepping over the physical boundaries I had set, but in all honesty, I can't think of a more suitable boyfriend for Bella. Well, no one else but Jake. Jake was a few years younger than Bella. She said she couldn't think of him as anything but a brother. I wished she'd felt differently about him, but I refused to push my daughter into a relationship where she couldn't love someone completely. Her mother and I made that mistake and it ended in disaster.

Edward made Bella complete. There was just something about their relationship. I was certain that they were going to be the couple that meets in high school and before you know it, they are having a 50th wedding anniversary. Even thought I'd never tell her, I was certain they were destined to be partners for life. I wanted her to have a chance to date other people, to be certain that he was the one. I didn't want her to miss out on anything. But I wanted her to have the experience her mother and I never shared. A once in a lifetime love. I felt it, and still do, but Renee didn't love me enough and she moved on, taking my baby with her for thirteen years. A week or two with Bella over the summer just wasn't enough for me. I knew Bella hated Forks, the last year or two she managed to get me to meet her for a vacation so she wouldn't have to come. I'd have gone anywhere for my little girl. The only time she was truly happy in Forks, was when she was here with Edward.

After Edward left, a part of Bella died. It was like he took her very being with him and just left me the shell, a husk. Bella wasn't in there. No matter how hard I looked, she wasn't there. My Bella was gone. It was as if someone snuffed out her spark. I wanted to see her smile again. I haven't seen it in four months.

I continued to make idle threats to get her out of the house and into the land of the living again. But we both knew I'd never make her leave; this was her home now, and I loved having here with me. Even as broken as she had become, I still needed her here.

Looking back, I don't know what I could have done differently. She had finally shown signs of moving forward. She had, just that day, decided to go on an outing with her girlfriends. I thought she was starting to get better.

Mike Newton came by yesterday. Actually, he and Eric Yorkie stopped. They told me some disturbing news. Mike told me that the Mallory and Stanley girls had been bullying Bella for months, treating her badly ever since Edward left. Taunting her, telling her that Edward left because he didn't love her and that she wasn't good enough for someone like Edward Cullen. As if the entire family would move away because of a teenage breakup. I knew that Edward never treated Bella any differently, even though our social status was different. All those kids treated Bella like a sibling, especially that great big burly one. I knew they'd never do anything to purposely hurt Bella.

A piece of information that I find exceptionally disturbing is the fact that Mike and Eric are certain that the Stanley and Mallory girls are somehow responsible for Bella's death. Mike said they drug her to Port Angeles and then taunted her about Edward for some time. Bella fell apart, and Mike brought her back to Forks. He said she cried the whole way home, but seemed to pull herself together and asked to be taken to First Beach. Recently, we've begun to take teen bullying very seriously. If I learn there's truth to what the boys have told me, I'm going to make an example out of those girls.

I have no idea when she had actually called. We didn't know she was missing until nearly eight o'clock. I didn't expect her any earlier, but when she didn't answer her phone or the house phone and it was getting late, I worried. I checked my phone messages remotely from work. After I got the disturbing message from Bella, I rushed home, hoping I'd find her there and be able to stop her. When it became apparent she wasn't home, I called Billy and Jake. I knew they'd help form a search party. They loved her almost as much as I did. Jake and Bells had become really close recently. Maybe he could help snap her out of this. I didn't know until after Mike and Eric stopped the next day that they had gotten back from Port Angeles about 5pm.

I lost all hope when Sam Uley found her purse and her winter coat near the cliffs along the beach. Her phone had washed up near the tree where she always went to sit and clear her mind. At the bottom of the cliff, large amounts of her blood and scraps of her clothing were found. They never found her body, and by the time we realized she hadn't returned from the movie, the tide had come in. We never found Bella, but I knew she was gone.

Going through her room, I found the letters she said she had left. They must have been written some time ago, a contingency plan if things got too tough and she made a snap decision. Just like my Bella to be prepared and try to save the ones she left behind from the pain.

Bella told me how much she loved her mother and I. She confirmed how much she loved living here. How even though we didn't engage in deep conversation, she liked the comfortable quiet we shared. She told me I made her feel safe. She loved Renee, but she liked the consistency she found living with me. I never realized how happy she had been here until after Edward left and I saw other emotions. I'm so glad she had the six months she shared with Edward. That allowed me to really get to know the grown-up version of my daughter.

There was a letter for Angela Weber; I knew they were close friends. Angela was a good influence on Bella, and they had a quiet, but close friendship. I know she was one girlfriend Bella really confided in, other than Alice Cullen. Angela was a quiet, humble girl. She was a good girl who was a true friend to my daughter, just as Alice had been. After the Cullens left, Angela frequently called Bella, and I know she tried to get Bella out of the house, I remember Bella quietly refusing several times. She always said she had things to do around the house, but I really think she just wanted to be able to be numb. Interacting with others would cause her to open up and possibly feel something. I think that is what she was trying to avoid all those months alone, feeling.

There was a note for Mike Newton; apparently, when no one else wanted to interact with her during her bouts of depression, Mike was there, quietly waiting until she needed a friend, not wanting to shut her out. I know she was uncomfortable with the Newton boy in the beginning because he refused to accept that Bella was serious over Edward. After Edward left and she started working at Newton Outfitters, she and Mike seemed to become good friends and he finally seemed to accept that she only saw him in that capacity. I'm pleased that he cared enough about her to see that she got back to Forks safely. I wish he had realized how unstable she was before he left her alone. But I understand. I have no room to talk, she put on a good face when she was determined, and I'm sure she looked completely composed when Mike and Eric left her.

Finally, there was the letter for Edward. I didn't realize the depth of Bella's feelings for Edward or his family. Apparently they made her feel like she was one of their own. She made it sound like she had always planned on being a member of their family, and while it pained her that they were gone, she truly loved them all. There were no signs of discord. Nothing that said they had a bad breakup. I was certain they'd never purposely hurt her, even though I believed her suicide was the end result of their leaving. I never realized how truly close she was to all of them. I don't know if I'll ever see the Cullens again, but I'll have to make sure they get the letter if I do. Their house still sits with belongings and furniture in it. Eventually they may come back to pack things up and move them, and I think they deserve to know how much they meant to Bella. I don't hold ill feelings towards them; it's not their fault she didn't get over them leaving. Jake and the boys from La Push have said some terrible things about the Cullens lately, but I don't believe it. It was like that when they refused to go to the hospital, and the night they lit the bonfire after the Cullens left Forks. Are they jealous because the Cullens are such a well-respected and wealthy family? Just makes no sense.

I picked Renee up at the airport. Phil wouldn't come in, as he had obligations with the team and honestly, I wasn't sure how close he was to Bella. Renee was a shell of the person I remembered. She held herself together okay, but I could tell she was just going through the motions. I left her stay in Bella's room; no reason for her to go to a hotel when I had the room. I thought it might bring her some closure, being in Bella's room, with her things. The room still smelled of her. For me, the room was comforting, like Bella would soon be home, even though I knew she never would be. I hoped Renee would find comfort sleeping there.

Mr. Weber officiated at Bella's memorial service. I was going to hold it at the high school, but after I learned of the bullying, I decided Bella wouldn't approve. She was baptized as a baby at the Forks church, and it seemed fitting we'd have her services there.

When Mr. Weber asked if there were any musical selections I'd like to play at Bella's service, I felt guilty saying she wasn't religious and there were no hymns that held special meaning for her. Immediately I thought of the CD, and knew it would be perfect. It played quietly in the background the entire service. It was almost as if she wanted me to find it for that purpose.

Angela Weber and Ben Cheney both got up and spoke about Bella. Mike Newton got up and talked about Bella in gym class, and how he always partnered up with her so he could take up the slack, playing both the front and back of the court in badminton cause she had clobbered him with the racquet too many times to count. My baby was so clumsy. I laughed out loud. I just couldn't help myself.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen came to the memorial. They felt terrible; I think they believed it was because of them that all of this happened. I couldn't deny Bella's downward spiral after their leaving, but no one could have known she'd take their moving so hard. I gave them the letter for Edward. They said he was too devastated to come back to Forks, and I felt bad for the kid. This was a heavy burden to bear, and I'm sure he'll spend the rest of his life wondering if he could have prevented it, the same as I know I always will. He's a good honorable kid; I know he isn't one to brush this off as someone else's fault. I just know he'll feel responsible. I hope it doesn't mess up his life. As much as I gave them a bad time if I caught them smooching on the couch, they never stepped over any lines. He was always a perfect gentleman with my daughter. I felt fortunate she was dating him and not some of the other boys in town. I really hope he is able to move on. I know he was planning on an Ivy League education. I hope he can move on and find love one day as well.

Mr. Weber suggested saying some words on the beach near the cliffs, but there was no way I could go there. Some of the others said they were going to go to the makeshift memorial and say goodbye. In truth, I had been saying my goodbyes for a little while. I knew things weren't going to end well. I had one of those gut feelings. I'd never forgive myself for not acting on it. Officer Brian had been watching the site and trying to control the debris. There were hundreds of mementos from people who knew Bella, lives she had touched. There were items from fellow students to customers at Newton's store where she worked. Everyone loved Bella. At some point, the shrine to Bella would have to come down; Billy said the Quileute kids would take care of it when the time was appropriate. I'm glad; I don't think I can ever go there again, and I know I can't possibly look at the stuff.

It has been a long week. I've never been happier to see Renee go home and to be able to head back to the station.

_

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__**My apologies for not posting last week. RL is kicking my butt and that's no excuse, but that's my life.**_

_**The response I've been getting from all of you makes me so happy.**_

_**Please remember to review.**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Summit has the rights to the movies. I love to play with the good (and bad) people of Forks.**_

_**This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. Thank you.**_

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_**Mirage**_

_**  
Chapter Fourteen**_

_**  
After the memorial service  
Edward and Bella conversation**_  
After I came back from hunting with Jasper, everything happened pretty quickly. I really felt the need to clear the air with Edward; this newfound knowledge of his continued love for me was burning a hole in my pocket, for lack of a better phrase.

Bella POV

Carlisle called me aside to discuss my memorial service. Esme and Carlisle were going to make certain no one suspected anything. After some convincing, they agreed to allow me to ride along to the service, safely tucked away in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes under Edward's watchful eye. I really needed the closure of seeing my parents one more time; I needed to know they didn't hate me for what I had done, what I had taken from them. I knew my actions were selfish, I knew I would hurt them, probably nearly as much as I was hurting over Edward all those months. I hadn't acted on the spur of the moment - I know Charlie saw this coming, and truly, nothing could have stopped me from finding a way once I had made the decision.

There were several occasions when I thought about ending the pain. I knew it was the only certain way that it would stop. Edward had ceased to love me. I no longer had the concern that he would try to follow me if I ceased to exist. I sat down and wrote the notes one day after school. Strangely enough, it was a day when I had absolutely no suicidal notions. I guess I'm just a preparer when it comes to worrying about the ones I love. If I took my own life, I wanted to be certain that the people I was close to understood my reasoning. I suspected one day some occurrence would create a memory too painful, and that would be the catalyst for my demise. I didn't want to be unprepared and leave the ones I love without closure, with guilt, or even with sadness. I wanted them to understand that even though the pain was too great to bear anymore, I was finally set free.

I only wrote a few letters, starting with one for each of my parents. I didn't want Charlie to ever think that he hadn't done a good enough job. I don't know where my life would have been without Charlie. His love was unconditional. He wasn't an affectionate person, but even through his gruffness, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved me without boundaries. He was a wonderful father, a wonderful man. I hope my decision to end my life didn't leave him an empty shell. I wanted him to continue living, knowing he did the best that he could. I wanted him to know that this was in no way his fault.

The letter to Renee and Phil was easier. Renee was never really a parental figure, so I wrote her letter more like the ones I wrote my friends. I did explain to her that the blame for my actions did not rest with Charlie, or with Edward, for that matter. I didn't want to leave Forks in a wake of destruction.

Mike and Angela both got letters. Mike had been a constant in my life since the Cullens left. He wasn't pushy or demanding, often times saying nothing, but was always there. He let me know that he was there for me any time I needed him, and all I had to do was ask. Sometimes, when I was having a particularly bad day, I didn't even have to ask. He just knew. He'd let me cry on his shoulder, or give me a ride home when I was too upset to drive. Angela was the most genuine friend I've ever had. There were never any false pretenses, no manipulation. Just friendship in its truest form. I suspect she sensed something, as she often asked if I was doing okay. I think she saw through the facade.

My final letters were for my second family, the Cullens. Alice was the most wonderful friend; she brought me out of my shell and made me want to do things beyond my comfort zone. She always knew the right things to say and do. We fell into a sisterly relationship as soon as Edward allowed her to be a part of my life. I sensed she would "see" my decision. I had hoped that they would be so far away that there would be no chance of stopping what I had resolved to do. Little did I know they would be in Forks when I decided to put an end to everything.

Edward's letter was intended to set him free. I knew that out of all of them, he would feel the most guilt. Edward had this masochistic way of harboring guilt for everything that occurred with me, no matter whose fault it was. I needed him to know it was okay for him to move on. I never believed I could hold the heart of such a magnificent creature. Edward was the most beautiful being I've ever encountered. He deserved to love a goddess, not a nobody like Bella Swan. I wanted him to find happiness.

As I sat on Edward's leather couch, I thought back over the letters, over the memorial, and of those I had left behind. I felt sorry for my family and friends. I had resolved long before my 18th birthday that I would one day be like Edward, and the only reservation I had at all was giving up my loved ones. Edward thought I was making a rash decision. In reality, it was the only thing I thought about when I was alone at night, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I knew that if I were to die, I'd leave them all behind. I also realized that one by one, they would die, and I would still lose them. Some would go, leaving me with the closure that comes with old age, or a terminal illness. Some would go suddenly with no warning at all. One by one, we would all cease to exist. Edward questioned heaven for his kind, he felt that he no longer had a soul and he was simply the walking dead. I looked at my new family. I don't think I've ever encountered more kind hearted people. They were as beautiful on the inside as their perfect outer appearance. I can't imagine how Edward could ever really think that someone loving and giving like Esme didn't have a soul. Or Carlisle. He is one of the most gentle, compassionate and selfless people I know. Edward wasn't looking at the picture clearly. I think I needed him to understand what I saw, objectively from the outside long before I was on the inside. They say heaven is a place where you see all your loved ones, where you are healed of all your earthly injuries and illnesses. Heaven is an eternity with the ones you love.

Here I sit, in the only place I ever truly felt "at home". I am surrounded by people I love, who love me in return. My earthly body, with all its self-inflicted damage was whole again. I wasn't sick, and my heart was no longer breaking. I was invincible; no one could hurt me. I will be in this new body, with these people I love for eternity. Where does Edward think Heaven is? I don't believe it's some place in the sky. I believe it's this place in my heart, and this place with my family, where we will be together until the world ceases to exist. We have differing opinions on the subject. It's a moot point now; I'm changed, Edward doesn't need to carry the burden of the guilt, because he didn't change me and there is no going back. I just hope he has enough love in his heart to last an eternity with me. Even at my very worst, I never stopped loving him. I can't imagine another day without him by my side.

All these things have brought me to this point in my life, where I'll have to explain my actions and hope that the things I have to share with Edward aren't so appalling that they push him out of my life forever.

I could hear Edward coming up from Carlisle's study. He said he'd be right up so that we could have "the talk." I had a pretty good idea where this is going to go and honesty is the only way to handle things.

He knocked lightly on the door before he opened it.

I looked up. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." He held up an envelope I recognized immediately. "Charlie gave this to Carlisle. Do you want me to read it? I assume when you wrote this that you weren't planning on being in the room with me when I read it."

"Uh, no. I mean, yeah, you can read it. But no, I didn't expect to be here for that part."

He opened the envelope and read the short note, tugging at his hair or running his long fingers through it.

"Bella, do you mean all these things? Even after everything I did to you, you don't blame me for any of the pain, upheaval, upset?"

Our conversations so far had been simple and friendly, but not at all deep. I wanted to have this discussion at the memorial service while we waited in the car, but I ended up hanging on every word spoken by my human friends and family. Edward never tried to take my attention away from the service, even though we had agreed we'd talk in the car.

"Edward, I never stopped dreaming of us. I never stopped loving you. I had to put you away in a safe place in my heart, that's true. The pain without you engulfed me so completely that I couldn't breathe without holding myself together. It just got to be too much. I couldn't exist like that anymore. Alone."

"I understand why. Bella, I sort of…heard what you said to Jasper. I didn't mean to eavesdrop." Then he proceeded down the path I had been waiting for him to approach. "I am very upset that you took your own life. Why in the world would you _ever_ jump off a cliff? And onto the rocks, no less? What if Charlie had been the one to find you, all broken and bleeding to death the way Jasper did? That would have killed him. It nearly killed me!"

"I didn't realize that the tide was out, Edward. I was just so upset. I held all those emotions in on the ride home from Port Angeles. I had plenty of time to pull the walls up so the guys wouldn't suspect anything. Mike doesn't drive like you." I smiled. "That wasn't the first time I jumped off the cliffs at La Push."

"You tried. To kill. Yourself. BEFORE?!" He bellowed. If his face could have turned red, he'd have resembled a beet.

"No, Edward, I did it for recreation. Everyone does. The kids on the Rez don't have a skateboard park or an arcade, or anything like that, and most don't have computers or internet. None of them have flashy cars. They find what they can, and use their imaginations to have fun. I'm sure jumping from the cliffs is much like the rush of bungee jumping- without the bungee. When the tide is in and the water is calm, as long as you avoid the riptides, you're fine. It's fun. I also learned that if you run at the cliffs, and throw yourself hard enough, you can get out far enough to get into trouble. I nearly drowned once." Then I quickly added, "By accident." Then I remembered the vision. "You were there with me that day, Edward, when I got pulled under by the rip tides; I got sucked way down below the surface. At first I struggled. Then I saw your face. You were beautiful, perfect. It was as if you were right there with me. You kept telling me to fight. I realized that if I couldn't have you for real, at least you were there with me in that moment. I decided that I could just let go of the pain and it would be so easy. I wasn't consciously trying to commit suicide, it just happened, and for the first time since you left, I couldn't feel the pain. Jacob pulled me out of the water before I got too much water in my lungs."

"Let me get this straight." He was pacing and holding the bridge of his nose now. "You decided to just drown because you had a vision of me with you? Are you insane?"

"Yeah, Edward, maybe I got a bit crazy. I couldn't deal with the pain. I was devastated. Since we're being honest, I might as well tell you the whole story." I sighed.

Edward looked up questioningly. "Yes, please, from the beginning? From the time we left Forks?"

"I explained it all to Jasper." I looked up at his face. He took my hand and sat on the couch next to me, facing me.

He nodded his head, "Again, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I heard what you said; was it really that bad for you? You were supposed to get better, to forget with time."

I frowned. Would he ever understand? "Nothing about our relationship was a typical teenage romance. You know that. How could I ever forget you? You haunted me 24 hours a day. I couldn't bear to hear your name, the pain was so great. It was killing me one day at a time, losing you."

He held his head in his hands. "Do you think you could have ever moved on? What happened after we left? I saw your human body. I'm disappointed, Isabella, you said you'd take care of yourself for Charlie. You promised."

"And you promised it would be like you'd never existed. There wasn't one moment that I was able to wipe your memory from my mind. I couldn't eat without retching, I couldn't sleep for fear of the nightmares coming. I literally stopped living. I didn't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore, Edward. She was empty. No. She was dead. Walking dead. That's when I made the decision."

"The decision to take your life?" He was pacing and nearly screaming again. Note to self, don't piss off the big vampire! Aside from that first day in biology class, this was the first time he truly intimidated me.

"No, Edward, the decision to live. It's ironic; the day that I died was the day I had finally decided I **wanted** to live. Charlie wanted to send me to Renee. I knew this was killing him and he isn't getting any younger. I love Charlie. I got up and dressed in decent clothes, I tried to do something with my appearance. I agreed to make plans to do something with a friend, to show him I really was going to try. I didn't want to worry him anymore."

"Lauren and Jessica took me to the movies in Port Angeles. I had no idea what was playing, I hadn't seen a television or newspaper in months, I was in my own little world and didn't interact with people at school. I guess "Twilight" is all the rage at Forks High. If I'd had any idea what they planned, I would have never gone with them. Edward, they said terrible things to me. They put into words, all the doubts I ever had about our relationship. They said I wasn't good enough, I was plain, unattractive. Seeing all your faces on that movie poster, and hearing the things they said was just too much. I ran. I had to get away."

"But they didn't find your truck at the scene. How did you get to the beach, who helped you, Bella?"

I was hoping he'd understand and just let me explain without going all vampire on me again. "Mike and Eric gave me a ride to La Push from Port Angeles. I pulled myself together pretty well. In Mike Newton's defense, he really made an effort to get me out of there and back home safely. He had no idea. He thought I was going to meet Jake. I know you don't like him, but he became a fairly good friend. Mike had no idea I didn't plan on going home ever again."

"And I know the rest." I shook my head yes.

Edward looked devastated. Very quietly he commented. "You've lost weight. How much?"

"Um, last time I weighed myself, it was a little over 30 pounds. I think I was just over 80 pounds when I died. I didn't recover any of that in the change, did I? I know I must be the ugliest vampire that's ever existed."

"You are most definitely NOT an ugly vampire. Far from it, Bella. As for your shape, I don't think you recovered all of it, but in changing you filled out a bit. We become more attractive than our human self was in order to attract our prey. You have a few new curves, as well. Have you not looked in a mirror, Bella?"

I hadn't really looked, Alice had helped me after my shower, but I didn't stop to look at myself, we were in a hurry to get to the services.

"I know you were mortally wounded when they brought you here, the change hadn't really started, Bella, I wasn't sure that the venom would even help you. This is all my fault. If I hadn't left you. If I'd have left Alice watch. I wish we'd never met."

I growled. "Edward, stop it. Now. I'm tired of your self loathing. Knock it off. The past is in the past."

I took his hand again and moved in closer to his face. I could smell his breath. Even when I was unable to escape his face, or the sound of his voice, the thing that always affected me the most strongly had begun to fade. His scent. I couldn't help myself any longer. Aside from that one kiss, we had barely touched.

"Edward, do you want me to go? I need to know what you want. Jasper said you haven't changed, and all this was for my protection. You need to tell me, what is it that you want?"

In a split second, he closed the gap between us. His hands were in my hair; his lips were on my lips, my neck, trailing across my shoulder and down my arm. I could feel the corners of his lips turn up into a smile. "You have no idea how I want you to stay, Bella."

After several not so innocent kisses, Edward tugged on me. "Bella, come on, get up. Everyone thinks I'm hogging you. We need to go spend some time with the rest of them."

It had been such an incredibly long day. It had been a whirlwind of activity from the time I awoke. We made our way down to the living room to find them all assembled there. My beautiful, pale, vampire family. Everyone had hesitant smiles on their faces. This was the first time we'd all really been together since my birthday.

Esme came over and gave me a big hug again. "Oh, my beautiful new daughter, it's so good to have you with us once again. I've missed you so."

Carlisle just looked up from the medical book he was reading and smiled, nodding in agreement. Emmett just laughed and grabbed my around the waist.

"Hey, little sis, it's so good to have you back! What were you doing upstairs with Eddie, or don't I want to know?"

I hung my head, hiding my grin, and he said, "Don't worry, I was trying to make you blush. I just wanted to see if you lost that. It was one of your most endearing traits." He laughed again. Alice stood up, and came over to where I was standing; she put her arms around me and said "Bella." That one word and the way she said it conveyed all her feelings. She didn't need to say anything else to me. Jasper smiled. Rose stood in the corner, grinning, and said, "I knew eventually we'd get you back."

Alice and Jasper excused themselves to round up a few belongings they wanted to take, mostly designer clothing, I'm sure. I noticed that Alice had rented a small U-haul truck.

Carlisle set his book on the coffee table. "Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rose packed up their most prized possessions. We are leaving for New York in the morning, before daylight. I want to be out of Washington early; I don't want to take any chances getting Bella out of here. I don't want anything to happen that will hurt Charlie. Edward, anything you wish to have access to in the next 50 years or so, you need to grab. We won't be coming back to Forks for a very long time, not until everyone who might remember us by appearance is dead and gone. I know you took nothing but your iPod when you left Forks in September. Bella, is there anything you wish to get from your home? I believe Charlie is with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black, fishing at the lake tonight."

I thought about the things I'd left behind. My mom had most of my pictures in Florida. The ones at the house were Charlie's, and I wouldn't take those away from him. I hadn't brought anything from Phoenix other than a few books and my clothing. The things that meant the most to me were a few mementos from the months at Forks High with Edward. "No, I suppose I can get a copy of Wuthering Heights in New York."

Edward snickered. "Your copy is so dilapidated, it was falling apart months ago." I just smiled. It was a beloved book; I don't know why I loved it so, but I did. "Actually, I have a copy in my nightstand." He said after a moment.

I gaped at him. "_Why_ would you buy a copy?"

He shrugged. "I actually started to understand Heathcliff a bit. And I bought a copy because it was something that linked me to you. I can't remember how many times I've watched you read it. You were completely wrapped up in it every single time, like it was a new read for you. I wanted to actually sit and read it."

"So, Edward, did you enjoy it?"

He just shook his head. "Not really." He smiles a small smile.

I looked at Carlisle. "No Carlisle, I don't want to risk anyone being seen at the house. There's nothing there that I can't live without. Charlie is going through enough right now, and it's all my fault. I won't do anything to jeopardize his well being."

I looked at Carlisle, "He has a weak heart. Did you know that? Harry Clearwater started having heart troubles, so Charlie had a physical and we found out he has some problems. He's trying to take care of himself."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "The last time I examined Charlie, he was as healthy as a horse. It appears that our leaving and the stress that followed affected a lot of people. We left a lot of devastation in our wake."

I still felt like it was my fault that the family had to be on the move. I didn't like being the cause of upheaval for them.

"I feel terrible, making you run from your home in the middle of the night like criminals. This is the second time in less than six months that you've fled Forks because of me."

Edward shook his head forcefully. "No, Bella. You didn't make us leave the first time, it wasn't your fault. I made that decision for the family." And then more quietly he said, "Honestly, if nothing had happened, we'd be leaving soon anyway. I started at Forks High School as a 15 year old. How long do you think it'll be before someone notices that I haven't changed? We only get three or four good years in one place."

Esme spoke up. "How are you doing, sweetheart? Are you okay? I know you didn't expect this to happen like it did. We've put you through an awful lot."

I smiled, and I could feel it, not just my face, but my whole body felt it. I hadn't smiled and meant it since the night of my 18th birthday. "Esme, I'm great, it's okay. I really am happy. I'm so looking forward to my place in the family. You always made me feel like I belonged."

The conversation became lighter. Emmett and Jasper were horsing around, throwing fake punches at each other. Alice broke into a huge grin and said, "Did Edward tell you about his first job?" I was meaning to ask about that, it hadn't really come up other than the conversation I had with Jasper. I found a lot of humor in the thought of Edward working in a Hot Topic. I knew the place put the fear of God in Charlie. Edward had a good 50 years on Charlie. I could only imagine what he thought of the place.

I turned to Edward and grabbed his hand. "So tell me about Hot Topic, Edward."

He hung his head. "Well, Carlisle made me get a job, he was afraid I'd slip. I had been isolated for several months after I left you. I couldn't face my family after what I'd done, and I had no other friends, I had no place to go, so I ended up in South America hiding in an attic of an abandoned house, letting the wounds fester."

I had heard some of this from Jasper, it still made me sad to think of my beautiful vampire hiding in some dark, dirty attic because he had no place to go.

Edward continued talking. "Alice took me out job hunting for a week or so until I had proven that I wouldn't just snap and eat someone. The day I found the job I went out on my own. There was just something intriguing about Hot Topic. I had been listening to a lot of the music they sell. It just looked like a good place to watch people and see what was on their minds."

Emmett held his side and laughed a big hearty laugh. "You should tell her what was on Troy's mind."

I looked at Edward, and he appeared to be...embarrassed? "Troy is gay. Apparently since the movie came out, he's a huge 'Edward Cullen' fan. I almost died when I "heard" what was on his mind." Edward shuddered.

Alice spoke up then. "Bella, you should see the merchandise. I know it's not really us, but it's uncanny, our likenesses. Troy has an Edward Cullen fleece blanket and a pillowcase. Apparently he likes to sleep with your man."

I had to laugh at that, but then I remembered the poster. "I saw the poster in Port Angeles. They do look amazingly like us. Seeing it was too much for me. It was a reminder of all the things I could never have, it reminded me that my dreams were unobtainable."

Everyone looked sad. I wasn't trying to throw it up in their faces, I didn't want them to hurt, but they did.

Alice thankfully changed the subject. "You should see everything I bought. I got at least one of everything. When we get back to New York, I'll show you what I got. Tomorrow let's stop and buy some clothes for you, Bella. Do you want to at least get some of your clothing from Charlie's?"

"I can't wear any of those things, Alice. I had taken to wearing several layers so no one would realize how thin I had become. The things you had bought for me were skin tight when you gave them to me. Only a few of those things were snug enough to stay on. I'll wait until we get to New York. I'm not going back to the house. That's no longer my world."

"Are there any personal things you'd like to take with you? We could sneak in through your window while he's at work. I can check his future."

No, I didn't want that. "Alice, there are no 'things' in this world that have any real meaning to me. I explained to Carlisle and Esme a few minutes ago, I don't want to take anything from Charlie's house and risk getting caught or have someone see one of you there and have Charlie upset thinking someone is desecrating my memory. The most precious things to me are the seven of you. Charlie has a few pictures of my human life, but those are not mine to take. He'd be devastated if they were lost."

It was time to change the subject. I looked at everyone. "Tell me about Kristen, please. Edward, I hear you had quite a few amazing experiences while we were apart. I'd love to hear about your adventures."

He hesitated. "I didn't think you'd want to hear about any of it."

I just shook my head. "Edward, come on, you're talking to me. Of course I want to hear about it! If it weren't for her, it sounds like I might have succeeded with my suicide. I owe her my life. What was she like?"

"She was very much like you, only not clumsy. Well, not very much. I was hoping she would be, I missed that about you, Bells." Emmett said with a smirk.

"She didn't smell like you. Not at all." Edward said.

Quietly, Carlisle spoke up. 'She was sweet, quiet, reserved. A very nice girl. She spent a lot of time with me dissecting the movie and books. I still anticipate a visit from the Volturri."

I shuddered at the mere mention of the name. Edward just gave me a weak smile.

"Have you read the books? You've always had your nose in a book, Bella." Rose asked.

"I had no idea until I was at the theatre and all of you were staring me in the face."

"She took us to see the movie. I ate popcorn and drank root beer. It was awesome! It was my first time in a movie theatre!" Emmett said excitedly.

"And you puked the whole way home, idiot." Rose said again, shaking her head.

I remembered some other things Jasper had told me. "So you went on tour signing with her Edward? What was that like?"

He looked unsure of himself.

"It's okay, Edward, I want to know. You won't hurt my feelings. I think I'd like to meet her one day."

He cleared his throat. "It was hard at first, being around all those kids. They all smelled so good. But I didn't want to be a monster. The first time was the worst. A bunch of them walked up to me and said 'Bite me Edward!' I was appalled. After that night, it wasn't so bad. The signing in Manhattan was huge, they shut it down early. Kristen's co-star couldn't handle all of the attention. I hear he's rather shy. After the first signing, Kristen came to stay with us for a week. She asked me to help her keep her co-star under wraps. She was afraid he was going to have a meltdown, and not be able to continue making the movies. They were signed to appear in three of the four books. The rights to the fourth book hadn't been sold to the movie company yet. Rob went to London before Christmas, he practically shaved his head, against the orders of the company, and he just wanted to hide out and blend in at home for a few months. The movie company would have taken action against him if he decided to breach his contract. I wanted to help him out. Kristen says he's a great person. Extremely shy, and she says he's extremely humble. I don't think he realized this was going to explode like it did. I can't imagine living like that everyday. He can't even go to the toilet without being followed by a bunch of girls. I haven't met him yet."

"So you helped a complete stranger cope when he felt overwhelmed?" I asked.

"Yeah, guess so."

"The Academy Awards, Edward?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I kind of committed to doing that. It's in about a month. Third Sunday in February, I believe. She's going to call me once everything is confirmed. Rob's manager called Kristen looking for him, apparently the people at the Oscars want him to present. Kristen has set everything up. The director of the movie knows about us. She flew out to Ithaca to meet all of us. Don't worry, it's just a two day trip. I won't be gone long. You'll be okay, won't you?"

I just nodded, marveling at the fact that Edward, my Edward, was going to participate in the Academy Awards. "Do you think you'll meet anyone special? Famous people? There are so many stars I'd love to meet."

"I don't know if I want to meet anyone while I'm there. There's no one I'm particularly interested in meeting. They all seem snide, conceited, and pretty much full of themselves. So many young actors have destroyed their careers with drugs and alcohol. Hollywood isn't the grand place it once was. Hollywood actors back in my youth were more isolated, revered by their fans. They were wholesome people doing a job. Hollywood today is very scandalous." He didn't seem overly impressed. I was a bit miffed. "Kristen is very down to earth though. She hasn't been spoiled yet. I hear most of the cast is the same. I suspect I'll meet all of them at the awards. It pleases me to know we're not being portrayed by a bunch of kids with substance abuse problems. I look forward to meeting all of them."

"She's going to be a lifelong friend of the family, I suspect?" I couldn't help but ask, and I couldn't help but think I'd like to meet her one day to thank her. If it weren't for a simple twist of fate bringing her and Edward together, I'd be a rotting corpse in the Forks cemetery.

He just smiled and nodded his head slightly. He was watching his mother intently. As I looked in her direction, I noticed she was walking around with a box. She was gathering pictures and small mementos off the small tables in the living room. I stood up and decided to give her a hand. Sometimes she'd walk by something and shake her head. Once in a while, she'd go back and pick up an item she had passed up the first time. We worked silently, going down the foyer, into the dining and kitchen areas.

When we got to Carlisle's study I stepped inside. I noticed all the medical books were gone, as were the paintings from Europe. The beautiful mahogany desk was no longer in the room.

"He put them in the car earlier, dear. The desk is in Alice's moving truck." The other books, the priceless classics were still there. "He decided he couldn't justify taking them all for himself, as we all have things we want to bring along and space is limited. Since you're not taking anything from home…"

Carlisle interrupted her, clearing his throat from the door. "Since you're not taking anything from home and Edward's car has plenty of room left in it, I'd love for you to take anything you choose, dear. Many are first editions, and are quite valuable, but I need to be fair to Esme and leave room for things that have special meaning to her in my car."

I stood, mouth open, shocked that anyone would offer me such a gift. "Carlisle, I can't possibly take your books." I remember the first time in his library, the day I met the family, ghosting my fingers over the spines of these incredible works, knowing they were a priceless collection. A greater collection of classics than I'd ever seen in any public library.

"Bella, really, whatever is left on the shelves when you are done will go to the basement. I've stored them there before, and as you can see, they fared quite well, however I know you love to read, and many of them have never been read more than once. I bought the first editions as they were written."

It never occurred to me, most people with collections such as this went to famous auction houses and spent, sometimes, millions of dollars on rare pieces in this condition. For a human to go out and buy each of these books as they were written was something that I knew didn't happen, they rarely became this valuable in a human lifetime.

"Carlisle, I don't know where to start. There are so many wonderful volumes here."

I heard Edward laughing from downstairs someplace as he hollered up, "But no Wuthering Heights!"

Carlisle smiled and leaned in whispering, "He's read it several times since we've been gone."

And from the living room, "I heard that."

Carlisle looked thoughtful, "Bella, I'll make it easier for you to decide, choose a handful of books that really want to read, ones you haven't read yet, or can't live without. I know what we'll do with the rest of them." I chose six books and carried them to the trunk of the Volvo in a heavy cardboard box.

When I came back inside I passed Carlisle in the foyer; he was humming a tune I didn't recognize. He began bringing crates similar to the ones in the trunk of his car that contained the medical volumes safely packed in them. In these crates were the books I had passed over.

I found Esme in her room to room quest for treasures. I just shook my head. "Esme, I wish you didn't have to do this for me." I had felt the same sadness watching Edward pack up his music collection. The complex stereo and the boxes of music were safely tucked inside of the Volvo. I heard Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Carlisle talking on the third floor.

Esme answered my unspoken question. "They are taking the furniture down to the basement. The storage vault seals up to protect everything. It's not that we can't replace it, but we come to love our things. Those we can't take with us, we'll store until the next time we come back. Then we'll buy what we don't use out of storage." She smiled at me, put a finger to her lips, and showed me a receipt for a moving company that specialized in pianos. The baby grand was coming to New York! "Carlisle and I are leaving an hour or so after you kids go. We have a few private matters to attend to before we leave." She was smiling broadly. I understood completely the need to have the piano. It was an extension of Edward, and it would be a shame for it to sit in a basement for the next 50 years.

"Edward covered it until someone can come and dismantle it and move it to the basement vault for us. It will be a few weeks until they can get to it. Tanya and Kate will come down to ensure everything is handled properly since we won't be here." She winked at me, confirming that this was a blatant lie simply for the benefit of Edward's surprise.

When I went to Edward's room, it was empty. There were a few things sitting about, but nothing of consequence. Walking through the Cullen mansion, each room looked the same. I had never been to the basement, but knowing the grand scale in which they did things, I imagined nothing short of a bomb shelter down there. I didn't want to think about it.

I decided to go outside and just sit to clear my head. I still felt like they were making a huge sacrifice because of me. As I passed the music room, I noticed the crates of books from the library were now sitting near the piano. The piano had been all closed up and was covered with a huge sheet. Carlisle gave me a big grin as he passed me in the hallway. Apparently my indecision over the books had given Carlisle the incentive for his first grand gesture on my behalf. I knew what he was doing with the books. I imagine they'll be arriving with the baby grand in a few days. I just shook my head. I was beginning to realize that there was no winning when one of the Cullens had their mind set on something.

As I headed onto the porch, Esme hugged me and said, "You'll find it can be a very boring life after a while, Bella. He simply doesn't want you to become bored and he knows you love to read. He was trying to justify a reason for taking them anyway, but couldn't. He loves them so. But, he loves you more; by doing it for you, he could easily justify it. The house in Ithaca has an incredible library. You'll love it. It has plenty of room for more books." She gave me another squeeze and headed to the Mercedes with her last box.

Edward found me on the porch. It wasn't light yet, but I could hear the world around me coming to life. The birds were singing, a breeze was blowing. I was very much looking forward to the nearly 3000 miles on the road with Edward. With no need for food, or bathroom breaks, the only reason we had to stop was for refueling. We'd be in the car for nearly two days alone, and I figured that'll give us plenty of time to talk. I knew we'd be leaving soon. I was born here, in Forks, spent 2 weeks out of thirteen summers here with Charlie, but the last year or two was what made it my home. I was going to miss it here. The dense undergrowth, the lush forests. Charlie. I thought I loved the sun and Phoenix, until I grew to love Forks. I never imagined I'd be lamenting over leaving here.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Twilight Universe. Nothing at all…**

**I do, however, own the laptop this was written on, and the entirely **_**yummy**_** Edward skin that graces the front of it.**

**This chapter- The Long Ride- grew to epic proportions, so you'll receive it in several parts between now and Christmas. Things are going to get interesting in the next few chapters. You'll soon get a glimpse into Edward's past and discover the nightmare that continues to haunt him. Will he be able to prevent his past from colliding with his future?**

**Like all the ones preceding this…The lovely Bronzehairedgirl620 has beta'd this chapter. Thanks Bronze, enjoy your holiday!!**

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_**Chapter Fifteen**_

_**Mirage**_

_**The Long Ride**_

_**Bella POV**_

With everything either packed into the cars or safely sealed in the huge basement vault, we all walked to our cars to take the long ride home. I was going to miss Forks. We all stood outside the big white mansion and just looked around. There were so many memories here. They say your human memories fade after you've been changed, but my memories of my time in Forks were still very vivid. I was sad to be leaving, knowing we wouldn't be back for a very long time. My family was used to this moving every few years, and while I suppose it was hard for them too, it was especially hard for me. Edward had been standing behind me; he slowly turned me in his arms and held me to his chest as I sobbed and shuddered. He leaned in to my ear, although I could hear him perfectly well.

"Carlisle has asked me to drive you around Forks and past your home in the Mercedes. He thought you'd want to take one last look. It may be very different till we return in forty or fifty years." I shook my head in understanding. I couldn't form coherent thoughts. This was much more emotionally charged than I had thought it would be. By the time I came back, Charlie would be dead and gone. Anyone we went to school with would be elderly. My home could be gone, the site of a shopping center or convenience store replacing it.

As we neared Charlie's house, Edward slowed the car. He pulled the car off the road at the edge of the woods and took my hand. "Bella, he's asleep. Dreaming. Are you certain you don't want to take any memories with you? This is breaking all Carlisle's rules, but I'm certain your window is still unlocked. Do you want to see…him… one last time?"

"What if he wakes up?" I choked out.

"He's too deep in sleep. He won't, Bella. I'm certain."

I shook my head, "What if I hurt him?"

"You won't. You've shown great restraint so far, and we have hunted every day since you've been changed. It's entirely up to you, we must decide quickly. It will look suspicious if we sit here too long."

I knew I shouldn't, I hadn't planned on coming here again. I knew we could get inside safely. Ironically, the Chief of Police didn't have any sort of alarm system in his home.

I opened my car door and Edward was there, taking my hand to pull me out before I realized he had moved from his seat. We ran around the house to the front where my window was. Edward put his finger to his lips and whispered, "Let me go first. Watch me."

Edward jumped onto the tiny ledge and slid the window open. He stepped inside and motioned for me to follow. Even though I realized his stealth, it never ceased to amaze me how he could just come in a second story window each night without making a sound. The jump was easy, my landing silent and my grace amazing me. Edward took my hand and pulled me inside. I looked around my room. Someone had cleaned, no doubt Renee while she stayed here. There was a really good picture of Charlie and I on my desk from a Forks Municipal picnic last summer. We were standing against a tree, a beautiful stream in the background. I picked it up and looked at it. Perhaps I'd take it. I remember how happy we all were that day. Alice had gone with us, Charlie and Alice had been partners in the three-legged race, and Edward and I were partners. I remember we all ended up falling in a huge heap after Charlie and Alice tripped right in front of us.

My purse lay at the foot of my bed. I looked at Edward, but he shook his head. "Jasper has all the documents you'll need." He whispered so only I could hear. He motioned me to follow him into the hallway. Again, he put his finger to his lips. He took my hand and we snuck to Charlie's bedroom door.

My father lay on his side, snoring quietly. He didn't have the peaceful look of sleep I imagined he'd have. He looked troubled. He turned onto his back and pulled the covers closer around himself. As I turned to leave, I heard him mumble. "Bells."

It was so quiet a human never would've heard it. I froze. Edward squeezed my hand and mouthed, 'dreaming'. I relaxed a bit. I leaned in without taking a breath, and as softly as a butterfly, kissed Charlie's cheek and whispered.

"Goodbye Daddy. I love you."

I took Edward's hand and without looking back, I hurried back to my room. I grabbed the picture frame and the photo album that Charlie had bought for my birthday and motioned Edward to the window. We swiftly jumped out the window, Edward closing everything up the way he had found it. He was holding a picture of he and I in front of the same stream as Charlie and I had been. I cocked an eyebrow; I had left it behind because I had the real thing and would never forget. He smiled at me. "What?" Then with a more serious expression, "We don't have a picture of you like this. Human. We all loved you as your human self. It makes sense to have it." I shrugged, I understood, but my mind was elsewhere.

"It's my fault, I mess everything up. His sadness. I did that to him. I took away from him the only thing he ever truly cared about. Now, he's alone." I was sobbing openly in the car. Edward raised the armrest that divided the seat and pulled me close to him, leaving his arm around my waist. He was rubbing my side, trying to be soothing. I was inconsolable. Neither of us spoke for a very long time. I was alone with my thoughts. I'm sure Edward knew I needed some time to reflect on what had happened. Isuspect he had been planning to do this for some time. It just didn't seem like a random idea. Nothing about Edward was ever uncalculated.

Finally, Edward cleared his throat, and spoke quietly. "I told you many times, this would be the hardest part for you. Do you understand now, how I couldn't make that decision for you?"

I shook my head in understanding. "But, in the end, I was dying. Would you have left me die? I said my goodbyes to Charlie before I jumped. My life as I knew it was already over by the time Jasper found me. I never intended for anyone to find me."

He hung his head. "It sounds so selfish to verbalize it, but no. If I had found you as Jasper did, I would have had to change you. I couldn't have let you die the way you would have. I'm much too selfish a creature. I was barely living without you. But, had you been safe and healthy, I would have stayed with my original plan, to see you live out your human life. I know somewhere the lines blur, but for me, it's perfectly clear."

He added, "I don't think Charlie would have been so upset, had we changed you and faked your death though. It's the thought of you _taking your own life_ that troubles him so. He feels responsible. He feels that he should have acted differently at times when you were despondent, but he was afraid of making you worse. After you snapped when he tried to send you home with Renee, he was afraid to make you leave here, even for a few days." He was thoughtful for a few minutes. "Did you realize he was seeing someone? He's not entirely alone, Bella."

That shook me from my silence. "Uh. No?" I swallowed. "Who, when? How did I not see it?" I can't imagine how I didn't realize my father was dating.

Edward smiled sadly. "He'll be okay, Bella. He's healing. She's convinced him to use the grief counselor the station uses when something catastrophic happens. They'd been using them for the officers when James, Victoria and Laurent were killing all those people last spring." He took my hand. "Hey, do you remember the waitress at the Lodge?" I shook my head, "Yeah, she has been waiting on Charlie since I came here as a little girl to visit. Do you know she remembered my favorite dessert the first time we ate there after I moved to Forks?"

He chuckled, "Yeah, I saw that part in the movie." I scowled, he ducked his head. "Sorry."

"So Beverly the waitress is wining and dining my Dad?"

He smiled and said, "Well, we know she's dining him. I don't take Charlie for a wine sort of guy.

Wasn't he always a beer man?"

"Oh yeah, good old 'vitamin R', to quote my Dad." I muttered sadly. I was happy he had moved on after all those years. I was sad that I had been wrapped up in my own little cocoon so intensely that I never saw the happiness he must have been feeling. I was feeling extremely selfish. I'd been feeling that way a lot lately.

"Edward, do you think this terrible feeling of guilt will ever go away? I won't be stuck like this forever will I? Now that I'm a vampire?" He shook his head. "Were you feeling guilty when you were changed?"

"No, I was feeling relieved that someone had finally decided to change me." He frowned and I heard him growl softly.

"The guilt will go away, Bella. I'm sure we can find ways to distract you. There will always be sadness there, but you'll learn to cope."

"Did I ever tell you about my life before I was changed?" He still had his arm around me, but was leaning in closer, watching me. For once I wasn't scared that he didn't seem to be watching the road.

"You mean about dying of the influenza? I believe that's all I remember you telling me. What do you remember?" I was very interested in Edward's youth. He never seemed to want to talk about it; he always seemed so melancholy when it came up. Now I understood why that was.

"Í was born in 1901. My parents doted on me. I wasn't spoiled, I had responsibilities, but I was loved. I never doubted their love for me." He sighed and looked terribly sad. He smiled sadly, and continued. "My mother, Elizabeth, was an accomplished pianist. She was a teacher. We lived in a very affluent neighborhood for the time. My father, Edward Masen Sr., was a banker. We all died before the great depression."

I was pretty sure I already knew the answer, but had to ask anyway. "Your mother taught you how to play?"

"Yes," he said. "On Sunday mornings. She was the church pianist as well. My family's church was just down the street from our home."

'Were you a close family?" I was sure I knew the answer, but I wanted to know everything he was willing to share with me.

"Oh, Bella, we were a very close, very happy family. That last summer my parents were so upset with me. I wanted to go off to be a soldier. My parents were hoping the war would be over before I was old enough to enlist. Instead we all died before I had the chance. I remember my mother praying for the war to end."

"My father," he said, "my father taught me how to dance. He said a gentleman always needed to know how to dance properly. It was very important then, you know? My parents were very good dancers. After church on Sundays, we'd roll back the parlor rug and crank up the victrola. My parents bought it when I was fifteen. I'll never forget the day it was delivered. Mother was so excited. You know, it's still in the Chicago house. The piano I learned on is still there as well. We'll have to go there one day. I've never stayed there in the house, but nothing has changed, really. He's done nothing more than a few repairs."

He sighed. "Carlisle bought it after my parents died; there were no heirs to leave it to. He bought the house and its contents from the executor of their estate. I believe the money all went to the church. I pay a cleaning crew to come in periodically and maintain it. A local landscaper keeps the yard and gardens manicured. I just couldn't bear to part with it. Fortunately, Carlisle had the resources to help me with that."

"I owe so much to Carlisle. We all do. You know, when Emmett died, his Mother was raising many kids. The day he died he was hunting; a bear was attacking him when Rose found him. Emmett came from a big family with little money. Carlisle paid the bank for their property. The house wasn't worth much, but he made sure it was all paid for. He opened a bank account for Emmett's mother to pay the taxes and to help with other expenses. He set it up with the bank that everything for her would be taken care of and she wouldn't want for anything. Emmett was the oldest Mc Carty boy, and he was working around town to help support the family. His Dad had died when Em was twelve in a farming accident. Emmett was changed right after the great depression. Carlisle has always had a lot of cash, the bank was more than happy to have him inject some funds into their suffering business. They kept the entire transaction anonymous; I know it made Emmett immensely happy to know they were taken care of."

"Carlisle didn't help Rose's family financially. Even though her father was a banker during the great depression, he had made sure his family was secure. The Hales owned their mansion, and financially, they were in good shape. However, after Rose was attacked by Royce and his friends, Carlisle turned his head and condoned Rose's need for swift justice. They all died, and painfully, but after what they did to her, it was justified. They would have done the same thing to another young girl."

"Alice and Jasper joined us with no family ties, but Carlisle took them in without question. When they came here and Alice introduced herself, she said they wanted to join us. Carlisle had spared no expense trying to help her research her original family. We know she was born around the same time I was, and that she was a patient from an insane asylum, but we don't know any more than that. Carlisle and Esme welcomed Alice and Jasper with open arms. We've always been a very close knit family."

I wondered about their choice of names. "Obviously some of you have taken Carlisle's last name. Why not Rose and Jasper? And how is it that Jasper and Rose share the same name?"

He looked a bit uncomfortable; he pulled over and took my face in his hands. "Obviously we have to be very careful, in your case. When the rest of us were changed; it was long before the technological age. If the name Isabella Swan and your birth date were to be entered into say, a college computer system, it would send up a red flag. Unfortunately, Isabella Swan is dead and gone. We've all moved around a lot, and as we've moved to different places, we've used different names. Sometimes we all go by our given names. It just depends."

"So let me get this straight, if I'm no longer Isabella Swan, who am I?" I squeaked.

"Well, you've always gone by Bella as long as we've been together. I know Jasper put Bella on your documents. He made a few sets during your transformation. Most of the documents are already in other places. It would look bad for us to be traveling with multiple forged documents. We try to only keep one spare set at any place where we are. I don't want to sound presumptuous, but I had him make your last name Cullen, on others he used the name Masen. I hope that is alright?"

I liked the sound of it; it's not like I hadn't imagined it before. Bella Cullen. It seems like it's been a very long time since I felt comfortable entertaining that train of thought. "Bella Cullen is…it's okay with me."

Edward smiled. "One day I'd like to make it official." He inhaled and sighed.

I smiled back at him, "I think I might like that too, we don't have to decide just yet, do we? I feel like we have a lot to consider first."

"I was hoping, not to sound presumptuous, that perhaps you'd use Cullen for the time being, and if you ever became my wife, we'd begin to use Masen as our married name. Of course, that's entirely up to you. I've learned my lesson, and from now on, the things that affect you are entirely your choice. I did things my way before, and look where it got us." He waved his arm up and down parallel to my body, indicating undoubtedly to my transformation. His actions alone caused the one thing he feared most for me.

He looked sad. "I just wanted to let you know how I felt. Being together and being committed to one another are different things. I think if we're going to live together as a couple, I'd like to have some sort of official ceremony. Call me old fashioned…"

I didn't want him to get the wrong idea or think I was afraid to commit; that was my argument with him for months. "Marriage was never on the top of my list of priorities. My parents aren't very good role models when it comes to healthy relationships. I don't have much else to compare to. Seeing Carlisle and Esme though, knowing they've been together all this time and seeing them look into each other's eyes like it's the first time, I just don't know. They make it seem worth it, don't they?"

He smiled again. "I've had two excellent sets of parents, wonderful role models. Both couples showed affection for one another so openly, lovingly. I can't imagine not sharing that. My parents were always so happy, so loving. They made love look like fun. They truly enjoyed one another, always laughing and sharing. I don't want any less."

Some of the things Edward had told me weren't making sense to me. "I thought you said human memories fade with time - how is it that you seem to remember so much of your adolescence? We never really discussed it before."

Edward was grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, Bella, I've been so distracted by everything that's happened since Jasper found you." I was relieved that they had all stopped referring to the incident as 'when you jumped'. "Do you remember the one human ability I said I missed the most? The one thing I wished for?"

I thought for a moment. I wasn't making the connection, but the only thing I could think of was dreaming. "You said you wished you could sleep, because if you did, you'd dream of me. Is that it?"

"Yes!" His enthusiasm almost scared me. He kept talking. "Alice and Emmett were hypnotized at some mall over the black Friday weekend. He was some sort of Ren Faire entertainer. Since then, Carlisle has been hypnotizing us. We've all taken naps, and Carlisle is working with everyone on learning to curb our thirst. It's helped Jasper incredibly. Had he not been doing that, I don't know if Jasper would have been able to save you. I'd like to think he would have had the restraint. I just don't know."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from interrupting him as he was talking. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "So you've been sleeping? Do you dream? How did it help your memory?"

"Alice slept at the mall for five minutes or so. Emmett had an afternoon long nap a few days later."

I couldn't believe it. "Did you sleep?" I asked.

"Oh God, Bella. It's amazing. The first time Carlisle talked me into letting him hypnotize me, I was scared to death, pardon the pun." He was smiling. "I was afraid I wouldn't wake up, or that I'd have some kind of nightmare. I was afraid I'd be ready to come out of it and Carlisle wouldn't know and I'd be stuck there."

"So what did you do? What made you actually submit?"

He took my hand and looked intensely into my eyes; it was one of those deep stares that made you 'almost' want to look away. "I took out the only photograph I had of you, the one from our junior prom. I looked at it until I was certain I could do it, and I took it with me when I went where ever it was that I went. I was certain that if I were to dream, I'd dream of you."

If I could have shed tears, I knew they'd be streaming down my cheeks. "Did you? Dream, that is, did you dream? How long did you sleep? Did you enjoy it, was it refreshing?" I couldn't stop the questions; there were so many things I wanted to know.

He squeezed my hand and leaned in to give me a soft kiss on the cheek. "I dreamt all night long, off and on. It was the most refreshing respite I've had in nearly a hundred years. All I dreamt about was the times I spent with you. It was the most wonderful feeling. It was then that I knew for certain that I was coming back for you."

"Why did it take you so long to come back? If you met Kristen right after Thanksgiving, that was two months ago."

"Remember, I told you about the signings. I had committed before we decided to come home for you. We had friends watching you while we were away. Remember we were home almost a week before your accident."

I had set those things aside in my head and hadn't really thought before I opened my mouth. It seemed that even though there was so much room in my head to process many things at once, I had trouble staying focused. I felt like those kids at school who said they suffered from ADD.

Edward got a serious look on his face. "I had other dreams as well, Bella. I dreamt of my parents, the home I grew up in. My school mates, other friends I had who also died of the influenza. The sleeping lets me remember my past as if it were yesterday."

"Wow." This was a lot for me to process. I think I'd like to try this after a while. I don't miss sleep yet, but if my human memories begin to fade like they say they will, it would be nice to be able to have a way to hold onto them. "Have the others enjoyed it? Have they all done it?"

"Well," he said, running his hand through his hair. "Emmett and Alice love it. Jasper hasn't slept, but he's used the hypnosis to curb his cravings for humans, as I explained a bit ago. Esme and Rose both came from extremely violent relationships and are wary to relive any of the nightmare. They haven't tried it. Carlisle wants to teach me so that he might have the opportunity. We don't need the sleep, but it is very refreshing. I didn't know that was possible for us."

"Carlisle has been working on writing a book of vampire medicine, if you will, for a number of years. The hypnosis is something very interesting he is adding to it."

As quickly as he had started the subject, he was off on another thought.

He said something that surprised me. "Do you remember how I told you Carlisle and Esme had done things for each of us as we joined the family?" I nodded my head. "Before we left Forks, they set up a fund for Charlie to pay for the expenses of your memorial. Even though there was no burial, the service still cost him a fair amount of money. They also paid off the second mortgage on his house. You never knew it, but after the run in with James, I set up a substantial life insurance policy for you. I named Charlie the sole beneficiary. He could retire now and live comfortably off the funds, if he is responsible."

I think I was in shock. I knew I was blubbering. Even without the tears, I was still gasping and shaking. It took me a while to get out what I wanted to say. "You _expected_ me to die? _At the hands of a vampire?" _

"Well, yeah, wasn't that what you wanted?"

"I don't ever remember telling you I wanted to _die_. I wanted to be changed!"

He shook his head. "Silly Bella, think about how ridiculous that remark is!"

He continued. "I expected one of us to _change_ you. Eventually, once you were changed, we'd have to _fake your death_ in some manner. I anticipated some turn of events would cause it to be a necessity. In any case, he'd receive the money. I'm just relieved that I bought a policy that didn't have an exclusion for suicide. I never expected you to take your own life, Bella." He nearly growled again, and I hung my head in shame.

I felt terrible. I knew I was upsetting him, but he had to understand- the relationship we had allowed to blossom between us had nearly killed both of us when we were separated. It was his decision to leave me; he had to realize that decision would have detrimental, long-term repercussions. For now, I'd bite my tongue, but eventually we'd have to hash this out. His constant disappointment and sadness was really upsetting me. What did he really expect to happen after he left? I was ready and willing to jump into whatever depths he wanted to take our relationship, I was that pathetic. There were still things that we had to come to terms with though. For now, it was time to change the subject. This wasn't something to argue about on a two day road trip. Could make for a mighty long and uncomfortable ride.

"I can't believe you did all this for Charlie. Edward, I know he always treated you like you weren't good enough for me. He was very unfair to you."

"Actually Bella, he treated you like I'd treat my own daughter if I had one. He did the things he did out of love and concern for you. I respect him for the way he raised you. Carlisle and Esme always liked Charlie. From the time we came here from Alaska, he was always good to us. And you know Alice, she adored Charlie. She was the one who paid for your memorial."

We sat for a about an hour, just holding hands. I noticed we were in Missoula, Montana. Edward had been driving for about four hours. If I remembered correctly, Edward said it was normally about a ten-hour trip. Soon Carlisle and Esme pulled up next to us. I knew they were taking care of the piano movers before they left Forks. Edward explained that since they wanted me to have the opportunity to go home one last time, from the dark tinted safety of the Mercedes, we'd all 4 be expending about the same amount of time and could meet up at a predetermined location to trade cars. He said he knew they had business to attend to, but if he knew what it was, he wasn't ruining their surprise. Apparently, that "business" had benefits for both of us.

Carlisle and Esme had made their way over to the car. Luckily it was a very overcast day and we could be normal for once. They had gone into the rest stop together to freshen up and appear more human, and I'm glad I had composed myself before they came out. One of the benefits of being a vampire was the lack of puffy red eyes after a crying fit. Once you were composed, there were no outward signs of distress.

The generosity of my new family amazed me, and I was moved beyond words at their kind gestures. I knew they loved me, but what they all did for Charlie on my behalf was beyond amazing.

I got out of the car and immediately pulled them into a hug. "Thank you so much for what you've done for Charlie, all of you. Edward told me about your generosity. I'm relieved that he won't have the financial burdens he used to have. Perhaps he can lessen his work load and take better care of himself. Relax a bit." He was in his early forties and already having stress related problems. This concerned me. His diet was atrocious. I wished Beverly at the Lodge could convince him to eat more responsibly.

We all walked along a wooded path near the rest area, Esme holding my left hand, Edward my right.

Carlisle spoke up. "We did the same sort of thing for Emmett's mother. And I suppose Edward told you about his parent's home in Chicago?"

"Yes, he did. I still want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done, though. Will he know where the money has come from?"

Carlisle shook his head, "No, a friend of mine at the bank has set up all the funds. The money from the life insurance policy will go into a trust for him. My friend and accountant Jay Jenks will contact Charlie once the funds are all set up and let him know that the town of Forks contributed. No one's name will ever be mentioned. He'll never know who it was. We thought it would be better that way."

We halted, and I hugged them again before Edward suggested we be on our way. "Even two states away from home, we were still close enough to Quileute land for us to possibly run into one of them in their wolf form. They would smell us and investigate." I knew he was right. I didn't want there to be any more trouble for the family.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own nothing…**

**Thank you to Bronzehairedgirl620 for beta'ing this chapter. You wouldn't want to read it, if she hadn't made it look so nice. Thanks Bronze!**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Sixteen**

_**Bella POV**_

Esme had spoken with both Emmett and Alice; they were all well into the trip and felt they were safely out of range for the wolves. We were going to meet up in Sioux Falls, SD, which meant we'd see them again in about eight hours, given the speed the Cullen men tore up the interstate.

I settled into the passenger seat of Edward's car and plugged his iPod into the stereo. When I turned it on, the garbage that spewed out of it shocked me. I turned quickly turned it of, facing him. "Edward Cullen! What kind of blasphemy is that?" He hung his head.

When he looked over at me he said quietly, "That's the 'Venom' play list. Perhaps you want to shuffle to the 'Bella' play list. It's, uh, less offensive. You'll probably enjoy it more."

The sounds that came out of the speakers were ones I recognized. I sighed in relief.

"What has everyone been doing while you were away? Bring me up to speed."

He looked happy in the change of subject. "Did I tell you Rose and Emmett are adopting a little boy?"

"No." I said, surprised. How could anyone fail to mention an addition to the family? "How old is he? What's his name?"

Edward chuckled. "His name is Oliver. He's about two. He looks very much like Emmett. He even has the dimples."

"What happens when he's older and realizes that they aren't aging? What about our eating habits? How will all that work? What about school?" I had a myriad of questions to ask.

"They have decided they will be open and honest with him as soon as he's old enough to comprehend the situation. Esme has a degree in childhood education. She'll home school him if they want, or he will go to public school as we all did. I don't think that'll happen until he's old enough to be trusted not to share our secret, though."

I still couldn't wrap my head around the whole idea. I knew Rose always wanted a baby, but this was unlike anything I'd ever expected to hear. "How did they come to find Oliver?"

Edward glanced my direction as he shifted gears. "Actually, Eleazar, our attorney, contacted us shortly after we got back to Forks. Eleazar is one of us, Bella; he's been handling Carlisle's affairs for a very long time. He watches anything that has to do with the interests of our previous families. Oliver is actually Emmett's great nephew. His mother had left Oliver's father, and when Oliver's father died he became a ward of the state of West Virginia. All of Emmett's other relatives are gone. The boy's mother hasn't responded to any requests to claim him."

I was in shock. It seemed like each subject that came up during our long ride was more and more unbelievable. It was amazing that the Cullens were going to touch another life with their goodness. "Tell me Edward, your family is more than wonderful. How can you say we don't have souls? Look at Esme or Carlisle and tell me they don't have souls. I've pondered this for so long. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. How can you think you don't have a soul? I just don't believe it! All of you have touched so many lives in such wonderful, caring ways."

He appeared aggravated. "I don't have a soul because I'm a murderer, Bella! Carlisle, Esme - neither of them has taken a human life for sustenance. Even Rosalie! She killed the men who violated her, but she never took their blood into her body. That was simply justice. Jasper has killed others, as I have. Even though our reasons may be justified, when it comes to judgment day, the creator is going to see us for what we truly are. I'm damned Bella. Damned to hell!"

"And Alice?"

He looked out the window a long time. "We don't know about Alice's past. She hasn't' killed a human since she's been with us. She came to us shortly after she was changed. I'd like to think she is a better person because we're all together. Jasper came from a very different kind of family. He always regretted taking a human life. He could feel what they were feeling as he killed them, the terror. It really affected him. Emmett, well you know about that, don't you?"

I was sorry I chose this topic. Time to change it to something a bit more positive. Funny, I had brought up the last subject because I thought it to be positive.

"Edward, do you think one day _we_ might adopt a child? Would you want to do something like that? I don't regret never being able to have children of my own. I just never thought about any of your family seeing adoption as a reality for any of them."

He looked saddened by my remarks. He sighed as he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. "I regret that you have been changed and will never experience the joy of carrying a life, our child. I never thought about what I was missing until I met you. I don't know if I'd want a human child being raised by two vampires. The situation could really screw the kid up mentally. What happens when it's older, what if it decides it wants to become one of us? I couldn't damn my child to this life any more than I could damn you to it. Could you watch our child live out a human life, age and die? I don't know if I could."

"It would be tough, Edward, but it's something I would like to consider one day. Just don't shut the door on the idea, okay?"

Edward smiled, "So if you're talking children, are we committing to marriage?"

"I think I'd like to consider that too, one day." I knew it was what I wanted, but I didn't want to rush into anything. We had forever to work things out.

"Bella, I was going to ask you earlier, do you think you'll want to go to college? Jasper, Alice and I are all attending Cornell in the fall. Jasper and Alice have been there since September. If you're in control of yourself, perhaps you'd like to join us in August. Your paperwork will include a high school diploma; you'll be able to get into any college you desire. I might add that your transcript is a reflection of your actual achievements at your Forks and Phoenix high schools. All we did was change your name and give you the final diploma. You earned your diploma on your own."

"I don't know; I'm sure this life is boring without a hobby or two. Could I take English Lit?"

"Perhaps you'd like to be an English teacher, Bella. You can take any subject you like. I'm doing medical research this time. The sky is the limit. Did you know Cornell has fourteen separate facilities? It's a very impressive school."

_**Edward POV**_

Bella and I had been chatting comfortably for hours. It was getting dark and the conversation had never slowed down. I was reveling in the exchange between the two of us. I had missed her very intelligent insight.

There were some things about Bella that concerned me. And even though we had discussed some of it, I felt that we needed to talk about it more. I felt like this was the time we should air all our dirty laundry, so when we settled into our new home, we could start with a clean slate. I had thought this trip was going to give me answers, but so far, all I had were more questions.

"Bella, can I ask you about the night Jasper found you? I'm still a bit unnerved about some of the things I saw."

She looked hesitant but nodded her head, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

"When Jasper brought you into the house, you were cut, bruised, bleeding. You had a lot of small precise cuts on your arms, thighs, stomach. How did you get those, Bella?" I contained the growl that was growing in my chest. I knew the answer and I knew it was my fault, but I needed to hear it. I needed for her to tell me what I had done to her. I needed to find a way to repent, and the pain of hearing her tell me how I had physically broken her was torture. I needed this punishment; coming from her, it was as if someone were physically giving me lashes, each thing she had done to herself bringing me more pain. I needed the pain right now.

"Do you remember when I told you I did some dangerous things because I could hear your voice more clearly?"

I could do nothing but nod my head. I couldn't trust myself to speak.

"When I was really depressed and I hadn't been able to conjure you up in a while, I would…" she put her head in her hands; she couldn't even look at me. I put my index finger under her chin and lifted it. I raised my eyebrow and looked at her. She had my undivided attention.

"I cut myself Edward, with a razor blade. I did lots of things I'm not exactly proud of."

I was devastated. I was pissed off. She asked me how long she was going to carry the guilt of hurting her family. How long was **I **going to have to carry the guilt of hurting her so deeply? "Why, Bella? How could you harm yourself? You promised. Do you know how many cutters get systemic infections because they cut with a dirty rusty object?"

She slouched down in her seat, shifting away from me a bit. Her hands were in her lap now, and she was peering out the window as she spoke. She appeared extremely embarrassed. "I always used a clean razor blade. I cleaned it with alcohol; I never used one that was rusted. I didn't cut too deep. I couldn't risk a trip to the emergency room. They'd have sent me to the psych ward if they knew what I weighed."

"What if you cut the wrong place? You could have bled to death. And what about your aversion to blood?" If I was on my feet, I would have been pacing.

I could barely choke out the words. "I can think of a number of reasons they'd have sent you to the psych ward, all of them extremely unhealthy."

I felt like I was dying inside. Some of this situation occurred because we went to a shrink, but I'm beginning to wonder if Carlisle shouldn't find Bella someone to discuss some of these things with. _Someone whose receptionist isn't a writer. _I can't speak about it objectively.

"About your weight, you had a strange odor, Bella. Carlisle said its how anorexics smell as their organs are breaking down due to lack of protein. Had you become anorexic, bulimic? Bella, you have to tell me."

She hung her head. So many times since she came back to me, I expected her quick tears or sudden blush. Not only did she look embarrassed, she looked terribly sad. Still we needed to get everything out in the open before we could begin to heal. "No Edward, I just didn't have any desire. Food wasn't enjoyable for me. I just didn't eat. I think I was pretty good at fooling Charlie. He never admonished me for not eating."

"Did you sleep at all? You had horrible rings under your eyes. We don't look like that till we are nearly starving. You didn't take very good care of yourself, Bella. I'm disappointed."

Suddenly she stiffened in her seat. The look on her face was one of extreme fury. "When you left, you took every bit of life I had with you. I had no desire to function. I only went through the motions to keep Charlie off my back. You took away my happiness. You took away my self confidence. You murdered my soul. You sucked the life right out of me! How _dare_ you judge me and the way I coped with the mess you left behind? What did you expect to accomplish?"

I almost had forgotten that the sweet, soft warm being I had loved was now a cold-hearted vampire like myself. Damn, was she pissed off. It killed me that she had been hurting, but it felt good to know that she was expressing her anger. Anger I could deal with.

Every word she screamed had cut me deeper. I wasn't making her say these things to hurt her. I never wanted her to feel pain over me again. I needed to know what disaster I caused, and I will find a way to atone for the anguish I caused in her life. I felt terrible. I know I had yelled at her every time the conversation turned in this direction. I wasn't mad at her, not really. I felt bad to know she thought I was disappointed in her. I was furious, with myself. When the time came, I had a lot to make up for. Still, for now, I needed to hear the entire story.

"What else aren't you telling me, Bella?" I knew there was more, I just knew it. "Please tell me."

"Uh," she hesitated a bit and twirled her finger in her hair absently staring at the floor. "Did I tell you I bought a motorcycle? I bought two, actually."

"I don't want to know about this, do I?" I knew I was going to regret this.

"I found them before Christmas. They were free; I just had to pay for the materials to get them roadworthy. I gave one to Jake for all his help."

I knew I really didn't want to know, but I was hanging on her every word and I had to continue my line of questioning. "And what did you _do_ with said motorcycles after they were complete? It was winter, did you ever _ride_ them?" The way she had hesitated, I knew that she had. I just wasn't quite ready for her replies.

"Yeah, I learned how to ride, eventually. We only went out on the beach when it was dry."

"Why the beach, Bella?"

"Jake felt I would be safer. It was all open, no traffic, and well, no asphalt. Don't get me wrong, wet sand is hard. And yeah, I still got some road rash."

I was relieved - road rash. It could have been much worse. Before I completed my thought, she continued.

"Charlie never found out. I was sure he would when Dr. Gerandy told him to watch me after the second concussion."

Wait! Stop, what was she saying? I had left my mind wander for just a second. "What did you just say?"

She sighed like she was repeating something to a little kid. "Charlie didn't ever find out…." I interrupted her.

"Not that part! What concussions?" I was growling now. "Bella…"

"Um, the first day I used the hand brake by accident and I went over the handlebars, into a tree. Big gash on my head, lots of blood. ER. Stitches. A normal day in the life of Bella Swan."

"Go on, I know there's more." I frowned.

"It was just a small concussion. I only had a headache for a day or two. Charlie thinks I fell in Jakes garage. I think he was so happy I was out of the house, and with Jake, that he let the issue of the sutures slide."

"More, Bella?"

"Yeah." She was squirming in her seat. "I saw you both times before I crashed." There must have been a look of shock on my face. "You didn't make me crash! It happened later! Really." I wasn't relieved in the least. She had gotten hurt. "The second time I guess I hit my head pretty hard, I woke up vomiting in the truck, part way to the hospital. Jake wasn't able to wake me on the beach."

I knew the answer. "Another concussion." I sighed, running my hands through my hair again.

"It was a little worse. Actually, a lot worse than the first one. They found a contusion. They were concerned because I had lost consciousness. I'd had a seizure. I guess that's common with a head injury. Jake had a hard time talking them into letting me go home. I went to the clinic at La Push that time, and we were there for most of the night. Finally, their doctor agreed to let me go home if someone was with me for 48 hours. They wanted to keep me for two days. You know how I feel about hospitals."

"That idiot! How could Jacob…" I emphasized the name in a less than friendly tone. "How could Jacob _begin_ to think he could care for you in that state? I wouldn't have brought you home unless Carlisle was there to watch you! Hell, Bella, Forks General would have never let you go home that night."

"That's why I begged him to take me to the clinic. I almost got caught that time; the doc called Billy's to let him know I needed to be observed for complications and Charlie was there, watching a game. Billy told him I had gotten hurt, so Charlie talked to the doctor. Thank God Paul and Embry hid the bikes. And luckily, there was no blood that time."

"No Blood?" I screamed. "No blood on the outside maybe! A contusion means there's a bruise on your brain - a pool of blood, Bella! Your brain could have hemorrhaged! What, in the name of all that's holy, is the matter with you Isabella?!" I finished with, "You could have died!"

She just shook her head. "I know, but I didn't."

I wanted to scream. I think I damaged my steering wheel. I had to take a minute to compose myself before I could say anything else. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"

She shook her head, letting me know that was all. I took her hand and whispered, "Okay."

We had agreed to meet the family in Sioux Falls, SD. Bella had been quiet for a long time, and I was driving as fast as I could go. I didn't know if she wanted to stop. We didn't need to stretch our legs or walk around. It was mainly a stop to make sure everyone was okay, that the cars were running properly, and that nothing had gone wrong. I thought Bella might want the interaction with the girls. The conversation in the car had been intense, the exchange becoming heated often.

At one point I considered not making the stop, but as soon as the thought passed through my head, my cell was buzzing. It was no surprise who was on the other end.

"Don't even think about it, bud. You've been hogging her for hours. She needs to freshen up, and she needs some girl time to get her bearings. You have no idea how hard it was for her to tell you everything." In truth, I was relatively certain I knew exactly how hard it was for her to tell; nearly as gut wrenching her story was to hear, I'm sure.

It was agreed we'd pull off at a place called 'Burger Time". It was a Mom & Pop type establishment with a walk up window and picnic tables littering the lot. We chose to stop here so Bella could sit outside and not be in confined surroundings with people. She had shown extreme control, yet I didn't want her to get into any trouble and have regrets. Emmett actually went up and ordered a half pound buffalo burger and fries. Rose gave him _that look. _

He just shrugged. "What? I've never tasted buffalo before!" As he bit into the burger, everyone, including Bella, grimaced. He just laughed. "I need to get used to ordering human food. When Oliver comes to live with us, I want to do what Edward did with Bells. I want him to have every human experience possible. So when he's older, if he decides he wants to be one of us, he hasn't missed out on anything."

Rose shrugged. "If you puke in the rental car, you're cleaning it up." She then proceeded to lean in, grab the front of his shirt and plant a kiss firmly on his lips.

Some of the others went up and ordered drinks or fries, keeping up the façade. Alice kept dropping fries on the ground for a chipmunk. He seemed to enjoy them. We just looked like any other American family on a trip. Looks were entirely too deceiving.

While we were discussing the rest of the trip, Rose and Emmett walked around, checking the fluid levels in all the rental vehicles. Everyone but Carlisle had rented vehicles in Forks; he didn't go far without the Mercedes. He felt more at ease knowing we had one vehicle in our possession that would allow us to hide what was going on inside of it. Knowing Bella could be in a bad state was all the more reason to justify the decision. Driving like we do, he made it to Forks almost as quickly as the rest of us did by plane. Until we had several layovers and plane changes, it took us nearly as long as it would have driving.

The moving truck Alice and Jasper were driving had overheated a few hours back. They had to tape up a hose to keep going. Em and Rose had seen an auto parts store on the way into town and decided to just go buy the hose. If we broke down on the road in broad daylight, we couldn't get out to make any repairs until nightfall. Luckily, it had been overcast almost constantly since we left Forks. We couldn't have asked for better travel weather.

Bella and Alice went for a walk, arm in arm, like sisters. Finally, they truly were. Alice had waited so long for this day, and even though they were walking away, I knew there was a smile on her face.

I tried so hard to shut them out, to give them privacy, so I went over and sat next to Esme. I rubbed her back and gave her a one armed hug. Through everything, she had stood by me. She never judged and never questioned my actions. One would look at someone soft and sweet as Esme and never imagine she is a rock. She's my rock. When I'm drowning, I know I can grab a hold of her and she'll keep my head above water. She always knows what to say. She always knows when to just be quiet and supportive. For a mother who lost her child almost the moment he was born, she had more experience than could be imagined. Had we done that to her? Shaped her into the wonderfully maternal being that she was? I can't imagine a more perfect mother. I was so fortunate to have been blessed not once, but with two incredible creatures to call mother. While they were very individual, the way they loved me was very similar. I was, truly, blessed.

Esme took my hand, pulling me from my bubble. "What's on your mind, Edward?"

I ran my hand through my hair, making a face and letting out a gust of air I'd been holding. "In some ways, it's like we're right back where we left off. In others, we're so far apart. I don't know how to reconcile the two."

"Honesty and communication are the most important parts of any relationship, Edward. I think you need to relinquish a bit of control too. Sometimes you are quite overbearing when it comes to Bella. You pretty much made all of Bella's decisions for her, dear. Understandable, as it were, but now, now she is your equal. She doesn't need to be protected so fiercely. You need to learn to let go."

I frowned. That was how I came off, overbearing, controlling. I bullied her into doing what I felt was best. I had no right telling her what to do. What was wrong with me? Was I simply protecting her, or was I some kind of control freak? Maybe some hypnosis of another kind is in order.

"I'm planning on proposing to her. Did Carlisle tell you?"

"Sweetheart, I've had your mother's rings in my jewelry box since I became part of the family. He had to get them from me. I can't wait; I think it's a wonderful idea."

"I don't want to rush her, it's not about that. I want to commit to her, so she knows I'm not going anywhere again. She knows how old fashioned I am, engagement is a commitment I consider to be as binding as marriage."

She nodded in understanding.

"I'm going home tomorrow, Esme."

"We all are." She said, laughing quietly.

"No, I'm going home, Esme. Chicago. We're going to stop on the way through. Take a small detour."

She looked surprised. "Edward, are you sure you're ready for that?"

"I think so." It came out more like a question. "There are some things I need to discuss with her, I think it'll be easier somehow if we're there. It all started in Chicago for me."

I paused. "Would it sound too macabre to propose to her in the cemetery with my parents?"

She was thoughtful before she answered me. "I think almost everything about our existence is a bit macabre. The way she's taken everything in stride, I just don't see that it'll matter all that much to her. I think it's all in your delivery."

I could see everyone heading back to us. Carlisle was in a lawn chair, stretched out, palms up, eyes closed, like he was sunning himself under the cloud cover. Bella giggled and tried to sneak up on him, silly girl. Before she got to him, he turned and grabbed her, tickling her ribs with both hands. She fell to the ground and he followed, both laughing hysterically. Emmett leaned down and offered them each a hand up. He then proceeded to throw her over his shoulder and run with her to my car. I was beginning to realize all of the benefits there were to Bella's being changed. She could never have interacted with any of us like this before.

I can't believe I fought against this so hard. She fit in so perfectly. In this moment, I realized this was Bella's destiny. And tomorrow, I intended to ask her to be mine for the rest of time.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and all rights therein. I own nothing…**

**This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. Thanks!**

**A/N: I promised myself, this wouldn't happen, but a situation has arisen that makes this necessary. Due to a RL situation beyond my control, I will only be able to post Mirage once a week until further notice. I apologize for any inconvenience. Don't hate me, it's for the best…really.**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Seventeen**

_**Bella POV**_

Edward and I decided to conquer a few more demons in our travels. When we entered the state of Illinois, Edward leaned over, and wrapped his arm around me once more. He pulled me close and nuzzled my neck. "Would you like to see my childhood home, Bella? Since I've been dreaming, I've thought about it so much. The memories are so vivid."

I leaned into him and reached over taking his face in my hand, kissing him on the cheek. "I'd love to see your home, Edward. That is, if you want me to. Are you sure you're ready?"

"Bella, I've waited almost a century to go home. I'm never going to be more ready."

He told me he had never visited Chicago after he was changed. As we drove, he told me a bit more about the time when he was changed.

At the hospital, when Edward's mother died, before he took Edward away, Carlisle removed Elizabeth's wedding rings with the knowledge that he was going to attempt to save Edward. Along with Elizabeth Masen's rings was the one that had been Edward's fathers. It had been given to his mother after his father had died. He took these items, feeling they should accompany Edward. After he had taken Edward to his home and changed him, he became concerned that someone might come looking for him if he didn't come in to work, thinking he had also taken ill with the influenza. If anyone heard Edward screaming, they would be discovered.

Carlisle was able to acquire a buggy from a neighbor, explaining there were some families he had to check on. Knowing he had to be tired from working so hard with the ill, the neighbor gladly offered to lend him the horse and buggy. Carlisle waited until late in the night and drove Edward to his family home, sneaking him in the back. With no need for light, they shouldn't have been able to be seen. Most people in that neighborhood had either already entered the hospital or had died. It was a virtual ghost town. Those who still remained would know the entire family had succumbed.

Looking around himself, knowing how close the family was, Carlisle had made a decision. He would make certain Edward didn't lose possession of his childhood home. He'd contact Eleazar, his solicitor. Most people had a hard time resisting Eleazar, and normally, he got whatever he demanded. Edward was the only heir. It shouldn't be hard to acquire the home.

It appeared the family was well off. There were several paintings and other pieces of jewelry. The house had been left exactly as it had been the day Edward was admitted to the hospital.

Carlisle had returned to the house after he had purchased it. The most valuable items were removed, in case of theft. Even though Edward was dead, for all intents and purposes, the items in the house were his birthright. Carlisle wanted to be certain they were secure. Carlisle arranged regular maintenance until the time Edward was able to take over the decisions concerning the house. At some point, he had turned everything over to Edward, who made all the decisions, and managed a crew to clean and maintain it.

We drove along Lake Michigan on Lake Shore Drive. Chicago is a huge city; it's hard to imagine all these things were here when Edward was a little boy. We made our way to the 'Old Town District'. Soon, we turned onto North Ave, and before I knew it the sign, said 'Cleveland Ave.' This is the street Edward said we were looking for. We eventually passed a huge church, although it looked more like a cathedral than a church.

Edward said softly, "That's my church. St. Michael's. My parents were married there, I was baptized there, and all our funerals were held there." I remained quiet, allowing him to talk. "Although only a few relatives were permitted to attend because we had died of the influenza. Mother attended Dad's services, but I was already sick. Carlisle changed me immediately after mother passed. There were plenty of bodies in the morgue; it wasn't hard for him to find a substitute for me. The bodies were sewn into cloth bags in the morgue, the caskets were kept closed. Carlisle snuck in and watched mother's services. We left Chicago as soon as I was finished changing."

I felt terrible for Edward. He lost his entire family in a matter of days. He was terribly ill, and then to be thrust into this life with no warning with no choice. I guess that in a sense, we were both in the same boat. I was dying when I had been changed, and I lost both my parents in a matter of days too.

St. Michaels was only a few blocks from Edward's home. He explained that this section of town had been badly destroyed by the fire of 1871, and St. Michaels was barely saved. Edward's home was a new home when his parents moved in. They had purchased the vacant parcel after the fire, he explained. "Mother loved to entertain so they bought a total of four lots. You have to see the gardens out back. She designed everything. I'm certain they still look like they did when she was caring for them.

Edward drove past a beautiful red brick home. It was three stories high, with a huge porch that wrapped around the building. There were many stained glass windows and big, heavy front doors. He squeezed my knee and said, "This is home. Before we stop though, let's drive around a bit. I want to see if some of the landmarks of my youth are still here."

We drove for a long time. He'd point to certain places and make comments. When we saw signs for the Lincoln Park Zoo, he regaled me with memories of Sunday afternoon visits to the zoo and the conservatory that neighbored it. When we were traveling down Lincoln Ave, Edward exclaimed, "That's the Biograph Theatre! Do you know its story?" I shook my head. "The place became famous in 1934 when the FBI shot Dillinger there; of course that was after I had left Chicago. It was built when I was thirteen. My parents used to take me there to watch silent movies. I remember I used to sneak in Oreo cookies in my coat pocket. They were my favorite, before that almost every cookie was homemade. I understand now, with everything so commercialized that most people would prefer home made to Nabisco, but at the time…"

I found this quite funny. "You ate Oreos? I didn't know they were that old!"

"Actually, they started making them when I was about 11. What a novelty. My Mom made sure to always get them for me from the corner store. She loved spoiling me."

I couldn't imagine being Edward's mother and _not_ spoiling him. He was enchanting, and I'm sure even as a human boy he had cast his spell over everyone like he had done to me. When he spoke again, he pulled me out of my trance.

He was saying something about some of his favorite places. Edward pointed out the Chicago public library, the Montgomery Ward building, and the Abraham Lincoln Monument. He told me tidbits of things that he remembered. He told me how his mother used to bring him to the Fine Arts building, and how they'd climb the stairs to the 10th floor to see the magnificent murals painted there.

We ended up in what appeared to be a financial district. Edward looked sad as he stared blankly out the window. "Dad's bank is gone. I knew a lot of the historic banks were still here. See that building? It has to be at least 15 stories. Dad's bank was here. It couldn't have been more than 2 or three stories. The cornerstone there says 1922, but dad's bank was built in 1910. I remember Carlisle telling me that a blimp had crashed into it. It was some sort of tragedy."

I had really enjoyed listening to Edward tell me about all these wonderful memories, so I continued to be quiet.

"A blimp flew out of the White City Park and suffered some sort of accident. I think ten or twelve people died. Employees and patrons of the bank alike died that day; tere must have been a fire. Perhaps it was damaged beyond repair. Mother used to be so proud bringing me into the bank. We'd go to father's office, and he'd let me sit in his big leather desk chair. It was cherry, with dark green leather. I remember spinning around and around. He'd just laugh and shake his head. He was never cross with me." Edward smiled a little smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

I asked Edward about the White City Park. "Did you go to the White City Park a lot, Edward? I remember you mentioning it earlier."

He grinned widely at my mentioning. "I loved the amusement park. We went almost every weekend during the summers. Mum and dad would let me bring my friend, Carlton. We called him Carl for short. Sometimes his sister Lizzie would tag along. She was very young. Probably four years old. I remember she was such a pretty little girl. I know the park is gone; there was a huge conflict over turning the land into housing in the sixties. It's a shame, what a place it was."

"What kind of attractions did a park at the turn of the century have to offer?" I couldn't imagine.

"I think the park opened when I was four or five - Carl was a few years older than me. We always went to see 'Big Otto's Trained Wild Animals," he said with a grin. "They had bears, and monkeys, and elephants. They all did tricks, riding bikes, playing ball, counting with their feet. Big cats jumping through flaming hoops."

"But the amusement park? There was an exhibit called 'Trip to Mars' which was about space travel. They had no idea we'd eventually accomplish it. There was another called Incubator babies. That one featured real preemies. I'm sure most of them would have died anyway, but exposing them the way that they did, how could they have ever had a chance? Appalling. One of my absolute favorites was called Midget City. They had a tiny town, little horses, and tiny houses. All the residents were midgets or dwarves. It was no where near politically correct. It was incredibly funny, though. In that day and age, people so small in stature weren't given the opportunity to work other than as sideshow attraction. Another time the exploitation of little people was committed so widely was during the filming of 'The Wizard of Oz' in 1939."

I grinned, squeezing his hand as he continued to lose himself in the stories.

"I remember when I was about five the rollercoaster broke down, and several people were hurt. I remember mother had a fit; I had just ridden it a day or two before. I was never allowed to ride it again. As I got older, my parents took me dancing in the big ballroom. It held hundreds and hundreds of people. They loved to dance with each other. Their love was always so evident in everything they did, Bella. I want what they had. I love you so much, Bella."

I was humbled this magnificent man had eyes only for me. I wanted what the Masens had too. My parents were a poor example of love; I wanted so much more than they had.

Edward was talking again, although I wasn't paying attention. "Could you repeat that? I missed what you said."

"I was saying just a few days before dad got sick, we took Lizzie out to eat at the restaurant. It was called the College Inn. By then, Carl was in France. Did I ever tell you I taught her to play piano?"

"Wait, you did? I thought your Mom was the music teacher."

"She was, but when I was a teenager, she gave me several of her more gifted students to work with. Lizzie was a piano prodigy. An extremely intelligent little girl. There were several others I worked with. I composed a lot of music as well. I really enjoyed teaching, though. I wanted to go to war with Carl, but that made mother furious. Truly, had I not gotten sick, I'd have gone to University to be a music teacher. The war ended just a short time after my family died. Even if I had enlisted, I probably would have never shipped out."

It didn't escape my attention that we were back on North Cleveland Ave. We had just passed St. Michaels.

Edward looked content as we pulled up in front of 2347 N. Cleveland Ave. He sighed. "Well, this is it. Do you want to go inside?"

_**Thanks for reading. Please review.**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: The Twilight universe belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.**

**This chapter beta'd by the smart and witty Bronzehairedgirl620. Bronze, thanks for making my words look pretty!**

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**Mirage**

**Chapter Eighteen**

_**Bella POV**_

I looked at him warily. This wasn't about me. "Are you ready? Do _you_ want to go inside?"

He started to open his door. He leaned back in and kissed me. "Come on." He said, and without another word, got out.

I opened my door and followed him up the sidewalk. The house was incredible. While the architecture was old, the house was in beautiful condition. The lawn was well manicured, the landscaping beautiful. I could see Edward living in this home. It suited him perfectly. The porch was free of furniture; you would've never known this house hadn't been occupied in years.

He pulled a key ring from his pocket; there was a skeleton key and a newer key on the ring. He unlocked the old lock, and then above it a newer brass deadbolt. "Carlisle had the groundskeeper install it a few years back, as there were burglaries in the neighborhood. He's always been extremely adamant about this house and its contents being my birthright. He didn't want my things to fall into the wrong hands."

As we walked through the door, Edward flipped a light switch. "Our house was built with electricity. It was one of the first in the neighborhood. Many of my friends still used gas lights."

Directly ahead of us and to the left was a huge staircase. Much of the woodwork in Edward's home was cherry. The banister intricately carved. There seemed to be a lot of ginger breading in the archways between the rooms on the first floor. The walls were covered half way up with rich cherry paneling. Fresco paintings on the wall looked so three dimensional I had to touch one to be sure it was truly painted on the wall. The home was beautiful, yet very masculine. The furnishings had a woman's touch. The first room to the right was the parlor. The front wall curved out, making the room larger.

Edward took my hand and led me into the room. This was where the entertaining must've taken place, judging by the layout. The front right side of the house was round, where the room swept out sat a beautiful antique grand piano. Not a baby grand like in the Forks house, but the full grown version. It was absolutely incredible.

In the corner sat the Victrola he had told me about. In my head I replayed the story of dancing in the parlor to the music that came out of the Victrola. I looked down at the floor, knowing the rug I was standing on was the very one that Edward rolled back as a teenager. I wondered if any other girl had ever danced with him. I could see Elizabeth entertaining in this room. There were several beautifully upholstered sofas in the room. The side tables and cocktail table all had dark brown marble tops. The room was large with sparse furnishings.

I walked over and fingered the Victrola. Edward opened the lower doors, showing me books of 78 rpm disks. He explained the upper doors were the only means of controlling the volume. "She was made in 1915. I remember the day dad had it delivered; it was a birthday gift for mom. This model is the VV-XI; it was the most common model at the time."

He opened the lid and started cranking the handle. After about thirty cranks, he replaced the needle with one that looked surprisingly brand new. I raised an eyebrow. "You always use a new needle. See that little tin cup with the hole in it? It's called a needle holder. The used ones go in there. The needles in the back are loud needles, and the ones in the front are soft needles. You choose the needle based on the type of music you're playing."

Edward released a lever, sending the record into a spin before setting the needle down. I didn't recognize the tune, some very old piece. It was soothing. Enjoyable. Edward took my hand and we danced a bit. As the song ended, he lifted the needle.

Still holding hands, we walked together to the piano. He pulled the bench back and we sat down. The leather upholstery on the bench was well broken in, but not worn. Edward hesitated as he lifted only the key cover on the piano. "I won't open it all the way. I know it's not been tuned, and we won't be here too long, so you won't get to truly enjoy her beauty. If we come for an extended stay, we'll open the top lid and we'll have her tuned."

"Does it hurt it, being here in an unheated home all winter for so many years?"

"Ah, Bella, you should know by now we do nothing half way." He was smirking. "Of course it would hurt her to sit in an unheated home. The house has never been left unheated during the winter. A house needs people, or at least, it needs heat. After a while, the dampness would cause damage to the plaster. I can't let this place fall into disrepair."

He looked back down at the piano and closed his eyes. He went up and down the scales. To my untrained ears, it sounded pretty good. Edward played little snippets of music, most of it compositions I'd never heard before.

"I feel like if I turn around, she'll be sitting there in the chaise watching, waiting to praise me for entertaining her. She was always so full of praise. I don't think she ever used a negative word around me. Such a magnificent woman, Bella. Positive, proud, strong, loving. She doted on my father and me. We were her world. I wish you could have met her - she would have absolutely adored you". I thought he'd be sad, but he looked content, as well as extremely happy. At ease, here in this place he hadn't been in for nearly a century.

I followed him to the fireplace. There were several smaller photographs on the mantel, and a very large painting centered directly over the fireplace. Edward Sr. was to the left wearing a black suit. Edward had a lot of his facial features. Elizabeth was sitting in the center, wearing a beautiful high necked burgundy gown, and Edward, my Edward was standing on the right side of the painting, with his left hand on his mother's shoulder. He was smiling down towards her. He was probably about 15. His eyes a beautiful shade of green. His bronze hair unruly, looking like he combed it with his fingers.

Elizabeth was beautiful; I could see where Edward got his looks. His mother had the same piercing green eyes, her hair a darker red, pulled up into a large bun. Ed Sr. had lighter hair, closer to blonde, but not quite. Here was where the unruly hair came from. It was definitely inherited.

We walked down the hallway past a large dining room. There appeared to be seating for a dozen or so people. A beautiful china cabinet stood along the outside wall, filled with a gorgeous service of china. Edward frowned. "Shame none of our family will ever use it, isn't it?" Another china cabinet was filled with crystal and a silver service. Elizabeth had wonderful taste. I was learning quickly that many things I saw in Edward came from growing up in this home, with these beautiful people. Technically, I realized, they were my in-laws.

We spent the entire day wandering the house, poking around. A large walk-in closet held Edward's fascination for a long time. He was like a little kid. We broke out a long red box that said 'Parlor Croquet' on the top. Inside was an entire, miniature croquet set, all the little lawn hoops and markers had rubber feet so they could be used inside. There was a cloth bag from a seed store that contained all Edward's marbles. There were a couple of big Aggies. He got very animated, telling me how he would play all the kids in the neighborhood and take their prizes he was so good. He picked up a gorgeous cobalt blue marble with a clear ribbon woven through the middle, touched with the slightest bit of silver sparkle. "This," he grinned, "was my lucky shooter."

"If I took too many from any one kids, I always let them win some back. My mother taught me to be compassionate. We had a few bullies in the neighborhood, and I hated how they always treated the underdogs. Carl was always on the receiving end of some prank. He was three years older than me," he said wistfully, "but he was such a little guy. He suffered diphtheria as a baby, and survived it, but he was always sickly."

Another box netted something called an 'Over and Under'. It was a tin toy that was wound up. It had a two level race track around it and a tiny tin car. You started the car out on a little ramp, and then when the pins on the side of the car hit the lever, the car was flipped up over onto another track. Edward said he always liked it, but it never worked quite the way it was designed to.

Another tin toy had four or five tin cups that were up on a wire stand. Underneath was a catapult type tin lever that held a steel ball. Edward said that you rolled the ball down the lever, let it gain momentum, and then hit down on the lever flipping the ball into the cups. Each cup scored differently. After a set number of tries, the total was added up and the high score was the winner. The down side of the game was the fact that when you sat in front of the game and flipped the lever, the steel ball was catapulted directly towards your head. Edward confessed, he and Carl played a bit too rough. Elizabeth took the game away, fearing someone would take an eye out.

There were a lot of tin toy cars, farm implements, and many paper mache farm animals with real hair tails and feathers. We looked at everything Edward wanted to explore.

On the second floor of the house, Edward pulled me into a small sitting room onto a couch. We snuggled and kissed for a while as he explained that this was his second favorite room in the house. There was a window seat overlooking the street at the front of the house. Edward told me his mother often sat with him on the window seat and read with him as he learned to read. They sat here and discussed his day at school, and sometimes they looked at the family photo album. He reached under the sofa and pulled out a leather bound book with a silver clasp on the front. It simply stated 'photographs' on the cover.

We thumbed through the pages, Edward pointing out different family members. Grandmother Masen was a strong looking woman. She had the grim look that was often seen in the photos from the turn of the century. She looked … mean. Edward said he remembered her being rather stern.

We came to a page that stated simply 'Baby' at the top. There were pictures of Edward over the period of a year or two. A snapshot fell, face down onto the floor. There was writing on the back. I leaned down to pick it up and noticed Edward looked upset. I turned it over. It was a photo of Edward Senior and Elizabeth, each holding a tiny bundle. Turning it over I read the back, I was puzzled. It said 'June 27, 1901' and below that 'Lawrence Andrew and Edward Anthony'. Shocked, I looked at Edward.

Twins?

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**I apologize for the short chapter. This was the right place to stop. The plots twists have just begun. I'll see you next weekend!**

**Everyone who reviews gets a chapter 19 teaser. Yeah, I know…shameless bribes. Hey, a girl has to do, what a girl has to do.**

**Thanks for reading, please review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, Stephenie Meyer does. I love it when her characters want to come out and play. All original characters and plots are mine.**

**A/N- I apologize for the lapse in posting. Since this chapter is so short, I promise you another chapter later in the week. I hope to be able to resume my M-W-F posting schedule soon. Thank you for your patience.**

**This chapter beta'd by the beautiful and talented Bronzehairedgirl620. Did I mention she's funny too? Rumor has it she's working on an update to my favorite fic. Go check out her stuff if you haven't before, I'm telling ya, it's so worth your time!**

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****Mirage**

**Chapter Nineteen**

_**Bella POV**_

_Last Chapter…._

_We came to a page that stated simply 'Baby' at the top. There were pictures of Edward over the period of a year or two. A snapshot fell, face down onto the floor. There was writing on the back. I leaned down to pick it up and noticed Edward looked upset. I turned it over. It was a photo of Edward Senior and Elizabeth, each holding a tiny bundle. Turning it over I read the back, I was puzzled. It said 'June 27, 1901' and below that 'Lawrence Andrew and Edward Anthony'. Shocked, I looked at Edward._

He held his chin in his hand, shaking his head. "He was my twin. That was taken the day we were sent home from the hospital. He died when we were young; he was sick for a very long time. No one knew what was wrong with him. Medicine wasn't what it is now. No one could help his 'condition'.

If I could cry, I know I would have. An hour ago we were playing with vintage tin toys, laughing and having a ball. The light mood had changed immediately with that one seemingly insignificant picture. Edward put the picture back in the book and closed it. The book went back under the settee. "It's one of the only pictures that were ever taken of him, I remember. It hurt mother too much to look at it, so it was always in the back of the book."

"Carlisle told me years after I was changed that there were several infant deaths in my family. He had read this in Mother's chart as she lay dying in the hospital. He wanted to learn all he could about my parents so that he could share the information with me when I was ready. I was the only one who survived. The other babies either never made it to term or died in infancy. I never knew. Women's health issues weren't something that were openly discussed and definitely not in front of a teenaged son. I think that's why she always took to Lizzie. She was the little girl she never had."

I walked over to the bookcase and fingered the spines of the books. It's funny; many of the books Carlisle was having transported to Ithaca for me were sitting in this library as well. All priceless treasures, many being first editions.

Edward got up and wandered down the hallway. We passed a lavatory. There was a toilet with the pull chain and the tank almost to the ceiling. A pedestal sink sat in the far corner. The old claw footed bathtub was huge. Edward sighed, "The house hasn't had water since it was closed up in 1918. There used to be a well, but the city banned them years ago. A new city water service was never hooked up because even if I were to come here for a few days, I'd have no actual need for it."

He sounded sad; I couldn't understand why someone would get sentimental over…water? His next thought made it perfectly clear what was on his mind. I was a bit surprised.

"That tub was wonderful. I'd love to have a scalding hot soak, wouldn't you? There used to be an old cistern system as well, on the roof, that heated the water with sunlight in a great big tank. Carlisle had it removed because it was causing the roof to leak. It would be very romantic to share a bath here, don't you think?" He winked at me as he said, "Perhaps we should have the water hooked up after all."

There had been a lot of chaste touching, and some rather intense kissing, but not once had there been any suggestive conversation between us. He was always so much the gentleman. It surprised me even more that he made the comment.

We passed a bedroom that was large with high ceilings. The window coverings were dark blue velvet, the bedding was the same color in a heavy brocade. There were quite a few pillows on the bed. A wingback chair sat in the corner. Another marble topped accent table next to it. A kerosene lamp sat on the table.

All he said was, "Guest room."

We passed a room with a rose chintz patterned paper on the top half of the wall and the lower portion was moss green with pale stripes. An oak chair rail ran the entire way around the room covering the place where the two patterns of wall paper intersected. The bedding and window treatments were a deep rose in color. A smaller version of the painting over the fireplace sat on a dresser. A small sofa was in the corner, a dresser and vanity matching the heavy oak bed on one side of the room. A matching oak chest of drawers on the other side.

"My parent's room."

On top of Elizabeth's vanity lay a silver hand mirror, matching silver hairbrush, and silver trimmed Bakelite comb. A small brocade zipper pouch lay next to the vanity set. Edward picked it up and put it in his pocket. I eyed him questioningly. "Mother's rosary. I can't believe Carlisle left it here. He said he took all the jewelry, they're in a safe deposit box". I was surprised he remembered what was in the bag without looking. It amazed me how many of his human memories he had recovered since he began sleeping.

Last we came to a smaller room, but still just as gorgeous as the rest of the house. He simply said, "Mine."

The walls were tan with gold leaves throughout the wallpaper. On the bed was a heavy, black velvet covering. The ribbing on the edge was gold, and there was a fine gold design woven through the material. The curtains matched the bed spread. A cherry chest of drawers sat along one wall. On top of the chest of drawers was a framed photograph. Obviously it was black and white, but had been tinted, as was often done before color photographs were common. The pose was similar to the portrait over the fireplace. They all looked so happy. Almost mischievous.

I asked Edward. "You weren't a very serious family, were you?" He cocked that eyebrow and tilted his head.

"I mean…you all look like characters, like you joked around a lot with each other. It's obvious you enjoyed having fun. Most photos of that era, the people had a grim look on their face."

He laughed. "Yeah, we had a lot of fun. Someone was always whistling, singing, humming, laughing, touching, tickling. There was never any doubt in my life that I was loved. There was never any doubt that they loved each other. They touched openly, not in a provocative sort of way. Reverently."

It was getting dark, and Edward decided to call Carlisle. I stepped into the hallway to give him some privacy. "Just wanted to let you know we're okay. Yeah, a lot of memories. Thanks for ensuring it would be here for me. I never realized how much it would mean to me to be able to come home."

He got incredibly quiet, practically whispering. "I was hoping to; I'd like to go to Graceland before I leave. We'll drive straight to Ithaca from there. We should be home around dark."

As he hung up, Edward looked at me and said, "Please make yourself comfortable, you can look at anything you want. I'll be back in a bit." He gave me a tiny smile and went out the back of the house through the kitchen. I went back to the parlor.

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A/N: Thanks for reading Mirage. Please review. Reviews are like hot chocolate on a cold day…they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Please check out my new story, _**Impact**_. Currently a oneshot entry for the Write What You Know contest on Live Journal, I'm working on expanding it into a full length fic.

_**Impact**_- Tragedy strikes neurologist and paraplegic Edward, but instead of finding only pain in the hospital, he meets a beauty from his past who has suffered just as much. Sometimes hurting and healing walk hand in hand, and the impact continues. : AH, Canon Pairings, OOC

A short teaser…

"He was traveling on the edge of the road, alone, his room mate never arrived to walk with him. A car hit him at approximately 35mph. She says she never saw him."

"How bad?"

"I'm sorry Carlisle, he's critical. His injuries are extensive. If he lives, he'll no doubt lose both legs. Most of the trauma is to his lower extremities. His torso was protected by the wheelchair frame and seat. The injuries to his face and head appear to be superficial. He told us he's AB positive. He's lucky. We were able to start transfusing him on the scene. He's already had two units of blood. It's running right through him. If they don't get the bleeding stopped soon, he'll bleed out."

I was frantically pulling my hair, how could this happen to someone like Edward? He was a GOOD boy. After the accident that took his parents, he channeled his pain into something constructive. How could anyone live through so much trauma, not only once, but twice? He didn't deserve this!


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Twilight universe. Any original characters and plot belong to me.**

**Much thanks to my beta, Bronzehairedgirl620. She makes this pretty so you can enjoy it.**

**A/N: I apologize for the update fail. There are no excuses, sorry.**

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****Mirage **

**Chapter Twenty**

_**Edward POV**_

It had been nearly a century since I'd lived here. Someone took me to the hospital in a carriage. I don't know who drove mother and I to the hospital, mother never drove, neither horses nor our new car. I had just learned to drive the car, but I was in no condition to do so. Dad was already gone. It was only a day or two more and mother was in a hospital bed, too. She was so sick, but Carlisle told me that if she had gotten her rest instead of caring for me, she'd had the best chance of survival of any of the three of us. Dad was so sick by the time he was admitted, it was too late. I was in much the same condition. Even after they admitted her and started treating her, mother refused to leave the chair next to my bed. Carlisle said she killed herself nursing me. After Carlisle changed me, we came here for the few days I needed before I could travel.

I hadn't thought about coming here for such a long time. It was a long buried part of my past that I had preferred to keep buried. After Carlisle started letting me sleep, I dreamed about my only real home. Every place I've lived with my new family was transitional. We'd no sooner get into a comfortable routine and it would be time to move on. We had homes all across the northern United States. There was no rhyme or reason to which home we chose next when it was time to move.

It seemed fitting to come here for the first time with Bella. She calms me. I knew that I can handle anything when I'm with her. I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion walking through this place, realizing for the first time in a very long time just how much I missed my parents. I am so indebted to Carlisle for having the foresight to save my family home for me. I can never repay him for the gift he has given me. Coming here is like stepping into a time capsule. Nothing has changed one bit. Everything is in the same place as it was when I last walked these halls. The only thing missing is the laughter, the music, my family.

I have a new family to share this with now. Perhaps one day Bella will want to live here for a time. In the winter it's not too bright. It would be harder to live here than it is in Forks, but we could adapt. I knew Bella liked the house. I hated keeping it as just a shrine to my tragic past. It would be more meaningful to me to be able to come here with her and stay for extended periods. Enjoy ourselves. It amazes me so many of my favorite places still remain in Chicago. I'd love to share it all with her one day.

I was handling everything alright until Carlisle asked me about visiting Mom and Dad. I wasn't going to go to Graceland, but Carlisle suggested it was time. I left him believe I'd already decided to go there. I think he'd be disappointed if I didn't. My parents deserved a proper goodbye.

I had been carrying mother's engagement ring since Carlisle gave it to me the morning we left Forks. Was it only yesterday morning? It seems like much longer. I don't know if Bella will have an aversion to wearing a ring that was taken off of my mother's corpse. I've been the way I am for so long, things that have to do with death don't bother me. I guess we'll see tomorrow. Graceland Cemetery is one of the most beautiful pieces of real estate in Chicago. Nothing has ever been conventional in our relationship, proposing to my beautiful Bella in the cemetery, in the presence of my parents just doesn't seem that out of the ordinary. It's supposed to rain in the morning, clearing off around lunch time. As soon as it's open, we'd go visit my parents.

I needed a few minutes to pace and think and calm my emotions. Bella had been more than comforting, knowing when to be quiet and let me ramble and when to inject humor or ask questions. She's left me take the lead and rediscover at my own pace. I still marvel at my great fortune. She loves me, and she's mine for the rest of time. I can't believe I nearly lost her.

Heading back inside, I followed her scent to the music room. She sat at my piano, mother's piano, with her eyes closed, humming her lullaby. I slid in next to her and started to play her song. For as long as it sat untouched, the piano sounded remarkably clear. There were notes that were off, but it wasn't unbearable.

When the song was over, she clung to me, holding me, sobbing. I didn't understand. She smiled up at me and said, "This has been such an emotional day, I've learned more about you in one day, Edward Masen Jr., than I have in the entire time we've known each other. I feel so sorry for everything you lost, Edward. I know you're hurting, I wish I could make it go away."

I spoke quickly. "Bella, this is much like the stop we made to say goodbye to Charlie as we were leaving Forks. I've never had any closure. I needed this, and while I am sad, I can't think of anyone I'd rather share this experience with. This visit really has been enjoyable, liberating for me. Please don't be sad. Carlisle and Esme offered to come with me so many times, but it was making this journey _with you_ that made me _want_ to stop. I've never been ready before. You helped give me closure."

"There are some things I'd like to look through, a few things I'd like to do. Since it's dark, if you would like, you should check out the gardens; it's safe for you to go outside now. My mother was a meticulous gardener. They are much more lovely in the summer, but even now they are breathtaking. I know they've been well looked after. I hope you understand I just need a bit of alone time."

She shook her head, her beautiful chestnut curls bouncing across her shoulders. "Take all the time you need, Edward, I can occupy myself. Perhaps I'll take a walk. I'd love to see the inside of Saint Michaels. I'll be back in a bit." She stood on her tiptoes, put her arms around my neck and gave me a sweet kiss. She left go of me, turned and walked out the door, grabbing her coat from the vestibule on her way out.

Somehow, in my haste to get a few minutes of private time, I overlooked the fact that Bella was a newborn. _What had I done? I should follow her._ I should be responsible, yet hadn't I just this morning told her I was going to reign in my control issues and trust her? I know she would never leave here is she felt she couldn't handle it. She would tell me. I'll give her a bit and if she's not back, I'll follow her scent.

_Trust, Edward, trust. She says she's okay. Trust her._

I walked to my parent's room. I knew it was childish, but I crawled into their bed, hugging mother's pillow to my chest and trying to remember her voice, the smell of her skin. It was these things I missed. They had been gone so long that their essence was completely gone from this place. Still, I felt like they were here embracing me, the prodigal son come home. I got up and smoothed out the bed, replaced the pillow. I walked to the closet and opened the door. I remember hiding in the back of this closet when I was little, behind all of Mother's long heavy dresses. She would put one hand on her hip and scold me, but she never raised a hand to me. I remember all the beautiful colors she wore, always deep rich colors. Most of the women we knew wore black. Mother was too much alive to do that. She was every bit a lady, but she wasn't afraid to dress in things that were appealing to the eye. She was tall and lean, but she had beautiful womanly curves in all the right places. My mother was a breathtaking woman.

I opened dad's dresser and fingered his bow ties; there were a few gold cuff links here. One set had his monogram. I slipped them into my pocket. It was my monogram, too. His gold pocket watch and chain were here, as well. I decided I might like to wear that for my wedding, it went into the pocket with the cufflinks. I studied the family portrait on the dresser. We were a very happy family. My parents were an attractive couple, love evident on both their faces. I was smirking in the painting. Mother had said something funny and I was laughing. The artist captured that, saying it seemed only natural to do so. I caught myself getting overwhelmed several times in this room, but I just felt the need to spend some time in here so strongly. I felt like they were here with me. I decided that when I left, this small painting would go with me.

I walked to mother's vanity. I touched the hair brush. I remember her sitting here, letting me brush her long locks when I was a little boy. By day her hair was always up in a neat bun or braid, but in the evening, after she was sure we would have no more visitors for the evening, she left her hair down. Dad loved her hair; he was always touching it, running his hands through it. Mother used to tease that she had to put it up each day or Dad would never get anything done. I remember watching her sit here putting on a light dusting of makeup. She would always end up putting a puff of powder on my nose, if I got too close. We'd both laugh.

I had never opened mother's vanity or dresser. Back in the day when we all lived here, it was unheard of for a young man to look at his mother's unmentionables. It's of no consequence now, but I still felt a bit awkward looking in her drawers. I pulled a drawer open that was full of ladies undergarments. Embarrassment washed over me. Seeing my mother's corset was too much for me, I promptly shut the drawer!

Yet, I wanted to know more about her; I wanted to remember. I opened the next drawer, finding handkerchiefs, white gloves, silk scarves and an envelope. An envelope… with mother's elegant script on the front. An envelope addressed… to me.

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**Another short chapter, but I promise excitement around the corner. I'll do my best to bring you the other half of this later in the week. Sometimes real life kicks my butt.**

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	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: The Twilight saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended. The original plots and characterizations in this story belong to me.**

**Many thanks go to Bronzehairedgirl620 for betaing yet another chapter. Check out her new piece 'Catalyst'. Once again she owns me with her ability to weave an awesome story that I can't get enough of. **

_**

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**__**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Twenty-one**_

The Letter

_**Edward POV**_

Opening the letter, I noticed it was dated October 17, 1918; the day after my father had succumbed to the flu. I remember Carlisle later telling me the day was called 'Black Thursday,' nearly 400 people having died that day in Chicago and 1200 more contracting the flu. The numbers were staggering for a 24-hour period. He told me there were no hearses available, the number of dead was so heightened. Many people had perished that day; they couldn't keep up with the demands. The patients in the morgue, my father included, were taken away, piled into trolleys draped in black.

I sat on the edge of their bed and unfolded the sheet of parchment.

_My dearest son,_

_I'm writing this letter in the hope that you will overcome this horrid illness and make it home soon. I buried your father today. I had always hoped that when the time came, I would go first, as I can't imagine a single day of my life without him. Looking around me today, knowing so many are losing their fight, I can only hope to follow closely behind him. I haven't been feeling very well today and I believe Dr. Cullen will make me stay at the hospital once he sees the state I am in. They don't want anyone with the fever wandering the streets, infecting others. But today, I had to be strong and put on a good show. I couldn't let your father be laid to rest all alone, with none of his loved ones present. He was the love of my life and I would have gladly gone with him today, if not for you._

_When you were younger, we approached Father James at St. Michaels. Neither your father nor I have siblings, and we wanted to make arrangements for your future. You are nearly a grown man now, Edward. I want you to know everything we've done, we've done for you. For your future. If anything happens, you still have a place to call home and money to take care of your needs for quite some time. You are young and healthy. There is no reason to doubt that you will come home when you're feeling better. Even though so many are falling ill, many are going home. I know it's only a matter of time until you become one of the lucky ones. Dr. Cullen has assured me he is doing everything humanly possible to make you well. Listen to him, son; do whatever he tells you to so that you can get well. He has promised me he will do everything in his power to save you. There is just something special about him that I can see. If anyone can save you, he will be the one to do it. I just know somehow. He's different from the other doctors._

_Sweetheart, you are our bright and shining star. It has always made us proud to call you our son. You are an intelligent, compassionate young man. I know you think going off to war is glamorous. Your father and I have dreams of you attending university and becoming successful. We planned for your education all of your life. Please don't waste your talents. Be the best that you can be at whatever it is you choose to do._

_I wish you and Lawrence had had the chance to grow up together. It breaks my heart that you had to be separated from him. It would give me great peace to know that you had found one another again, but I know that is not possible. I'm so sorry we have had to leave you all alone._

_We have always openly showed our affection for one another around you. True love is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is nothing to hide. Grandmother Masen would have disagreed; perhaps she would've even told you that I was some sort of harlot. Edward, I hope you find that special young woman who makes your heart race,, your palms sweat, and makes you go weak in the knees every time she utters your name. Always be a gentleman. You know right from wrong - I raised you to understand values. Please never forget them. Don't be in a hurry to lose your virtue. I know in this day and age, it's acceptable for young men to sow their wild oats. Your marriage will be much more enjoyable if you discover each other for the first time. When you find the right girl, you'll know._

_Please don't ever stop playing music; you are truly gifted. Share that gift with the world. Expressing yourself through music is a way to share your soul. You have the purest, most beautiful soul. Always be proud of who you are. Always remember we are proud of you!_

_If you're reading this letter, I have gone to be with your father. Know that we both love you more than life itself, and one day we'll all find one another again._

_Love Always,_

_Mother_

To say I was paralyzed would be an understatement. Apparently Carlisle hadn't wanted to rummage through my mother's things either, as he would have surely given me this many years ago had he seen it. I crawled onto my parent's bed again, under the bedclothes. I clutched the quilts around me and sobbed. I sobbed for my mother, the strong woman that she'd been, although father had been her other half and she couldn't bear to live without him. How I understood that sentiment. Perhaps she died of a broken heart. I sobbed for my father. He was such a loving, warm man. He wasn't afraid to show love or emotion, as some did in that time. And I sobbed for my brother Lawrence, who I never truly had the chance to get to know. His story was so much more tragic than the rest of ours. One day I would have to explain everything about him to Bella, but I was afraid she'd leave when she learned my truth.

I couldn't stop the shaking. I couldn't catch my breath, and for the first time in my life as a vampire, my face was wet with tears. I lifted my hand to wipe my cheek, and as I did, I was able to smell the venom. I'd never had a reaction like this before, but then again, not even when I left Bella behind did I have such an intense emotional collapse. Without ever reading this letter, without my human memories all these years, I had somehow managed to retain enough of my humanity to fulfill my parent's expectations of me.

Perhaps Bella and my family were right. Maybe I wasn't quite the monster I always condemned myself to be.

I lay like this for a long, immeasurable amount of time. I'm glad I didn't need to breathe. I'd be in trouble if I did.

I didn't hear Bella enter the room, but I heard her gasp when she found me in my parent's bed. Before she crawled in behind me, she touched my shoulder gently. "May I?"

I just nodded. I couldn't speak. She put her arms around me and pulled me close to her body. She whispered in my ear, telling me how much she loves me, how much she needs me and can't live without me. I am her everything. I wanted so badly to show her the letter, but it was so personal. It was almost like, for a short time, my mother was here with me, in this room, comforting me. It's uncanny how she could foresee some of the events that unfolded after her death, Carlisle told me she had asked him to do anything he had to in order to save me life. He said she was adamant that she knew only he could save me. Less than a week later, they were both gone and he did just as she asked. With that, my life became what it is today. And what about Bella - did my mother know I'd find my soul mate? Every parent wishes for that, but it's almost as if she knew.

I knew I couldn't sleep without Carlisle and his hypnotism, although I craved the peace that comes with slumber. Tonight, of all nights, I would benefit from a night free of my demons. I turned to Bella. She put her hand to her mouth and again, she gasped when she saw my tear streaked face.

"How?" She asked, awed.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Venom. I don't know why."

"You look terrible, Edward. I've never seen you like this. You're scaring me."

I didn't know what to say. I knew I was completely exhausted. I was spent. "I'm tired. I wish I could sleep."

"So sleep. You can do that now."

"I can't, not without Carlisle. He's almost home by now, no doubt."

Bella got up and padded across the room in her bare feet. She stopped at the very dresser I had taken the letter from, and picked up her cell phone.

I listened as she waited, speaking as someone answered on the other end.

"Carlisle, we've had a rough day. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride for Edward, and he looks terrible. He needs your help."

She handed me the phone. "Carlisle." I nodded my head before realizing he couldn't see me. "Yes, please. Bella will be here to answer the phone. Before daylight, please. Remember I have a stop to make on my way home."

Carlisle asked to speak with Bella for a minute. I could hear him perfectly as he spoke. "Bella, as I talk to Edward and am putting him under, I need you to help him to relax. Rub his back, his shoulder, calming circles. Run your fingers through his hair. I don't want you to talk; he needs to concentrate on what I'm saying to him. As he requested, I'll call in a few hours to wake him. If he appears to be in distress at any time, call me immediately."

She handed the phone back to me. Bella scooted away from my body so she had the range of motion to use her hands to relax me. Honestly, I didn't know if I could relax enough tonight to submit to Carlisle, but I had to try.

Carlisle spoke in a calming voice. "Edward, I want you to listen to my voice and try to relax. While you're relaxing, I'm going to slowly count to five. When I get to five, you'll go to sleep."

Bella began to run her fingers through my hair with one hand, lightly scratching my scalp with her nails. With the other hand, she rubbed from my ear lobe to the top of my outer ear, back and forth along the shell, between her index finger and thumb.

"Relax your extremities, Edward. Fingers, toes - wiggle them a bit and allow them to rest. I'm going to start counting now. One. Lean back into Bella and feel what she's doing for you. Don't think, son. Feel. Relax your arms now, Edward. Two. You're getting drowsy, Edward; let the feeling take you over. Relax your legs."

Bella moved her hands to my shoulders and started to massage me soothingly.

"Three. You're finding it hard to stay awake, Edward. Relax. Let your body sink down into the bed. Four. You can't keep your eyes open anymore. When I snap my fingers, you'll wake up rested and relaxed. Five."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, please remember to review. Your words make me squee and encourage me to post faster.**

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	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer and Twilight does not belong to me. I am in awe of the characters she created, had she not I wouldn't be having fun playing with them. A few original characters belong to me along with this totally screwed up plot. **_

_**A/N; Real life sux. 'Nuff said.**_

_**A huge thanks to my Bronzehairedgirl620 who suffered through betaing yet another of my chapters. She does a great job cleaning up my messes and is a f*ckawesome friend. **_

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_**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Twenty-two**_

_**Bella POV**_

"Bella?"

"He's asleep."

I didn't know what to think of the state I'd found Edward in when I returned from church. The rectory was already closed, so I had decided to walk around the neighborhood Edward grew up in and take in the sights. Much of this neighborhood had stood the test of time and had been here since before Edward's birth. What a beautiful place. Even by today's standards, this was an affluent neighborhood and the house was worth quite a lot.

I was a bit surprised when he suggested I go out. I thought he'd be terrified of letting me out unsupervised. Honestly, I wasn't thirsty, and everything was fine. He was so distracted when I came back that the subject never came up.

When I came back, I found Edward clutching a folded piece of paper. The envelope on the floor had his name written across it in elegant script, very similar to Edward's perfect handwriting, and he was sobbing so loudly that he didn't notice I had returned. Until I saw him and gasped, he was in his own little world.

It had been a long day. I knew he was excited and proud to show me the place of his childhood. Coming to the house, we had spent the day exploring. He seemed to be enjoying himself, but he was reserved. Uncertain. I could tell he was stressed and worried.

When he asked me to give him some time to himself, I knew he wanted some time alone with his parents, with his memories. As I started down the street, I saw the light come on in his parent's room. I was sure I'd find him there when I returned.

I gave him almost an hour; I didn't want him to stew over things for too long, knowing how he over-thinks everything.

When I composed myself I walked to the bed, but I didn't want to violate his space. This was very personal for him. I simply asked, "May I?" He shook his head and moved over a bit. I crawled in behind him. I held him as he sobbed. He rolled onto his back rubbing his eyes when I saw the tears.

"How?"

He shrugged his shoulders. I don't think that even he understood. "Venom. I don't know why."

"You look terrible, Edward. I've never seen you like this. You're scaring me."

The conversation played in my head as Carlisle patiently waited for me to speak. I forgot he was still holding the phone.

"Is it normal for a vampire to cry tears, Carlisle?"

"Oh, my. Were there tears, Bella?"

I shook my head despite knowing he couldn't see me. "Yeah, he said he thought they were venom. I think it shocked him. He was very out of sorts. I didn't know what to do. When he said he needed to sleep, I had to call you. I'm sorry."

As usual, he was nothing but understanding. "Sometimes, Bella, if we become extremely overwrought, we are able to cry venomous tears. They aren't real tears, mind you, but it's a response to emotion."

"Do you think he'll be alright, Carlisle? I hate seeing him like this. We seemed to be having a wonderful day, but when I came back from a walk, he had collapsed."

"Bella, I think it would be in Edward's best interest for you to be with him all the time until we're back together and I can assess his mental state."

"I understand. How long are we letting him sleep?"

"I'll call at 6am. What did the letter say, Bella? Did you read it?"

"No. I picked it up, but I wasn't invited to read it. That would violate him in the worst possible way."

"I'll call you in a few hours to wake him. Please don't leave his side in case he has a problem. If he needs to be awakened sooner, I'm only a phone call away."

"Goodnight, Carlisle."

"Goodbye, Bella."

I crawled into bed and spooned up behind Edward. He had held me so many times like this as I slept, making me feel safe, and comforting me so I _could_ sleep. I hope he knew that I'm here with him, for him. I don't know where he is inside his head. I'd so desperately like to know his thoughts. I finally understand how he feels about not being able to get inside my mind.

Coming here seemed to be cathartic for him in so many ways. He seemed proud to show me around his home town, and even though it had been so long since he was here, he seemed to navigate the city fairly well. He said he rode the streets on his bike and was learning to drive it with his father in the car, but nothing in 1918 could prepare him for the Chicago of today.

Exploring his childhood home was an incredible experience in itself, and I feel so honored he wanted to share this emotionally charged visit with me. The day was carefree, light. I knew he had some personal things he needed to do alone. However, my walk didn't prepare me for the emotionally distraught teenager I found weeping in his parent's bed.

I could've just pick him up and load him in the car, incapacitated as he was, but being awakened in the car or a strange hotel might be a dangerous blow to his already fragile psyche. I know once he wakes up and we leave here, we can talk his feelings through and he'll be able to move ahead. I understand the emotional upheaval he's going through trying to find closure, yet I find comfort in knowing my parents are still alive. He doesn't have that luxury.

I wrapped my arms around him and held him as close to me as I could. I would be his rock, his anchor in the storm. I didn't know if he could feel my presence, but I wanted him to know that I'm not leaving his side until he is awake.

After about an hour, Edward began to shift slightly. I could have held him still, but I didn't want him to feel confined. He pulled away from me a bit and turned onto his back. Soon he was snoring softly. It wasn't much more than 10pm; I had another 8 hours to watch him sleep.

I never understood all the nights he stayed next to me as I slept, just observing. At this moment, he looked young, vulnerable. The serious look was wiped from his face, as was the sadness I had witnessed when I came home. He was beautiful, serene, and completely relaxed. I thought back to the day in the meadow when he explained all the trappings we possessed to lure in our prey. They certainly worked for me; I always found him simply irresistible.

I inhaled deeply, relishing his scent. I constantly marveled over the fact that this magnificent man loves me, wants me. I find it amazing that fate brought us together, and that against all kinds of odds, we were able to weather the storm and find our way back to each other again. I have never loved any other man, and I can't imagine ever loving any other. I have found my other half and I am absolutely complete.

Suddenly Edward rolled to face me. He whispered, "Bella?"

Without thinking, I responded. "I'm here, love."

He pulled me close and put his hand to my cheek, and I asked if he was okay. No reply. I almost forgot he was asleep. This was quite strange; the tables had never been turned like this. He watched, a silent vigil every night for months, as I slept, vulnerable next to him. Now it was my turn. I've never seen him so vulnerable. Always, when we were together, there was something going on under the surface, like a carefully constructed façade. It wasn't like he was purposely being misleading, but he was reserved with me, never letting me see his entire self.

As I watched a half smile crept across his face. He was moving his lips, talking, I think. His hands would squeeze my arm, my hand, wherever he happened to be touching. "I love you, Bella."

_I love you too. So much._

"Missed you."

_Me too. I missed us._

I backed up to him, curling up against the length of his body. I had missed the physical contact, his affections. Nothing he initiated was ever sexual. _He is always a perfect gentleman, Elizabeth. _I couldn't help but think she knew we were here, in her bed. I felt like she was watching over us. I hope she realizes just how much I love her son. This incredible man, in bed with me, was a product of the environment she had created for him.

I couldn't help but think how our society has lost something over the years. I thought about Jessica and Mike pawing at each other under the bleachers. I thought about Lauren telling everyone how many guys she had been with over the period of one weekend. I was finally quite happy with the pace Edward had set for us. Sure I became frustrated once in a while, but I'd never push him to step over the boundaries he had set for us. I didn't want him to compromise his values for me. He reached up and stroked my cheek. His hand remained in that spot for a long time.

After an hour or so of his resting, Edward started to move around again. Soon his thrashing was becoming uncomfortable for me. When he started screaming, "No Lawrence! Don't do that!" I knew something was bothering him. Why would he be so frantic over someone who died as a little boy?

Edward began hyperventilating and his legs were thrashing like he was trying to run. When he sat up and screamed, "No! Not Bella! Leave my wife alone!" I called Carlisle.

"Carlisle, he's screaming and thrashing and calling out his brother's name. What do I do?" I couldn't help how frantic I sounded.

Carlisle snapped his fingers loudly, knowing Edward would hear it. Edward sat up and stretched. Then he looked alarmed, frantically searching the room until his eyes came to rest on me, sitting at his mother's vanity. He sighed and then visibly relaxed.

"Edward, are you alright? You had a dream, I had to tell Carlisle to wake you early."

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He shook his head, like he was ridding his body of a chill.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He looked terrified.

"No, Bella, I can't right now. Please?"

He was asking for my patience. "I'm here if you need me. Okay?"

He just nodded, and I quickly bid goodbye to Carlisle.

Edward stood up, shaking his head. He pulled me to my feet and we went down to the piano, with me following him without question. We sat for a few hours while Edward played everything that came to mind. About 6am, he said we needed to go before the sun came out.

We grabbed the few things we had brought inside, props, and headed to the car.

"I thought we'd go to Graceland before we head home." He seemed unsure of himself.

"Graceland, as in…Elvis' home?" I was certain I didn't understand.

"No, silly Bella." He laughed. "Graceland is my parent's resting place. I'd like to introduce you to them."

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Please if you liked it review, if you didn't review. Let me know if I'm doing ok or if I'm totally screwing up. I love to hear your opinion. I learn new things and get new ideas from your reviews and PMs. Thanks!

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In appreciation to you, my readers, I am participating in the _Grateful to the Readers_ event hosted by _The Fic Bridge_.

The authors who are participating in the event are doing so in an act of gratitude for the support you give us by reading our stories.

On February 28, 2010, every author who is participating will update one of their stories.

I'd like to thank you for the support you've shown me since I began posting 'Mirage' in November. You inspire me to continue writing. Through your suggestions and constructive criticism I am learning to improve my writing skills. 'Impact' will be a much better story because of you. You make me want to become more creative. You make me strive to do a better job, one worthy of your kind words. You encourage me with your enthusiasm.

In honor of every reader who has added me to their alerts, every one who has reviewed or pm'd me, and those of you who have come silently and read without leaving a footprint, on February 28, 2010, I will update a longer chapter of 'Mirage' and I'll also launch the first _real_ chapter of 'Impact!'.

For more information on the event and to check out all of the awesome writers giving thanks go to:

http://theficbridge (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/02/grateful-to-readers (dot) html


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing other than the crappy laptop this story resides in.**

**Many thanks go out to Bronze. I'm grateful to have her guiding me and teaching me the things I should already know. Her patience and kindness does not go unnoticed. Bronze, I don't know if you read these, but I hope you realize how much I appreciate everything you do for me. I propose we have a 'Grateful for our beta's event', I know mine works as hard as I do to make this mess legible. Thanks, B.**

In appreciation to you, my readers, I am participating in today's Grateful to the Readers event hosted by The Fic Bridge.

The authors who are participating in the event are doing so in an act of gratitude for the support you give us by reading our stories.

I'd like to thank you for the support you've shown me since I began posting Mirage in November. You inspire me to continue writing. Through your suggestions and constructive criticism I am learning to improve my writing skills. My second story, Impact will be a much better story because of you. You make me want to become more creative. You make me strive to do a better job, one worthy of your kind words. You encourage me with your enthusiasm.

In honor of every reader who has added me to their alerts, every one who has reviewed or pm'd me, and yes, even those of you who have come silently and read without leaving a footprint, the chapters I'm posting today are dedicated to you.

I can't say thank you enough for your support.

For more information on the event and to check out all of the awesome writers giving thanks go to:

http://theficbridge (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/02/grateful-to-readers (dot) html

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_**Mirage **_

_**Chapter Twenty-three**_

The ride to the cemetery was long and quiet. Edward was off. Something was wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it. He just wasn't himself. At first I thought it was due to the fact that we were going to the cemetery, but he seemed to brighten up as we drove through the huge ornate gates.

"Carlisle says my parents are in the back western corner of the cemetery under a huge oak tree. I saw the tree as we drove in - it shouldn't take too long to find them."

We got out of the car, and he came around and offered me his hand. I got up and we started to walk over towards the tree he'd spoken of. This seemed to be a nice section of the cemetery. Obviously a very old section. There were many large granite crypts and several private plots that were gated off. Edward spied something and started walking towards a private plot. The fence and gate were ornate wrought iron, and across the front of the gate was the name 'Masen'. We opened the gate and stepped inside hesitantly, seeing a large granite stone in the center of the plot. On each side it displayed the birth and death dates of Edward Sr., Elizabeth, and Edward. On the back side, it simply stated Lawrence, and then under his name, Baby Boy Masen and then Baby Girl Masen. There were no dates with these three names. As we walked around the stone, I saw Edward stiffen and then relax when we read the last side.

"Oh Edward, I feel so sorry for your mother. I can't imagine losing my children."

He frowned as he ran his fingers over the stone. The sound it made was strange, like someone rubbing two rocks together. It gave me chills. "When she died, she had lost all of us but me. I can't imagine how devastating that had to be. I could never live without you, but to watch all of my children die as well…" He didn't continue.

Edward seemed deep in thought. He took my hand and we walked around the family plot. There were small stones on the ground.

"Beloved Wife and Mother."

"Beloved Husband and Father."

"Beloved Son."

"Beloved Son." There were also two small granite lambs sitting atop small stones. I would have thought Lawrence would have had a lamb as well. It was as if Edward had read my mind. "Lawrence was older when he died. The others were infants."

We walked over to Elizabeth and Edward Sr. and stopped. "Mom, Dad, it's been a long time since I've talked to you. I miss you so much, but I'd like you to meet Bella."

He dropped to his knees next to his mother's grave. "Mom, I did what you asked. I waited until I found the perfect girl. I know you'd love her. I'm going to marry her. Dad, you'd be so proud. I wish you could see how lovely she is."

He stood back up and came to me, taking my hand. Edward was fingering something in his pocket, and I noticed that he'd been doing that rather nervously since last evening.

Suddenly he got down on one knee, grasping my hand and kissing the back of it. He was deep in thought and seemed to be having an internal battle. Was he proposing?

He pulled a beautifully intricate gold ring from his pocket. He held it out to me and simply said, "Bella, be my wife?"

I dropped to my knees in front of him and kissed him. Over and over and over I kissed him. When I said yes, it almost seemed like he was so deep in thought he didn't even hear me.

"Edward, did you hear me? Yes." I was taken off guard at first and the first yes was merely a whisper, but I knew he should have heard me. The second time shook him from his thoughts.

"Oh Bella, I've waited so long to hear you say that. I was afraid you weren't ready."

"I think that we've been apart far too long to take anything for granted. I'm ready to spend eternity with you."

"The ring was my mother's. Carlisle took it off of her before he took me to the morgue and then to his apartment. I hope it's not too macabre for you, wearing a dead woman's ring. We can go to Tiffany's when we get to New York."

"No. No, Edward. This ring is beautiful, and I am honored that you would give it to me. It's perfect."

"You're sure you don't mind?"

I was bursting with excitement, which almost surprised me. Marriage wasn't something I put a lot of thought into after my parents, and I already have my eternity with the man I love. Yet somehow, being married to him somehow cements the fact that we belong to one another. This is his way of assuring me he'll never let me go. I knew I was grinning when I answered him; in fact, if I didn't knock it off, my face would no doubt stay like this. "I feel honored that you would give me your mother's engagement ring. I can only imagine what it means to you."

He pulled me into another embrace before we walked to the car, arm in arm. In no time we were speeding down the highway.

"You realize, Bella, that Alice is going to go overboard."

"Um, no, she's not."

"She already knows. There's no way out of it."

"Can we elope?"

Edward's phone started ringing, and he handed it to me without looking, "It's for you. Beware." He was grinning widely.

I looked down as I opened it. Why was I not surprised?

"Don't even think about it, Bella. Do you love me?"

"You know I do, Alice." I sighed.

"Then why are you trying to break my heart?"

"I just want something simple. Do you think you can reign yourself in a bit? No grand gestures. No surprises. If you can behave, we'll discuss this when Edward and I get home. Okay?"

"Hmph." She huffed, and I moved to shut the phone.

"Bye Alice."

"Don't think this discussion is over."

The phone went dead.

I leaned over towards Edward and put my hand on his thigh. "Can we just have a simple ceremony? No big churches, no big party. Just the eight of us? Please."

Edward looked extremely pleased. "That sounds perfect, love. Your wish is my command."

The ride home was quiet, Edward seeming to be deep in thought. He seemed happy, but reserved somehow. I expected him to be more excited. I was giddier than he was. This wasn't how I pictured him after the acceptance of my proposal, but I didn't want to push him. The past 24 hours had been extremely emotional for him. I was sure that getting back into a routine with the family would get him back on track.

It didn't take long before I saw signs for Ithaca. We drove up to a covered bridge and Edward pulled off. "We're right outside of town. There's a small park here. This is where I usually come to hunt. Are you thirsty? "

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. You'll stay close to me, right?"

He took my hand and we walked into a wooded area. We looked like any other young couple going for a walk in the woods. It wasn't long until I could smell them. I could hear their hearts beating. Two, maybe three animals.

Edward pointed off to the left. I could see them through the trees, drinking next to a small stream. Three large whitetail deer. Edward crouched and motioned for me to go. "Ladies first."

In no time I had taken a large doe and Edward had taken an older looking buck. "I try not to take the yearlings," he said. "It impacts the heard less when you take the older or injured ones."

"They are very plentiful in this area. The insurance companies get a lot if claims for deer accidents. We're simply helping them to avoid raising their premiums. We're doing consumers of the insurance industry a service." He was laughing now. Only Edward would base his choice of dinner locations on how it would impact the local economy.

"Come on, Bella. We're almost home."

As we drove through the college town of Ithaca, we passed many students on foot. For a split second I licked my lips and thought about how different their blood would be from a deer's. I looked over as Edward cleared his throat. One eyebrow was cocked and he had a funny look on his face.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. It was a fleeting thought, I'll be alright. I'm glad we stopped."

"Fleeting thoughts like that will get you into trouble. Perhaps you and I should look for a house further from town."

I shook my head, hopefully conveying that I would be alright.

"Alice will tell you to think about their parents and siblings and how never learning what happened to the loved one you feasted on would be traumatic. She'll tell you to put a life with the face. It'll make it easier to have a conscience."

"I don't think that's necessary. I'll be okay. Just help me stay well-fed and it'll be alright."

"I'm going to be watching you, Love. If we have to, we'll go every day. I won't let you do

something that you'll regret."

We pulled up to a beautiful Victorian mansion. It reminded me of the house in Forks, but instead of being white, it was painted in very vibrant colors.

"Colorful." It was all I could say.

"They call them 'Painted Ladies'. Many of the older Victorian homes were painted in very bright, loud colors. These are actually the original colors." Edward said.

The windows and doorframes were painted in a dark green, the doors and shutters almost a cranberry. The walls were not white, but a very washed out pale green. The porch was painted in green and cranberry pink. It looked freshly painted.

It was almost as if he could read my mind. "Esme made Carlisle and the boys paint it last fall. Luckily, I was in South America wallowing. I got out of paint detail."

My feet barely hit the ground when like a shot that came out of nowhere, Alice had her arms around my waist, hugging me. The others were coming off the porch, and everyone was smiling. Jasper sort of pried the growth that was Alice off me.

He gave me a hug and slapped Edward on the back. "Congratulations, Edward. You two deserve this."

Rose came over and took my left hand, clearly admiring my ring. "Beautiful, Bella. Edward's dad had excellent taste, didn't he?" I just nodded my head; I was speechless that Rose was acting so affectionate.

Emmett scooped me up and swung me around. "You're really my baby sister now. I'm so happy for you, Bella!"

Esme and Carlisle, who had been holding back, came over to us. "Welcome home Bella, dear. You've been like a daughter to us for so long already, but we're so excited you've both decided to make it official." Carlisle was holding my hand as he spoke.

Esme gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "Love you so much, sweetheart. I'm so happy for you."

I noticed the moving truck was gone. Boxes covered the porch of the house.

Edward jerked his head towards the car. "We should get busy as well. We need to get you settled in, and I'd like to hook up my stereo, if that's okay."

Everyone joined us and in one trip, all of the stuff was out of the car and on it's way up to Edward's room.

I looked around. "Hey, we have a bed?"

He almost looked embarrassed. "Call me hopeful? If you don't like it, the black couch is over there in the corner is identical to the one we left in Forks."

We spent the rest of our night in our room, Edward meticulously arranging his music and me watching, playing with his iPod. Eventually, he put his hands on his hips and looked it all over. He shook his head, looking pleased with himself. "I can live with this."

He came over to the couch and nudged me over. I snuggled into him, inhaling his neck; I was intoxicated by his smell. Last September, after he had left me, I stopped in a Bath and Body Works store with Angela. I sampled a lotion called Warm Chestnut Cheer, and it had smelled just like Edward. Spicy, yet slightly musky. Subtle, but not over powering. I bought a bottle of it and used it every day till it was gone. When I went back to the store, I learned it was a discontinued seasonal item.

Smelling this wonderful man next to me was heavenly, and much better than any hand cream could ever be. I feel so blessed to have had the chance to love this man again. He made me complete.

Lying next to him, I longed for sleep. I wasn't tired, but already the human memories of our first encounter with love were beginning to become fuzzy. I never wanted to forget the rush of that first love.

"Do you think if we asked Carlisle…" Edward smirked as I spoke. "Would you mind if we took a nap?"

Carlisle tapped on the door. "I don't mind. When would you like me to wake you?"

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Please review, you make me squee when my inbox fills up.

I intended to post a longer chapter today as my commitment to the Grateful to the Readers event, but Instead of one huge run-on, I've decided to post two chapters. Enjoy.

Please accept my humble thanks for your support.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Original plots and characters in Mirage belong to me.**_

_**As part of the Grateful to the Readers event, I'm posting an additional chapter of Mirage. Enjoy. **_

_**Bronze beta'd. I owe her big. So big. Thanks!**_

_**

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**__**Mirage **_

_**Chapter Twenty-four**_

_**Containing The Monster**_

_**Edward POV**_

For much of my life as Edward Cullen, as Carlisle and Esme's son, I'd tried to live up to the expectations that my birth parents had instilled in me. They were loving, responsible people. Strict, but in a caring way. I would have never feared punishment from them in retaliation for something I knowingly did wrong, but I would have feared the disappointment I'd see in their eyes. I had witnessed that disappointment numerous times throughout my childhood, and even though I wasn't the cause, I never wanted to see it again. Not from my birth parents, and later, not from the people who had become my family.

For years I had been able to manage to keep my alter ego, the monster, out of my head. The day I saw Bella for the first time, I was reminded of the monster. He taunted me from wherever it was he had been hiding for all these years, waiting to try and ruin my life once again. I truly believed I was a good person. I struggled sometimes with our existence, but I worked hard to keep up the façade that was necessary for our family to lead normal lives. I never allowed myself to get into situations that could cause it all to come crumbling down. Mentally, I knew I was so much stronger than the monster.

When I first saw Bella, she was a complete mystery to me. My family wanted to know what was on her mind, and I drew a complete blank. I worried, not knowing her mind, that I was missing something important I should've picked up on.

When she walked into biology class that day, her smell… oh, God. Her smell assaulted me. For the hour that I fought the monster in my head telling me to take her, I could see all the things he was imagining. I was stronger than he was and I kept pushing his words out of my mind.

When I left for Denali, the monster was rejoicing. He thought I was weak, and he worked hard to break my resolve. He taunted me the entire time I was away. I knew I'd never clear my head, so it was safer to be home with the family I knew would support me than to be alone in my head with the monster.

As situations started putting Bella Swan into my path, I found myself falling for her. It didn't take long for me to realize that she needed me. I was the only one who could protect her from the monster. When I introduced her to my family, I knew they'd love her, and in turn, would do whatever they had to in order to protect her. If Carlisle ever suspected the monster would threaten her safety, he promised me he would intervene. She would be protected from my worst nightmare. The monster was black, he was evil. Bella was white, alive, perfection.

I never believed I'd find love. My life was tainted. I knew deep down that the monster would keep me from ever finding happiness. He wasn't happy, and he certainly didn't want me to be. I heard it in his mind; he taunted me whenever I thought about a life with Bella. Whenever I tried to picture my life loving this human girl. It wasn't long before Bella had become the center of my universe. I had revealed myself and she barely blinked an eye. In no time we were declaring ourselves. For once I was allowing myself to be happy. I had never felt anything like this feeling before in my existence.

Reality scared the hell out of me. I was terrified the monster would come back and snatch her from me. Fate tried to take Bella from me in the form of a monster different from the one in my head. During a baseball game, a group of vampires without consciences found the love of my life irresistible and I nearly lost her.

As she lay in a hospital fighting for her life, I was fighting my family. No one but Carlisle knew about my monster. I begged them to leave Forks and leave Bella before she even awoke from her medically induced coma. I knew no one would believe her if she babbled about a family of vampires. Carlisle could concoct some lie about family or occupational obligations taking us away at the drop of a hat. We've done it before. This situation, her near death, was as close as I ever wanted to get to my worst nightmare coming true. Our lifestyle wasn't conducive to hers. We were dangerous. Associating with us was dangerous. She wasn't safe and at some point, being with me would rob her of her life. To put it simply, I was terrified and I was willing to make any sacrifice for her.

My family loved Bella, and felt fully responsible for James kidnapping and torturing her nearly to death. Carlisle couldn't stress enough how important it was for us to be there for her recovery. She would never be able to heal physically if I crushed her emotionally right now. We all knew she'd be devastated. We agreed nothing would be decided unless there was another incident.

The monster taunted me. He tried to taunt me as I was sucking the venom from her body. The taste of her blood was intoxicating, but my love for her was so much stronger. As the monster chanted over and over to take her, to drink her dry, my heart kept chanting 'I love you Bella'. I struggled to win the fight.

After Bella came home, we had a calm spring and summer. The monster seemed to have given up. He was no longer taunting me, and it seemed strange. He hadn't been so quiet in a very long time. But when Bella had her birthday and got a paper cut, a simple, tiny paper cut, one drop of blood was all it took for the monster to awaken and remind me of her intoxicating flavor. I nearly missed Jasper's reaction to the blood. I had to leave the house with the rest of them as Carlisle cared for her. The monster was screaming in my head. I knew physically I was strong enough to take Carlisle out and the monster would rejoice, but I couldn't surrender to it. I ran as far away as I could. After a half hour or so, I was able to push him back into the box and slam the lid shut long enough to check on Bella and get her safely home. Carlisle had given me something to help her sleep. He knew I needed to sneak out without her waking, and she would be in pain tonight. I offered her some pain reliever and slipped into the bathroom for a drink. She had taken the narcotics Carlisle gave me for her without realizing it was something besides Tylenol. Knowing her tolerance for medication, I knew she'd be out for a while.

As soon as Bella fell asleep, I went home. Carlisle already had the family assembled, and I remember Jasper's head being hung in shame. I wasn't truly angry at him. Bella was hurt because I acted on impulse and shoved her out of the way. In my mind, it wasn't Jasper I was worried about at that moment of impact, but the monster who had been roaring in my head. I couldn't allow him to harm my girl.

I asked, practically begged my family to leave. Once again, Bella had been put in danger and I prayed that the temptation would be gone if we left her. The monster didn't care who it was; he just wanted to destroy my life, making me loath myself the way I loathed him. Any person in any town I came in contact with was enough temptation to make the monster raise his ugly head in hopes of destroying my life. I wouldn't allow Bella's life to be destroyed. We had to leave.

After I left Bella in the woods, the monster became silent. More quiet than he had ever been. The taunting had stopped. He knew I was in misery. He could hear my mind as clearly as I could hear his; he knew there was no reason to fight with me now. I was but a shell of my former self. For once, the monster was elated. I was miserable. Misery loves company.

When I moved to New York with Carlisle and Esme last November, I heard the box start to rattle and shake, and from time to time the monster would growl and remind me he was still with me. Reminding me that he didn't want me to be happy.

The night I met Kristen was terrible. The monster growled and hissed at me, begging. Commanding. Those little girls asking me to bite them were almost too much for him. When he got out of control, I tried to think of my mother, Elizabeth; she chided me when I let him get me into trouble as a child. I hated the look of disappointment on her face. I was able to control the urges he put in my head by thinking of her.

When Bella came back into my life, she was changed. The monster had no reason to go after her; there was no longer any satisfaction. Venom coursed through her veins, her blood gone. The thrill was over. The monster began to tell me all the ways he would ruin me. If he couldn't convince me to take Bella's life, and make me just like him, he would ruin me in some other way. He didn't want me to be happy.

All through Bella's change, he filled me with loathing and self-doubt because of what I am. Because of me, she would be like this forever. A life of eternal damnation. I was relieved that I was the only one in my family with a monster like this hanging overhead.

When we stopped in Chicago, I wasn't thinking about the monster, I was thinking about mother and dad, about how they tried to protect me from the monster. How he would hurt me, and how he'd try to get me into as much trouble as he could. If I told another adult other than my parents what he did, they would tell my parents about my 'imaginary friend' getting little Eddie into trouble again. No wonder I hated being called Eddie. No one would ever know the memories it dredged up for me.

When we were looking at the pictures, I almost told Bella about the monster who had been kept locked away nearly all my human life, and then metaphorically through most of my life as a vampire. No one realized my pain but Carlisle, and he would never expose my story without my permission.

When Bella left to explore St. Michael's I ached for my parents in a way I hadn't felt in almost a hundred years. I had accepted my lot. I had moved on and lived my life as I thought they would have wanted me to, with Carlisle guiding me and Esme nurturing me. Being in this house made me ache for my real parents. I had loved them so. Lying in my parent's bed, it was just like it had been as a child. I'd snuggle in between them and listen as they'd ask about my day, tell me about theirs. I was always treated as a peer more than a child. They always acted like I was so grown up. I had never missed them much before we began using the hypnosis; I had simply forgotten my human life. The hypnosis was like a double edged sword. Not only did it allow me to finally sleep, but it also awakened all kinds of childhood memories, and with those, all kinds of memories revolving around my brother. The brother I told Bella had died as a little boy. I think they showed me so much love because of their immense guilt over having to put Lawrence away.

Thinking of them and of my brother made me realize the error of my ways. Tomorrow I was going to profess my undying love for the girl of my dreams. I was going to ask for her hand in marriage, but how could I tell her that I had lied to her? I had lied from the beginning, my lies putting her in danger the entire time we had been together. When she realized I had lied to her, I would lose her.

I don't know when the sobbing began, but by the time Bella was back, I was hyperventilating. I couldn't speak to her. I'd never be able to tell her my secret like this. And if I did tell her, after all this time, after all these lies, would she want me? No, she'd reject me. I had been waiting over two years for her to run from me screaming. I wasn't prepared for it to happen now. This little tidbit would be sure to do the trick.

I let her console me, and in the end she had to have Carlisle's help me go to sleep, I was so distraught. I never did tell her about my secret and now it is going to ruin our lives. The nightmares were so bad that she ended up calling Carlisle to wake me early because she could no longer endure my screaming.

At the cemetery, I got down on one knee and offered Bella my mother's ring. I should've be ecstatic, but the monster wanted to know why I was giving away our mother's ring. He was screaming at me, telling me how I never deserved to be happy. Telling me how this would ruin us. Little did I know, that had been set into motion almost a year ago.

I feared that after everything we had been through, Bella would say she wasn't ready. So many things were rushing through my mind, and I almost missed the tiny "yes" that escaped her lips. She had to ask me if I heard her. I put my mother's ring on her hand, amazed to see that it fit perfectly.

The monster called me a grave robber. My mother had never given me that ring, but wouldn't she want me to propose to Bella with it? She would want me to be happy, and I knew she would've adored Bella. I know she loved my brother, and had things been different, perhaps this would be him instead of me. There's no way I'll ever know. But I was doing what I feel is appropriate.

It's funny, after the crushing emotions I'd experienced last night, I was certain a trip to my parents' graves would be too much to handle, but I was eerily at ease. Being there, asking Bella to marry me standing next to their large tombstone, I was calm and cool. A bit distracted, but I no longer felt like sobbing. I had things under control.

The trip to New York went by quickly, and instead of the chattering I expected from Bella over our impending nuptials, she seemed deep in thought as well. Walking through the door, Alice had launched herself at Bella, screaming and squealing as only Alice can do. We decided to wait a while for the wedding. I had to find a way to explain everything to her. I needed to make this commitment to her, though. I needed her to know I took our relationship seriously. I wanted to make sure she didn't constantly doubt her worth in my life. I didn't want that; I don't think I can ever live without her again.

The day after we came home, Carlisle found me. "I thought, Edward, that being in that house, you'd find the need to tell her. I thought you'd be compelled. One day she'll have to know. We can't keep her safe if the rest of the family is kept in the dark. This really has gone on too long. I know you're ashamed of this… 'situation,' but it's not your fault. I've never felt more guilt over anything in my life. Saving you, son, was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I can't imagine loving a son more than I love you. If I had only known before I tried to save you that I was saving the wrong person. I'll forever regret my actions. I was so afraid of getting caught, I was hasty."

I just smiled, trying to put him at ease. "Carlisle, anyone could have made the mistake. How could you have known? It wasn't like I was able to tell you."

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I hope I've finally explained Edward's self loathing attitude a little better. The next few chapters will reveal even more surprises, stay tuned. I'll try to update soon.

Please review. Thanks!


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. Lawrence belongs to me, but I'd rather have Edward. Sometimes life is so unfair.**

**I apologize for missing last week's update. RL sucked big time. I'll try to make it up to you with an extra chapter this week.**

**This chapter beta'd by Bronze. Bronze, thank you for making this look so nice. Your friendship warms my heart and your encouragement inspires me. Thanks! Have fun this week, but watch out for those **_**big**_** bugs.**

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_**Chapter Twenty Five**_

_**Carlisle's flashback**_

_**CPOV**_

I thought back over the time when Edward was changed. I had been working at the Cook County Hospital in Chicago a little over a year when the Spanish Influenza Epidemic struck. I felt terrible. I worked as much as I possibly could, not needing to rest. In order to avoid suspicion I had to go home at regular intervals, but I'd always felt guilty taking a break, knowing I could work indefinitely without tiring or contracting the disease. Hundreds and hundreds of people died in a matter of weeks. The death number was staggering. I had never experienced anything like it. Normally I loved my job, but I found no joy in it when all of my patients were dead or dying. It was disheartening to see so many come in and so few walk back out. Most that left did so in hearses.

I thought back to the day Elizabeth Masen died. She was in much better condition than Edward had been initially, but she spent so much time at his bedside caring for him that she made herself exhausted and it became almost impossible for her to fight the bouts of fever. In the end, her time came hours before Edward's would.

Her last words to me were, "Dr. Cullen, you promised you'd do everything you could to save my son, my Edward. He means everything - you can't let him die. I know there are things you can do to save him that no one else can do. Please save my son."

I would have never believed the hands gripping mine were those of a woman delivering her final words. Knowing what I was about to do, I removed the wedding band and engagement ring from her finger and took her husband's band from the drawer next to her bed. It felt like stealing and it went against the grain of everything I believed, but they were Edward's and if it was the only thing he could take into his new life to remember them, it was my responsibility to keep them for him. I slipped them into my pocket and went to find my future son.

When I went to the ward Edward was in, he was gone. I had been devastated, thinking I was too late. Maggie, the floor nurse, reassured me, telling me that he had been taken to another floor for some kind of treatment. I thought this could be my opportunity to get him to the morgue; I'd simply say I found him in the hall and he had passed and I'd take his body to the morgue.

Finding Edward wasn't difficult. He was lying on a gurney along the hall. He seemed different somehow, his hair seemed longer and it seemed that there was a scruffiness to his baby face. I knew I was imagining things. The days were running into one another, and I knew the patients weren't getting the personal care they deserved. There were just too many. Looking down at the worn paper tag hanging around his neck on a string, I read the name 'Masen" scrawled in pencil. It was smudged and difficult to read, the paper crumpled and folded, but there was no denying it was him. Before I could change my mind, I covered his face with the bed sheet. I pushed Edward down the hallway and to the ramp leading to the morgue. He was a young boy, 17, thin and lithe. It was nothing for me to pick him up in my arms and escape.

Darkness had fallen and it would take nothing for me to get him home. I snatched him up and ran out the door at inhuman speed, knowing no one would see more than a blur. I burst through the door and laid him on one of the two beds in my room. I emptied my pockets. I didn't know what kind of reaction Edward would have to my venom, but I wanted to make sure I didn't lose the only thing I could give him of his past.

Assessing Edward's condition, I noticed some things that took me by surprise. I had cared for Edward for several days, and yet he had scars on his wrists that I had never noticed. It almost looked like he had attempted suicide. I had only ever seen one patient who had attempted to end his life, although I had tried to do the same after I realized what my life had become. Perhaps this boy was trying to escape the trappings of a life he hated. I was in no position to judge. I still couldn't help feeling this didn't seem right. Edward was Elizabeth Masen's shining star. Something just didn't click, but I discounted my thoughts to nervousness. I had never done this before. What if this boy didn't want this life? So what if his mother wanted me to do this. What if he'd hate me? I shook my head and decided to do what I had promised to do.

I talked to Edward in a soothing voice, knowing he wasn't conscious. Perhaps I was just trying to calm myself. As I bit into his flesh, taking his life and blood, injecting the venom that would keep him hanging in limbo, between the worlds of the living and the dead. I reached down and removed the tag from around his neck, turning it in my hand I read it. 'Masen, Lawrence'

_What? _The room number was all wrong, too. The room number was one from the psych ward. This isn't Edward Masen! _What have I done? Who is Lawrence? They have to be twins, but why would Elizabeth ask me to save Edward, knowing she had an identical son in the same hospital?_

_What do I do now? Poor Edward, possibly dead in the hospital and his twin burning with my venom. I knew what I had to do. I made a promise to a dying woman and I'd be damned if I didn't keep my word. I had just hours before agreed to take on a son. What's one more? As soon as the change was complete, we'd leave Chicago and begin a new life._

I fashioned a restraint and tied Lawrence to the bed. I remember I was merely incapacitated in the beginning, the screaming and thrashing came a day or so later. I didn't have much time to do what I had to do.

Going back into the hospital through the morgue, I noticed Elizabeth Masen had been brought down and was awaiting pick up so she could be taken to her final resting place. There were so many dead that we didn't even have sheets to cover them with any more. We needed them for the living. I stopped next to her and took out my cross. I said a few words over her, praying that I was doing the right thing and hadn't misinterpreted her pleas.

I snuck back up to the ward and found Edward. He was much weaker after the alcohol bath they had given him and I knew I didn't have much time. He was so deathly still and ghostly pale. I checked for a pulse and leaned close to listen for his breath. I shook my head and covered his face with his sheet. "Maggie, this one is gone. My shift is ending, I'll take him to the morgue on my way out."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen, I could have an orderly do that."

"No, this one sort of became a favorite. I'd like to see this through." I knew I'd never see any of these people again. I didn't need any supplies from the hospital for the boys, and as soon as it was over, we'd be gone. I knew the family had a home here in the city, and most of the people in the neighborhood were either dying or already dead. We could stay there a few days until I decided what to do and where to go. I knew, speaking to Elizabeth before she took ill, that there were no other relatives other than Edward. I didn't expect any surprises, but then, I never expected Lawrence. No one would look for me there when I didn't show up at work.

I carried the identical boy into my room, laying him on the bed across the room from his brother. As I had done only a few hours before with Lawrence, I bit into Edward's neck, injecting my venom into his frail body. I was careful not to drain too much blood from him, as he was already extremely weak. I hope he survives the change. I don't know anything about the philosophy of vampire transformation other than my own experience, and I remember very little of that except for the excruciating pain. So there I sat, watching my identical sons, identical except for the bite marks on the opposite sides of their necks. I had the advantage of most parents with newborn twins. I'd always know which brother was which. A vampire bite is the only scar that remains after transforming. Unknowingly, I had given my sons each identifying marks.

I was able to use a carriage belonging to a neighbor, using the excuse that I needed to go check on a few patients. After the fall of darkness on the second day, I loaded the boys into the carriage and we went to Cleveland Avenue. I took first Edward, and then Lawrence, inside and laid them on the largest bed in the house together. I found a chair and began my vigil.

I had grabbed the chart off the gurney when I snatched Lawrence. Not knowing why I'd ever need 'Edward's' chart, I grabbed it anyway. I just had a feeling it was important. Now it seemed I had some reading to do.

Studying the chart I learned that at a very young age, problems with Lawrence began to manifest themselves. As young as two or three, he was doing terrible, sadistic things. He had hurt Edward repeatedly, pushing him down a flight of stairs. Biting him. A psychiatrist declared him insane. He was incredibly intelligent; the tests confirmed he was a genius. Different treatments were tried, but because he was a small child, nothing too aggressive could be done. The family tried to handle him at home; after all he was just a little boy. It wasn't long before he took to kicking his grandmother, drawing blood. The grandmother had moved into the home because his mother could no longer handle him and Edward simultaneously, and the violence only escalated. He had drowned a kitten, the family pet, in a tub of soaking laundry as his mother made dinner. He had taken a pair of scissors to Edward, cutting his hair and clothing. At four, he was setting things on fire. He began lying, doing terrible things, blaming them on Edward and thinking no one would know the difference. Elizabeth Masen was a mother blinded by love, but she was smarter than a child and it didn't take much for her to know which child was which. At five years old, Lawrence was caught entering his brother's room with a butcher knife. This was the final straw, the action that determined the rest of Lawrence Masen's human existence. By the time Edward began school, Lawrence had been institutionalized.

There were various notes through the years concerning new treatments that the Masen's hoped could offer their son a normal life. Each one was not much more than experimental with very little success. Much of the lad's youth was spent in a catatonic state induced by laudanum. In 1913, with the inception of Dr. George Leininger, some of the patients were reassessed. Lawrence was one of these patients, and after undergoing 'talk therapy' for some time, his family was told he had been cured. Lawrence went home for a brief, horrifying stay that ended in his being restrained and recommitted after attempting to murder his grandmother. That was the last mention of any regular contact with his family in his file.

It became apparent that when the epidemic hit Dunning Insane Asylum, the patients soon outnumbered those qualified to care for them. While Dunning had new facilities- infirmaries for infectious disease and Tuberculosis, they weren't prepared to care for the deathly ill in such record proportions. Most were transported from Dunning Asylum to Cook County Hospital via Cook County No.1, a large, ugly green vehicle outfitted with beds and seats built specifically to transport the mentally ill. This must be how Lawrence came to be a patient at Cook County. There was no question he was dying from the influenza as well, and I'd wondered if his mother had visited him regularly. She didn't seem like the kind of woman who would turn her back on her child, despite the circumstances. I'm sure the situation broke her heart. I know a mother like Elizabeth Masen loved both of her sons.

Looking around the house, I noticed several photos and a large family painting. As Edward appeared to be on the cusp of his teenage years, it was apparent why he was the only son present in any of these. Only one child lived in this home at the time. It was almost as if Lawrence had never existed. I felt an immense sadness for the woman who had to choose to give up her son, but at the time that was the only real solution. I felt a terrible sadness for the two boys who were ripped apart, one possibly carrying terrible guilt because his brother had been locked away for more than a decade. The other undoubtedly resenting his brother for possessing the freedom he could not have. Perhaps I didn't make a mistake. Maybe God wanted me to find Lawrence for a reason. I willed to do everything in my power to help the boy. I'd treat them both the same and pray for the best. Vampire venom heals all sorts of maladies; maybe it would help heal someone with mental illness.

I could only imagine the way they tried to heal Lawrence at Dunning. I had never been a visitor at the institution, but rumors at Cook County told horror stories of electro shock treatments, hydrotherapy, even hormone injections such as insulin to induce insulin comas. The inmates (no, they were not considered patients) were treated like animals. Many had sores and were filthy. The food wasn't palatable. Conditions were terrible. The heat was insufficient, the hospital damp, the roofs leaking. Human experiments were commonplace. The few inmates who were physically able to work were treated like slaves- manicuring the grounds and working in the laundry and kitchen. I didn't want anyone to ever associate me with that hospital; true, I had worked for Cook County and the two hospitals had been affiliated, but I was appalled at the atrocities that occurred there on a regular basis.

The more I pondered my situation, the more confident I grew that I could help this boy and possibly help them to become brothers again. Would they even remember one another? Was Edward ever taken to the asylum to visit his brother? Was that even permitted? There were so many things to consider. Soon the brothers would awaken and some of my questions would be answered.

The third day was hell. The boys writhed and screamed in pain, experiencing the changes that would forever trap them in this life. I was beginning to feel very selfish. I had always wondered what it would be like to have children, to have a young person of my own to shape and sculpt with my ideals and beliefs. While I was upholding a promise to a dying woman, I was also fulfilling a desire of my own. I was wondering if I had made the right decision.

Lawrence awoke first. This didn't surprise me; he had been bitten several hours before his brother. Physically, he had also appeared to be in a bit better condition than Edward. Edward was very close to death when I'd 'saved' him. Had I realized my mistake much later, there would have been nothing I could do for Edward.

Lawrence was very quiet, timid. He shied away from me when I spoke to him. I was careful not to make sudden moves or loud noises around him. He would move his head in response to yes/no questions, but hadn't really talked much. Many of his mannerisms were signs of nervousness, the biting of his nails, fidgeting, picking at his clothing.

He sat, hunched in a corner like an animal for hours. I feared that he was thirsty and needed to hunt. I couldn't chance leaving Edward, though - I prayed we could wait for him to awaken before we left. I was terrified he'd awaken alone and run off before I could explain the situation. Lawrence stole glances at his brother when he thought I wasn't looking, and there was an unreadable expression on his face. _Longing?_ Longing to be his brother, longing to be like his brother? Longing to just interact with his brother? I didn't know. Would they remember one another? I hoped some of my questions would be answered with Edward's awakening.

It was a full 24 hours until Edward began to show signs of his transformation being complete. Lawrence still sat, subdued, in a corner. I was concerned for his wellbeing, not knowing if this behavior was a result of his illness or his years in captivity at the hands of the monsters that were employed to care for him and keep him safe. He was a child. In a place like Dunning, his protection should have been paramount.

As Edward's heart stopped beating, Lawrence began to show interest. Abruptly, Edward catapulted himself into a standing position. I didn't spend much time around other vampires, and it always caught me off guard to see how fast and graceful our kind was. I'd spent so much time living among humans and trying to be like them to fit in.

What crossed Edward's face was a look of familiarity. He smiled. "Dr. Cullen, I feel so much better. The fever… I feel like I've been burning for days. As soon as the fever broke and the burning stopped, I knew I was getting better. Mother told me you could help us. She said she had faith in you."

I knew what was coming next, and I braced myself for it. The next few things I had to tell him were going to be painful. I didn't want his emotions to get the best of him. I had my hands very full, not yet realizing his brother's potential.

"Mother? Where is she? Has she gone home?" He looked around expectantly.

He was standing close to me now, looking down at me. For a young man, he was tall. Nearly a foot taller than I was. He towered over me. Had it been his brother towering over me, I think I would have been intimidated.

I could only shake my head, a look of sorrow gracing my face. "I did everything I could, son. She never left your bedside. She just wasn't strong enough to fight it."

The boy looked crushed, and my gaze flickered from him to the figure huddled in the corner. Edward looked in his direction, puzzled. He walked over to his brother, squatting down to his level. He reached out and touched his face before reaching up to touch his own. He looked at me incredulously. "Lawrence?"

"Yes, Edward, your mother asked me to do whatever I had to, in order to save you. Somehow she knew I was different. I promised to save your life, but I had no idea your brother existed until he was in my apartment." I ran my fingers through my hair, my other hand on my hip. "When I realized I had left you behind, I came back for you as well."

"What's wrong with him, Dr. Cullen?"

"I suspect he still has some form of mental illness. I have to run some tests on him, but I don't want to scare him just yet. He's been through a living hell."

"Dr. Cullen?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Why are his eyes red?"

I did not want to have to explain this. I thought of the huge library in this house. Perhaps I could make it easier on myself. "Edward… we're not like other people. I was able to save you because I am different. Your eyes look much the same." He looked at my face, puzzled, but said nothing. He waited patiently until I could put the words together.

"I know you read a lot of books. You like to read, don't you, Edward?"

He shook his head and smiled a small smile. He looked at ease, but the smile didn't touch his eyes. I could tell he had some reservations.

I sighed. "Have you ever read Dracula?"

He smiled, this time much bigger. 'You expect me to believe that you are a vampire? And as such, you were able to save my brother and myself from suffering a terrible fate to the influenza?"

I nodded my head, smiling a bit. I didn't want to scare him, but it appeared he was mocking me.

"Where are your fangs?" He was laughing a bit now. "You_ do_ have fangs, _don't you_? That is, if you _are _a vampire." He still had that disbelieving smirk on his face. Well, for now _he_ wasn't mad. _He thought I was mad._ I wasn't sure which was worse.

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So Lawrence' existence is explained. Edward's inner monster is no other than his mentally challenged, vampire, twin brother. Stay tuned, the adventure is only just beginning.

Thanks for reading. Please review. Your feedback truly makes my day!


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything from the Twilight universe. I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**__**Mirage **_

_**Chapter Twenty-six**_

_**CPOV**_

Life was starting to get into a steady rhythm for all of us. Emmett and Rose had moved closer to us since we had moved back to Ithaca from Forks. She was working under a modeling agent in Rochester, but they lived between Rochester and Ithaca. She couldn't stand the thought of living in Rochester, as it was the city where she was born and raised; it was also the city where Royce King assaulted her. She wouldn't live in the house in Ithaca either; this is the house she woke up in after she was transformed. There were many bad memories for her here as well. Emmett was working for an accounting firm in Rochester, and they were happy on their own.

We were all awaiting the arrival of little Oliver. Alice had dragged the women on numerous shopping excursions to get all the items she knew we'd need to care for him. It's hard to believe all these things were necessary for one tiny human boy.

Alice and Jasper moved from their apartment into our house, as Alice didn't want to be separated from Bella and Edward. Jasper had no reservations since Bella had been changed; being in close proximity to her wasn't an issue any longer.

Because he already held two doctorate degrees in medicine, Edward had no trouble getting accepted into the biomedical research graduate program at Cornell. We worked on his appearance a bit to make sure he looked slightly older than his physical 17 years. Bella was a good high school student, and fortunately, other than the physical education classes she wouldn't participate in, she hadn't left her grades suffer when we left her. Making up a year of gym class was not a daunting class for her now that she was no longer a clumsy human. In September she started in the undergraduate program for Sociology.

When Alice and Bella weren't doing class work, they were plotting wedding plans with Esme and Rose. Bella had asked Edward if they could have their wedding at Edward's home in Chicago. She said she felt closeness to Elizabeth while they stayed there in her home, and she thought it was only fitting. Edward was pleased beyond belief - I could tell he was so proud that we would all be there for his wedding, in the home he grew up in. We would have to find someone to conduct the service; I knew the wedding classes at St. Michael's would be very involved and take a number of months before the priest would even consider doing a wedding for them.

In the end, Bella came to me and asked if I would conduct a simple ceremony. She wasn't raised in a home based on faith and didn't feel a close connection to any church. We all knew Edward's views on religion. He felt he was damned. I asked Edward for his opinion about my involvement.

"Dad, I would be honored if you would do that. I'd like to have the wedding before it gets too cold to do what I'd like to outside. The gardens are beautiful. I always thought I'd ask my girl to marry me in my Mother's garden. Once I found a girl, that is."

I had to laugh. I gave him a hug and a pat on the back. "I believe you've found her, son. A fall wedding in Chicago it is, then. We only have a few weeks. You better break the news to Alice."

Esme was getting a lot of requests for home renovations after she completed the bed and breakfast my colleague had opened over the summer. She did a beautiful job and people couldn't wait to welcome her into their homes so she could work her magic. I was teaching in the program Edward was enrolled in, and it was nice spending the time with my son. I never failed to notice what a fine young man he was. I never regretted changing him; he was the first member of my family and we shared a special bond. To say I am proud of Edward would be an understatement. It makes my heart swell to finally see him happy and so in love with Bella. She's a beautiful, loving addition to our family. She completes us in the best possible way.

One afternoon Alice called me from her cell phone. She was frantic and was talking so fast I couldn't understand her. "Alice, honey, you have to slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying."

She huffed a bit and started over. "The Volturi know about Twilight. You and Edward have to go to Italy. Now."

Now I understood. "How long, Alice? When do we have to be there?"

After a minute she answered, "I would leave as soon as you can. I think you need to diffuse the situation if you are able."

I went to the research lab where I knew I'd find Edward. I had already gone to the department head and explained that my grandmother had a near fatal heart attack in Washington and we were leaving immediately, I explained we were hoping to get there to say goodbye before she left this earth. Little did they know my grandmother died over 400 years ago.

Edward knew there was a problem and met me at the Mercedes. As we pulled away, I explained. "We have to leave immediately. Aro and Marcus want to convene a jury to determine our guilt in regard to infractions of the law. They know about Twilight."

"Do you think we'll get out of there alive, Carlisle? What will they do to the family?" I knew he was thinking of Bella. I had no answers.

"I don't know, son. We'll stop at the house for a minute to say goodbye. There isn't much time, but I won't leave without telling Esme in person."

By the time we made it to the house, Alice had assembled the whole family, bless her heart. They all looked like someone had run over their puppies. There wasn't much time for goodbyes.

They all wanted to come along, but there was no sense in that. If we weren't coming home, they would come and get the rest of the family and we would all suffer the same fate. If it went well, we'd be home. I could only hold onto the faith that my old friends would hear my side of the story and make accommodations for modern times, knowing that vampire lore had been the subject of speculation repeatedly over the years since the humans began making Hollywood movies.

Bella was especially clingy. She looked like she would cry if she could. She looked at Edward and said, "You promised you'd never leave me, Edward. You promised." I could tell her little heart was breaking, and there was nothing that could be done.

I took my new daughter in a fierce hug. "Bella, honey, this is something that can't be avoided. We have to do this for not only our family, but the cast of the movie and everyone who is involved. I also have concerns about Charlie's safety."

She gasped and said, "Charlie? What do they want with my dad?"

"Anyone they even think knows our secret is subject to the penalty of their law. They will annihilate the humans Bella. We need to go. This isn't just about us, it's about innocent humans as well."

Bella shook her head in understanding. She grabbed Edward and held onto him like she wasn't going to let go.

The tearless sobs reverberated throughout the house. Everyone was clinging to each other. Our flight left at 6pm, we'd arrive in Amsterdam at 7am with a 13 hour layover in that country. We'd arrive in Rome about 11pm. I could have booked a flight for us without the layover, but this way we were traveling early in the morning or late at night, allowing us to travel at times with the least amount of sunshine. If we were seen during the day in the open sunlight, we'd reveal ourselves. Jasper offered to drive us to Tompkins Airport. It was only about a 20 minute ride. We said our goodbyes and left as swiftly as we could. Jasper had our passports and other documents ready to go, as well as a carry-on bag for each of us.

Finally, he spoke. "I will watch over them. Emmett and I will. If Alice sees anything happening, we'll take the girls and go. If you know you're not going to get out and it comes down to a fight, do your best to take down Demetri and perhaps Felix as well. I think they would be the greatest threat."

Edward was clenching his jaw, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Jasper, thank you. Thank you for saving her for me. I can't imagine my life without her. Thank you for watching over them. We'll do our best to get home to all of you. If there is any doubt in your mind, don't hesitate to run. Do you have all the documents?"

Jasper laughed. "I have documents stashed all over the globe in safe deposit boxes. I've spent the last few months working on several sets of documents for Bella. I mailed them to the banks where I have accounts; they placed the items in my safe deposit box. You know cash is not an issue. We'll be okay."

Edward and I thanked Jasper and we each gave him a bear hug as we left to go through security. The flight to Italy was fairly quiet. About an hour before we landed, Edward looked at me and asked softly, "Do you think we have a chance?"

I went over all the scenarios in my head for him; no need to air our dirty laundry on the plane anymore than necessary.

I planned on going with the simplest plan. The truth.

Vampire lore has been studied for centuries. Vlad the Impaler was born in 1431. Bram Stoker's Dracula was based loosely on his story. When Hollywood came to be, our history and the rumors surrounding it were regarded as nothing more than fiction. No one truly believed. There have been numerous movies over the years. In the seventies, a vampire was featured on a children's learning program. He was a puppet simply called the "Count". He had a spot on each show teaching children their numbers. Hollywood had made a parody of us for almost 100 years. General Mills even made a children's cereal based on a vampire, Count Chocula.

I don't think it'll be hard to dispel another vampire story as just another good fiction movie. I think we're of a day and age where it's time to let people utter the word because no one gave our existence any credibility. I hope the Volturi agree with my opinion. If not, the family was prepared to flee. Edward and I would meet our demise protecting them in any way we can. I wouldn't go down without a fight.

Edward nodded. He agreed.

After securing a rental car, we would go to Volterra from the airport in Rome traveling after dark.

It would take just over two hours to get to Volterra. They know we're here. We make our way to the hotel. We wait. They will come for us when they're ready.

Our flight and the trip through Tuscany went smoothly. We didn't converse a whole lot; we both had a lot on our minds. When it came to concern for the family, Edward and I were in the same mindset. I had always hoped that if anything were to ever happen to me, he'd remain to follow in my footsteps. It was a great concern to me that we could both be annihilated at the same time. We didn't have the conventional family, but we were a coven of vampires connected to one another by the bonds of love. This was extremely unusual as far as groups of vampires are concerned.

I knew the Aro was intrigued by our family. He had always been a friend and had never abused his power when it came to my family. In my eyes, he was always a fair representative of leadership in the vampire community. I hope that he remembers our friendship when we met again.

No one came for us the first day. No one came on the second day. Edward was pacing around the hotel room like a caged animal. It was said our food preferences were indicative of our personalities. Edward's choice was the lion, and watching him now, I could see the grace and power along with the pent up energy of the lion bound in a cage. He wouldn't find peace until this situation was rectified in some way. We had phoned home several times, and everyone waited with bated breath. Alice wouldn't know what to do until a decision was made here in Volterra concerning our future.

Everyone was calm at home, even Bella. I know she had resolved to be patient, knowing this trip was necessary to protect the humans she left behind. I suspect that Jasper had a hand in controlling the emotions at home. He was doing what he needed to do to keep the family together so they would be ready to take flight on short notice, if necessary. I don't think the Volturi know yet that we've left Forks. Even if they do know our whereabouts, unless they already have members of their guard in place in New York, time is on our side as far as everyone having the chance to flee.

On the third day, Jane came to our hotel at dusk. Aro had invited us to the ancient fortress they reside in to join him for "dinner," though I declined the "meal." Jane laughed and told us to come by in two hours since we were 'squeamish'. I wasn't squeamish, but I didn't murder humans and I wasn't going to sit and watch another of our kind do it.

At 8:30, I sighed and stood up; we were expected in thirty minutes. I looked down at Edward and he met my gaze. "I'd like to call home and tell them we're going now. I'm not saying goodbye."

I smiled at my son. "I don't want you to say goodbye, son. Tell them we'll see them soon."

Edward called and spoke with his mother and Rose. The others had taken Bella out to hunt, in case they had to leave on short notice. They wanted to make sure she was safe to travel. Edward gave them our love and hung up the phone. It was time to leave.

We walked across the town square. There were a few people out tonight, but for the most part, the center of town was deserted. I hoped the good people of Volterra weren't joining our friends for dinner. Edward shook his head as the thought crossed my mind. "Bad joke, Carlisle."

I was relieved to see that Demetri and Felix were both here with Jane. The three of them were the greatest threat to my family. If they were here with us, the others had a chance to get away if they were in danger. Alice would see it, I was sure.

We stepped inside the entrance to the business facade the Volturi used as a cover. By day, the front of the building was used as a bank. A series of tunnels and catacombs wound under the city, coming out inside a cold and threatening fortress. The inner workings of the city resembled a series of dungeons. Ice cold, wet and gloomy. A fitting place for a group of monsters to congregate; these creatures were pure evil. As we were accompanied by Felix and Demetri through the underground, the smell of death permeated the air and hung stagnant. The smell wasn't like the pleasant aroma a human might experience upon visiting a friend after a meal had been cooked. No, this was the repulsive stench of death. Once again, I was proud of the lifestyle my family and I embraced.

Edward shook his head upon hearing my mind, but we don't live like this; perhaps he finally understood. He just smiled a small smile and quietly said, "I get it, dad." He rarely ever called me dad; I had to smile at the sentiment. It was his way of expressing affection, affirming the bond we shared.

When we entered the main chamber, the three elders were assembled in large heavy thrones. Aro stood and stretched out his arm as he called out to me. "Carlisle, you and Edward may approach us. Please come, my friend."

We walked to the front of the room to greet them, Edward looking extremely tense. I knew he was holding his breath. His hands were clenched at his sides; he's never been here before. The place is more than a bit intimidating. I can only imagine the sheer terror that assaulted the humans who were brought here as a meal once they realized they were never leaving. _What was that song? Hotel California? _I chuckled. Not funny, but so true. Ironic. Edward just gave me a look akin to his earlier, "Bad joke, Carlisle." He was chastising me. Nervous humor passed between us.

"Carlisle, I believe you've misunderstood our intention for summoning you here. We understand that what has happened is beyond your control. We agree that it is time for us to look at things a bit differently. Perhaps times are changing. I believe you've been so concerned about the repercussions of this whole situation you failed to see the big picture. Has it failed to enter your mind that one of our kind has had to provide information for this to have happened?"

I cocked my head to the side and thought about his words. I _had _been too distracted to notice that. It did seem almost impossible for a mere human to have _so much_ detailed information about our family.

"I understand one of your sons blurted something out on one occasion, but it's impossible for any human to know the information that we've found in those books. And yes, we've examined them all."

"We've been monitoring this situation for nearly six months. There are two nomadic vampires who have been living in the forest in the Olympic peninsula. One is older, named Victoria. I believe you've had the pleasure of meeting her, Edward." From where he was perched, Caius smirked, revealing ugly, twisted teeth. Edward shuddered.

Aro continued. "Victoria is looking to avenge the death of her mate, James. Apparently he was lost during a battle to save your human, Edward?"

Edward corrected him. "My fiancé is no longer human; she is one of us. She has been changed. But yes, James' death occurred as a result of his attempt to take Bella from me. We weren't aware that James and Victoria were mates, however. There was no indication of their affection towards one another."

Jane looked at Edward. Her lip twitched, and I feared she was going to toy with Edward. She had a terrible reputation for bringing grown men to their knees with just a bit of concentration. She purred at Edward, "What you're going to hear next is going to turn your world upside down, Edward. Can you block your mind to keep the others from reading it?"

He nodded his head. "I suggest you concentrate on keeping this conversation contained in this room." He nodded his head again, understanding perfectly.

Aro leaned closer, although we had no problem hearing him. "Victoria has taken another mate, or rather, has lead him to believe they are mates. His name is Lawrence. I believe you know him quite well, Edward."

Edward fell to the floor, clutching his head. He screamed and clawed at the floor. For a split second I thought Jane was toying with him. She liked to play cat and mouse games. When he spoke I understood Jane had nothing to do with the reaction.

"How could I have been so stupid? He can read _my_ mind just as clearly as I can read everyone else's mind. He has taunted me since Bella came into our lives, but not once did I think about something like this happening. He taunted me, tortured me, wanting me to kill Bella. I knew it was because he didn't want me to be happy. I never thought about him spying on us to use it against us!"

I knew Edward was on the verge of a meltdown. Such a lack of self-control in this particular setting could be detrimental to our welfare. I continued to shoot calming thoughts his way, he needed to get a grip on himself. _Steady son_.

Aro put his hand on my shoulder. "Carlisle, we believe that this Stephenie knew of our kind when she began writing her book and sought out someone to help her find information. We don't know how she came to befriend Victoria, or how she's managed to remain alive in her presence. Apparently revenge has curbed Victoria's urges to consume Stephenie. It appears Victoria and Lawrence have been together for quite a while."

Marcus cleared his throat. "We are not determined to destroy your family, Carlisle. We need help to put an end to this situation. Edward, your brother does not have a bright future. I'm sorry."

Edward had a grim look on his face. "Lawrence and I shared a womb, but he has done nothing but try to destroy me my entire life. He is my alter ego. He's an unwelcome part of my existence. Finally being free of him would be like having an exorcism."

"I believe that it would be prudent for you to explain your little secret to the rest of your family. Carlisle has kept your secret long enough. You are putting that beautiful new mate, as well as the rest of your family, in grave danger. Make no mistake about it, Lawrence is extremely dangerous." Aro had his hand on Edward's shoulder and was studying his face, waiting for a reaction.

"What do we need to do to help get the situation under control?" Carlisle asked.

Jane stepped forward, holding hands with her twin, Alec. "If you can smoke him out, you will need to find a way to contain him. It's only fair that the two of them receive a swift trial before being punished for their infractions of our rules. Understand though, a trial is merely a formality. We already know their crimes, and the punishment is the same for everyone. Although your family could exterminate the problem on your own, it would be extremely unfair to force Edward to exterminate his own brother."

Marcus cleared his throat again. "It would not be unlawful for you to take them out in an act of self- defense. That would be completely understandable and you would not be punished in any way."

Edward spoke up. "While it's been very nice meeting all of you, please understand I have no desire to be a part of your group here. I don't know if I like acting on your orders."

"Son, you are free to go whenever you wish." Aro smiled at us, looking directly at Edward. "While you are quite gifted and we'd love to have you join us, you are under no obligation with us. However, you are the only one of us who is going to successfully flush Lawrence out. He is incredibly smart and has wreaked havoc around the globe for almost 100 years. We simply request your help because we know you will be the most effective bait. Now go home to your new mate and help us bring this to an end."

I had a few things to consider before we left. "Aro, we discussed the way times have changed. The way the word vampire has become a household name thanks to Hollywood. These actors who are part of this movie, some of them are aware of what we are. It was purely accidental. I am concerned that they will start disappearing, and I fear for their wellbeing. You will leave them alone, yes? They had no way of knowing any part of our world was real."

"Ah yes, Kristen. She is Bella's double in so many ways, isn't she?"

His comment made Edward grimace.

"We will let your friends be, for now. Our concern is flushing out those who are responsible for blatantly breaking the rules. We have no interest in your humans. We may be ancient, but we aren't behind the times. We know they are playing a part. We do watch movies, you know. Having this much time on our hands becomes boring after hundreds of years, surely you of all people realize that."

Caius stood and took a few steps towards us. "There is still the issue of where they will reside."

Marcus shook his head, still sitting regally in his throne. "Obviously it's not possible for your family to be out in the public eye being recognized as vampires. You cannot flaunt what you are simply because we choose to overlook some things."

I was waiting for this to come. "Would you prefer we blend in for a while? It could be some time until things blow over from this movie. It was a huge hit and I hear there will be three more."

"In the life of a vampire, this is but the blink of an eye. I think it's fair to ask your family to go to a remote location until further notice. Is there a place you can go? The United States is out of the question." This came from Marcus' perch in the corner.

"I purchased a beautiful island for my wife a number of years ago. It is completely private. South of Rio de Janero. Aside from the need to hunt on the mainland, we are self sufficient there."

Aro smiled. "Ah yes, Isle Esme. I remember when you bought that little gem."

The brothers had a silent conversation. They returned to their seats and spoke. "Eradicate the problem you are having and then make haste to your private Island. We will tell you when it's safe to move on. Don't be surprised if you are there a number of years. When you go to the mainland, it would be preferable for you to go at night to feed, and if you must travel during the day, please alter your appearance."

Aro reminded us, "We don't hold you accountable for what has already happened. We understand none of this was initiated by your family. Now that lovely Bella is one of us, we have no qualms with you. However, we take how you follow the sanctions we have imposed quite seriously. Please, Carlisle, let us know when you're ready to take care of this problem. And contact us when you move your family. We like to know where to find you in case there is a need."

Jane sneered our way. She was chomping at the bit to do some damage and it wasn't going to be today with us. I'm fairly certain she was disappointed.

We left the city of Volterra late that night and traveled back to Rome to catch a plane home.

Edward called home and everyone uttered a collective sigh of relief. On the ride home we had a quiet discussion; most of the other passengers were sleeping. There were very few people in first class. "I feel bad about this, Carlisle. He's still my brother." The considerate, responsible son I had nurtured pondered.

"I know, but think of what he's done to us. Think of the possible danger we are all in."

"I think I share my mother's guilt. I feel bad because of his situation. None of this was ever his fault. He's always been unstable, as a human and as a vampire. It could just as easily have been me. My mom always felt it was her fault, like it could have been prevented somehow."

"Why do you feel guilty, son? What could you have done to change things?"

"I don't know, Carlisle. It's haunted me since the day I woke up like this and saw him sitting there in that corner like an animal. How can we be identical in every way, yet be so different mentally? It's like I stole all the goodness or something. How can we be so extremely different?" He held his head in his hands, "I don't want to kill my brother. How can I flush him out, knowing its simply a means to an end?"

"I can't begin to imagine your anguish, but think of some of the things he did, both as a child and again before we went our separate ways. Imagine what he could do to Bella, or even Esme, Alice…Rose."

He sighed. "Would it sound entirely strange if I asked you to hypnotize me? It tends to take away the stress. I really need to unwind."

I put a hand on his shoulder and nodded my head. Rubbing his shoulder was an affectionate public gesture, but he looked stressed. It wouldn't be unnatural. I began to rub his shoulders, the back of his neck. All the while, inside my head. "Relax son, think of your Bella. One…go someplace quiet in your mind. Two…"

In no time at all, Edward was snoring softly, curled up in his seat, looking visibly relieved.

I thought back over the years we had spent together as father and son. I'd never regret bringing him to this life. Edward was my greatest accomplishment, and though the situation at hand was disturbing, we would handle it. We would be okay. Edward would be okay. I sensed something was brewing in our midst that would assuage Edward's guilt over offering up his brother to Felix and Demetri. Right now, the only consolation I could give him was the fact that the consequences would be swift.

The flight attendant came by with a blanket. She smiled as she handed it to me. "Rough day, Dr. Cullen? Would you like something to drink?" I covered Edward as she stood watching. He didn't need it, but it set her mind at ease to see me doing something so human.

"No thank you, and yes it was a rough day, more for my son. He'll feel better once he's rested, I'm sure."

She smiled and walked away, carrying a pillow for a woman a few seats away from us.

It didn't seem like long and we were preparing to land. I could hear the others rustling about, gathering things up. Putting on seatbelts. I leaned in close to Edward, and snapped my fingers twice. A huge smile graced his features.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

I smiled, shaking my head in understanding.

We were met at Tompkins Airport by our family, looks of relief written all over their faces. Bella nearly knocked Edward off his feet rushing to him and catapulting herself at his frame. He laughed, a genuine laugh, spinning her in circles, kissing her.

Esme walked over to me, always the picture of cool confidence. She slipped her hand into mine and smiled. "I've missed you." She reached up, cupping my cheek and pulled me down for a kiss. I never failed to thank the powers that be for bringing this incredible creature into my life.

Alice and Jasper were quietly talking with Edward. Someone was missing.

I didn't see Emmett right away. I looked at Rose with one eyebrow raised.

"He's over there, Grandpa!" _Huh? What had I missed? _"The people from social services stopped by the day that you left. They inspected our house and approved us on the spot. Emmett and I signed the papers the next morning." I looked to a bench along the wall. There sat Emmett with a dimpled grin plastered on this face. An extremely tiny person was snuggled into his neck, sleeping soundly.

Edward walked over and laughed. "Congratulations, Em."

The child was a tiny version of Emmett, from the tiny dimples to the brown curls. Emmett stood up and walked over to me. Nudging Edward in the shoulder and laughing as he passed him.

I noticed Bella hung back a bit, unsure of herself.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you doing ok?"

She smiled at me. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just being cautious. I haven't had any rough moments yet. He doesn't smell so human as a grownup does, I don't think."

I had noticed that too, on occasion at the hospital. I wondered briefly, I had never considered what she was saying, but children never affected me in that way either. Perhaps a person's scent is more attractive after puberty. I think maybe it was the hormones that drew us to them. Interesting concept. I would have to look into that further.

I looked to Rose - she looked maternal. I had never seen her so at peace. She looked genuinely happy. This was a side of Rose we could all get used to.

"Rose, motherhood becomes you. He's adorable."

Rose beamed. "He's such a good little boy. He's been calling Emmett daddy ever since he got here. Look how proud he is." She pulled out a photograph of the boy with his father. Emmett's grand-nephew. The resemblance was staggering. "As young and impressionable as he is, I don't think he'll ever ache for his parents the way Edward has."

"Rose, I'm sure you're right. According to Jay Jenks, he never knew his mother. This should be a healthy transition for the little guy."

Rose looked at me hesitantly. "I hope you aren't offended. We're going to both start using Emmett's real last name. Oliver's name is already McCarty; he knows his last name. It seems like it would be healthier for him."

I agreed wholeheartedly, although where we were going, it won't matter what his name was.

When we got to the parking area, Emmett walked over to the huge jeep and started buckling the little fellow into a car seat. He gave him a little kiss on the head and covered him with a blanket.

I could hear Edward laughing behind us, and I was sure I had a smile on my face too. Emmett has gone from being a big old grizzly to a teddy bear in a matter of days. "Dude, you are so whipped!" Emmett turned, growled and punched Edward. When Edward slammed back into the Jeep, the impact was so great it dented the bumper.

Esme wasn't too happy. "Boys, behave. People will think you were raised by a pack of wolves!"

I headed to the Mercedes with Edward, Bella and Esme in tow. "Meet us at the house. There are some things we need to discuss."

:-:

_**EPOV**_

When we got back to the house, Emmett headed up the stairs. "I'm just going to throw Oliver in the nursery and I'll be right back."

_Carlisle and I look at each other and share a common thought. Nursery? When did __**we**__ get a nursery?_

We all settled around the table and waited for Emmett to come downstairs. He whistles a lullaby and as he comes around the corner, grabbing Rose. "We can't forget to go to the store tomorrow for the little guy. We need diapers. I want to get him some chocolate milk, and pop tarts, and my favorite cereal."

Rose poked him in the chest. "You will not feed our baby all that garbage!"

Esme cleared her throat. "I'll cook for him. We'll shop tomorrow." She looked to Carlisle and nodded her head to let him know she's said her peace.

I stood up and placed my palms on the table. I cleared my throat and pulled everyone's attention to Carlisle and myself. Carlisle puts his hand on my shoulder and nods his head. I sit back down; all I could do is hang my head in shame. This was all my fault.

The voice in my head had been screaming at me since we got on the plane. "I'm coming to get you, Edward! You're going to suffer, suffer like I have for a century. What are you going do about it? You can't stop me if you can't find me."

I'd been trying to search his mind since he started hounding me, but he's been successfully blocking me. If I could just get a handle on his surroundings, I'd know where to start looking. For now, I can only hear him and his unsettling laughter. I knew it was only a matter of time before my world crashed and burned, no doubt destroying me and everyone I cared about.

Carlisle looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. He reached out and touched my head. I heard him sigh. "Aro, Marcus, and Caius have been extremely generous, given the circumstances."

Everyone watched me, waiting for the rest of it. I am working so hard to block my thoughts from the monster that I am unable to talk to them. It is so very important to their safety that none of this gets to him. We needed the upper hand.

Carlisle kept talking. "The Volturi believe that there is no coincidence with our situation. There's no way Stephenie from Dr. Ben's office learned enough from those few sessions to pull together a story like Twilight. She's not that creative. I don't know if the rest of you have read the books. But the first one contains a very detailed account of our lives over about a five month period."

"They know who it is, a mind reader. Victoria's new mate." I manage to get out. A collective gasp filled the air. I still haven't disclosed the fact that it is my brother wreaking havoc on my family. I just couldn't bring myself to tell them yet; I felt completely responsible. Carlisle and I should have taken care of him when we realized he was as unstable in this life as he was in his last. Our irresponsibility is going to have its repercussions now.

Carlisle looks from one face to the next. "They have asked Edward to help bait this vampire. Once we draw them in, we have to contain them until they can get here to give them a proper trial."

Alice looked at me, and then at Carlisle. She looks absolutely terrified. If it's possible, I think she's gotten paler. "Edward? How? I don't understand. This is scaring me."

I had to make her understand. "Not now Alice! Please. Just not now. I'll explain later."

She showed me what she's seen. Lawrence and I together, fighting. One of us beaten and battered. I can only imagine which one was me, and I hung my head.

She came over and puts her arms around me. "You know how much I love you. You are the best brother anyone could ever ask for. Please don't feel that way. We won't let anything happen to you."

"Alice, I don't think there is anyone who can save me."

Alice hugs me even tighter. She taps her forehead and says, "I know everything will be okay."

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Reviews make me squee. Please remember to hit that little button. I treasure each and every review and PM. For serious!


	27. Chapter 27

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...ok, I lied...there's a shit ton of merch here. What am I going to do if they make 2 more movies?**_

**_This chapter beta'd by Bronze, cuz she's cool like that. You wouldn't want to read if she didn't make it look so nice. As always, thank you, B._**

**_I'm sorry it took so long to get you. Some days, RL just sux. Thanks for your patience!_**

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**__**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Twenty-Seven**_

_**An Autumn Wedding**_

_**Esme POV**_

On a warm Sunday afternoon in mid-October, our family gathered in a beautiful old home in Chicago. This wasn't any just home - this was Edward's home. His birthright. For many years Carlisle encouraged my interest in interior design, even before it was a fitting occupation for a woman. For many years it had been a hobby, but when it became a way to make money, not to mention lots of it, I really began to flourish.

I loved to travel to auction houses and acquire beautiful antiques for many of my projects. My specialty was Victorian décor.

Edward's home was truly amazing, rendering me speechless. The house was less than thirty years old when it was last lived in; all the furnishings were original and had been well cared for thanks to Carlisle and his insight.

I could understand how my son felt comfortable here. None of us had the good fortune of being able to return to our family homes. It was sad that Edward's family was gone and that they had died all at once, yet it was a blessing that nothing had been touched in almost a century and that it was exactly as Edward had left it.

The girls were in Edward's childhood bedroom, putting Bella together. Bella yelled downstairs to Edward. "Edward, where's your bed? This isn't the one that was here before."

He came to the bottom of the stairs and yelled back up. Alice had forbid them to see one another today. "I thought we'd be more comfortable tonight in a bigger bed. Mine was so small."

"You bought a bed for one night?"

Alice grinned at Bella. "He's afraid of doing the nasty in his parent's room. So he bought a bigger bed so you guys can use his room."

Bella laughed, but then became serious. "You have no idea what it was like for him here last time. I'd never desecrate their memory like that. I think it's very important to Edward that we leave that room untouched. That room is his, I won't even go in there without him." Bella had always been a dear girl. She always put everyone else's feelings ahead of her own. She had witnessed first hand the emotion this house brought forth in him. It warmed my heart that she wanted keep his cherished memories intact.

Looking at Bella, I realized how naturally pretty she was. Somehow in her change, all those features had become even more pronounced. What a lovely young woman she had become. All my daughters were strikingly beautiful, each in their own way. They were goddesses, frozen in time. I was proud of all my children; they all were such good people.

As the girls worked with Bella, I went downstairs to find a very nervous Edward. He walked me through the house, telling me the stories he now remembered. I knew there was something bothering Edward, but he refused to acknowledge the fact. I knew my son so well - I knew this one better than all the rest. A storm was brewing, and I only wished that he'd let me in. I was afraid he'd keep us shut out until it became a cataclysmic event of epic proportions. He had this stupid notion that he could take on the world all by himself, but at some point he was going to have to quit being so stubborn. Before someone got hurt. Well, before anyone else got hurt. His stubborn nature was nearly the end of Bella.

I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. _This is a day of happiness, Esme. You've wanted Edward to find a soul mate since the day you awoke in Carlisle's arms._

We had stopped walking and I noticed we were outside the master bedroom. I hadn't been paying attention to Edward. He was saying something about his mother and her…_ underwear?_

"Excuse me, Edward, but what did you just say?"

"I was asking if Bella had anything 'old'. I'm sure she has the traditional something blue covered since she knows it's my favorite color on her. My mother had some beautiful lingerie, from what I briefly saw of it." He shifted back and forth from one foot to the other. He hung his head. He looked like a nervous teenager.

_He is a nervous teenager, Esme._

"I understand, Edward. Would you like us to look? Is that alright?"

"Yes please. I'd like to think my mother would have wanted to be a huge part of this. As I grew into a young man, we had numerous discussions about finding the right girl. About love. My parents loved one another very much. They were openly affectionate and encouraged me to wait for the love of my life. I waited so long to find her."

Edward took one more uncomfortable look inside the room and pointed. "That dresser over there, the one with the mirror. Look in there."

"I'm sure that whatever we find won't be as offensive once it's on Bella."

"I'm sorry Esme, I can't rifle through Mother's under things. I was taught that doing things like that was a huge invasion of privacy. I'd feel almost perverse going through them. However, I know she owned many beautiful pieces of clothing. My father spared no expense on her."

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth before Alice came bounding through the door. She was squealing and bouncing up and down, causing Edward to frown.

"Don't worry Edward, we'll put everything back the way we found it. We'll take the utmost care. Do you trust me?"

He shook his head. His hands were thrust into his pockets and he walked away. He was hunched over with his head hanging.

Rose laughed as she and Bella came through the door. "Embarrassed much? What's up with him?"

"He wants Bella to see if there is something of his mothers that she'd like for her 'something old', but he's having a bit of trouble with the thought of his mother's lingerie."

Alice has a shit eating grin on her face. "I've already seen it. It's in the bottom drawer. He doesn't have to be embarrassed. While it belonged to his mother, it's brand new. Look, the tags are still on it."

Everyone gasped as Alice pulled out a beautiful ivory colored silk brocade corset. Hand crocheted lace adorned the bust and the bottom edge of the garment. A blue satin rosebud was nestled in the very center. It was extremely feminine, fitting Bella perfectly. She was no longer a girl. The corset accentuated her womanly curves. It cinched up her tiny waist, giving her an hourglass shape, and pushed up her bust giving her much more cleavage. The suspenders of the corset attached to her ivory stockings in a very sexy way. Had Edward gotten married in the early 1900s, this is the treasure he'd have found when unwrapping his new bride. We all decided he'd be pleased with the results.

Alice pulled out another gem, a midnight blue silk chiffon nightgown. It was floor length, with lace in all the right places. She seemed to think it was a necessary addition to Bella's honeymoon wardrobe. Rose and I agreed. The lace would look wonderful against her pale skin. It was carefully stowed in her bag on top of all her other garments. A few other gorgeous pieces of lingerie were removed from the drawer and placed in her luggage as well.

Bella looked nervous now. "I'm so afraid of damaging something. These are priceless to Edward. They were Elizabeth's."

I needed to reassure her. "Bella, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen to these. Remember, Edward requested this. I'm sure he'll be careful with them. If something does happen it's because they are old and fragile. Textiles sometimes get weak with age. It's nothing that can be helped. I think it's more important that we fulfill Edward's wishes, don't you?"

Rose held herself, chuckling. "As sexually repressed as Edward is, do you honestly think any piece of lingerie will make it through the honeymoon?"

Bella's frown deepened.

I gave her a hug. "Don't worry sweetheart, it'll be fine. I really think he just wants to see you in something from his era. He is very old fashioned that way."

Alice retrieved Bella's gown from the other room and we helped her slip into it. The gown was simple silk brocade as well, but a more modern style. The subtle pattern in the fabric was one of tiny roses and vines. It fell just below Bella's knees in the front and tapered lower in the back. It had small cap sleeves and a scooped neck, which allowed Bella to proudly show off her newly found cleavage. I know she'd be blushing if she could - embarrassment is written all over her face, though she seemed lighthearted and genuinely happy. There were many days when we all wondered if they would ever get to this point in their lives. We all waited with baited breath as they worked out their difficulties and recovered their relationship. Today was definitely a day for celebration.

Alice helped Bella slip on a pair of ivory colored pumps and handed her a bouquet of ivory rosebuds. All the ivory accents really made me feel like we were stepping back in time.

We could hear Edward playing the piano. He was playing cheerful songs, things I was sure he was making up as he went, but beautiful none-the-less. I wish one of us could play the piano while Bella entered the garden, but in truth, Edward was the only one of us who could play.

I heard laughter coming from the parlor, as well a female voice I didn't recognize.

"Bella, honey, sit here at the vanity. I'll be back in a minute. I want to let them know we're ready."

As I came down the stairs, I heard the hushed conversation. "I'm sorry. Grandmother gets so confused lately. She heard you playing and thought the Masens had come home. Their son, Edward, spent a lot of time with her, teaching her to play. He was a very close friend to my great uncle Carl. The Masens died of the influenza when she was a little bit of a girl. She's ninety five years old now."

I heard Edward explaining the story we had concocted before we arrived. "Edward, Jr. was my great, great uncle. When they died, my grandfather's solicitor helped him to acquire their home from the estate. As you can see, it's retained its untouched beauty all these years."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bother you on your wedding day. This is a private time for you and your family. I'm so sorry for the intrusion. Grandmother heard a song she thought was an original composition coming from the house. Her friend wrote it for her when she was learning to play. It was written to sound complicated, but he wrote it so she could play it as a beginner and no one would ever know it was a very simple piece to play."

Edward cleared his throat, but didn't talk. I wasn't sure he could. I knew he hadn't been expecting ghosts from his past to appear, and I'm sure he was running his hands nervously through his hair. I rounded the corner into the parlor but stayed in the foyer, admiring the fresco paintings on the wall.

"She was so certain you were the Masen boy who gave her piano lessons when she wasn't much more than a baby. You know, young master Masen made quite an impact on her. She couldn't have been more than four when they died, but she took what she learned from that boy and turned it into a lifelong love of music. She traveled the United States with numerous orchestras and symphonies. She is quite the accomplished pianist. She still plays everyday."

I studied Edward's features. He looked shocked. I've never such an expression of longing and pure joy on his face before. I didn't want to intrude on their conversation, so I stayed back and just listened and watched as it unfolded. I knew what was coming from my son, and he didn't disappoint.

"Carolyn, it's no trouble at all. Please, call me Edward. I'm named after the man who taught your grandmother to play; I'm glad we've had the opportunity to visit with one another. Since she has taken such an interest, I'm pondering something. Would you please ask your grandmother if she would like to do us the honor of playing a song or two for our wedding? This is, no doubt, the piano she learned on, as the house has remained untouched. My poor bride has no music to escort her to the altar as I'm the only one in the family who can play. I'd love to meet your grandmother as well. One of my brothers would be happy to escort her safely over here."

Carolyn stood with her hand over her heart. She looked incredibly moved by the gesture. _If she only knew the truth. _"I'm sure my grandmother would be delighted, she hasn't had an audience in so many years. Let me go ask her. I'll return right away. She's quite spry for her age. And her house is laid out much like this one. I think we can manage the stairs with no trouble."

As the neighbor left, I had to question him. "Edward, son, what are you doing?"

He looked a bit smug. "I don't know what you mean, Esme. I simply suggested that she bring her grandmother over to play the piano one more time. She did, after all, learn to play on this very instrument."

"And how are you going to explain yourself?"

"She's old and senile, Esme. I already told the granddaughter I'm a descendant. Even if they see the portrait, there's no possible way that I could be the same person. It'll be fine. I'd love to see her once again."

I had to smile at him. "I'm proud of you, Edward."

"I'd be honored if she came over and played a piece for the wedding. Would you please ask Bella if she minds having the actual ceremony in the parlor instead? We can celebrate in the garden afterwards as we planned."

Before I stood up she yelled down, "I heard that - It's a great idea! I'm fine with it. The more the merrier."

As I was upstairs talking with Bella, I asked, "Do you think you can restrain yourself? I don't want Edward's friend to be in any danger. "

I heard the door open and close, the voices from the first floor echoing up to us. "I'm okay, Esme. I haven't had the urge to do any damage in a very long time. Edward and I have stopped a few times to eat along the way."

Bella had a huge grin on her face. She gave me a quick hug and asked me, "Would you please let him know I'll be waiting for my cue?"

Alice and Rose gave her quick hugs and headed to the first floor. If she was nervous, I couldn't tell. I heard Emmett clear his throat, making us aware of his presence. Prepared to give his new sister away.

"I'm going downstairs now, darling Bella. We'll be waiting for you."

"We'll be there soon, Esme. That is if Bella doesn't trip." I heard a loud thwack as I walked through the bedroom door.

Emmett and Bella exchanged a few words before he asked her, "Are you ready?" I turned and gave the bride one last look.

As she stood up and took his arm, soft music started to settle over us like fog. It wasn't the wedding march, but it was sweet and simple and beautiful.

Just as I made it to the bottom of the stairs, I turned and saw them come to a stop before they began their descent. I hurriedly went over and stood with my daughters. We had made a semi circle in front of the beautiful fireplace with Carlisle stood in the center, next to Edward. Above them was his parent's portrait. As the music continued, Emmett and Bella glided through the parlor doorway and made it to the center of our group. Emmett took her hand and placing it in Edward's as he gave her a quick kiss and stepped away.

This wasn't a legal ceremony, as Carlisle had only ever served under his father in the church; however, he had officiated at ceremonies for Emmett and Rose, as well as Jasper and Alice.

It was simple, and for Bella and Edward, just as binding as any legal ceremony to the two of them.

As I watched the elderly woman at the piano, I couldn't help but marvel at the gift Edward had no doubt bestowed on her. She was brimming with pride. I saw her pat at her eyes with a tissue as her grand daughter sat next to her and gingerly placed a kiss on her cheek.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and in no time we found ourselves heading outside to the massive gardens. I heard Edward and Bella talking with Carolyn and her grandmother.

EPOV

This woman in front of me is the only living being from my human life. I never imagined something as simple as piano lessons once a week would mould her future, and it was hard to suppress my pride. I'm not a conceited person, but it made me so proud to know I made such a difference in someone's life. I had to find a way to spend some time with her.

"Bella dear, would you ask Esme to show Carolyn the rest of the house? I'd love to visit with her grandmother for a bit. Esme is so knowledgeable in Victorian décor."

Carolyn seemed bashful. "It's okay, I was just wondering about the house, it's so beautiful."

"Nonsense, my mother would love to show you around. She just saw it today for the first time. We've always lived on the West coast and she's never come to Chicago. She's quite taken with the place."

As Esme took Carolyn's arm and guided her through the first floor, I went over to where Lizzie was sitting and knelt down on one knee so I was at eye level with her. Although she had been a tiny girl the last time I saw her, I recognized her immediately. Her bright blue eyes were just as vibrant and dancing with life as they were when she sat in this parlor with me over 90 years ago.

She tentatively reached out and touched my face, the inside of her hand coming to rest on my cheek. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she whispered, "Edward?"

I nodded my head. Sadly, no one would believe her. She had dementia. I had no qualms revealing myself to her. I whispered my answer, calling her by her pet name. "Yes, Little Bit, it's me."

Still whispering, she asked, "How can this be? You don't look any different than you did when I was a little girl. So pretty. Are you an angel?"

Bella laughed a bit and said, "Yes, he is. He's my angel."

Lizzie smiled. "I knew it was you. You wrote that song **for me**. I used to play it over and over after you were gone. I missed you so much, you were like a big brother to me, and you were here when Carl was away. You tried so hard to keep me company, even though you were so much older. Whenever I missed you, I'd play it. It was something so special to me, a fond memory I kept just for myself. When I heard it this morning, I knew you'd come home."

I gave her a very gentle kiss on her cheek. If I thought Bella was breakable, this delicate woman was a hundred times more so.

"You gave me my life, Edward. I went on to study music at Julliard in 1934. Shortly after that I married my husband, Andrew. We were both musicians and had careers in music until we retired in the late seventies. I would have never had the wonderful life I lived without you."

She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, the tears spilling over. "Thank you." Barely a whisper.

As I stood up, I heard Esme and Carolyn coming down the stairs. Lizzie wiped her eyes and stood up, her cane in hand and began walking across the parlor. As she took Carolyn's hand she looked up at me and winked. "It was so nice meeting you, Edward. You remind me so much of the boy I spent so much time with. Congratulations to both of you." She smiled at Bella, her eyes twinkling.

Bella leaned down and gave her a gentle hug. I could tell she was holding her breath. "Thank you so much for being a part of our special day. I'll never forget your generosity."

Lizzie patted her hand. "It was my pleasure, dear. I have such fond memories of this house. It was always so full of love and life."

Carolyn leaned in to me and said, "You've just made her day. She probably won't remember this tomorrow. Thank you for humoring her as if you were actually the boy in that portrait. Although there is a strong family resemblance." She shook her head, as if she couldn't quite grasp it.

We saw them to the door and watched as Emmett and Jasper walked them down the sidewalk and onto Lizzie's porch. Bella had an arm around my waist. "That was really sweet of you. Edward. I can't believe the child you taught to play piano actually played at our wedding. This has been an incredible day."

_Yes, it has Bella, yes it has._

Bella and I walked out to the garden to greet the family. Everyone was standing around visiting and taking in the scenery. One would think we never saw one another. You'd never know we all practically lived under the same roof. Emmett and Oliver were walking around, playing hide and seek between the hedges. I never imagined my big oaf of a brother as a father, but he took well to the job. He and Rose both were markedly changed by this little person. Amazing.

Alice and Jasper had their arms around each other, and she was talking about renewing their vows once again. Carlisle and Esme were watching the house next door, deep in conversation.

Bella reached up and put her hand on my cheek. "Well Mr. Masen. What do you say we pop the cork on that champagne so we can have a toast and send your family on their way to the hotel."

She winked at me. ''I think you'll like to see what we found in your parent's room." An evil grin on her face.

As soon as the guests left, I heard Bella turn the lock on the door. She took my hand, yanking me out of the chair I was lounging in. I had to laugh, remembering all the times she tried move me when she was still a frail human. I followed her up the stairs to my room. Standing in the middle of the room, she turned her back to me, and pulled her hair to the side. "Would you help me with this, Edward?"

With a whisper, her gown fell to the floor. My bride stood, biting her lip. I knew she'd be blushing, if she could, it was in this moment when I realized just how much I missed that piece of her humanity.

My breath hitched as my eyes fell to what little she was still wearing, knowing my wish had been fulfilled. I took her in my arms, so happy we'd waited until today to share ourselves with one another. This was the single most incredible day of my existence.

After hours of exploring every inch of each other, I heard the unmistakable sound of a diesel vehicle. It was barely daylight; I couldn't imagine why there would be a large truck parked outside as this was a residential neighborhood. I grabbed a robe and went to the window to look. My heart nearly broke.

In front of Lizzie's house was the Cook County Hospital ambulance and a gray van with the words 'Cook County Coroner' written across the side.

I gathered my suit pants from the day before and a t-shirt, not caring what I was wearing. Without saying a word to Bella I was down the stairs and out the door in a flash. I stood on the porch in my bare feet as the paramedics carried a body bag with a small form zipped securely inside of it.

Carolyn was standing on Lizzie's porch with both hands over her mouth, sobbing noisily. I was on the brink myself. Why is it, every time I come here, something makes me have a breakdown?

At some point, Bella crept up behind me so silently that I didn't notice her until her tiny arms were around my waist and her cheek was resting against my chest. "She's gone, isn't she Edward?"

"I'm afraid so." I was at a loss for words. I'd had no intention of spending any more time with Lizzie. We were leaving today to begin our honeymoon, yet it caused me immeasurable sadness to realize she was actually gone. I imagined that she'd be gone before we came back to Chicago the next time. It could be years till we returned. However, I didn't expect to witness this.

"I never in a million years imagined there would be anyone I knew in my human life still alive. That she remembered me after all these years amazes me. She was such a little girl, Bella."

"I remember things about my grandfather Swan. He died when I was just a little girl, but I'll never forget his face. Lizzie knew it was you, that's all that matters."

She drew a deep breath before she continued. "I really believe that everything happens for a reason. I think seeing her again, interacting with her helped you regain a little more of your humanity. If it weren't meant to be, she'd have been long dead and gone or too senile to remember. Just look at it as a blessing, Edward."

I knew she was right. "I think yesterday was truly a gift for both of us. What a wonderful memory."

We walked over to Lizzie's home to speak with Carolyn and offer our condolences. She hugged us both fiercely when we got up on the porch. The coroner had just left with Lizzie and Carolyn had yet to go inside. "What you did yesterday really meant the world to her. For someone to have the faith in an ailing old woman the way that you did was beyond amazing. She was so tired after she came home, yet she watched from her window while you celebrated in the garden. She always loved the garden, and often walked through the hedges. Always such a beautiful place to relax."

I shifted from foot to foot. I wasn't sure what to say. Obviously I couldn't be as honest with Carolyn as I was with her grandmother. "She was truly gifted. I feel honored that she shared her talent with us. We'll never forget the gift she gave us."

I think Bella would have cried if she could. She was worrying that bottom lip in a way that made me wonder if she'd hurt herself. She just reached out and hugged Carolyn even tighter.

I wondered if Carolyn had a family. "Will you stay here now that she's gone?"

"I'm not sure." She seemed torn. "I could, but there are so many memories. I guess time will tell. I've lived with her for so long, it seems."

"I know we only met her yesterday and I'm sorry we won't be here to pay our respects. We're leaving in a few hours." I leaned over and gave her a hug and a light kiss on the top of her head. Under normal circumstances, I would've loved to become friends with this woman. I would love to learn more about Lizzie and Carl's human lives.

"Oh," she said, looking more than a bit overwhelmed. "Grandfather was cremated a few years ago. We're just going to have a small memorial service. Nothing huge. She was a simple woman. They are going to put their ashes together and I'm going to take her over to Graceland. They have something picked out there."

I looked down at my attire; I was wearing the pants from my tux along with a wrinkled white tee shirt. There was a smudge of lipstick on the chest. Bella looked up at me and smirked. I smiled back, remembering how that got there; I thought the teeth marks might be visible as well.

Bella and I went back inside and gathered our things. I hadn't told Bella where we were going, though she hadn't really pestered me too much. I knew she didn't appreciate surprises on any sort of grand scale. Esme and I put our heads together and came up with an idea that was original, and had a potential for romance. I thought Bella would love it.

Yesterday while the girls were getting Bella ready for the wedding, I made a few calls to finalize my plans. The groundwork for the rest of our vacation was already laid out before we left New York, thanks to Esme and her connections.

As we got into the car on Cleveland Ave, I bid farewell to my childhood home, not knowing when we might return. If Carolyn remained at Lizzie's, we'd have to be careful in ten years. She would realize that we hadn't aged. I might have been able to let Lizzie look confused and get away with it, but it wouldn't be so easy with her granddaughter. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, only to realize Bella was waving at Carolyn, who had apparently come out to watch us leave. I beeped the horn and pulled away. I was ready to begin a new chapter of our life together.

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Please review. Thanks!


	28. Chapter 28

_**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I enjoying playing with her characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**_Since I've sucked at posting. I decided to give you another chapter today. Enjoy. Happy Mother's Day to you if it applies._**

_**Thanks for your responses to yesterday's chapter. It pushed me to give you more.**_

**_This chapter beta'd by Bronze. I can never thank her enough for her friendship, encouragement or dedication to this story. _**

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**__**Honeymoon Surprise**_

_**BPOV**_

We left Chicago, and after an hour or so on the road it seemed like we were headed home. I couldn't imagine what he had planned. I had figured we'd catch a flight someplace from O'Hare, and I was a bit surprised that we headed someplace by car. Somehow I assumed we'd just leave by plane from here and then come back for the car.

We've been through so much since I was changed. If anyone would have told me when I met Edward that we'd experience all these things in such a short amount of time, I would have laughed at them.

When we discussed our honeymoon, Edward told me I had to leave all the details to him. Where he gave me free reign over the wedding ceremony, he asked that I simply trust him to put together the perfect honeymoon.

He asked me what things were most important to me for our trip. I asked only that he not spend a lot of money, that it be someplace secluded and private where we could just get away from everything but each other, and that we go someplace near the water. The water never held a lot of interest to me, but when I moved to Forks, I came to love the ocean. I miss that, living inland.

In my mind, knowing Edward, I imagined sailing the great lakes in a yacht, or sailing to some private island in the middle of nowhere. I never in a million years expected to end up in the fairytale destination he chose for us. As always, everything Edward does is on a grand scale, always romantic, and never what I ask for. Yet I have to hand it to him; for once he abided by all my wishes.

"Sweetheart, we've been driving an awfully long time. Where are we going?"

Edward looked like a little kid on Christmas morning. There was nothing he enjoyed more than giving gifts and planning surprises. I knew we were going _someplace_, but the suspense was killing me.

"If I tell you it won't be a surprise. As previously discussed, I am spending next to nothing on our honeymoon. I'm taking you to a place that is not only secluded, it can only be reached by boat, but it is also closed for the season. I'm giving you privacy and water, which were both things you requested. As for the rest, you will have to be patient, Mrs. Cullen."

He had that half smile on his face that I'd grown to love. I can only imagine what he did to pull this grand scheme of his off. He may give me everything that I have asked for, but I'd be an idiot to think that he'd stop at that.

We'd driven in companionable silence for a long time, and I was still having trouble reconciling the fact that the elderly woman who played the piano at my wedding was four years old when Edward had 'died'. I find it an incredible thing that she would remember Edward so clearly after all those years. I know Edward felt terrible, knowing her family would think that she was demented because she was certain she had seen a ghost from her past when in fact, she couldn't have been more correct. The circle of life is amazing. Edward experienced Lizzie's birth and her death.

"Edward, we're in New York." I said suddenly.

He smirked. "Yes, Bella. We're in New York."

"We're on I-90. Are we going home, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella. I sent the family away - we're going home where it's private, and then we'll go to the covered bridge and we can swim in the water."

I frowned. "Where are we going?"

"No way, silly Bella."

"Will you give me a small hint?"

"Nope."

"Edward!"

"Be-ll-a." He was growling now. I really need to know where we're going. The farther we drove, the more impatient I became.

We were really close to home, coming upon the exit for 81 South in Ithaca. I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't telling the truth. I knew I was scowling, but I wanted to know.

Edward started laughing. He reached over and poked me in the ribs. "I might not be able to read your mind, but your body language I _can_ read. Loosen up, love. We're almost there. I promise you'll love what I have in store for you."

As we came to the exit for 81 South, we continued on. Edward turned on his signal and we took the off ramp for 81 North. _Where are we going, lover boy? Watertown?_ _That place has as much snow as Forks has rain. Goody._

I leaned back and closed my eyes, feigning sleep. I knew sleep wouldn't come, but it's a habit that's been hard to break. Carlisle's hypnosis technique has made several therapeutic naps quite rejuvenating.

I opened one eye and saw a sign for the Thousand Islands. I've never been here, but they say there are like, 1800 islands. Some are so small they have no more than a tree or two on them, some are miles in area. Well, this is definitely water. Perhaps we're going to a deserted island.

It was getting late in the day, and Edward pulled into a marina. _Are we going boating? I expected that in Chicago. Even Alice suggested boating on Lake Michigan._

Deep in thought, I didn't realize we had come to a stop and he'd turned the car off. Before I got the door open, he's rounded the front of the car and is doing it for me. Always the gentleman. No question his mama raised the boy right.

In one hand he had our bags and he reaches out and takes my hand with the other, peppering the back of it with kisses. He pulled me out of the car and into his chest with a small 'thud'. He pushed the car door shut, hit the lock button, and with his arm over my shoulder, he walked me down through the marina.

"Come on, Bella, must you be so slow? The adventure is about to begin."

We walk up to a moderately sized boat, and he says that it's a 'Hunter 326'. She's not made anymore." It's gorgeous. As with every other task he takes on, Edward appears to be an old hand around boats. He helped me aboard and hopped back off onto the dock. He untied everything before hopping on board with me.

"How long did we lease the boat for, Edward?"

""Psh, she's not a boat, she's a yacht. And we didn't lease her, we own her."

"I didn't know we had a boat."

"Yacht," he corrected me again. "And we didn't, but we needed it for our honeymoon. We can keep it docked here in Alex Bay. We can go up into Canada with it; you'll love sailing."

I eyed him warily. "I thought you weren't going to spend a lot on the honeymoon."

"I didn't spend much on the honeymoon; you didn't say anything about the transportation. Had we flown someplace, we would have taken a private jet because you're still a newborn. I wouldn't have taken any chances. It would cost as much to hire a private jet as it cost to buy this boat. It's an investment."

I was fairly certain I wouldn't win this fight. I might as well throw in the towel. "Alright, you win."

"Look over there, Bella. Do you see the castle?"

Even in the darkness, the place was breath taking. I had never seen anything like it. It appeared to be an entire island fortress. "What is this place?"

Edward came over and took my hand. He leaned in close to my ear and in his sexy velvet voice, he explained the story behind our destination. "A year before I was born, the manager of the Waldorf Astoria bought this island. It was called 'Heart Island,' named after the politician who owned it. When George Boldt's family acquired the property from Hart, Boldt decided to change the name to Heart Island. George was hopelessly in love with his wife, Louise, and decided to build this grand home to show his affection for her."

I laughed. "Okay, I'll quit complaining about your gifts. It could be worse, I suppose."

Pointing in the opposite direction, he continued with his story. "George and his family lived in that tall building until the house was ready. Four years into the project, in 1904, Louise Boldt died suddenly of a heart attack. George sent a telegraph telling all the workers to get out and go home. All work ceased, George never returned, and the castle fell into disrepair. "

"What a tragic love story."

"Mhmm, it was. She was only 41 when she died. I believe it happened on Valentine's day as well."

"So the island was just deserted then? He never came back? Did they have children?"

"It's my understanding that the property was sold to some other business man, the owner of Beechnut foods, I believe. He opened it to the public, but it was vandalized and fell into great disrepair. It also suffered a great fire. In 1977, the Thousand Islands Bridge Authority acquired the property. All the revenue that has been raised from tourism has been put back into the restoration project. I believe it's some staggering figure like 15 or 20 million."

"And we came to be here because…"" I trailed off.

He smiled that endearing, crooked smile. "We are here because the sister of the curator owns a beautifully redecorated bed and breakfast in Ithaca, remodeled by one Esme Cullen."

"You really didn't answer my question, Edward."

"Well, I thought that you might enjoy the romance of the place. It has all the things you asked for in a honeymoon location. It's secluded and private. The resort is closed for the season. We don't have to worry about dealing with a lot of other people, and it's on the water. I think the place is breathtaking. Would you like to spend our honeymoon here, Bella?"

"Is that possible? You said it's closed for the season. Do they even permit people to stay here over night?"

"Actually, they don't offer overnight accommodations. However, as a favor to Esme, we are permitted to stay in Alster Tower. It's the small building over there. During construction, the Boldt family resided there when they came here. It has a few bedrooms, and it was designed to be more of a fun house once the mansion was completed. Sadly, that never happened."

"So we _can_ stay here? It's beautiful, Edward; thank you for bringing me here. I'd love to spend the next week here with you."

"This isn't something normally done; in fact, it's unheard of. We were quite fortunate to be allowed the privilege. It helped that Esme and Carlisle made a sizeable donation on our behalf."

I frowned. "You know how I feel about that. Why would they do that?"

"Please look at it this way. They wanted to give us a wedding present. Esme wanted to buy a house and restore it for us, but as you know, we have to leave soon. They made a tax deductible donation to a worthy cause on our behalf. We, in turn, benefit by being permitted to stay in this magical place in complete solitude for the duration of our honeymoon. It's a win-win situation.

How could I possibly argue with that? I'm sure the smile I meant to put on my face looked more like a grimace.

"Can we hunt here safely?"

"Yes, there are places on the mainland where we can go. Don't worry, that'll be no trouble."

The boat pulled up to the boathouse. We docked and Edward carried our bags to a small dinghy. "We won't really be able to explore the island until tomorrow morning. It would appear strange if any of the staff saw us looking around in the dark, even though we can see perfectly."

Edward navigated past a tall stone tower. "This is Alster Tower, where we are staying. It would be wrong to stay in the mansion, as beautiful as it is. No one has ever spent a night in it."

"And what is it worth?"

"Millions, Bella. Millions. Probably in excess of twenty million. Crazy, isn't it? To spend all that money on a home no one has nor ever will live in."

"Almost as crazy as us staying here for a week." I said with a grin.

Edward navigated the yacht to the left and pulled up to a huge stone arch. He explained it was formally called the "Arch of Honor" and was to be the formal entry for boats that carried passengers of larger yachts. As the Hunter 326 wasn't too large, we were permitted to dock it here for the moment. "Come on, love. I have someone I'd like you to meet before we get settled."

He took my hand and helped me get off the boat and onto the walkway. An older gentleman was leaning against the wall of the arch. "Welcome, Edward. This must be Miss Bella."

Edward shook his hand. "Hello Fred. Thank you again for having us. This is my lovely wife, Bella."

"Bella, welcome to Heart Island." He took my hand in a tight grasp. "You had a safe trip?"

I couldn't help but break into a smile; the man looked like a little gnome. He had a little white beard and was hunched over. A pipe hung from the corner of his mouth, the aroma of cherry vanilla tobacco hanging in the air. The only thing missing was the little pointed hat.

"We had a lovely trip. The Thousand Islands area is breathtaking."

"Follow me then, and we'll get you all taken care of. We'll take my golf cart tonight. There's a bike path the entire way around the island that you can use to walk on, or I can leave you with a golf cart."

I looked in Edward's direction, knowing it was up to me. "I think we'd prefer to explore on foot, if that is alright." No longer was I a clumsy human. I could walk mile after mile with no problem.

"If you change your mind, just ring me on my cell phone and I'll get you a cart straight away."

"Thanks, Fred, but I don't think it'll be necessary."

He nodded. "Have you eaten dinner? It's getting late."

Edward spoke up; perhaps he was afraid I'd misinterpret Fred's question as an offering. "We're fine, we ate earlier."

"You realize, since the concession stand is closed for the winter, you'll have to take all your meals on the mainland."

"Yes, we understand. That's no problem. We had planned to do that anyway." He looked to me with a smirk on his face. Yes, we had indeed discussed that earlier.

Fred pulled up in front of the stone tower and offered his hand to me. Touching a human for more than a second or two was foreign to me, the warmth and softness of their skin always made my mouth water a bit, my hair standing on end. I reached into my pocket and slipped on my gloves before I extended my hand. _Better safe than sorry. _

Once I was out of the cart, Edward pulled me into his side, his arm draped across my shoulders. He claims can't read my mind, but there are times when I really wonder. He was ensuring Fred's safety. He kissed the top of my head and gave my shoulders a squeeze as Fred beckoned us to follow him.

As we walked, he gave us some history of the tower. Apparently it was built to resemble a defense tower similar to ones on the Alster River in Hamburg, Germany, thus the name. The Boldt family began using it to entertain guests in 1899, and moved into it in 1900 as they awaited the completion of the castle. Apparently the family had lived in an 80 room 'cottage' on the original site of the castle and prior to construction of the castle, the cottage was disassembled in pieces, some of them were skidded across the frozen river to Wellesley Island where the Boldt's owned other property. When the cottage was moved, it was necessary to live in the tower.

Fred unlocked the door and allowed us to enter. I gasped when the lights came on; it was breathtaking. Obviously, as with other parts of the island, it was under continuing construction. Fred led us through the building, showing us various points of interest. The "Shell Room," as Fred described it, was used for dancing. The ceiling was shaped like an elaborate sea shell. He explained at one time there were tiny lights up inside the shell that illuminated the room.

We followed a beautifully carved winding staircase up through the tower. Fred showed us several rooms that were set up as bedrooms, and we could choose where we preferred to sleep. The building had what must have been an impressive library at one time. We were shown the kitchen, and told me were permitted to bring items that didn't need to be cooked, but if refrigeration was necessary, we'd need to secure a cooler.

Fred bid us good night and encouraged us to explore the building. I was in awe that Edward would put so much thought into finding such a special place for us.

_**EPOV**_

Alster tower was impressive. Much of it appeared as it would have in 1904. I remember my mother and some of her society friends discussing the story of the Boldt family once when I was very young. I remember her calling it a tragedy.

Bella and I sat outside under the stars for hours, but when I looked at my watch, it said it was after midnight. "Come on, love. Let's go inside."

"This place is magical, Edward. I'm not going to want to go home. Being on the water here is so different from First Beach. I mean, we're literally on the water's edge, no beach or anything. Amazing."

I looked at my beautiful bride. "No, my dear, _you_ are amazing. If you'd have told me three years ago that I would meet a beautiful human, that she'd steal my heart, that she'd want to become like me and that we'd be married- I would have laughed at you. My life is incredible. I can't believe how happy you've made me."

"It is pretty incredible, isn't it?"

Our second night together was just as amazing as our night in Chicago. Never in a million years would I have ever believed anything like this could be possible for me. To think I'd be able to spend the rest of eternity being loved like this was something I had trouble trying to fathom. I thought back to my dear mother and her insistense that one day I'd find the perfect girl. I used to snicker at her in disbelief. Now, I let my eyes wander to my beautiful wife and thanked God for my wonderful life. I was truly blessed.

As the sun was coming up, we decided to explore the tower some more and we found what used to be a bowling alley. I remember Fred describing it last night. Had the castle been completed, this whole building would have been used to entertain.

You could actually see most of the island from the top of the tower. The grounds were lovely. We spent several hours looking around, and Fred had left several books about the castle and the Boldt family in the sitting room. For now, we'd have to stay inside and read or enjoy each other, as the sun was shining and it wouldn't do to go outside. I'm sure Fred expected us to spend a majority of our time inside.

We spent the rest of our week much like the first day, in and out of bed; when we weren't inside, we were exploring the island.

_**BPOV**_

I loved the castle. Edward told me that it was one of the largest homes in the United States when it was built. It still baffles me that so much money had been invested in a home that's never been occupied. What a terrible shame. This is the kind of magical place where dreams are made, a place where generation after generation of a family creates memories.

The castle was huge, six stories tall. Many of the rooms had been tastefully decorated as they would have been at the turn of the century. A lot of the rooms were untouched and would remain that way, and some are yet to be worked on. As the money comes in, more things are restored. It amazed me to see the artifacts that were unearthed over the years. A beautiful fireplace mantle was found in a swimming pool. Furnishings were found still in the crates, just as they had been left in 1904. I was surprised to learn that it was not the intent of the bridge authority to restore the entire castle, but to simply bring it up to where it was the day work had ceased.

As in the tower, Fred allowed us to roam the castle by day, only locking up when the staff had to leave at the end of the day. We more or less had the entire place to ourselves. Aside from the tempting scent of human on a few occasions, they were virtually invisible to us.

The castle had a beautiful music room; we even came across a piano, though it wasn't nearly as beautiful as Edward's. I spent an afternoon listening to him play. I loved watching him. When Edward was playing he'd abandon his façade and was able to be free, to feel the music. I've never seen him as relaxed as he is when he's playing.

As our week was coming quickly to an end, I felt sad to leave such an enchanting place.

Edward must have sensed my distress. "It won't be long, Love, and you'll be laying on a sandy beach, sparkling in the sunlight. You won't have to worry about being seen or exposed to humans. You'll love where we are headed."

This is a place I'd love to come back to from time to time, just to mark the progress they've made with the project. It's easy to see why Esme loves old architecture an interior design so much. I could easily get swept up in something like this.

I could also understand how Edward would want to come here. This was a page right out of his era.

On our last day, we bid Fred farewell first thing in the morning so that we could spend the day on the Hunter. Edward helped me onto the boat and we toured the circumference of the island, and we spent the day out on the open water sailing. As with everything else, Edward appeared to be an experienced sailor. At one point I got nostalgic, thinking about how much Charlie would have loved this boat. I'm glad he has enough money by now to buy one if he has the desire.

I remember sitting down with Carlisle's attorney, Eleazar and Mr. Jenks, the banker, on a conference call. The amount of the proceeds from my life insurance policy was staggering. In total, with the money from the memorial, he had taken in just over a half a million dollars. As frugal as Charlie is, that amount of money, combined with his pension when he retires, will allow him to live comfortably for the rest of his life. At least my death unknowingly ensured his future.

As twilight was upon us, Edward docked the yacht in the marina and we went to talk with the management. Edward had paid an ungodly amount of money for them to weatherize the boat and ensure her safety until we came back to use her. We found our way to the Volvo and started the short journey home.

Something I had wondered while we were in the boat managed to come out. "If we wanted to, could we go all the way to Isle Esme in the boat? Would she make it that far?"

"I'd have to discuss that with Carlisle, but I had considered that option. We already have one boat on the mainland, but it might be nice to have another. It seems like a shame to leave her here unattended, doesn't it?" It seemed he had gotten over his aversion to me calling her a 'boat.'

"It is a really nice boat. If we are going to live on an island, it would make sense to take it with us."

In no time we were turning into the long wooded lane of our home. As we pulled in, various members of the family filed out onto the huge porch. As I stepped onto the porch, Esme pulled me into a tight embrace. "Did you enjoy the island, Bella?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, it was incredible. Thank you for helping Edward arrange everything. It was magical; I didn't want to leave."

Edward gave her a big hug. "Yes, thanks so much for connecting us with Fred, he was wonderful. We had a great time, and they were very accommodating."

_**EPOV**_

In no time at all, Alice had drug Bella off to their bedroom, making Bella promise to share pictures of our trip. I heard them giggling as Alice asked if any of my mother's lingerie survived the trip. I could imagine my Bella blushing, if only she could.

I missed that more than any of her other human attributes; well, more than anything besides her heartbeat. I can only imagine the sounds her heart would have made during our lovemaking. Before I left her all those months ago, there were a few occasions that came very close to crumbling my resolve. On those occasions, her little heart raced like it would burst out of her chest.

Bella's laugh shook me out of my thoughts. "I know the rest of you have no modesty, but I'm not sharing personal private details with you, Alice. We had a beautiful time - end of story. Don't ask again. Understand?" I could see her standing with her arms crossed, one hip thrust forward as she put my little sister in her place.

I couldn't wait to take Bella away to Isle Esme. Esme had decided to have a house built for each of our families once we got to the Island and settled in. Emmett and Rose have a child now, and they wanted to give him a normal childhood. Alice and Jasper have had an apartment of their own since they got to Ithaca, even though they are hardly ever there. And I believe Carlisle and Esme have decided since we have the sentence of an extended stay in one place, they would like the privacy of their own home without all of us being underfoot. Twenty years is a very long time, longer than we've ever been in once place. Carlisle won't be working outside the home, nor will Esme. We all always had outside interests to keep the boredom at bay. We're all going to have to adapt in ways we never had to before.

Esme had explained to me as we walked one day in the woods. She said she had come up with the idea of separate homes because she thought Bella might prefer the privacy on the other side of the island, compared to being in the bedroom next to Emmett and Rose, rather than constantly feeling like her devilish brother was listening to every sound that came from our room so he could taunt and embarrass her. Esme didn't say it, but she was thinking, _'It's for you too, Edward. I know this is all new to you as well and you don't want to discuss your love life with the rest of us. I understand.' _I gave her a quick squeeze as we came back into the clearing behind our home. No words were necessary. She knew what it meant to me to have the privacy.

As the days turned into weeks, everyone fell into a comfortable routine. Carlisle was constantly on guard, but I reassured him I'd undoubtedly know when Lawrence made a move. If I could help it, I wasn't going to let them see. I'd lure the monster away from my family and take him out with my bare hands. I refused to let him hurt those I love, no matter the consequences to myself. It was me he wanted. He had no interest in the others.

I heard my brother's maniacal chuckle as he interrupted my thoughts. "Don't be so hasty, brother. Bella is utterly delicious. I've _seen _what it's like to love her. Do you truly believe I'm not interested in your family? You are a fool to think you can end this. You and I? One on one? There's no question in _my mind_ who will win the battle. Are you so willing to take chances like that with the love of your life?"

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	29. Chapter 29

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just enjoy playing with her characters. Unfortunately, Lawrence belongs to me. I'd much prefer Edward.**

**This chapter was beta'd by Bronze. I know you're having too much fun to read this, but thanks for everything. Your hard work is always appreciated.**

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****Mirage Chapter twenty-nine**

_Things that go bump in the night_

_**EPOV**_

Ever since we came home from Volterra, the monster has been taunting me, baiting me. I know he's out there, waiting and watching. The frustration is suffocating. My fears have only escalated after the wedding. It seemed after we returned from our honeymoon, the taunting has become nearly constant. Instead of the inane chatter that buzzed off of everyone in my vicinity, my mind seemed to be focused solely on the horrible scenes that flashed before my mind.

The thought of leaving Bella's side terrified me. I know she thinks I'm some sort of control freak, but the real fact is that I'm scared that I'll turn my back for a minute and she'll be gone. I try to blend in, be inconspicuous, but I know she can sense my presence, the same way I can always sense hers. Something as simple as a trip to the mall with Alice makes me follow in the shadows. I'm no better than the obsessed vampire stalker I used to be when I first realized I was falling for my little human. Yet this time I do it to protect her; the curiosity is gone, and she is mine.

I'm sure they all think I'm being irrational. I follow her everywhere. The Volvo would be too conspicuous, so I follow on foot. I know he's coming for her - I can feel it. He keeps telling me I'm no good for her, that I'm no better than he is. I know he's wrong, but it's hard to break the mind set that has been nagging me almost daily for several years. I know I should have never interacted with Bella. She'd be a happy college freshman, dating an interesting, intellectual guy, and most importantly, she'd still be alive.

Because of my selfishness, she will never have a long-term career, due to the need to move frequently. Her chance to find love, date different people until she finds the prefect match, marry and have children has been stolen from her. She has sacrificed the rest of her life with her parents. I'm surprised the loss hasn't killed her father. She'll never know the joy of having children. All of these things I've stolen from her.

My brother is absolutely right. I am no good for her. I've destroyed her human life.

Because of me, she runs the risk everyday of being tortured or killed by my brother. My twin. The genetically identical double of myself. I haven't seen him in 80 years, and I wondered if Bella would be able to tell us apart. Carlisle couldn't.

I'm afraid if I left her side for even a moment, he'll turn on his sick charm and lure her away from me. By the time she realizes what's happened, she'll be in the clutches of my evil twin and Victoria. I'd dropped out of classes at Cornell, and Carlisle arranged for me to take a break for a semester. We both knew that we wouldn't be here for the next semester.

I've been able to successfully keep Alice out of my mind, and no one but Carlisle knows I'm not attending classes. I need that time to follow Bella through her classes to be certain she's safe and accounted for at all times. I have this gnawing fear that if he ever gets her into his evil clutches, I'll never see her again, and even worse, I'll leave her undefended against this monster.

He knows I'd follow them to the ends of the earth to find her. He'd like nothing better than to torture me with images of what he's doing to her, with her, while I can't bring her to safety. _No, I definitely cannot allow that to happen._

For several days I've caught glimpses of white, just here and there, running among the trees behind the house. I know he's testing the waters. He wants to see how close he can get before someone notices. _I know_ he's here. Victoria won't come near here, as they all know her scent. But his scent they'll never suspect. It's nearly identical to mine.

I wish he'd just get it over with and make his move. The terrorism is more than I'm able to handle. I needed to talk with certain members of my family. Carlisle will have a game plan and Alice has already seen. I believe it's time to come clean.

Knowing he's inside reading, I stopped by Carlisle's study. "Hey can we talk for a minute, Carlisle?"

"Of course, what's on your mind?"

"I really think it's time for me to sit down and explain everything to the family about Lawrence."

He nodded. "I agree, Edward. Before there's some kind of catastrophe, we should tell them. Don't worry, son. I made the mistake, but it's really your story to tell. I'll help you get over the rough patches."

"I know it's not been fair of me to keep it to myself, but the embarrassment has had me paralyzed. I just wasn't ready."

"Do you want to gather them all now?"

I thought for a minute. "No, I want to hunt first. I need some time alone to decide what I want to say to them; I'm afraid they'll all hate me for putting them at risk. I've been so wrapped up in following Bella everywhere that I haven't hunted in weeks. I'm not feeling like myself. I know I'm weak and I can't let that happen if I'm going to be able to defend any of you against what's coming. I know Bella's safe right now; Rose and Alice are doing her hair. If she knows I'm going off to hunt, she'll want to come along. I don't want to take her out there, just the two of us, right now. I'd rather we all hunt when Bella goes."

"What are you afraid of? She's shown great restraint. There really isn't any concern."

"I am afraid… that my brother is out there somewhere waiting for us to get separated so he can snatch her and run with her." I saw the wheels turning in his mind. I couldn't believe he hadn't picked it up before. "I've had glimpses of something, or someone, running in the woods in the evening. Near twilight. It's not human; it's too white. It's one of us. I know it's him."

"Okay, son, when you return I'll have them all ready. Don't worry, it will be alright. They are your family. They'll understand."

"Thanks, I'll be back soon. I'm not going far, probably the park near the covered bridge. I just need something to take the edge off, if you know what I mean."

He had to smile; of course he knew. "No problem. See you in an hour or so."

As I was heading out the door, I passed Esme. "I'll be back in a bit."

She smiled at me, that motherly smile that always melted my heart, no matter what kind of day I've had. I gave her a hug as we passed. Little did I know it would be the last time I interacted with a member of the Cullen family.

As I cleared the porch, I caught a flash of white a few hundred feet away. Like a shot, I followed it into the woods. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, something hit me like a rocket. I was slammed into a tree so hard that we broke it by falling it. Before I knew what hit me, my legs were out from under me. As quickly as I could, I jumped to my feet. Spinning around, I caught another glimpse of alabaster skin and a shock of bronze hair. I _knew_ it had been him watching us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stalking towards me, hands outstretched.

"You can make this difficult, Edward, or you can just come along nice and quiet. Either way, you're coming with us."

_I don't think so!_ He rushed me and tackled me at the waist, pushing me backwards into another tree. I felt the ground shake as the tree, roots and all began to tip behind the force that had ploughed me into it.

We rolled in the dirt; Lawrence had sticks and dead leaves in his hair. His shirt was dirty and torn. His face smudged with soil. This was the Lawrence from Alice's vision. She knew it was coming, yet there was no way to prevent it.

From out of nowhere, I smelled dog. This was a scent I recognized. _What the hell?_ Looking up, I saw the dark russet skin of Bella's _best friend._ He had an ugly sneer on his face, resembling a predator.

I had underestimated Jacob Black. To the left of Jacob was a small Indian woman with a very choppy haircut. Not choppy like Alice's, but more like she cut it herself. I didn't recognize the woman, but she must have been a descendant of Ephriam Black. Behind the Indian woman was the unmistakable hair of none other than Victoria.

Victoria walked over and gave me a kick in the ribs, taking my breath away. The pain was excruciating. Then the Indian girl grabbed my ankle and twisted. I heard it snap. _Oh God, they're going to take me out right here and then get Bella. Jake- Jake will kill Bella. _I heard laughter, mocking me; it was my own voice, except I was silent.

"No, dear brother, that wasn't exactly the plan, but perhaps we'll change our minds."

Jake was standing over me, an evil look in his eyes. He put his foot on my left leg, and yanked on my right one, mid thigh. It made a sickening sound as it broke. All I could manage to do was thrash around. I couldn't get to my feet. I was helpless. Victoria looked at the dogs and said, "Come on, help me get him in the van. It won't be long and they'll all be out here looking for them."

Jake grabbed me under the arms. _When did he grow so much?_ I remember seeing him through Carlisle's eyes at Bella's memorial; he was lean, lanky like the teen that he was. Today he would easily give Emmett a run for his money. _Jacob Black was huge! _The girl grabbed my feet and they threw me in the back of a van. There was a bench seat and two bucket seats in the front, but the back of the van was bare. The carpet had been pulled up, the seat removed. It smelled of dog. There were stickers on the ceiling. Apparently, the van belonged to the Quileute school.

_I wonder if they sponsored the trip. Perhaps it was some sort of school project, Vampire Annihilation 101._

Victoria's voice was coming from the very front. _She was whispering sweet nothings to someone. Certainly not Jacob Black, even he wouldn't stoop that low._ Then I heard the laugh again. Lawrence _was_ here. I was certain he'd go after Bella after I was unable to defend her. I heard the others get into the van. Slowly, quietly, I heard the van begin to roll down the gravel road that wound through the woods and passed our house. I wasn't sure exactly where we were, but I started screaming. I couldn't stand, but I kicked the doors on the van with everything I had. Before I knew what hit me, the girl made a terrible ripping sound and suddenly she was on top of me in the back. Her wolf self wasn't any more attractive than her human one. She lay across me, teeth bared. I knew she could rip my head off. I laid back down in defeat. I've been thinking so hard, trying to communicate with Alice.

His laugh was menacing. "She can't hear you, dear brother! It's the wolves. Isn't it great! Not only are they your adversary, but they prevent you from calling for help."

I was completely shut off from my family and at the mercy of my brother and his minions. I didn't stand a chance. It seemed like I was jostled around in the back of that van for an eternity. In actuality, it had probably been two to three hours since we had left Ithaca. The wolf girl was laying next to me now. At least she was no longer on top of me. She wasn't hurting me, but the stench was overpowering. I tried to stretch my legs, but they no longer worked the way they had. The leg that Jacob broke was in pretty bad shape. There was no longer any question in my mind, I could not walk on it the way it was, and none of my captors was going to repair it. I was stranded until my family found me. With the newfound knowledge that the presence of the werewolves blocked Alice's visions, I didn't know if they ever would.

If I was in a position to land a punch, strategically, into one of the wolves, I might've been able to inflict enough damage to take them out. Just as surely as my brother wouldn't doctor my wounds, he would let the wolves perish once they had served whatever purpose he had for them in his sick little mind.

I felt the van slow down and pull onto a gravel road. I had been watching out the window but because of my position, couldn't see more than tree tops and an occasional power line out the window above my head.

I was fucked.

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	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I just like to play in her sandbox.**

**This chapter beta'd by Bronze. I never no what to say here. It just seems thanks isn't nearly enough for everything you've put up with interacting with me and my stories. I hope you know how much I appreciate you.**

**I apologize in advance for the shorter chapters. It is my intention to update more frequently to compensate. Watch your alerts.**

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_**Mirage Chapter Thirty**_

_**EPOV**_

I was hoping that if Alice ever got a chance to see my future, something here would prove useful for her. I noticed we followed the gravel road for a while. All of a sudden the van jerked to a stop and the engine stalled. Jacob Black jerked the door of the van open, and he motioned for someone to come over, and the girl with the bad haircut was suddenly next to us. I had heard someone call her Leah in the van. _Leah Clearwater? I didn't realize Harry Clearwater's ancestors were shape shifters._

"Hey, help me get Cullen into that bunker, will you?" I frantically looked around for some landmark that I might be able to bounce back to Alice. There was a small white church, but it looked abandoned. The sign next to it said "Alvira".

The name of the town I was in was Alvira. I had no idea which direction we had gone in. Based on the length of time we were on the road, we could still be in New York, we could be in Canada, we could be in Connecticut, or we could be in Pennsylvania. I don't know how they'd ever find me.

If they ever find me.

Black grabbed me through the rope that bound my legs and Leah grabbed my arms_. _They carried me to a door that looked like it went into a dirt bank. I was thrown onto the concrete floor with a loud thud before the door slammed closed and everything went black. It didn't matter, I could see as well in the light. The building appeared to be made of concrete, built into the earth.

I was left alone to think for what felt like hours. I had no way of knowing, my watch was on my dresser in Ithaca, and my cell phone was laying in the woods somewhere. My brother left my mind alone, no doubt to leave me in anticipation of what his next move would be.

After what felt like forever, the door opened behind me, but I couldn't turn to see who it was. The footsteps came around the foot end of my body, and stopped in front of me. A foot, covered in a very worn, black, Doc Marten boot rested on the side of my chest, and it pushed on me, making my body roll onto my back. I looked up into the eyes of my own personal demon.

Lawrence motioned for Black to come over. "I need a little something so I don't look too conspicuous. Help me get him out of these clothes."

Black sat me up while my brother took off my flannel shirt and then my jeans, leaving me in a pair of boxers and a gray t-shirt. "I can't believe your feet are smaller than mine! I doubt anyone will notice the difference in the shoes. They will be so relieved to see me after worrying all evening because you came home so late."

Jacob Black stooped and rebound my hands and feet with more of the same gray material he'd used before. It felt different, yet was somehow familiar. I tried to yank my arm out of it, but nothing happened. Noticing my struggle, Black howled...literally. "You don't really think you can break a rope made of werewolf fur, do you?"

_Shit! He was right; I couldn't budge it, let alone damage it._

Lawrence stood over me, buttoning my shirt. As he tucked it in he laughed his maniacal laugh. "So, big brother, this is some situation you've gotten yourself into. Tsk, tsk. What ever will we do?"

He put his closed fist under his chin, thumbing the corner of his mouth as if deep in thought. "I believe the most exciting thing to do would be for me to go home to my blushing bride. Oh, that's right, she doesn't blush anymore. So sad. It _was_ intoxicating, wasn't it? I don't know how you did it. I wanted so many times to take her. Tonight I'll make her _mine_. And you? You can stay here and watch. Then, you can play with my new friends. When they tire of you, I told them to rip you up and partake of a big bonfire in celebration. I hear they had a celebratory bonfire when you left Bella in the woods and ran off to South America. Those Quileutes like bonfires!"

"Sorry I can't stay and chat."

Internally, I groaned. This was bad. Very, very bad.

Lawrence left me in the bunker with the wolves. Frantically, I turned to Jacob. "Jake, come on, you have to see what's happening here. Think of Bella and what he'll do to her. You love Bella as much as I do!"

Jacob Black looked crestfallen. "Cullen, I did everything in my power to make her happy. I would have given my life to protect her. You destroyed that when you changed her."

I had to find a way to get to him. "You know I never wanted to change her, that's why I left her, for her own protection. You know that! She's still the same girl you love."

He paced around my prison like a caged animal. "No, she's a bloodsucking leech like you. This is the only revenge I have. You know I can't kill her myself, but I can't love a leech. You broke the treaty."

"I didn't break the treaty; someone else changed her. She was dying. I never wanted this for her. I wanted her to be happy, get married, raise a family. I didn't want her to be frozen in the same hell I've been incarcerated in for the last century."

He just stood there. I heard my brother barking out orders to someone, most likely Victoria. It wouldn't surprise me if he had her kill the wolves after he leaves.

"There's still time to save her, Jacob. You can stop him. I know you can. Think of Charlie."

"_You_ should have thought of Charlie _before you left her_. She was in a living hell for months. You snuffed the life right out of Bella. The Bella I love is dead and gone. I can't fix this." He growled.

Jacob's unwavering stance convinced me that he was going to leave my brother play out his sick twisted plan, without intervening.

"I can't believe you won't help her."

"When this is over, when your brother leaves, Victoria will decide when she's done playing with you. I have no idea how long your brother is going to live in your shoes. Leah and I will help her exterminate you and dispose of the evidence. Don't worry, I'm sure it won't take long. You've stood in the way of my happiness for almost three years. I may not have Bella, but when this is through, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing you can't have her again either."

He walked around the bunker, stopping to toe the dirty concrete floor with his shoe. "Once you are gone, my life is over as well. Without Bella, I'm nothing. In choosing to end this like this, I have forfeited my right to return to my pack. I'm alone. I don't really care what happens. My life ended when Bella jumped."

Hanging his head he walked outside of the bunker and closed the door. I was in complete and utter darkness, laying face down on a filthy floor. Jacob Black was a broken man, and because I had broken him, my beautiful wife is going to suffer more than anyone. My brother is going home to my beloved wife. I am going to die and my brother is going to assume my role in the family. At this point, like Jacob Black, I guess I can't find it in me to care what happens to myself either.

In the distance, the van doors slammed. I heard the tires in the gravel; my life as I knew it has ended. I have been left to rot in my own personal hell.

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_**A huge thanks to those of you who have been reading and commenting, both via reviews and PM. Several of you have been awesome with your kind words. You know who you are. ;-) Thanks! Your kind words and encouragement is what makes me want to give you more.**_

_**Chapter updates will be more often for the next few chapters. Chapters are shorter, but it's necessary. You'll see…**_


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This chapter beta'd by Bronze. As always, thanks…for all of it. We both know I'm not just talking about your awesome betaing skills.**

**This chapter dedicated to TriGemini. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Thanks for sticking with me! You rock!**

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Mirage

_**Chapter Thirty-one**_

_**CPOV**_

It's been hours since Edward left to hunt. He promised me he was only going to the park nearby to hunt; I knew he was extremely hungry, he hasn't been feeing like he should and it was starting to manifest itself physically. He looked weary. Even if he was drawn to bigger game further away, he should've be home by now. I knew he's had a lot on his mind, and I suspect there are things he knows that he's not telling me. I also knew he doesn't want to scare the family, but this is more than just his 'problem'. We are a family, we conquer challenges together. Perhaps Alice could help me determine what's holding him up.

"Alice, dear, can I talk to you for a minute?" She had long since finished primping and polishing Bella, who was still her personal, full-sized Barbie doll.

"What's up, Carlisle? Rose and I were picking out some clothes to donate to the mission. You're not bothering me, but I want to get it wrapped up soon. Jasper and I don't have a bed to, um, sleep on tonight."

"This is a bit more important than you, er, having a place to 'sleep'." I murmured. "I'm concerned about Edward. Have you been seen anything today?"

"I did see something a bit odd, but that was a few days ago. He told me to drop it, so I did. He's downstairs, he got home a little while ago. Do you want me to have him come upstairs so you can talk with him?"

"No, that's okay. Where is everyone else? I was going to gather you all for a discussion after he got back."

"Jazz and Emmett are out back throwing a football. Rose was helping me with my closet. Esme is in her study working on some blueprint and Edward is with Bella. I think they were headed to bed."

This is bad. Edward would have come up to let me know he was home, _wouldn't he_?

I grab a sheet of paper and motion Alice over to my desk as I scribble. Before I get caught, I need to bring Alice into the circle. I have a bad feeling about this.

_Don't tell Edward we talked._

_Forget everything you believe to be true._

_What you witnessed in the kitchen is a mirage._

_In your mind, try to find Edward._

Alice put her fingertips to her forehead, deep in thought. She shook her head. Nothing.

Concentrate, Alice. His life depends on it.

She leaves out an exasperated sigh. "Nothing but very dark, flickering images."

We need to talk.

You need to act normal around him, but be careful.

Don't say anything that would make him suspicious.

Do you understand?

She nodded her head.

I pointed downstairs and moved my hands in a motion, mimicking turning a steering wheel back and forth. Alice got a huge grin on her face.

"Carlisle? I was wondering if we could go out and take a spin in the Porsche. It seems to be making a strange noise."

"I'd love to go along, Alice. Do you want to go right now, or can it wait until morning?"

"I have an early class. I'd like to check it out now; maybe I can drop it off at a shop as soon as my class lets out. I don't want to cause any damage by driving it if you think it's something serious."

By now we're in the living room. I sighed, needing to be convincing. "Very well, Alice. We'll go tonight."

Edward walked right up to Alice, crossing his arms. Quietly he leaned in to her ear and asked, "Shouldn't you be asking _Rose_ to help you with that Alice?" The way he emphasized Rose's name, I started to question myself. _Was_ Edward okay? Maybe I was so concerned my mind was playing games with me.

Alice leaned in very close and said barely above a whisper. "Alice has a 'girl problem' she wants to discuss with Carlisle. Okay?"

I saw Edward shudder and shake his head. Perhaps I was making a mountain out of a molehill. This was typical Edward persona.

"Come on Carlisle, let's go."

I followed her to the car she loved. Neither of us spoke as we climbed inside.

As she drove down the long driveway, she kept looking at my face. "So tell me, Alice, what seems to be the problem? You're not embarrassed, are you?"

She stammered and stuttered, acting the part. Edward knew by now what I was trying to do. If everything _is_ as it appears.

"Alice you know you can talk to me about anything. Are you and Jasper having marital troubles?"

She looked exasperated.

"Alice, I think you should pull over there so we can talk."

For once Alice looked to me, speechless. I've never known her to be at a loss for words, or be patient enough for someone else to take the lead. We were far enough from the neighborhood, though, and I think we can talk privately.

"Alice, I'm concerned about Edward. What was it like when he was in the house? Could you see his future?"

"No, I had nothing when I was in the kitchen with him and Bella when he first came back. When I was in the study, I felt like he was someplace dark and wet. I could feel it. You suspect something, don't you?"

I held my head. "I don't even know where to begin, Alice."

"Something has been wrong with him since you came back from Italy. The only time he's seemed truly happy was the day of the wedding."

I was crestfallen. I caused this nightmare. "I know. It's entirely my fault."

"Carlisle, what could _you_ have possibly done to cause this?"

"You said you saw something else a few weeks ago?"

"The day you came back from Volterra, when you explained Victoria and her new mate were at fault for the 'Twilight' situation, I had a vision."

"What was it?"

"He begged me not to say anything. He said that he'd explain, but he never did."

"_What did you see _Alice?" I was practically screaming at the poor girl.

"I saw Edward. He was wrestling with someone in the back yard."

"Do you know who he was wrestling with?"

"Edward was hurt, Carlisle."

"Who, Alice?"

Alice looked like she was focusing on the vision, again. "It had to be another vampire, Carlisle. He was hurt!"

"Can you see the other vampire, Alice?"

Alice stared straight ahead and then slumped over in her seat. Great.

I slapped her face and called her name. I was shouting now. "Alice! Wake up!" I knew she wasn't sleeping. Something upset her so much she had to shut down in order to protect herself. I already knew what she'd seen. The uncertainty of her favorite brother's future would cause a reaction such as this.

Alice jerked straight up in her seat and screamed. "Edward! No!"

"Alice?"

"Carlisle."

"Who was with Edward, Alice?"

"He was wrestling with…I don't understand this…himself."

"Do you see anything that would tell you _when_ it is going to happen? Any specifics?"

"He was wearing the clothes he has on right now. And based on the fight I saw, I assume it already happened. He was filthy and his clothes were torn when he came in."

"Did he say anything went wrong?"

"Bella asked him where he'd been. He told us he tangled with a large black bear. He doesn't smell like bear. He…" she made a face, "he smelled like…'dog'."

"Dog?"

"Like the ones we used to avoid in Forks." A grim expression appeared on her face. "Where did Edward go, Carlisle?"

"I think I better start at the beginning. Did Bella tell you that Edward had an identical twin brother?"

Alice looked like she was floored. "I had no idea. What? How?" For the second time tonight, she was left speechless.

"To make a long story short, Edward had a twin who had mental issues as a child. He was violent, dangerous. His parents couldn't control him, even as a little boy. He was institutionalized when he was five or six."

Alice was crushed, thinking of her own past. "No Alice, he truly _was_ mentally ill. He hurt Edward, badly, set the house on fire…"

I continued to tell her the twisted story. Explaining how I inadvertently 'saved' Lawrence and had to go back to find Edward. How they were identical, yet exact opposites. I finished by explaining that we had no contact with him in almost 80 years. That when we went to Volterra, we learned he was the vampire stalking us, and he was the one we had to lure out. Victoria's new mate.

"Edward hasn't told Bella that Lawrence is alive. She thinks he died as a child. I begged him to tell everyone, but I would be breaching his confidence if I had told then myself."

"So are you trying to tell me that Edward is missing, and an imposter is preparing to take his wife to bed?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to tell you. We have to be very careful how we act around him, I don't know if he has Edward's abilities, or if he has ones of his own. We never determined that in the short time he lived with us."

"What are we going to do, Carlisle? How will we find Edward?"

"I think it's important that we get Bella way from him long enough to explain. I hate leaving her alone with him tonight; we can't let him leave the house with her. If you can get your mother and Rose alone, I can alert Jasper and Emmett. Tomorrow, I'll get Bella away from him long enough to fill her in."

Alice did one better than my suggestion. She opened her phone and started typing.

'Edward in trouble. Vamp with Bella is an imposter. Meet me at the covered bridge at 8am. Don't let Bella leave the house with him. I'll explain in the morning.'" She smiled. "I'll send a mass text to everyone but Bella. You need to talk with her."

"Looks great, Alice. You understand, though, that your most important job is watching for your brother. If you see anything, concentrate. Have Jasper come and get me as soon as possible."

"I will."

"I know you will, Alice. I know you will." I patted her leg to reassure her. "He'll be okay, we'll find him."

The text from Emmett in response wasn't encouraging. "Bella's in trouble now. We already know there's a problem. Hurry home!"

Alice turned the car around. We were only about five minutes from home. When we pulled in, Jasper and Emmett had 'Edward' sitting on the couch. The two looked predatory, both had their arms crossed, glaring at him.

"Where's Bella?" Alice wanted to know.

"Rose is trying to calm her down." Emmett replied. "They went up to bed, and pretty soon she was screaming like she was terrified of him. She kept screaming that he was hurting her and he should stay away from her. When I took the door off the hinges, he had our little sister pinned against the wall. She has bite marks on her chest. Her gown is torn, and she was sobbing."

Alice looked like she could spit tacks. "What the fuck, Edward! What's the matter with you? Why would you hurt her when she'd do anything to make you happy."

Edward shrugged his shoulders, a look of indifference on his face. "Dunno. I was trying to get some lovin' and she went all ape shit on me. The girl is whacked."

Alice went over and slapped him across the face. Hard. "Edward- Rose, Bella and I are having a sleepover. You can have your wife back in the morning, if you think you can behave yourself, and not before."

I guess that solved the problem of separating them in the morning. I watched Emmett and Jasper escort Lawrence to the basement. I imagine they'll keep him occupied for the night, to keep up the façade. I was _almost_ surprised he didn't appear to realize we were on to him.

I'd been singing Beatles songs in my head since before I told Alice, hopefully he couldn't figure me out.

In the morning, I'd lie to Bella about her father to get her out of the house. We would figure this out and we would get our Edward back; I'll make this right if it's the last thing I do.

It was time to summon Aro as well. This could come to no good end, and when the time came, we wouldn't be able to wait for the problem to be taken care of.

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Another short one. I promise more soon. We're in the home stretch. Only a few chapters left to go. Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I make no claims to the contrary. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Bronze beta'd this. She puts it all into such a neat package for your reading enjoyment. **

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_**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Thirty-two**_

Leaving Lawrence under the watchful eyes of Emmett and Jasper, Carlisle convinced Bella to come to his office at the college 'for a consult about Charlie's care'. Carlisle told her he'll discuss Charlie's care with Dr. Gerandy. As Charlie's former GP, Dr. Gerandy still trust's Carlisle's judgment.

BPOV

When Carlisle asked me to come into his office to discuss Charlie's care, my heart broke. I had no sooner sat down and I felt like I was coming unglued. How could I have been so stupid to think Charlie would get over what I'd put him through the past few years? Top it all off with my suicide and I felt like I had signed his death certificate. I can't believe I was so selfish. _I'm a terrible daughter._

"I knew it, I am killing my father! I knew this could come to no good end. How could I be so selfish?"

Carlisle put his arm on my shoulder, "Bella, look at me."

I raised my eyes to his; he looked troubled. "First of all, Charlie is fine. Dr. Gerandy called me as a follow up. After you had told me a while back that Charlie was having heart trouble, I was concerned. He's just having a few routine tests, and to be perfectly honest, Beverly has put her foot down and changed his diet immensely. Chicken and fish only." _I laughed to myself. Bet it wasn't beer battered like he used to beg me to make it._

"I needed an excuse to get you out of the house. There's something we need to discuss, and it's extremely important that you don't ever let on to anyone that we had this conversation. Alice is the only one who knows, and if it weren't for her, I don't know what I'd do."

"When Edward told me he was taking you to Chicago, I asked him to be completely honest with you. I know he told you he has a twin, Lawrence. Did he tell you much about him?" Carlisle leaned forward in his seat. _Was he wringing his hands?_ Carlisle never looked out of sorts. This can't possibly be good.

"Yeah, he did. He told me he had a brother, but he died when he was young. He was terribly sick, and no one could help him. Edward said his parents, his mother especially, always felt guilty that they couldn't help Edward's brother. He explained that it was an illness that no one understood at the time; he was in and out of hospitals and eventually, he died in the same hospital where the rest of the family died. Well, where his parents died, where Edward was changed."

"Oh Bella, I feel terrible. I wish I had known how detrimental this would become. I wished I'd pushed Edward harder so we could have kept a closer eye on things. I just never realized the threat."

Carlisle was rambling so much I couldn't understand where he was going. He was always Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected. He was never at a loss for words; everything he uttered was always complete wisdom. "Why aren't we having this discussion with Edward? I feel a bit dishonest, sneaking off like this."

Carlisle leaned in closer to me. "That's the problem. Edward is our problem. I noticed a few character flaws with my son, and I thought it was just him trying to come to grips with the trip to Chicago. I didn't know there was a problem until they heard you asking him to stop hurting you last night. When Emmett said he had treated you cruelly, that he had been laughing, I just knew. Later, I was able to take a little better look at his appearance and my nightmare was confirmed."

I didn't understand what Carlisle was trying to tell me. "I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at. Why is Edward dangerous, and what nightmare are you talking about?"

"I don't know where to start. We need to be careful, and right now, no one can learn of this conversation. You are a bit distractible, I need you to really stay focused. Edward's life depends on it. Do you understand? If Alice can't see Edward's future, you may have to be quite the convincing actress."

I nodded my head. "Yes, I understand." Edward was the center of my universe. Thinking back to the way he grabbed me and tried to force himself on me last night, I shuddered. He'd never been anything but gentle and loving with me. Almost as if he were still afraid to hurt me. He's always been a perfect gentleman. Even if we were going through a rough patch, I knew deep down he loves me. Even during the time he was away when he left me, somehow, I just knew he was suffering as much as I was. Turned out, I was right.

"When Edward left you on your birthday, after Jasper attacked you, he left because he was afraid some day Lawrence would come back, being an identical twin, he was afraid somehow he would become interested in you as well. He left to get us far away from you so there would never be any possibility of him learning of you. It was never because of Jasper. Do you understand?"

I shook my head yes, but I didn't understand at all. Lawrence is alive, and apparently posing as my husband? _Where is Edward?_

Carlisle explained the tidbits he understood about Lawrence's childhood and adolescence. Lawrence suffered from mental illness. He set fire to the family home, killed small animals, hurt small children, and the reason he was never in family photos was because he was in an institution. He became ill during the influenza, and Carlisle didn't know his history until he had accidentally been changed. He learned the rest of what he knew after Edward awoke. Carlisle, being the man that he is, wanted to wait and see if the venom might have cured a mental condition. Lawrence lived with them for a short time, but he wouldn't submit to the vegetarian lifestyle, and eventually ran off. No one has seen him in almost a century.

Thinking about him took me back to that afternoon in Chicago.

Flashback

_We came to a page that stated simply 'Baby' at the top. There were pictures of Edward over the period of a year or two. A snapshot fell face down onto the floor, and there was writing on the back. I leaned down to pick it up and noticed Edward looked upset. I turned it over. It was a photo of Edward Senior and Elizabeth, each holding a tiny bundle. Turning it over I read the back, but I was puzzled. It said 'June 27, 1901' and below that 'Lawrence Andrew and Edward Anthony'. I looked at Edward._

_He held his chin in his hand, shaking his head. "He was my twin. That was taken the day we were sent home from the hospital. He died when we were young. He was sick for a very long time. No one knew what was wrong with him. Medicine wasn't what it is now. No one could help his 'condition'._

_If I could cry, I know I would have been. An hour ago we were playing with vintage tin toys, laughing and having a ball. The light mood had changed immediately with that little picture. Edward put the picture back in the book and closed it. "It's one of the only pictures that were ever taken of him, I remember. It hurt Mother too much to look at it, so it was always in the back of the book."_

_Edward shifted the book in his lap and an envelope fell out. It was rather thick and fell to the floor with a small thud. I reached for it, but before I could pick it up, he had it in his hands and was walking across the room. Edward walked to the fireplace and lit the corner of the envelope with a match._

_I eyed him curiously, but he looked at me with a grim expression and said, "I remember what's in that envelope. It's something no one else should ever see. I'm sorry Bella." I trusted Edward, and while I'll always be curious about little things he does, I know he'd never do anything to purposely hurt me._

_He very quickly changed the conversation, so I dropped it before I ruined his mood. "Carlisle told me years after I was changed that there were several other infant deaths. He had read this in her chart as she lay dying in the hospital. He wanted to learn all he could about my parents so that he could share the information with me when I was ready. I was the only one who survived. Other than Lawrence, the other babies never made it to term or died in infancy. I never knew. Women's health issues weren't something that were openly discussed and definitely not in front of a teenaged son. I think that's why she always took to Lizzie. The little girl she never had." _

It would have been so easy for Edward to tell me about him that night. I wish he trusted me enough to share his secret. I'd have kept it safe. I can't imagine the enormous weight he's been carrying, knowing his brother could hurt his family and feeling entirely responsible. Poor, dear, Edward. I couldn't even think about being angry that he didn't trust me. What a horrendous burden to carry all alone.

"Bella, it's been so long since I've heard about Lawrence, I thought perhaps he was already dead. He held such disregard for our laws. I never realized he was in Edward's head harassing him. So many times, he described the monster in his head, and I always thought it was the bloodlust pushing him, threatening his resolve. I feel like I failed as a father. I never realized."

We headed to the car, going home; hopefully Alice could smoke Edward's whereabouts from his brother's mind before anything life threatening happened to Edward.

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_**I'm sorry this is so ridiculously short. Again, I'll try to update ASAP. **_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the rights to everything Twilight. I own nothing.

This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. It's been a while since I recc'd her work. If you've not read her work, you're missing out on something special. Run…don't walk…to her page and check it out!

A/N: In a true canon story, I realize that Edward's body would repair itself, no matter who injured him. In Mirage, Edward's broken pieces have come back together and tried to heal themselves, but like a person whose unset bones have healed improperly, Edward doesn't have the ability to heal _perfectly_ without Carlisle's assistance. I've taken liberties and changed Edward's ability to heal himself. I hope no one is offended.

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Mirage

Chapter Thirty-three

_**EPOV**_

I'd lain here; face down in my concrete hell for what seemed like forever. I had little hope of ever seeing my family again. For as strong as I'd always been, it broke me to think I'll never have the chance to tell them goodbye. If I could, I'd tell them all what they mean to me, how they've made my existence so much more than bearable. They are my life.

I know Alice's visions are based on what path a person chooses, once a decision is made, she can see. I know she'd work furiously to find me; I know Alice. She won't stop until they find me, or she can no longer see my future. I was hoping I can force a vision. I have been trying to project my decision to live. To do whatever I can to get out of here in one piece. I kept envisioning my family finding the sign for Alvira; I see them finding the bunker. I hoped the wolves were far enough away from me that some of my thoughts could make it through to Alice. I haven't heard them talking lately; earlier Jake and Leah were deep in conversation. I heard them leave, heard their steps getting farther away as they walked in the gravel. I haven't heard a sound from Victoria. I know she must be close by, as they'd never leave me unattended. Lawrence is one crazy mother fucker. No one in their right mind would do something to piss him off.

Almost as if she could read my mind, the door opened and light filtered in from the opening. "So Cullen, still hanging in there, I see. I wanted to kill you, but your brother convinced me it could be so much more fun this way." She walked over to where I lay, putting the front of her shoe next to my fingers. "So you like to play piano, do you?" I couldn't answer her. I was bracing myself for what was about to come. Her mind I could read. "I don't think you'll have to worry about piano practice anymore." With that she brought the heel of her foot down on my fingers. As I screamed out, she ground her heel back and forth into the concrete. I could hear the bones crumbling. The sound was sickening. I was in so much pain, the thought of losing my ability to play didn't seem so great. I couldn't even think about my loss.

"Concert pianist, isn't that right? So you use both hands, no hunting and pecking for you is there?" At this point, all I could do was whimper. "I'd hate to leave you a one handed pianist. Learning to adapt would be difficult. I think it would be easier to curb the appetite to play altogether." The other heel came down on my remaining fingers, rendering them as useless as the others. I was panting between screams. The pain was excruciating. I wanted nothing more than to shut my mind down and give up. But for Bella, and my family, I had to fight. I had to endure. I have decided they will find me. _Please Alice, see my mind!_

"Your furry friends should be back soon. They went in search of some human food. I figure they'll be gone about an hour. Once they return we'll gather some wood for our little campfire. Won't that be fun?"

In my mind I was screaming for Alice to see me. _If you're out there pixie, I hope you're paying attention. I've never needed you more._ I showed her two scenarios. One was the family pulling into the small parking lot near the church and the sign for Alvira. The other scenario was the picture Victoria painted for me, beaten and dismembered, laying next to my pyre waiting to be turned to ash. She had to see what was going to happen if she didn't hurry. I've never come to depend on another so much as I was depending on Alice right now.

_**APOV**_

As soon as I started seeing Edward's dismal future, I left the house for the library to check on the town I saw in the vision. We had no way of knowing what state to begin looking in. We didn't have time to waste. None of us were sure what powers Lawrence possessed, and there was no way I was going to do something that would jeopardize my beloved brother.

Edward had been gone about 12 hours. I didn't know why I'd just begun to see his mind, and I wondered if the wolves had anything to do with that. I noticed their distinct odor on Lawrence as soon as he entered the house. I've never been around them enough to know if they affect my abilities. I could only assume that they do.

When I got to the library, the computer lab was full. Frantically I pull out my laptop and tried to find a broadband connection. In the farthest corner of the library parking lot, I located a signal. It was slow, but sufficient.

I type the name Alvira into a search engine. Nothing comes up. I decide to narrow my search and include the names of the neighboring states. Alvira, NJ, turns up nothing. I try Connecticut, Ohio, and finally Pennsylvania. Alvira, Pennsylvania turns up a ghost town that was taken over by the federal government for munitions storage during the second World War. Currently it is a state game land, the concrete bunkers still intact. Sounds like a great place to hide someone you've abducted; it's undoubtedly deserted.

When I got home, Carlisle and Bella were pulling up outside the house. Bella had her arms wrapped around her torso, like she was trying to hold herself together. I pulled her into an embrace. "It's okay, Bella, I've found him, we'll get there in time. I've seen it." I didn't tell her about the second vision. We don't have time for her to break down right now.

Carlisle jerked around to face me, "Where is he, Alice? Is he still … alive?" He hesitated to say it, almost as if 'alive' was a bad word.

"He is, but we need to hurry. I suggest you bring your bag; he appears to be in bad shape. Nothing you can't fix, but he'll be in need of your services."

"Alice, grab a cooler and fill it with ice packs. There are four units of Bella's blood in the freezer. I'll transport the blood in my car, I won't allow you to take it in the same vehicle with Lawrence. The temptation is too great. He may have temporarily adopted our lifestyle to fool us into thinking he is Edward, but there's no way he can resist a pull as great as Bella's blood. Bella, please go to the kitchen and gather everything, we may need it. I'll go get your siblings."

I could hear Carlisle yelling down in the basement where they had apparently contained Lawrence. "Bring him and get everyone into the Jeep. Esme and Rose will follow in the Mercedes as soon as they drop Oliver off at the sitter. This is no place to take a human child."

I could hear the bastard laughing. "You'll never find my brother before they finish him off. Jacob is so beside himself that he can kill him with his bare hands if Victoria allows it, yet I believe she wants to exact a bit of her own revenge."

Before I could grab her, Bella had stormed out of the room and was in the foyer when they came out of the basement. "You sick bastard! How could you involve Jake in this? I don't know how you can be Edward's twin, you disgust me. I hate you!" I heard the resounding slap before I even saw her hand swing towards him.

The force pushed him into Emmett, who could do no more than laugh as he tells him, "You deserve so much more. I'm sure the Volturi will make sure you get it."

I looked at Carlisle, questioning him. "Do they know we have Lawrence? Are they aware? What do we need to do?"

"When I realized Edward was gone, I called. Demetri and Felix have been trying to track them, but lost Edward's scent when where he was apparently put into the van. The scent trail leads back here, no doubt due to Lawrence wearing Edward's clothing. When the trail went cold, they holed up in a motel in Ithaca. Esme just called the motel and spoke with Jane. They will get there nearly the same time we do."

Emmett and Jasper shoved Lawrence in the back, squeezing him between them. Bella and I sat with Carlisle in the front. I could hear Carlisle discussing Edward's care with Rose from his cell phone. Years ago she had studied nursing, although she wasn't confident enough to care for human patients. I was trying to engage Bella in conversation to keep her distracted. Aside from Carlisle's low voice, the car was deathly quiet. In less than an hour, we were in central Pennsylvania, heading through small villages, getting closer and closer to our destination. I was getting broken images from Edward from time to time, his thoughts frantic and darting from thought to thought. The strongest vision I had was of us finding him broken and dismembered, but alive. Occasionally, I'd catch bits and pieces of a vision where he was screaming as he was being burned alive. I wasn't going to dwell on that vision.

"We're very close, Carlisle. I can sense him."

He muttered something in agreement. "My Garmin says it's another four miles. We're almost there, Bella."

Bella shifted, relief in her voice. "Just a few more minutes, my love."

Just when I thought I'd heard it all, Lawrence spoke from the back of the vehicle. He spoke so softly I could barely hear him. "You're not too late. I can still read his mind. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't mean to hurt any of you. I never mean to do the things that happen."

Carlisle turned to him, looking anguished, "Son I never meant to bring you into this life. I know you didn't want this, I made a terrible mistake. I thought I was doing a good thing. When I realized what had happened, I tried to help you, I only wanted you to get better. I'd hoped you and Edward could be reunited and live like a family. I wish that I'd had Alice's gift to see the future."

Looking into the back seat between Jasper and Emmett, I noticed Lawrence looked like he had lost a bit of his confidence. Perhaps the mention of the Volturi had knocked him down a few pegs. Where was the smug monster that had been gracing our presence for the past two days? I still found it hard to believe Edward had an identical twin. He had an identical vampire twin. I found it even more distressing that they were so very different. It was difficult to imagine Edward's twin to be anything but a gentle, compassionate caring being.

I never saw this one coming.


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, take full responsibility for the mess that is Mirage. Lawrence is mine…not that I really want him... **

**This chapter, like all the others, has been beta'd by Bronze. Thanks, B! **

_**Mirage**_

_**Chapter Thirty-four**_

_**APOV**_

We pulled into a gravel parking lot next to the church Edward had showed me in his mind. Another car with dark windows and New York license plates was sitting next to the church.

Out of nowhere, Emmett started screaming. "Oh my God! Look at the size of that fire. We have go to find him or he's toast!" He was out of the car before it came to a stop, leaving Jasper holding onto a rather subdued Lawrence. Bella got out and went to Emmett's door.

She grabbed him by the arm. "Come on, call off your dogs! Now! Let's go." I don't think he realized being a newborn made Bella physically stronger than the rest of us. She was dragging him towards the smoke we saw billowing from the field across the parking lot. By the time we had all exited the car, Esme and Rose had pulled up next to the Jeep. Esme was out of the car in a flash; the Momma bear was searching for her hurt cub, and there'd be hell to pay.

Jasper and Bella still had a hold on Lawrence, who was following along without struggle. In the distance we heard Edward's anguished screams, and suddenly all hell broke loose. In the scuffle, growls and screams could be heard. Fur was flying. Occasionally a flash of orange curls would be visible. When the word "STOP!" reverberated through the mountains, one could hear a pin drop. Little Jane commanded authority.

At some point, Rose and Alice had joined Bella to ensure Lawrence didn't take off. Emmett and Jasper were each holding onto a wolf and Esme, little quiet Momma Esme, had Victoria pinned face down on the ground, by a handful of her hair. The Esme we all knew and loved was nowhere to be found.

Felix and Demetri were subduing the wolves by binding them with some unknown article. Jane was giving Lawrence and Victoria the once over.

Carlisle had made his way to a large metal door that appeared to go into a wall of dirt. My brother, dear, sweet loving Edward lay in worse shape than I could have imagined. His eyes were clenched shut, feral growls rumbling from deep inside of him. The images he's projected were nothing like this. Bella let go of her hold on Lawrence and ran to him, falling to her knees at his side. As soon as her body was next to him, he quieted and inhaled deeply.

"Bella?" No louder than a whisper. Loud sobs wracked her tiny body. It appeared she was afraid to touch him, not knowing how to avoid causing him more pain. The noises that came from Bella were unintelligible. One didn't need to understand what she was saying, to experience her immense grief.

Carlisle was assessing the damage, shaking his head and muttering things to himself. Every time Carlisle touched Edward, another growl erupted from his chest. "Alice, you and Bella need to get him home. There is nothing I can do to help him here. Take the blood with you, you have to make him eat."

I could see Edward turning his head from side to side as he began to argue. "You know why I can't."

Carlisle had a determined look on his face. "You hadn't fed in a few weeks before you were taken. I can't fix this if you are malnourished."

He looked at Bella. "It's extremely important. As soon as this is taken care of I'll be home. I will be as quick as I can. He'll **_be_** okay, Bella."

"Jasper, Emmett, help get him home. Your job here is done." I took Bella by the arms and dragged her to her feet. We needed to lay him in the back of the Jeep. "Come on, we have to go."

She got up and wiped the dirt from her hands onto her jeans. Moving with purpose, she walked over to Lawrence and without as much as a word, spat a mouthful of venom in his face. She turned abruptly and walked back to the Jeep.

I could tell Edward was in excruciating pain. He was trying to direct his brothers on how to move him through clenched teeth. Suddenly, Emmett started screaming like a little girl. "Oh God, oh God! His leg. I'm going to be sick!"

They had started to lift him, yet his left leg still lay on the ground. As soon as the body was moved, the leg began thrashing wildly, as if looking for the torso it belonged to. I did the only thing I could think to do. I walked over and picked it up. The guys lowered Edward into the seat, and I slid the damaged leg in next to him; almost immediately it moved slowly and attached itself to his body. Edward looked up and said, "This doesn't feel right." before he blacked out.

Bella crawled into the Jeep next to him and curled up in the tiny space on the floor in front of his seat. Emmett was still retching in the parking lot. Jasper climbed into the driver's seat, and indicated I should sit between him and Emmett. Emmett finally wiped his face and climbed in. The ride home was very subdued. I counted the minutes until we could get my brother in the house and begin administering care to him. I hoped that the time Carlisle spends with the Italians is short and his trip home swift before Edward slips into a state of no return. I'm no doctor, but his condition appears to be getting worse instead of better.

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Only three more chapters and an epilogue left. I can't believe this is almost done.

Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own it. I just enjoy playing with it.**

**Bronze beta'd. A million thanks would never be enough. **

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Mirage

_**Chapter Thirty Five**_

Calling a Truce

_**CPOV**_

After we found Edward and I had administered as much emergency medical treatment as possible in this setting, I sent him home with his siblings. I promised I'd be home soon to attend to his injuries. He had healed to a point where I would have to hurt him to repair him, so it didn't really matter if it was tonight or tomorrow. There were as equally pressing duties to take care of here.

At some point after our arrival, Sam Uley pulled into the parking lot. He confirmed my suspicion that although several members had pulled away from the pack, the pack could still hear their thoughts, allowing Sam to locate Jake and Leah. When Bella left, she didn't even look in the direction of the wolves, disgusted with the people she thought were her friends.

Sam Uley requested to meet with me. He was very cordial, and I suspect a bit ashamed about the actions of Jake and Leah. Sam asked me, point blank, if we had broken the treaty to save Bella. I admitted that we had, although she was mortally wounded when we found her and would have died very soon after she had jumped if we had done nothing.

Sam shook his head and murmured a few times before really speaking up. "I didn't understand before. Seeing Bella again, while physically she's a bit more alluring… she is the same girl we all knew and loved. I thought she would be some kind of terrible crazed monster. You didn't destroy her. You truly did save her life."

I started to explain, but the way he looked at me told me to be quiet and listen.

"Bella and my Emily had become very close friends. Bella spent a great deal of time with Jake. He was really the only person she interacted with other than Charlie."

I nodded my head in understanding. He continued. "Her relationship with Charlie was strained at best. He was hurting for her, and it had to be agonizing for him to watch her."

Again I started to say something, but he put his hand up. "Please, let me say my peace before you interrupt. I am sure you'll have plenty to say when I'm done. Bella was in a bad state for a long time. Everyone, especially Charlie, felt that it was because of your son. You know, I was the one who found her that day in the woods."

At this point, my head was hanging as I toed the soft earth with my shoe. If I could have, I would have crawled under a rock. So many things could have been prevented, had we not been so rash.

"The last week or two of her life, Bella came to the reservation quite frequently with Jake. We were trying to protect her from the nomadic vampire, the red headed woman. As much time as they spent together, I thought she might actually be falling for Jake. When I commented to Emily, she sat me down for a long discussion. Apparently, Bella explained that although you were gone, there was no one else for her and she was certain there would never be room in her heart for anyone but your Edward. Emily explained it much like the way we imprint when we find our other half. Finally I began to understand Bella in a way I'd never seen her before. She was, after all, an adult. The decisions she made were hers to make."

I looked up to meet his eyes and he just shook his head, letting me know he still wasn't done talking.

"Bella told Emily the reason you left her behind was because she desperately wanted to be one of you, that there had been a small accident on her birthday, making all of you realize how fragile her human life was in your presence. She said you refused to turn her into what you are because Edward wouldn't rob her of her soul. Edward may have had her fooled into thinking he was tired of protecting her, but deep down she knew the reason you left was to make sure she remained human."

"Apparently, Jake arrived as Bella jumped. He saw two of your family members run to the shore to try and help her. When he saw the blonde boy bite her, he tried to phase and go after them, but before he was able to transform he was captured by the redhead and the man who looks like your son."

At first he thought it was your son, and he tried to attack him for lying to us about his involvement with the redhead. It didn't take long for him to realize this was someone very different. Instead of fighting with Jake, they offered him revenge so sweet he couldn't resist. Even before Bella's funeral, Jake had made the decision to leave the pack. When he left, Leah Clearwater chose to go with him."

"The mind reader told them where you were and how to find you. They watched and waited for an opportunity. Jake said that originally he was going to go after them while they hunted. He was going to exterminate Bella because of what she had become, and then he was going to kill your son after he made him watch. When he saw Bella and heard her voice, saw how happy she was, he couldn't hurt her. Yet along with that realization came jealousy. Jealousy over what he would never have with her. A plan was set into motion. The first time your boy hunted alone, they nabbed him, allowing the imposter to worm his way into your home. By the time I realized it was actually happening, it was too late to be stopped."

"You have to understand, Carlisle, while I don't like what you are and it makes me uncomfortable, I do realize that you are an honorable man. I know you love Bella. I know you are a doctor and you save lives, you don't take them. Our pack is a brotherhood, a fraternity, for lack of a better term. For one of my brothers to act so callously without discussing it with the pack is unforgivable. He didn't come to us because I would have forbid his actions, and he physically would not have been able to complete his mission."

"I understand there will be repercussions, and while we will mourn the loss of our brother and sister, accepting the consequences is necessary. I won't interfere with the administration of the laws of your people. They were wrong and acted immorally. We are protectors. As the treaty was formed exclusively between our tribe's elders and yourself, I don't know if it is necessary any longer. You've proven through your actions that you refuse to take human life for sustenance. I realize now that you understand the sanctity of human life and won't kill a human for your own benefit. The vampires we need to worry about, the ones who do kill humans without conscience; they aren't bound by our treaty."

"I know some of the elders will disagree, but Harry Clearwater and Billy Black are both embarrassed, to say the very least. We are the ones who broke the treaty by going after an innocent. Edward is an innocent. He did nothing wrong. We don't hold the blonde boy in contempt of the treaty after considering the circumstances. I respect your family, Carlisle. I think, perhaps, we need to reconsider the treaty, or possibly dissolve it altogether. I will contact you."

Finally I butted in, feeling he needed to know everything. "Once Edward is able to travel, we are leaving the country indefinitely. We won't be returning to Forks. Not in your lifetime, anyway. These are sanctions our government has placed on us because of this situation. We have no choice but to obey."

"I realize your family needs you, and we'll be in touch. While I don't want to turn my back on my brother and sister, I can't watch what is going to happen to them. I have to go now."

Carlisle nodded his head. "I understand, Sam. While it is of little consequence, I can assure you that punishment will be swift and fair. We have rules for a reason, the same as any other judicial system. The same as your tribe does. I have to stay and see this through. Lawrence's existence is entirely my fault, and I have to see him come to an end with my own eyes, for my own peace of mind. He has hurt my family beyond description. It is my fault he exists."

"Goodbye, Carlisle; I'll let you know what is decided. Rest assured, none of us will come after you because of Bella's change."

"Thank you, Sam, for acting so civilly towards my family. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."

He dipped his head and started running, I saw him leap into the air and explode. Colorful material flew in all directions, as he burst out into black fur. Before I could blink, he was gone. I heard painful howling as he sped away. I heard two sorrowful howls in response coming from the clearing where Jane and her minions were about to exact their punishment on their prisoners. I felt bad that two youngsters were tricked into this horrible nightmare, but they did so willingly, knowing they could only cause more harm than what had already been done.

I hoped that the wolves would be saved until last; I didn't I want to witness their demise. They were mere children; they had no idea what the repercussions would be when they got involved in this nightmare.

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Only two chapters and an epilogue left. A huge thanks to those of you who have stuck by me through this.

If you enjoyed this, it would be awesome if you'd let me know. Your feedback makes me squee.


	36. Chapter 36

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I do not.**_

This chapter beta'd by Bronze. I've learned so many things from her. She continues to strive to make me a better writer. I know it's a difficult job...

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**_Mirage_**

_**Chapter Thirty-six**_

_**CPOV**_

As I entered the clearing, Jane was standing on a large tree stump. A huge fire was burning. The wolves were sitting together, all tied back to back. Two of the Volturi guards were standing over them, eyes crimson, sneering evilly. Demetri was standing behind Victoria, holding her arms behind her back. Felix was standing over Lawrence, who was kneeling in submission, his hands behind his neck. I flashed back to the pathetic boy I had tried so desperately to fix.

_I remember after we left Chicago, we found a cabin near Kewanee, Illinois. After only a few weeks, Lawrence began to come out of his shell. I had hoped he would become assertive, but what I didn't expect was his aggressive behavior towards his brother. In the beginning, he appeared to be so…broken. He could barely feed, and he could only do that if I caught the game and brought it back to the cabin and assisted him. _

_As I hadn't fed in a few weeks, I asked Edward to watch over his brother. Edward had grown strong and lithe, and I was certain that he could handle the situation for an hour. When I returned, I was shocked to find Lawrence __trying to choke__ his brother. _

_It was only a month or so later and Lawrence decided he could not live the way his brother and I did. His desire for human blood was too great to ignore. He refused to listen to my pleading. I was certain the guilt would eventually haunt him; however, he refused to listen to my reasoning. One afternoon as we all three hunted, Lawrence simply disappeared. Edward was heartbroken, and I'm certain he was disappointed in my abilities. I wasn't a psychiatrist, and Lawrence was more broken than anything I could fix. Once he came to accept that nothing more could be done to help his brother, Edward and I fell into an easy routine. It wasn't long before I was working at Lancaster Municipal Hospital in Lancaster, Ohio. By chance, I came across Esme Platt. She had been a patient years before, yet on this day, her situation was critical. The beautiful, quiet woman had been brought in, critically wounded, after a supposed fall off a rock face. _

_I made the decision to change Esme that day. Having Edward was enlightening; he was intelligent, witty and compassionate, yet he couldn't fill the hole in my heart that only a mate could fill. Esme fit in well, and tried to do everything she could to make up for what Edward had lost when his own mother died. Her own tiny boy had died, sending her over the cliff. Edward gave her a new opportunity to be a mother once again. It was obvious she loved him._

_One day I came home to find Esme in our sitting room, sobbing __tearlessly__. I looked for Edward to find out what was wrong, __but he__ was nowhere to be found._

"_Esme, love, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"_

_She gasped, trying to calm herself. "He's gone, Carlisle. Oh God, he's gone!"_

_She was inconsolable. After sitting with her, rubbing her back and waiting for her to calm, she finally was able to put the story together. Edward had come to her today. He was holding his head, telling her a monster was in his head, taunting him, telling him our way of life was wrong. He was missing out. She tried to calm him, but in the end, he stormed out of the house. She tried to follow him, but had lost his scent in no time._

_I picked up the scent and tracked our boy for two days. When I came upon him in a clearing, I was revolted. My stomach was churning. Edward, my Edward, was standing over a man, his eyes crimson. The beaten and broken body of a woman lay nearby. She had no heartbeat, yet I could see she had not been bitten. Lawrence stood to the edge of a clearing, leaning against a tree, the corner of his mouth turned up in an eerie smirk._

"_Ah, the good doctor has found us. So Doc, blood is thicker than water; pardon the pun. You tried to teach old Eddie here to follow your ways. How long has he been with you now?"_

_I reached for Edward's arm, but he lurched away, "Don't, Carlisle… just… don't. I'm a monster now. A murderer. I just acted as judge and jury. I had no right. He might have been a monster, but I'm no better. Go home to Esme. I'm not good for you!"_

"_Son, it doesn't have to be like this. Come on, __let's go home." _

_Edward just pulled away. "I'm not going with you, Carlisle. I'm no good."_

_I was defeated. Edward was such a special young man, and __the fact that__ his brother had corrupted him broke my heart. I reached out to him, touching his arm and he jerked up his head, pulling away from my grasp. "Edward, you know where to find us. You're always welcome to come home. Nothing you do will change how we feel about you."_

_Almost ten years passed __until he came home, begging for forgiveness._

Today was the second time I had nearly lost my son to Lawrence. The first time he came back of his own accord. I knew he could read my thoughts. For nearly ten years I'd bombarded his mind with compassion until he returned, broken and disgusted with himself, but he eventually had come back to us.

Today, he was broken beyond belief; I had no idea what they had done to him. My only consolation was knowing that his brother would never rip him from our family again.

How could these boys, born of one womb, cut from the same cloth, be so incredibly different? Edward was light. He was joy. He was happiness. Lawrence was black as night. He was evil. The concept baffled me. The two should be identical in every way. I could not fathom how there could be such a stark difference between the two.

A horrific sound, not unlike that of a terrible car accident, pulled me from my reverie. I could hear Victoria screaming over the sound of metal being ripped as Demetri tore her arms from their sockets one at a time.

Jane intervened. "We are not here for entertainment, Demetri. This is a punishment, and it is to be administered swiftly and humanely." With that, her head was ripped from her shoulders. It landed next to the wolves, eyes wide open, the mouth still screaming as it snapped and snarled at them.

Leah Clearwater began screaming hysterically. She was clutching Jake. I'm sure both of them know something evil was waiting for them. Jake looked like he could be sick.

Victoria's head was snatched up and thrown into the pyre along with her limbs and then her torso. A sickening smell filled the air. Leah recoiled, vomiting repeatedly as she thrashed, pulling at her restraints.

Jane laughed wickedly, a spark in her eye. "Uh-uh, little girl. It won't be long. You

don't want to try and escape."

In my head, I begged Leah to sit still. She had no idea what Jane would do to her.

I suddenly felt sick as Demetri and Felix put their hands on Lawrence's shoulders. "What say you, boy? Do wish to say anything in your defense?" Jane sneered. She already knew he was tried and condemned.

He hung his head. "No, ma'am. What I did to my brother and his wife was unforgivable. I'm evil. Please, just set me free. I never wanted this life for myself. I'm so sorry. Carlisle, please tell him I'm sorry."

Before the words were out of his mouth, the screaming started as they ripped him apart. At that moment, I could only imagine Edward screaming as he was tortured and broken. My only peace came from knowing it was over quickly. I'd carry the guilt of bringing Lawrence into this life for eternity. It was a terrible, terrible mistake; he should have never been changed and because of me, Edward nearly died.

I couldn't take anymore. "Jane, thank you for taking care of this. I had to witness it first hand; I hope you understand. I had to be sure he was gone. But I'd prefer to take my leave now."

"What, and miss all the fun?" The evil laugh returned.

"No Jane, I have no desire to see any more."

"As you wish. We won't forget your assistance in bringing this matter to a close. Please don't waste time fulfilling your obligation; we'll be waiting for confirmation of your move. Aro asked me to bid you well, and to let you know we'll be in contact to discuss the human boy soon."

I'm sure I looked surprised. She looked at me, her left eyebrow raised. "You didn't think we'd find out? We always learn of these things, never forget that. We knew of sweet Bella almost three years ago. Don't ever be complacent; it could be your undoing."

I merely nodded my head. "I understand, Jane."

"You may take your leave now."

I ran as quickly as I could to get away. I heard the howls of the pack in the distance and the horrible screams coming from Jake and Leah as they succumbed to their fate. I could do nothing for them. Edward, however, I could help.

Esme and Rose waited next to the Mercedes. I jumped in and drove as fast as I could take us. Once I got through the small country towns on Route15 north, I opened her up and made great time on the highway. A three-hour trip took us a bit over an hour, slowing only to get through residential areas. I didn't mention the conversation I had with Jane. Perhaps one day I would, but for now, I needed to concentrate on my son.

Pulling into Ithaca, I breathed a sigh of relief. Alice had warmed the blood I had stolen from the Forks blood bank, the autologous donations Bella had made in case of emergency. Alice and Bella were trying to get Edward to drink the blood from a cup, but with little success. I think more radical methods were going to be necessary.

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I can't believe there's only one more chapter. Amazing! A huge thank you to everyone who has stuck with me!


	37. Chapter 37

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor do I make that claim. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**A/N: So, this is it, the final chapter of Mirage. Only the Epilogue is left. **

******__****************************_Bronze, I know I've thanked you for your awesome betaing skills throughout the story, but I'd be remiss to not acknowledge you for your words of encouragement, and the gentle way you've nudged me and made me begin to learn how to write properly. I know some of the chapters I've sent you were perplexing. You took the time to get to know me, and understand what I was trying to convey so that my work was still my own. _********************_B, I couldn't have gotten through this process without you. You are so much more than a beta to me, words can never express my thanks. I hope you realize how much I treasure our friendship._**********

**_When I finished this, I panicked and emailed Bronze one question. "I'm done. What do I do now?" Her reply… "Write something else." _**

******************_So I did. _**

******************_Today, I'm preparing to start posting my third fic, Sweetbriar. Amazing._**

**_For the grand finale, I give you a much longer chapter. Enjoy._**

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Repairing Edward

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Chapter Thirty-seven

_CPOV_

Since the left with Edward yesterday, Bella and Alice had been unsuccessfully trying to get him to take the blood orally. I don't know if he was simply too weak to take it in or if he was just being stubborn and refusing because he knew where it came from. He knew it was hers. It wasn't like we could disguise the smell.

He knew I had snatched the blood from the hospital in Forks before Bella had jumped, suspecting something might happen during the change that would necessitate a transfusion so we didn't lose her. Where Bella was concerned, I wouldn't take any chances. Fortunately, it was never needed.

When we left Forks, I didn't know why I packed it on dry ice and brought it to Ithaca, but I just had a feeling it might be needed in the future. Call me a pessimist.

As I entered the house, I could hear them all whispering up in Edward and Bella's room. I took the stairs two at a time, seeing everyone but Bella huddled outside the door.

Bella was quietly sobbing, holding Edward's mutilated body. I needed her to leave before I began the repairs that would be necessary to return her vampire to his former glory.

Before Edward could live through what I had to do to restore him, he had to regain his strength. I knew he needed to feed; I could tell he had been starving himself. I knew the only way they were able to contain my son for so long and injure him as extensively as they had was by taking advantage of his lack of nourishment. When Edward left to hunt two days ago, he was already weak. Why he waited so long to feed was beyond me. I knew he was staying close to the house in order to protect Bella, but he should have eaten when he took her out to hunt. My only theory was that he didn't want to be away from the group for any length of time and only went long enough for her to feed.

I stiffened, knowing I had to put on the tough doctor mask to hide the gentle dad face. "Edward, you have to feed to regain your strength. I can't begin to fix what is wrong with you if you're this weak. You do want to get better don't you?"

He gulped, looking intimidated. I knew he was hurting; he was broken, nearly beyond repair. It was going to be a very long night.

Looking towards Bella, who was openly sobbing and begging with her eyes for his cooperation, I watched him stiffen and relax, the air leaving his body in a loud whoosh.

"You know I don't like this idea. This is wrong, Carlisle. We don't consume human blood. Ever."

"Edward, if I could see any other way, do you think I'd suggest this?"

He looked at me, his eyes pleading with me. "Can't someone hunt for me? Won't animal blood do the same thing?" I had to show some compassion; after all, he was resisting just as I had taught him. As his creator, I had worked with him on conquering his demons and exercising restraint for nearly a century.

"Son, we both know human blood will make you stronger and heal you more rapidly than animal blood. Your injuries are extensive, and I'm afraid we've waited nearly too long to begin reconstruction on your injuries. This is donated blood; no one died for it."

Bella looked to me, concern written all over her little face. "What happens if we wait too long? Is there a time limit?"

"The bones have already nearly mended. The best possible scenario is to set them as soon as they are broken before they have a chance to regenerate new bone tissue. We are on the second day. If we wait much longer I won't be able to fix this."

I think Bella was heartbroken. "And if you can't fix this?"

I took her hand in mine and looked into her face as earnestly as I could. I had to make her understand. I could see Edward was becoming agitated, knowing what I was about to say. "He will remain, for all eternity, as he is right now."

I don't think it was possible for Edward to look any more broken than he did at this minute. He sagged into the bed, defeated. "I can't believe you are using her to make me do this!"

Bella got down on her knees, her face inches from Edward. "Edward, do you have any idea what it was like for me to lay in that hospital every Thursday while they crammed that huge needle into my arm and drained my blood? I was already weak; I'd walk around for several days, dizzy, feeling even weaker. Just when I'd begin to feel better, Charlie would force me to go back and do another donation. You know how I feel about hospitals. Maybe I didn't need it, but you do, and we're not going to waste it." To say she was agitated would be an understatement. She was mousy as a human, but Bella grew a pair when she was changed.

Bella stood and walked around the room, pacing like a caged animal.

'Son, do this for her. Take it as a gift from her. You know how her blood will affect your body. With her blood flowing through your veins, there's nothing I can't fix.'

Edward let out a sigh. "You know how I feel about this. What if I can't control the monster? I can't live with myself if I hurt an innocent person."

I had the answer to this one. "Son, you have a conscience, and you are strong. You'll be able to resist. Rest assured, the monster is gone."

I would have been here so much sooner, but I had to see it with my own eyes. The bane of Edward's existence was finally gone. I didn't leave that clearing in Pennsylvania until I had seen him dismembered and burned into ashes. It was my fault any of this has happened; I had to see it through to the end.

Edward looked at me and growled. "Not your fault!" I know he didn't blame me. "I'll try it. If there's some improvement, we'll continue. Is that okay? I still don't feel comfortable with this, though. At all."

Alice appeared in the doorway. "Warm or cold, Edward?"

Edward shuddered. "Warm, please."

"Alice, while you're down there, would you please set the other units of blood in the fridge to thaw? We'll be using them later."

Edward smirked and asked simply, "Popsicles?" Even in pain, he had a sense of humor. I chuckled at his joke, wanting to keep things light.

In no time I heard the microwave ding and Alice had reappeared with the coffee mug in hand. Bella reached for the mug as I lifted Edward's torso into a semi-sitting position.

Suddenly, a strange expression crossed Bella's face. She sniffed the air, looked into the cup, and dipped her finger into the warm, red substance. She held her finger in front of her face, turning it one way, then the other, as the blood slowly ran towards her hand. Raising her eyebrows, she focused on Edward. "This is how I smell to you?" He nodded, a look of uncertainty on his face.

Slowly she raised the finger to her mouth, popping it inside. When she pulled it out, it had been sucked clean. "And this is how I taste to you?" Again, he nodded.

I held my breath, scared she would decide to consume all the blood and then go looking for more. She would be too strong. I was too concerned about Edward to be able to stop her from going on a rampage. I need this for Edward. Please, Bella.

She shrugged her shoulders and simply said, "I don't see the appeal, but whatever."

She raised the cup to his lips as he took a swallow. I know he wanted to resist, I could see an internal struggle. "Just do it, Edward. The sooner you do, the sooner I can fix you."

He took another sip and said, "Enough! I've had enough." He pushed her hand away with his crumpled fist.

"No Edward, you need to take in the whole unit." His whole body was shaking. I knew he didn't want to do this and would resist every step of the way. He was remembering all the agonizing months of resisting the call of Bella's blood, while every instinct he had screamed at him to just give in and take her. Fortunately, love had won the battle.

Bella, sensing the need to be assertive, leaned in close to his head. "You can do this, and you will. If you refuse, Carlisle has a feeding tube with your name on it."

Defeated, Edward looked at the mug and shook his head. He took a few quick gulps, wincing with each swallow. My son looked so broken, both physically and mentally. I felt terrible forcing to do something against everything he believed.

"Almost gone, son. Finish it up and we'll begin." Edward took a few more swallows. He was trembling, looking like he had lost his best friend. I knew how hard this was for him and I hated to be the one to force him. I'm so sorry, Edward.

"Please, can we just get this over with?" His eyes were begging me.

Without another word, I picked up the hand closest to me and began twisting and snapping his fingers one by one. It sounded like someone was breaking branches. Bella had her hands covering her mouth in horror. Edward was hissing in pain.

"Bella, dear, get in my bag. There are some small finger splints. We'll need those and some tape. Hurry now, we don't have much time."

Bella fished around for a minute and pulled out the prize, handing them to me one at a time. "We'll need more for the other hand; get them too, please." She nodded in understanding, reaching back into the bag, a look of horror and disbelief on her face.

"I don't think I can handle any more. Do you need my help? I need a little air."

Edward looking terrified said, "I don't want her here for this."

Alice came over and touched his shoulder. "Bella and I will take Oliver to the park for the evening. If it gets late and you're not finished, we'll stop into a hotel for the night."

I asked Alice to heat the remainder of the first unit of blood. Bella leaned in to Edward and whispered, "I made the sacrifice. It's my gift to you. I need you whole, husband of mine. Cooperate, or it's the feeding tube for you." His eyes were huge. He blinked a few times but said nothing. "You're a horrible patient, Edward!"

With that she stood up as Alice handed me the cup of warm blood. Bella leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I can't watch this. I couldn't go if I didn't know you were in such capable hands." She looked at me. "Thank you, Carlisle."

After the girls left, Edward drank hungrily. I'm not sure if it was because he felt less guilty with her gone, but in no time the blood was gone and it was time. When I didn't need to hold the cup any longer, I was ready to start on the other hand.

Edward turned to me. "Please, just be quick. It's not so bad that way. If I can't take this, how can I handle the rest?" Before he had time to think, I was done with the re-breaking. In no time, the fingers were splinted and taped. In an hour or so, they'd be like new. Edward was quietly sucking the air in small gulps. I knew he was trying to man up to protect the others.

I called the remaining family members into the room, which was becoming quickly overcrowded.

I chose Rosalie because I knew she could be cold and hard, and nothing she saw tonight would have a lasting affect on her psyche. She was stronger than either of the boys and could handle anything.

Emmett stood with his arms crossed, looking like a club bouncer. He was going to hold Edward down while I tortured and contorted his body until I could manipulate all the parts back into shape.

Jasper remained because I needed him to keep all of us calm. I knew this was going to cause Jasper extraordinary pain, but I couldn't think of any other way.

Esme was outside, and had said that she'd remain with Edward until Bella returned. I knew she wanted to mother him, but right now she was barely holding herself together. My wife wouldn't be watching what I was about to do to her favorite son.

I looked at Emmett and Jasper. "Please lift him by the bedspread, and using it as a stretcher, take him down to the dining room table. We need a large, hard surface to work on."

Once I had him where I needed him, I began barking orders.

"Emmett, get a pair of scissors. We need to remove these damaged clothes." I took the scissors and started cutting the clothing off of Edward's body. "Help me roll him and get them out of here." Emmett rolled him while I pulled everything out from under him. Rosalie covered him with a sheet.

"Rosalie, I need your assistance to gather a few supplies." Rose and I went to the garage, gathering both short and long boards to be used as splints. We took all of Esme's flat sheets, and Jasper and Emmett set about tearing them into strips for bandages. In my bag, I had the feeding tube, tape and a section of IV tubing. I believed we had just about everything we needed. I was trying to decide how I was going to stabilize Edward's left hip. The limb had been completely dismembered from his body and had reattached on it's own, sticking out at an odd angle that would prevent him from ever walking without it being repaired.

"Rose, does Emmett have any belts?"

"Yes, why?"

"Can you find two for me, preferably leather with buckles?"

She ran up the stairs and before I knew it, she was standing in the dining room with us. I laid the belts with the other supplies, not wanting to waste any more precious time.

Jasper cleared his throat. "I realize you're the doctor here, but would it not seem prudent to knock him out with hypnosis? The pain from the finger repair was nearly too much to bear. I don't know how much I can handle, and Edward is the one on the receiving end of the punishment."

"I understand your concern for your brother, but I need for him to be awake as I work so he can help me assess the repairs, if necessary. We have no other way to monitor his condition if he's unconscious; we'll never know if there's a problem."

Jasper looked thoughtful for a moment. "Can we hypnotize him so he feels no pain? Don't they do that as an alternative therapy for humans?"

Edward, looking defeated, said, "I won't be able to relax enough to be hypnotized. I'm not in pain right now, but this position is uncomfortable and I'm not looking forward to what you're going to do next. I'm too tense."

Jasper smiled, "Oh, you'll be relaxed." Almost immediately a wave of calm drifted over the room's occupants. I began the hypnosis routine Edward and I have been using for months. In no time, he looked visibly relaxed.

Before I could say I was ready to begin, Emmett reached over and pinched a big section of Edward's bicep with his fingers. "Bloody hell, Emmett, that fucking hurt!"

Jasper and I looked at each other. "Edward, can you still feel pain?" I was hoping this would at the very least take the edge off for him.

"Well, I feel discomfort. Isn't that what you tell all your patients before you cause them pain?" He chuckled under his breath. "Let's just get this over with."

Edward's body, when broken, had been like a bag of rocks. It appeared he had been thrown into the bunker in a heap and left that way. Every extremity on his body was contorted at an odd angle. While he'd lain there in a heap, all the breaks had bonded and solidified. Edward would never be able to do anything for himself in this state.

I grasped Edward's arm firmly and with a pulling and twisting movement, snapped the bone with little effort. Edward screamed when the bone broke and lay panting, eyes wide as Rose helped me splint the repaired bone. I looked down questioningly at Edward and he nodded, letting me know he was ready for me to continue.

The radius and ulna on his right arm had been broken at an angle, and then bent in towards his body, giving it a permanently curled appearance I could only liken it to the way a stroke patient held their affected wrist. I took his hand, grabbing just below his wrist and gripped his elbow and pulled as quickly as I could. Again, Edward lifted off the table for a moment, before slumping. There was no scream this time, but the look in his eyes was one of sheer terror. Son, please calm down.

I was doing all I could to block my thoughts. I didn't want him to know how uncertain I was in all of this. Fixing his broken body was going to take nothing short of a miracle. YetI didn't know how much more of this I could handle.

I did the only thing I knew in times of uncertainty. I bowed my head on Edward's mattress and began to pray. "Father, please give me the guidance to heal Edward's injuries. Give me the strength to follow through and do what I must. Please heal Edward swiftly and completely. I am but a man and cannot do this without your blessing. Please help me. Amen."

A chorus of hushed 'Amen's' surrounded me. I felt the small wooden splints on Edward's fingers in my hair. He was offering me strength. "I trust you, Carlisle. Please, let's do this, I have faith in you."

"Rose, I'd like you to go into the kitchen and heat a large container of water to warm the next unit of blood in. Edward, son, do you need a few minutes? This is only going to get more painful. I'm sorry I can't offer you any relief."

"How bad are my injuries, Carlisle? Please be honest with me. I can't even pick my head up to look."

I held my head in my hands. I didn't know where to begin.

"Am I worse than Bella was after she jumped?"

"You're not bleeding internally, but yes, the extent of orthopedic damage? You're in much worse condition."

"And the leg that was taken completely off? How bad is that? Can it be repaired?"

"The way it is now, you'll never walk on it, son. In order to make it functional for you, I have to amputate it and then put it back at the proper angle. That limb, by far, will be the most tedious to repair."

I rounded the head of the table without comment, I took the other wrist in my hand and snapped it quickly, like pulling off a band aid. It cracked loudly. He flinched, but made no sounds. I took a splint and held it fast. Rose came over and wrapped it without being told to do so. We worked in perfect synchronization. "Thanks, Rose."

I reached across Edward to the first hand I'd worked on; it had been about an hour since the mending began. Holding his wrist, I started removing the finger splints. "Flex your fingers son, but gently. I don't want you to disturb the arm repair."

He moved his fingers, contented sounds escaped his lips. "This is quite an improvement. Thank you."

"Just a bit and we'll take the splints off the other fingers. Emmett, Jasper can you come here please?"

"How can we help?" Emmett wanted to know.

"I need you to support the right thigh and knee, please. Put your hand here…and here. Just steady it while I pull." I took hold on Edward's ankle and wrenched it downward and out to the side a bit. He screamed loudly. "Oh, God, oh God, oh God, please!"

While he was screaming, Rose had helped me splint and wrap it. The bones in his lower leg were intact and didn't need to be manipulated. The thigh was a different story. The femur was broken midway, the broken ends sticking out towards me, yet fused together. I knew what I had to do, and like the rest of this torture, it would not be pleasant.

"Emmett, come hold your brother down."

"Rose, please get the second unit of blood. It should be warm enough." I didn't want to pump it into him cold and have his stomach recoil. He'd only had the one pint of blood in God knows how long. I wasn't sure how his body was coping right now, but we couldn't afford to lose one precious drop.

"Jasper, I need you to support the ankle we just set."

Emmett had put his hands firmly on Edward's chest. He stood on the side of the table opposite me. I grasped Edward's thigh just above his knee, placing my other hand on the inside of his thigh at the very top. I braced my knee against the thigh where it had mended together. I had to make a fulcrum to be able to snap it properly.

I looked at Emmett, his eyes meeting mine. A grim expression was on his face. I looked at Edward, who had his eyes closed. He had a medical degree and could read my mind. He knew what was coming. I'm so sorry son. He let out a shaky chuckle. Then through clenched teeth, "Do it."

I took a deep breath and pulled as hard as I could. A sickening crack filled the air, followed by Edward's screams, then complete silence. Rose had both hands over her face she left out a few sobs as she came over to help me with the wraps. Jasper was holding the board in place under the thigh. As we wrapped the leg, I could hear Emmett retching from the back porch. As much as they loved their brother, I knew they were all thinking the same thing. This could be me.

Rose went to the head of the table, looking down into her brother's face. She took a tissue and wiped the tears from his eyes. Venom. She pulled out a chair and started running her fingers through his hair, talking to him in a hushed voice. He was completely out. I knew he couldn't go into shock, but this was the vampire equivalent.

I looked at the counter top on the island in Esme's kitchen. "Boys, please clear that off for me. I need a place to work." Emmett walked over and cleared everything off in one sweep with his huge arm.

"Cleared." He had a grin on his face. He wouldn't be smiling when Esme made him clean up the mess.

"Rosalie, did you bring me that unit of blood?" I put a nail in the wall next to the table at eye level. I didn't have an IV stand, but gravity would work for what I needed to accomplish.

I pulled the feeding tube from my bag and opened the wrapper opposite the tip I'd be putting into Edward's stomach. I laid out the KY jelly and opened a package with a section of IV tubing inside; this would connect the feeding tube to the bag of blood.

I shook Edward by his shoulder. "Edward, son, pay attention to me. Please, I need you to listen. I'm going to put the feeding tube in now. You don't need to do anything but relax. It might be easier if you swallow. I'll tell you when."

Jasper was concentrating. "Is there a reason why you waited to give him more of the blood until now? Wouldn't it have helped him to do it sooner?"

How to explain it? "Yes and no. The blood would make him much stronger. It would definitely facilitate the healing process on the bones we've reset. However, if he gets more blood too soon, the bones that haven't been manipulated yet will almost be too strong for me to break. He needs to take the blood in while we're working so he doesn't loose too much fluid. Amputating the leg could cause him to crash; I might not be able to bring him back. It's a delicate process. It's time now." Rose had just brought the blood over to me.

Jasper intervened. "Why the feeding tube now? Can't he just drink more from a cup?"

I smiled at Jasper, normally he just took what I said at face value. He was very thoughtful when his brother's wellbeing was in question. "Jasper, as extensive as the injuries are, we can't sit him up and risk causing damage to our repairs. I need him to lie perfectly still.

I walked to Edward's head. I leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. I wanted him to know that no matter what happened, I loved him very much. He was truly my son in every sense.

He returned my gaze. "I understand, dad. I love you too."

I made a small puddle of KY jelly on the inside of the sterile wrapper the IV tubing lay in. Picking up the NG tube I slid the plastic wrapper off, being careful not to touch the part that was going inside Edward. I dipped it into the lubricant and started to fish the tube up Edwards's nose until it stopped. I turned it a bit and pushed harder. Before I could verbalize my thought, Edward opened his eyes. Looking at me, he swallowed at just the right time. I pushed the tube into his esophagus and continued to feed it down into his stomach until I got to the mark I'd made on the end, showing me I was all the way in. I pulled an empty syringe out of my bag, filling it with air and attaching it to the end of the feeding tube. With my stethoscope on his stomach, I depressed the plunger. I heard the telltale whoosh of air telling me the tube was in his stomach and not his lung. "All done Edward. I wish I could say the worst is over." He grimaced, knowing the worst was yet to come.

I hooked the IV tubing to the NG tube, and then to the unit of warm blood. We waited to begin until about half of the blood had drained from the bag.

"Edward, this is the last one. I'm sorry, I wish I didn't have to do this to you."

Looking around the room, every one of my children had the same terrified look on their face. Their brother's life was in my hands, and if I made one false move, it would end very quickly. While we're immune to almost anything, damage done by another vampire has a deadly potential. In this moment, I'm as deadly as Victoria had been.

"Let's do this." Emmett said.

"Emmett, stand on the right side of the table and brace his torso with all your strength. Jasper, you stand on the right side and support his right leg. As soon as I amputate the limb, I'll need your assistance. Rose, you need to put pressure on his groin. Monitor his fluid loss."

I walked over to the leg that hung limply at an odd angle, almost perpendicular to his body. I grasped the leg with both hands and jerked as hard as I could. Edward's left leg came off in my arms, the force almost taking me off my feet it was so sudden. "Jasper, Emmett quick! Help support this." We quickly carried the leg to the counter top to work on it. There were several breaks in the tibia and fibula; I wanted to repair them while the limb was detached from Edward's body. I was certain he could stand little more pain.

We placed one splint behind Edward's calf and taped it in place. I could see Rose trying to sop something up with a towel. She began screaming. "Oh, God, Carlisle, hurry! The venom!" Venom ran off the table into a slippery pool on the floor.

"Let's hurry, boys."

"Rose, please get the belts ready." As I pulled Edward onto his side, Emmett steadied him so he wouldn't fall off the table. I put the belts under Edward's hips, leaving the ends hang off the side.

"Emmett, help me move the leg now." We very carefully laid the leg next to the place it had been ripped from. As if it had a mind of it's own, it moved closer as I guided it into place. "The belts now, buckle them quickly." The two belts stretched low across Edward's pelvis. I put a foam wedge at the apex of his thighs to allow everything to heal as it should. "Rose, please hold this piece of skin in place until it grafts itself." Almost magically, the wound began to seal itself at the edges. In no time the venom had stopped seeping and the wound had closed.

Edward remained unconscious. This would be a good time to assess any other injuries. "Emmett, help me roll him, carefully. Let's see what else we have to fix." I had seen the deep gashes on his back, knowing they were caused by either vampire fingernails or werewolf claws. They were scabbed over, yet not completely healed. They should have been treated immediately. If it became necessary to reopen them, I had a wolf claw in my study.

While he was on his side, Rose stepped in and wiped the venom off of the table and cleaned Edward's backside of the sticky substance. Once he was dry, we rolled him onto his back and I noted several ribs had been broken but were healing nicely. Two of them caved inwardly, but there was no way for me to repair them, short of punching a hole in his chest with my hand and pulling then back out into place. We'd be leaving them alone. Edward couldn't handle any more invasive procedures.

I went and retrieved the third unit of Bella's blood and hung it, discarding the bag that was now empty. Rose sat at Edward's head still, whispering to him soothingly and rubbing his head. Motherhood had broken her in the most positive way. She had become a gentle creature almost over night. Had I known, I'd have found an orphaned child for her years ago, as so many were abandoned in the hospitals.

Esme, noting that the screaming had stopped, came inside to mother Edward a bit. He was finally awake. Alert. "Carlisle, dear, Edward wants to know if he can just drink the blood from a cup? I believe the tube is bothering him."

I didn't want to move his body yet. I went over to where he lay, knowing he could have heard me across the room. "I don't want to shift your body and possibly dislodge something. Please be patient. There's one unit left. You need to remain in the same position for a few hours until everything is healed. By morning, this will just be a bad memory." He shuddered.

The phone rang, and Emmett came to Edward's side. "Bells and Alice are on their way home. The baby keeps asking for Rosie. Alice saw that we were done torturing you." There was no humor in his voice.

I began cleaning up all the things that remained from our night of cruelty. I wanted to put Esme's kitchen back the way we had found it, and we would, with the exception of the large vampire lying on her kitchen table. He would have to stay put for the rest of the night.

After I supervised Emmett's clean up of Esme's kitchen island, I decided I could afford to take a few minutes to unwind. This had been a stressful few days.

I went to my study to calm myself. Esme came up behind me, putting her arms around my waist. "I know it was hard for you to hurt him, but you had no choice. He's thankful. He doesn't blame you for any of this." She emphasized 'any,' reminding me that the whole Lawrence debacle was just an unfortunate mistake we'd have to put behind us. I agreed, but it would still be difficult for me to stop chastising myself. My dear wife left me alone in my room to reflect, or sulk, or whatever I was trying to accomplish. We'd come extremely close to losing Edward more than once this week.

I knew Bella would want to see for herself that her husband was alright. I had considered hypnotizing him, yet he could unconsciously move around. Awake, I knew he could lay stock still for hours without discomfort.

I heard a car in the gravel in the driveway. The girls were home. Alice came in carrying the baby, who was sound asleep in her arms. She had an angelic smile on her face. I imagine it won't be long and she'll be entertaining thoughts of obtaining a little Whitlock that she can spoil.

Emmett took the baby from Alice and started up the stairs. I heard Rose running bathwater. Having a baby makes certain that life goes on, no matter the situation.

Bella ran straight to the dining room, falling to her knees at Edward's side. She showered his face with frantic kisses gently, reverently. I think she'd had the wrong assumption when she decided to live our lifestyle, that vampirism made one invincible. This week she saw that myth crack. Amongst our peers, we were as vulnerable as she had been in her human body.

Edward wiggled his fingers, silently asking her to take his hand.

"It's okay, Bella. You won't hurt him." She looked like she needed my reassurance.

She appeared heartbroken as she took his fingers in hers. "Oh, Edward, it was so terrible. We left here so we wouldn't have to see what was happening. Alice saw every single minute. Every time you screamed, she screamed. She was on the ground, clutching her head. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much." She was sobbing those tearless sobs. I was still glad she hadn't been here, though. She would have tried to stop us, and nothing good would have come of that.

Bella laid her head on his chest. Every so often she'd shudder or a sob would escape her.

Before long a new day had arrived. I found Bella laying on the very edge of the huge oak table, her arms curled around Edward's torso. She was whispering sweet nothings to him. He had a soft smile on his face. He looked totally at ease, so different from the damaged vampire screaming in agony a few hours ago. I could feel the happiness that filled the air; it was tangible.

Edward lifted his head. "Can you please undo my trappings so that I can spend some quality time with my wife? She's been tormented by this situation far too long. I need to show her I'm fine."

Methodically I went from limb to limb, removing the splints, flexing Edward's joints as I went. Everything appeared to have healed remarkably well. I gave Edward a quick nod and he was up and off the table before I could blink. "Come on, beautiful Bella, let's go upstairs and relax in private." He grabbed her hand, looking like a man whose life sentence had been pardoned. "Would you like to join me? I need a shower, I'm filthy, and sticky from the venom."

As the bathroom door closed, I heard Edward scream an anguished scream, followed by breaking glass. What the heck? Had the boy lost his mind? Moving at vampire speed, I slammed against the door with my shoulder, easily taking it off the hinges. Edward stood, sobbing, his face in his hands. Bella was standing next to him, rubbing his back speaking in hushed tones. As she lifted her head, I raised one eyebrow in question. "He looked in the mirror before he lost it. I'm sorry, we'll replace it."

I didn't care about the mirror. My only concern at the moment was Edward's wellbeing. I put my hand under his chin, raising his face so I could look at him, suddenly I realized the source of his distress. His eyes were crimson. Their color was a telltale reminder that he had feasted on Bella's blood. "Son, it's to be expected. You did nothing wrong."

"I feel like a monster. I fought for years to deny myself her blood. I don't know why I agreed. How long will it be like this?"

"You received 4 units of her blood son. The color will fade, as you know. The more animal blood you consume, the quicker it will be diluted. A lesson to be learned- don't wait so long between feedings, we could have avoided some of this if you hadn't been so weakened by lack of nourishment. I might not have needed to give you all 4 units."

I knew he was repulsed by what he had seen, but if the color of his eyes was the only disadvantage of getting my son back, I'd take it. I knew seven other vampires who felt the same way. Edward would have to get over the self-loathing.

This situation was something none of us would soon forget.

We all needed to get away. Even vampires need a vacation. Isle Esme, here we come.

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****Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely. Send me some love.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Thank you Stephenie, for sharing your awesome characters. I've loved playing with them, and making a few of my own.**

**A/N: A huge thank you to everyone who has read Mirage. To those of you who reviewed, I loved the feedback. You are just all sorts of awesome and I'm so pleased that you enjoyed Mirage. Even if you came and read without reviewing, thank you so much for reading. When I started this, I hoped that just one person would read it. While reviews are great, I never did this for the accolades. Hopefully I've actually learned something.**

**Thanks Bronze, for betaing this mess. I'm forever in your debt. I'm going to miss your superb beta skills when you move on to bigger and better things. I hope you know you'll never be 'just' a beta to me. I heart ya, hard! You are fucktastically awesome!**

**Leon- thanks...just for being you.**

**Patti, bebe, we both know this would have never happened if it weren't for you. Thanks for forever pushing me, making me want to stretch the boundaries past my comfort zone and try new things. Your ideas are brilliantly creative. I'd have **_**never dreamed**_** of writing on my own. You created this monster and there are days I could wring your neck for doing it. Thanks for sticking with me, thanks for feeding me new ideas and thanks for being my number one fan. There can only be one number one and you're mine! I owe you big! Love ya lots!**

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_**Chapter Thirty-eight**_

_**Epilogue**_

_**Year- 2020**_.

_**Kristen**_  
Our actions had changed everything. The decisions that Edward and I made that first night tempted fate, they changed history...they changed the history of the Cullen family.

By changing Bella that night at the cliff, Jasper changed the history of the Twilight saga.

Turning Bella forever changed Edward's future, causing the books to be incorrect. The Cullen family would not follow the course that Stephenie had laid out for them in her books.

None of these things would happen now, all because Bella was changed.

No longer were the books anything more than a good fiction vampire story, like all the rest that Hollywood has released.

The family Volturi agreed that the Cullen's should not be destroyed because of the leak.

It was understood the Cullen family never intended for any of this to happen.

Even though Jasper had spit out the secret in a moment of haste, Dr. Ben's nurse never believed it to be more than a funny story coming from a mentally upset young man.

Because destiny was changed, the future stories never came true.

To maintain their quiet existence, the elders moved their headquarters to a city called Montepulciano, a town very similar to Volterra. Carlisle said the city had many ancient catacombs similar to Volterra. The Italian vampires should have no trouble settling into their new home.

Oddly, Carlisle heard that the ancient business district where the Volturri conducted their business façade burned in a glorious fire, destroying any evidence of their long existence in the city.

They didn't want to deal with the tourism that would no doubt increase with the release of the second movie, and apparently they wanted to make sure there was no proof of their time in Volterra.

The elders felt that to annihilate the Cullen family for this indiscretion would be a huge loss to the vampire community. They also realized, even before the Cullen's did, that there was a much bigger plot to the situation.

No one knew that Lawrence could see his brother's future, or that he would feed this information to a writer. Lawrence's visions, like those Alice had, were subject to decisions.

Aro saw the uniqueness of the Cullen family. There were no others like them.

There was no other vegetarian coven this large in existence. In fact, aside from the Denali sisters, they were the only vegetarians. While they didn't reside with the Denali's, Carlisle's family had accepted them as an extended family.

It would be an extreme loss of talent to destroy all of them for this indiscretion.

The decision didn't come without repercussions for the Cullen's, however. The family had to move to a remote location for a long period of time to allow the hype to die down.

After 15 or 20 years, seeing one of them would be nothing more than someone thinking they recognized someone.

They had to agree to change their appearances in order to lessen the chance of discovery. Although something like plastic surgery isn't possible in the vampire realm, a complete makeover was possible.

Almost everyone had a change in hair color and style. They began wearing foundation to make their complexions more natural looking. It was a complete transformation and by the time the Cullen family boarded their plane for Isle Esme, no one but me had a clue what they really looked like.

With an endless flow of cash, and the anonymity of a private island, their chance at happiness lived on.

Sam Uley went back to Washington to deliver the sad news to the tribe of the loss of a brother and sister. As Sam had witnessed the Volturi decision to force the Cullen family's move to a foreign country, he compelled the pack to dissolve the treaty. If the Cullen's ever did come back to Forks, they weren't the threat the pack once thought they were. Sadly it took losing part of the pack to realize how sadistic a vampire could truly be. It was the nomadic vampires who lived by no treaty that were a threat to the humans of Forks. In retrospect they realized how human the Cullen family members actually were.

Sam never disclosed Bella's secret. It would only hurt those who had loved her and left her go. There was no point in opening old wounds.

Billy Black and Sue Clearwater both grieved the loss of their children, but understood they had met their demise being punished for an illegal act they had committed. An act that broke Quileute law. No one questioned Sam's explanation. Not long after the loss of their children, they married. Sue cared for Billy, long into his senior years. He lived to be a very old man.

Little Oliver grew to a near mirror image of Emmett. It was agreed that he would be changed on his eighteenth birthday. He knew what his family members were and he had lived their life for over eleven years. It was more of an inconvenience to live human. No one questioned his decision; when the agreed upon time came, he would be changed.

While everyone adored little Oliver, none of the other Cullen's ever adopted. They simply adored Oliver and doted on him. Adopting Oliver when he had no other living relatives was an obligation, yet bringing any other child into this situation, knowing what they would be forced to become would have been a selfish act. None of the Cullen's could do this, knowing the repercussions. When Emmett had agreed to take Oliver, it was his intention to allow Oliver to make his own decision when he came of age. The Volturi took that choice from him. Edward couldn't steal the soul of an innocent child any more than he could have taken Bella's for his own benefit.

Charlie and Beverly married in 2013. Charlie retired from the Forks Police Department and spends his time with Billy Black, fishing from the beautiful Hunter 326 that was freighted to him about a year after Bella died. The letter that accompanied it was written in Edward's elegant script. He explained to Charlie the gift Bella's love had been, how it had forever changed Edward's life. The boat had been purchased from Edward's trust fund, and when he decided to attend music school in Europe, he decided to give it to Charlie as an expression of thanks. Charlie would never realize how Bella had truly changed Edward's life and when Charlie attempted to ship the boat back to where ever it came from he continued to run into dead ends. Even his resources at the police department came up with nothing. Over the years he learned to love the boat. Looking at the stern of the boat always brought a smile to his face. The name across her back was "Bella". A painting, a likeness of his daughter, was displayed on either side of her name. It was a loving tribute to his little girl.

Charlie's final act as Chief of Police in Forks was to help bring Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory to justice. The state of Washington has taken the repercussions of bullying very seriously. Strict laws have been enacted both against civilians caught bullying others, as well as schools that overlooked the situation. Bullying had become epidemic, and no one was overlooking it anymore. Stanley and Mallory were both expelled from school shortly before their high school graduation. While they couldn't be charged with manslaughter as the law didn't address bully related suicide, they were charged with reckless endangerment and a slew of other charges. They were each forced to spend 48 hours behind bars. As part of their public service portion of their sentence, they had to secure funding and help develop a self-help group for girls who lack self-esteem, girls who were bullied by their peers, and girls who are at risk of suicide. They also were required to travel to local schools and tell Bella's story and explain that they were responsible for her suicide. It was the strictest punishment that could be enforced. If it were up to Charlie, they'd have been locked up and he'd have thrown away the key. He felt their punishment was nowhere near Bella's sacrifice, yet he'd taken what he could get.

The district attorney, being a lifelong friend of Charlie's has begun an initiative to strengthen the bully laws so he can be better prepared if anything like this happens again. When Bella died, the law was so new and there had never been any precedent to compare the case with.

Renee and Phil continued to live in Jacksonville. Phil played ball until he was forced to retire after tearing a ligament in his knee, causing his career to come to an abrupt halt. In 2011, Renee gave Phil a son. They named him Gabriel. Little Gabe was a male version of Bella. He had big brown doe eyes and sported a head of mahogany curls. For Renee, Bella would live on in his smile.

As for Rob and me, these things did nothing to hurt our careers. We continued to make the movies and rode the waves of success that followed each. Summit never realized that it was really Edward Cullen attending the signings, or even the Academy Awards.

Rob got his quiet time at home in London. His extremely short haircut gave him a cover of anonymity so that he could travel the streets of London in peace, giving him a few months to regroup.

By the time filming for New Moon began in Vancouver, his hair had grown back to an acceptable length, his haircut rebellion never discovered. I think he realized making such a rash decision could damage his relationship with the company that wrote his paycheck for the next few years.

No one ever discovered the secret we shared. Rob did, briefly, meet the family to thank them. I took him to the Isle Esme after we completed Breaking Dawn.

It was a much-needed vacation, and I felt I owed it to him to share this little treasure. I kept it a complete surprise, and Rob was elated to meet them. We were welcomed with open arms and had a great time.

Eventually the media circus did find bigger fish to fry, and Rob was left to live his life in relatively peaceful existence. He's got his own recording label and he's producing records for other musicians.

I think Zac Efron is in like, High School Musical #10 now or something. I don't know how anyone could ever compare him to Rob.

I continue to seek out Indie film roles that would allow me to grow as an actress. I think we're all content.

We changed fate, Bella's fate. Edward had decided that fate demanded that he leave Bella unchanged to live a normal, happy human life. His decision nearly ended in disaster.

Edward changed the course of Bella's destiny the day he left her, the events that followed led her down a dangerous path of self destruction.

Her human life would have ended just as surely as it would have if she had been changed by one of the Cullen's.

I think it was her fate to live a short human life.

She touched so many people with her quiet, loving ways.

Only a few knew the real truth. At least now, just her human survivors knew her to be rotting away in the Forks cemetery.

We knew that she had an eternity with the one she loved, and he with her.

_That was the only thing that mattered._

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_**Thanks for taking the journey with me. I deplore authors who BEG for reviews or hold chapters hostage until a certain number of reviews have been left. I encourage you to leave feedback, good or bad, but if you haven't, that's ok too. It warms my heart to know you've been here, even if you don't leave any footprints.**_

_**If you liked Mirage, You can find Impact on my page and hopefully, by now, the first chapter of Sweetbriar is with the beta. Please check it out.**_

_**Thanks for taking the time to read my work.**_

'_**nise**_


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